Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I’m getting ready to get metrosexual for a second so beware. The color of the year is Mimosa. So I was searching for things that had a hint of Mimosa in them. Also, everyone should be brightening up their wardrobe these days. My favorite color is gray because it describes me so well, however, colors like gray, brown, and the darkness just aren’t pimping anymore, pimpin’. Lastly, I think everyone can step their sock game up, it’s cheap and it’s attention to detail that matters in this world. I’m not saying go jump off the deep end with plaids and boxes and other types of “questionable” socks. But having a great sock game can really be the finishing touch. It should be noted that men’s hosiery is not what I’m talking about here. Cotton or wool socks that are patterned and feature colors, bright colors.
I had to make a stop in Dupont for a work errand and decided to stick around for lunch. Well, I decided to have lunch at Sam & Harry’s, one of my favorite restaurants. It’s a pretty expensive place, but I didn’t care because I was by myself. I thought about asking one of my friends to join me, but then I thought, nope, I want sea scallops and lobster bisque for lunch.
As I sat in Sam & Harry’s alone, it suddenly hit me, I really enjoy this lifestyle.
I spent the afternoon reviewing my favorite designers Spring, Summer and Fall collections and what they have showed at the recent Fashion Weeks. (In this order: Emanuel Ungaro, Jean Paul Gaultier, and Salvatore Ferragamo)
I really like this bag:
And these shoes (Red is my second favorite color):
I have been trying for the last hour to get this link to this Emanuel Ungaro suit and it won’t work, so just visit his website (http://www.ungaro.com/) and look under the Men’s Collection – Spring/Summer 2009 at picture 39 of 40. I really like that suit.
I thought about what I wanted to do this weekend. I couldn’t really put my finger on a good plan for the weekend because I want to be careful not to go anywhere where I might feel the need to make a rash decision and like take someone with me or meet someone.
I’ll conclude with this funny chat interaction.
Girl: I’m thinking about practicing abstinence for Lent.
me: That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.
Girl: Why do you say that? Would you stop talking to a girl because she wasn’t having sex?
me: I don’t mean to be an ass, but yes, probably. One year, my boy said he was giving up alcohol for Lent. I told him that’s too harsh, what about giving up liquor and you can still drink beer or wine. After thinking about that more I was like, why don’t we give up a type of liquor, like Jack Daniels. We settled on Jack Daniels because that’s my favorite alcohol of choice.
Girl: Hahaha, funny.
me: What if you gave up like a sex position?
Girl: LOL, like doggy-style?
Girl: That’s tough.
me: Yeah, now that’s a freaking sacrifice.
(Later that night)
me: Hey, you still up?
me: Doggy-style won’t work, pick another position.
I’m sorry for the long quote of the day, but this dialogue is just hilarious in every sense of what a conversation amongst men should be:
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive...
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out Greenbay. Tell that fucking bullshit to the tourists.
Joe: Toby... Who the fuck is Toby? Toby...
Mr. Brown: 'Like a Virgin' is not about this nice girl who meets a nice fella. That's what "True Blue" is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is 'True Blue'?
Nice Guy Eddie: 'True Blue' was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue".
Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Orange: Personally, I can do without her.
Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, 'Lucky Star', 'Borderline' - but once she got into her 'Papa Don't Preach' phase, I don't know, I tuned out.
Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Joe: Oh, Toby was this Chinese girl, what was her last name?
Mr. White: What's that?
Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. What was that name?
Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about?
Mr. Pink: You said 'True Blue' was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew?
Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.
(Source: Reservoir Dogs)
And they size doesn’t matter.
Ever since I spent about an hour of my life talking about how I don’t see why women wear tights and Uggs at the same time, I’ve been seeing the most boootiful women with tights and Uggs on. I have to admit that was a phase that I’m now out of.
Dr. J is officially probable for Sante Fe tonight.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Calogero 'C' Anello: I don't know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here.
Priest: Ya got a point.
(A Bronx Tale)
I was fortunate enough to see A Bronx Tale at the Warner Theater last night. Through my neck pain and all I really enjoyed it because the movie and play reminds me of my relationship with my father. Chazz Palminteri does a great job in a one-man show. It was a 90-minute show without an intermission because it was opening night and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. It reminds me of my father because in a lot of ways my father was adamant about me not wasting my talent on being a knucklehead. I also was scared shitless of my father for most of my life.
Pet Peeve Alert! Anytime someone tells you the name of the place you are meeting, unless there are several locations in the area, ask Google how to get there before you ask the person inviting you.
My neck is still in a great deal of pain. I have no clue what happened. I woke up, I stretched, I felt/heard a pop, and then an oozing feeling/sound. Today is 24 hours later and I’m still in excruciating discomfort. I’m trying Aleve today to fight the pain and hoping that it is better tomorrow.
If you do anything, http://www.idatewhite.com, is hands down one of the best blogs on the internet, check it out. I find myself reading this blog and being in awe at the topics and even the comments. And my brief comment on this because I have plans to write a blog about this in the near future, Washington, DC as conservative as Capitol Hill may be, is one of the more liberal cities as it pertains interracial dating.
I can’t express enough that people should live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I feel the need to restate this over and over because too many times people live by the credo, “you gotta do for yourself”. That’s just wrong. Yesterday at work we have a conversation about 9/11. Afterwards, Americans were never more pleasant and friendly than ever, we came together in our time of peril. Imagine if everyone was out for themselves and didn’t give a whoot about anyone else.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
There are several signs that a player won’t make the team, I try and hope every guy agrees with them.
We are on completely different pages… I may be thinking to myself that I’d be down to see you again. You’re thinking to yourself, I wonder if he’s my boyfriend now. I may text you to ask how you are doing. You may decide to not reply to my text messages because you are upset that I treat you like a jumpoff and a real man should call. You’d like to spend a night with a bottle of wine, a blanket and a romantic comedy. Hell no, a bottle of Vodka, no blanket, loud blaring music, and a comedy DVD on in the background.
You’re moving too fast… I’m sorry I’m just not one of those guys who can be dating a girl for two weeks and then make her my girlfriend. My average relationship gestation period is about six months. If it were to happen faster than that, well I’d be convinced you were my soul mate. It’s not even you, it’s me. It’s takes a long time for me to want to give up single life. It’s my problem, and I don’t ask that you help solve it.
We’re fundamentally different people, in a not so complimentary way… This is really a hard one to talk about. Honestly, some times people are just not compatible. You can try and try all you want, but at a certain point you have to realize when to cut bait. I like to go out on the weekends, I hate the Monday-Friday routine, and so Friday at 5PM, I’m all about happy hour and going out that night. I’m not saying that I need to be in the club, it could very well be a quiet evening at a restaurant having drinks and dinner. However, if you are a 100% homebody, it just won’t work. I like people and have a large group of friends with whom I like to spend a lot of time around. If you are not a people person, and do not like just staying home all the time while I’m out with my friends, it just won’t work.
You’re crazy… Do not befriend my friend’s to get closer to me. Do not Facebook friend them to get closer to me, do not contact them when I’m not around to get closer to me. Do not do any of this, AT ALL. Do not read my notes, blog, and other forms of communication and always ask how this applies to “us.” Do not, not not not NOT NOT ever just show up at a place that I’m at without letting me know you are going to be there. I also should tell you that I do not respond very well to tears, because I just cannot understand why the person is crying half the time. I usually just have a blank stare followed by something extremely insensitive spewing from my mouth like, “I do NOT get it!”
Can’t take your ass no where… This is important for me because I hang around a very diverse network. Meaning, rich people, poor people, black people, white people, latin people, skinny people, fat people, light skin and dark skin people. If your ass is a conservative republican keep your anti-Obama comments to a minimum. Babygirl, we can Obama bash all you want in the privacy of our own company. (Side note, politics are an extremely intimate topic, people often forget this, especially in these current days when it’s so cool to be politically active.)
I can’t see myself holding conversation with you longer than five minutes… I could go on forever here, but I’ll just talk about one type of girl that just bugs me to no end. If I have to carry the conversation completely on my own, I’m pissed. If you are one of those girls who has to be asked a question to speak, I wish you would just die. See below:
Dr. J: What’s good?
Shorty: Nothing much.
Dr. J: Uh… ok, so how was your day?
Shorty: It was cool, you know work same thing everyday.
Dr. J: I know how that can suck, my job pisses me off to no end at times.
Dr. J: So…. Any plans for tonight?
Shorty: Yeah me and my friends are all going out to dinner in about two hours and then out to a club. You should come.
Dr. J: Really, where at?
Dr. J: Maybe I’ll check it out.
Dr. J: So ok, maybe I’ll see you there. Send me a text when you are heading over.
Later on this night, I will have to text her to find out if she left. And you cannot text a girl once she leaves her house and that phone goes in that purse. On vibrate or loud she doesn’t hear it. She texts back at 12:30, “Hey, yeah we’re getting ready to get in the cab now.”
You just don’t have “it”… This is one of the hardest to elaborate on because “it” is something you either have or you don’t have. It’s like either there or it’s not there. It’s difference between your jumpoff and the girl you’d like to make your girlfriend. It’s the total package with the additional fringe benefits. Maybe you have a combination or one of any of the things discussed on this blog. The best way I can think to describe it is like when my good friend said, “When I can see the end before it even begins.” And even that statement only describes about 25% of “it.”
In conclusion, all of the previously stated types of women will be dismissed because they have no shot at making the team anyway.
Freida Pinto is not that attractive! She is in a movie where she is not forced to be on camera with any other attractive Indian actresses. Don’t get me wrong, she’s good looking, but I’ve seen better.
I’ve begun to realize that I just don’t like Rihanna that much. I think her voice is annoying; I can never listen to her music except on a dance/house/.trance remix. I think she is overdramatic. After seeing her perform, I thought she stunk it up the most of Lupe, N.E.R.D. and Kanye. I also think that amidst all this speculation she is milking this for everything it’s worth. And women are buying it, hook, line and sinker. I say, I’d like to see this woman. I’d like to see her show face and I’d like a 20/20 special with some answers. Now!
I didn’t watch the Oscars last night. I’m just too impatient. Tell me who the winners are and let’s move on.
Let’s talk about Saturday night for a second. Went to Adams at 5PM, mind you I had been drinking since 1PM or so. We went to Adams for quarter beers at Asylum, then jello shots at Millie & Al’s, and then drinks at Peyote. At this point it’s late. We decide to go to Clarendon to go to Ballroom. Which was closed. It didn’t even phase us, we just went to CVS instead and got food. A good time was had by all.
I’m about two weeks away from going on the ski trip. I’m so excited I can’t even sit in my chair at work.
Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. (Source: He’s Just Not That Into You)
I do my best to maintain one medium of conversation with everyone. And it’s not verbal. I get away with this, because I actually talk a lot, just not over the phone. Unless I really enjoy talking to you, like a lot. Do not be offended if I do not want to talk to you on the phone, it doesn’t mean I don’t like or care for you, it’s just that I hate holding things, pause, and the phone can be a nuisance. I do agree that the first few communications should be via phone conversations, but after a while, I rather texting. If you should so happen to be lucky enough to get my BlackBerry pin, then you should use it to communicate with me. I don’t have a lot of contacts on there and those people are those that I talk to the most. More on this topic to come.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Kathleen Kelly: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. (Source: You’ve got Mail)
The word of the year is, “Stealth.” Used in a sentence, “You don’t see me or know anything about me because I’m stealth.”
There’s something about college bars that I find attractive. Cheap drinks and people who genuinely want to have a good time. I feel like when you get all done up and ready to go out in your mid-20’s people go to the club to stand around and look at everyone else. At the same time they spend about $12 on a drink. I’ve always said it usually costs about $60 just to get in the club. $30 for a new shirt, $20 for cover, and $10 for Valet, and you ain’t even on yet. At a bar, it costs maybe $5 to get in, and you know what the drinks are $1. That’s what I call, “a good look.”
Most men wear wrinkle free shirts on Fridays. I can barely wake up, how the hell am I going to iron? Oddly enough, I cannot wait for happy hour to start.
Today at work I just had this strong feeling that I was going to be a single father. You know the problem with that line of thought? I wasn’t upset about it. I think I’d be balancing the scales to be a single father. I also thought about people I could have children with, not be romantically involved with and not be thoroughly upset with myself. Although some people may think that list has seven people on it, it’s really only two. How did I come up with this? I thought who would make a good mother and not be a hot ass mess as it pertained to the raising of the child.
Immediately after this epiphany I immediately started thinking about the weekend. It won’t be as good as last weekend, it just won’t be, but we must salvage it. Every time I listen to Jamie Foxx, Blame It, I have the strongest urge to want to go to Love. I’ll be honest, I kind of miss that place at times. Saturday, I know where I’m going to be. I’m going to be in Toxicated it’s the best club in DC.
I have two pieces of work to complete today. I cannot motivate myself to do either. I’ve walked to the water fountain at least ten times this morning.
Amare Stoudamire’s career is over. You heard it here first.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
David: Remember that time we made love and you just started crying in my arms?
Amy: Please don’t reminisce about the times we fucked... please.
(40 Year-Old Virgin)
Alycia Bellamy can get it. I just had to say that. Google her, Expedia.
Nicky Minaj can get it too. Call it the DC in me, but jet black hair can get it anyday of the week.
What is douching about? It’s not the same as, “Cleaning the stable” as some dudes do periodically. It’s a recession, cats cannot afford to just be getting rid of everyone in their life, they need to make some calculated decisions based on what’s going to happen... later on that night. It’s about letting go of the qualms and starting anew. Giving everyone and everything a fresh shot.
Here’s an example.
There’s a girl that you like, that you’ve been trying to go out on a date for some time with. However, I swear this girl just doesn’t pick up on innuendos. You’ve done everything but stop short of stating, “I like you, I want to take you on a date, would you please go out to dinner with me sometimes?” She’s actually a really nice girl, this just seems to be one of her few flaws. A few months ago, well, a long time ago, you just gave up. Fed up and all just said, “you know what? I’m done.” Give it another shot, or shots, well think about it.
Here’s another example:
There’s a girl that I just refuse to talk to, she’s a freaking weirdo in every sense of the word. Like when I say talk to, I mean, exchanging cordials is a no-no. I know that she may have a crush on me, well, because it’s blatantly obvious she’s been hitting up my honesty box on facebook. I try and avoid her because I told myself in 2004, I would always and henceforth forever avoid, “crazy bitches.” If you aren’t crazy, I’m not talking about you. Hell, there’s certain females out there who might call me a crazy bitch and I’d have to take it in stride. But, you know as I think back to 04, had I been more supportive of the things that would not make her go ape-shit, she might not have went ape-shit. And maybe, just maybe, I’d still be with her now…. Yeah right.
Here’s another example:
“I’m tired of putting 1-8-7 in my chick’s pager that shit ain’t working no more.”
It’s time to put myself on the workout plan. Hell no, I’m not going to the gym. I don’t need to go to the gym, as long as women find T.I. attractive, I’m just fine. Yes, I said it. I’m going to be moving towards going back to school, getting my M.B.A., and upgrading myself. I honestly think I won’t make it to the degree though because I have my passion elsewhere, but at least it’s forward progress past money, hoes and rims again. I’ve told myself too many times that I hate class and hate homework, it’s time I let go of that and man up and get it done.
I’m sure we all have things we need to douche. Streetz says, you need to douche that ex-girlfriend. I agree, somewhat, nah son, you won’t get me to fuck up my promotion. Oh you know we all need to douche some of our friends. When you wake up in the morning and realize you could live without a person’s presence in your life, you’ve reached a point of douching.
And yes, I know, douching is extremely unhealthy for several reasons. Sometimes you wash away things you need. Shit, I need to be sober, but pass me that Jack. Sometimes it washes away stuff that people need to make an honest assessment of what’s wrong with you. You stop talking to a girl because she makes you go crazy. Well wait, your boy needs to let you know first that you need not be acting crazy. Sometimes it just pushes stuff back up into hiding places that need to come out. That’s what we call a rainy day, my dude.
PS - If women can explain why they call men, tools or douches, i'm all ears.
PPS - If you wanna know where there are going to be some hoes at tonight, stand at 14th and K ST NW, say around uh.. 10PM, and you will see.
PPPS - Yes, i'm playing Rock Band and then going back to College Park.
Look at this cartoon (Go to February 18th, 2009):
Look at this story from the good folks at MTO:
Stop for a second… Chuckle, and get your seven laughs in.
One of the biggest problems I’ve always had is that I compartmentalize my life (Who says consulting jargon isn’t rubbing off on me). I go to different people for different aspects of my life and I don’t really venture out from it. I’ll be flat honest with you, I talk to Lowell about any and everything pertaining to my relationships and I’m not likely to ever change that. I will talk to her before I talk to the person I’m in the relationship with. That has been a problem in the past because people feel as though they can’t resolve issues with me, before I resolve them with Lowell. I talk about work with Grove. So by the time I get home and someone asks me how my day is, I’ve already talked about it all day with Grove. I talk about ambitions and the next vacation I plan to go on with Midtown. This doesn’t really leave much for me to talk about with any significant other of mine.
You see women are always saying that men don’t open up. That’s a lie, men open up, they just don’t open up to their girlfriends. The reason why is because men feel the need to be strong, to be the provider, to always have everything together. I’ve spoken to my friends and mentors who are married and they said that the woman they married was the woman they thought they could be themselves the most around. They could talk about anything and didn’t feel uncomfortable doing so, no matter how weak they might have felt. So I guess the takeaway here is that if your man doesn’t talk to you, chances are.. he’s just not that into you.
Next topic… Douche it.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
This recap will be short. I had a great weekend. Despite not having a Valentine, I had a great time on Saturday, Feb. 14th. I actually had a few takeaways from the day.
1) If you didn’t say Happy Valentine’s Day to me, and I didn’t say it to you. Fair exchange is no robbery. Don’t be mad because I didn’t say it to you, maybe you should have opened your mouth or texted.
2) The people you want to say Happy Valentine’s Day to you, never do. Makes you wonder about the people who want you to say Happy Valentine’s Day to them and you didn’t. Either way, eff em.
3) On New Year’s Day, you made a resolution about someone you was going to stop fucking with. And on Valentine’s Day, you were reminded that you hadn’t kept up with what you said you were going to do. Don’t let it be your birthday before you catch your warning sign.
4) At times even when we are upset that things aren’t the way we think they should be, we realize, that they couldn’t be ANY BETTER. And so with that said, I had a great Feb. 14th!
a. As Midtown said, “It was definitely eye opening for me. Refreshing. Like I don’t need to stress any chic. Look how many in the world there are?
The other thing this weekend taught me was that I really need to get my shit together. I was able to do some research on Whitman’s (SU’s School of Management) and Cornell’s MBA program. I’m trying to go back to school and really upgrade myself for life. And my top choice is UNC-Chapel Hill, yes I said it. I think getting my MBA is going to be a joke since my undergraduate degree is in Finance/Entrepreneurship and I did that while never going to class and doing no homework, and did a damn good job at it. (I actually factored out that with no attendance and no homework the highest I could get was an 85 in most cases, and a B was good enough for me.) Therefore, I want to go to UNC-Chapel Hill because there are going to be hoes to be had. It will be a non-stop party for two years, and at the same time, I’ll probably double my salary if not more.
New blog coming soon....
Unless you’ve been under a rock for the last week you’ve certainly heard about the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation that has transpired. And while 95% of the people who claim to know what happened don’t have a clue, we’ve all taken an educated guess that Chris Brown laid his hands on Rihanna. This isn’t the first time that Chris Brown has had some problems with his aggression. At a party in Europe last year he had to be restrained after he got into a scuffle with some club goers. Also, there were rumors that he became violent and aggressive with a model in South Africa when she refused to have sex with him. However, this is not the first time that Rihanna hasn’t been caught up in some drama. Whether it has been her alleged affair with Jay-Z, or her “diva” tendencies. Immediately when this story broke we immediately jumped to the most outlandish assumptions, such as, Rihanna flipped out on Chris Brown about some chick texting him, and he in turn got mad at her, and just starting beating on her. Or, Chris Brown got the “herp,” from Rihanna and then commenced to beat her ass. I mean really people?!
Here’s why I’m mad:
I’m mad because all of our preconditions of this domestic violence come from their celebrity status. We are really only concerned about Chris Brown’s physical/verbal abuse now because it’s in the news. It’s the hot new gossip. We are at our computers trying to find the next scoop on what really happened inside that car. We are anticipating every comment from Chris or Rihanna on what really happened, or an official statement. We are more concerned with cancelled tour dates, Chris Brown’s real location and what Jay-Z will do in retaliation, than anything else. Let’s be real people, we’re talking about Rihanna and Chris Brown, we are NOT talking about domestic violence.
What’s real is that while we’ve been caught up in this domestic violence scandal, the real face of domestic violence continues to be out there and stays completely hidden from the public eye. The average victims of domestic violence aren’t platinum selling recording artists, models, or actors, nope; they live right on the end of your block. In the last week what could have happened would have been a new dedication to ending domestic violence or at least attempting to help those out there who are suffering, but instead we’ve been glued to our TV sets and every blog site we can find to get new details about Chris Brown and Rihanna.
So yeah, how about people spend some time being real stewards of change, instead of into the latest celebrity gossip. How about we do not perpetuate guilty until proven innocent. (I swear to beans, do not let the report come out that Chris Brown was trying to defend himself from her and was merely shaking the “ish” out Rih-Rih, which Chris Rock said was clearly “fair game.”) How about we go online and find out some ways that we can really help fight domestic violence. How about we stop saying, “Yes we can,” or “Yes we did,” and start saying, “Yes we are.”
Thursday, February 12, 2009
In the spirit of the season I decided to jot down a few notes about the upcoming holiday.
There are various perspectives on Valentine’s Day:
1. I don’t give a shit, because it’s just another day to me.
2. I recently broke up with my significant other and am upset that I’m spending it alone.
3. I am spending it with my significant other.
4. m single, have been single, and continue to spend my Valentine’s Day alone.
And here’s my take on each perspective:
1. You’re doing it right. And some may say, you’re just saying that because you trying to act unphased. Even if you are playa, that’s the way to go. Me personally, this is the first time since JHS, that I have not had any Valentine’s Day plans whatsoever. I’m looking forward to it.
2. For the Woman - Awww pobrecita, fuck his best friend.
2b. For the Man - Awww pobrecito, fuck her best friend.
3. For the Woman - Congratulations. You’ve duped your man into dating you from the 2nd weekend in November through February 14th. Now a real woman would break up with him on Feb 15th. It’s about to be spring time, get in the gym, get that figure back, upgrade the wardrobe, and it’s going to be a great summer.
3b. For the Man – You idiot.
4. Evaluate what the hell you are doing wrong in your life. And honestly, if you consistently are spending Valentine’s day alone or with someone who you really don’t care about, then it’s you. Ladies and Gentlemen, remember these words, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” If you are always alone, you need to look in the mirror at your “star player” and figure out what it is you are doing wrong. Remember what Jay said, “Of course it don't feel right! What has felt right for you doesn't work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.”
And if you are alone, here’s what you should do:
For the Women – Treat yourself to a day with yourself. Go to the fucking gym. Eat a damn salad. Watch your tear-jerking movie while doing some crunches…. My bad, lol. Treat yourself to a day with yourself, spa, hair, nails, all that. Then later that night, go out to the club and get it popping. You can do whoever you like, tonight.
For the Men – Any woman who goes out tonight, is single, and is trying to get out and have a good time rather than be in the house alone. All of them…. Therefore, “All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches." - Jay
Sisters get respect, bit*hes get what they deserve
Sisters work hard, bit*hes work your nerves
Sisters hold you down, bit*hes hold you up
Sisters help you progress, bit*hes will slow you up
A wise man said, “It’s hard to fly with eagles, when you walk with turkeys.” However, I roll with some eagles…
(Let’s describe a certain female)
I’m a crazy mofo, I say a lot of crazy things. I will admit to, today and only today, to being a habitual line-stepper. She does not let me get away with it, EVER. Quick to keep a brother in line. On the same token, when I say something completely off the wall and over the top to a deserving person, they’re the first person to say, “But they needed to hear that.”
They support, they don’t just show up. They’re reliable, not hit-or-miss. (When you text/call, they text/call you back!)
They let you crash, they hold the stash. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “Put this in your purse… Don’t worry about it, just put this in your purse.” (For the record, it’s not narcotics, it’s usually something I want to take like a shot glass or beer glass. Y’all know you be stealing the sauce cups at Red Lobster, don’t front.)
You let them drive the whip. You have to be important to drive the whip. Because a man will drive home driggity drunk before he’ll let just anybody drive his baby.
They have your phone number (home, work, cell, and cell (lol)), address, Gmail, AIM, and any other form of communication, because you’re not worried about them stepping over necessary boundaries.
They make you proud to say you know them. They make you happy to defend them.
They bring something to the table. Sometimes, they put food on the table.
If they come to the crib and it’s a mess, they do their part to help straighten it up.
They’re honest with you. They don’t just be the quiet one in the back of the class. They tell it like it is. For example, “That girl is a hoe.” Much needed advice. They ask you who the hell is this girl you’re hanging around, and where did you meet/get her from?!
They’ll put you on. “That girl keeps looking at you.”
When you say you met someone you really feeling, they say, “Good for you, I hope it works out.” When you say that someone you was really feeling hurt your feelings, they say, “She wasn’t right for you, but you’re a great guy, so you’ll be a-OK.”
With a fell clutch on the bottle, she wards off these random women who don’t know me and just want a free ride. “Um.. excuse me, how do you know Jason?!”
They make you look good in the club. They are the Barry Bonds of the game. “Comin' in the club wit that fresh shit on, with something crazy on my arm...” – Kanye West. Real G’s know nothing attracts a female more than a man with an attractive female on his arm.
They can be the kryptonite in your relationship. You will continuously have to answer questions about them, “Who is this pretty girl in all your facebook pictures?” But you don’t mind, in fact, you don’t even feel the need to explain yourself.
They say thank you.
I needed to someone to give me water in the club, because I was beyond gone. And while she was trying to do her dougie that night, she sat with me and helped to sober me up.
She can tell when I’m not myself and knows that when I’m not myself, I don’t want to talk about it. So she responds, “I’m here, so hit me up when you feel like talking.”
They are friends with my mother and have conversations with your mother, unknown to me.
They know the difference between Baby Jackson, and We Love.
Let’s toast, I said toast, mofo…. Here’s to my female friends.
PS – They said it couldn’t be done!