I Feel Sorry For Women



She didn't even suck her teeth, she took to the ground and gave herself a hug.

I had this conversation with this guy one time and I told him, “Have normal sex, dude.  You don’t want to be like one of these old ass politicians who they find cheating on his wife with some dominatrix, meanwhile this man has an apple in his mouth and a diaper on.  Because he just had to keep pushing the limit.”  But that got me to thinking about some other things.  Like real talk, I feel sorry for women and their sex lives.  Personal story, one time I took my mirror off my wall, and put it on the ground then I got in the pushup position and looked at the mirror.  (That sentence had the potential to go TWSS quick.)  Anyway, I looked into the mirror and I said to myself, “So that’s what you look like.  Damn I’m good looking.”  Almost immediately after that, I started to think of all the women who had to break their man, or a man, off a piece and looked up and really didn’t like what they saw.  Like either he was ugly, or fat, or sweating, any of that shit, I ain’t really trying to get my visual of that, but you get the picture.  It can be rough for a woman in the streets.

As a man though, you’ll never have to worry about doing something that causes you question your morals.  I think one time in my life did I have to question my morals and that was because this chick came over to my house and took out a belt.  As I’m thinking, does she want me to whip her ass with this shit, she said, “Now choke me.”  I had this vision of her dying and me trying to explain how that shit happened and I looked at her and said, “F*ck no.”  And that was about the closest I’ve ever came to losing my morals.  Wait, that same chick asked me to slap her across the face … and after I did it, she said, “Harder, stop being a p*ssy!”  (Side note, remember when BIG said, “So after I shits on the bitch”?)  What it really comes down to is this, in order to please a woman you might have pull something, smack something, call her a few names or stick a thumb in the outhole.  That’s about as far as it goes!  But if you’re a woman, you better prepare yourself for the worst.

Thought for sure the Asian girl would be a freak.
I found out that this is actually myth.

In this world, I don’t make the rules but I will tell you this, there are some sick f*cks out there called men.  I think I told you guys about this before but I’m at happy hour with a friend and she tells me that her ex-boyfriend was a little too much into anal play.  Whoa buddy, what?  Yeah, you read that correctly.  I just can’t imagine how that goes down either like, seriously, is she down there giving him a tutorial when he goes, “can you slip your finger in my ass?”  Does he whisper it?  Does he yell it?  And most importantly, when does it he say this?  Does he tell you beforehand or right before he is about to blow a load?  That’s a real key question in all of this.  Forget about him for a second, but imagine that you’re a woman and your man just said this … the first thing on your mind is, “This fool is gay as shit.”  But you can’t say that, you can think it, but you can't say it.  (And don’t get offended because I said “gay.” I didn’t mean that to offend anyone, I meant that as in a man who has sex with other men, inside or outside of a jail.  If you’re in jail and you’re having sex with men, your ass is gay.)  Anyway, that can be really tragic for a woman to deal with, but you know what, she got to take her finger, lick it and stick it in his ass like it was macaroni.  The whole time she’s thinking, “Good job, Jenn you really know how to pick them.”

Still scared of this b*tch.

Talked about this earlier, but just to go back to it, there are men who are into role playing.  My favorite game of role play is “bag the bad bitch.”   And yes, that is probably offensive, but that’s the name of my favorite role playing game, so I can’t call it what I want.  Basically, this is how it go, you let your lady dress up so hot it’s like the summer quit on her she was so hot, she goes out before you, then after getting attention from a few guys, you show up and bag her and take her home.  That’s my role playing game though.  It’s guys out there taking it way too far.  I seen an episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, (don’t judge me assholes, that’s a show with great writing), and this one guy demands to be treated like a baby.  Like he put on a diaper, broke out a pacifier and demanded to be treated like a baby.  I’m thinking to myself, now at least this is a prostitute, but there are some pathetic women somewhere in the UK or US whose husband is actually into this shit.  And that’s giving new meaning to the phrase, “my baby.”  You think that’s extreme don’t you?  Yeah, you ain’t heard of nothing yet.  I was watching Californication a few seasons ago and this chick punched Hank in the face as she was about to come.  I told my boy about that and he was like, “Yo.. dead ass try that, it’s a good look.”  I looked at this sick f*ck like, “Get the f*ck out my house.”  But think about that, you’re riding your man and he goes, punch me in the face as hard as you can.  CLOSED FIST.  Once again, the woman is thinking to herself, “You sure do know how to pick them.”

And not for nothing let’s list all the things that women have to do that kind of is messed up:

He done put her fine ass thru so much
she wearing tutus to games. Her kids
gotta ask, "Mommy, where the f*ck you think
you going dressed like that?"

Swallow or spit.  Spitters is for quitters, but the point is, that’s some crazy shit.  You wouldn’t let someone pee in your mouth, but you’ll let a man come in your mouth.  But you know what, the shit is like flowers.  Personally, I don’t care for flowers, but I know that other men have started giving flowers, so I got to do the shit too.  That’s what it’s like for women and swallowing.  I know you probably don’t like it, but it’s the industry standard.

Backdoor Policies.  If you want to get a good laugh, even if you’re not serious about it, jokingly say to your lady, “hey we should try anal.”  You have to sell it though, so wait until it’s a nice romantic evening or something.  When she starts giving you a list of rules, bust out laughing because you know that she done had to come up with some rules because some shit went down the wrong way the last time she let a dude back there.  Kobe!

No call and no come.  Men are some funny individuals, but perhaps the most effed up thing in the world that women have to put up with is when a man gets his and she doesn’t get hers.  How many women are having sex with their husbands tonight and he will bust a nut and she will just have some sex?  That shit don’t make no sense to me.  That’s like people who say, “I don’t care about winning or losing, I just like to play the game.”  Eff. That.  The goal is the nut, it’s actually not only the goal, it’s the instigator, motivation and the reward of sex.  The simple fact that women have gotten used to not coming is just pathetic.  You have to say stupid shit to yourself like, “I just don’t come from sex.”  That’s a freaking lie, I won’t call her out, but a girl told me that one time, I told her to go find a man to f*ck her like a virgin ... she came fo’ times.  But the point is, I feel sorry that so many women lay down for sex and get up with no reward.

You see?  It’s all messed up in the game.  I can’t call it.  I feel sorry for women because they have to put up with that crap.  It’s like you found a man who loves you, and will take care of you, won’t cheat on you all that much, comes home with his paycheck and whatnot and then what happens?  He goes, “baby have you ever tried a strap-on?”  Now you shaking your head at your man like, “Great job Jenn, you sure do know how to pick them.”  Shiiiit, and people say you shouldn’t talk about sex on the first date; read this article a few more times today and I bet you’ll have a bunch of questions to ask the next time you go out with a guy.

25 Random Questions: Featuring @lolagetslife

I met this vibrant woman at a DC Blogger meetup in Washington, DC.  Immediately taken back by her presence, so when I thought of who to interview for the second installment of 25 Random Questions, she came to mind right away.  She has her own blog, Lola Gets Life, and you can follow her on twitter @lolagetslife.  Here goes...


1. Tell me about yourself.

Native Washingtonian, but Ive also spent a great deal of time in Northern California, Southern Illinois, and New England. Old enough to know what to do, and still young enough to do it. Former historian, aspiring event planner. Minor cat lady. Collector of ish, including books, teacups, crystal, cut glass and sterling silver. I have way too many purses, bags and diamonds. As outgoing as I can be, I'm also quite shy. I can be a very nice person, a tad brash at times, but I really strive to treat others the way I’d like to be treated. And still manage to have a little fun now and again.

2. What’s your favorite movie?

Honestly, I’ve never been a very big movie person. I see more when others press me to, lol. I prefer international and art house films, but due to brokeness, I haven't kept up with them in the past few years. Some of my old faves have been:

Ferris Buellers Day Off - this used to be my all time favorite movie, but now I just wanna kick him in the face.
Sixteen Candles (ok I know I'm going to hell for that one)

My favorite director of all time is Zhang Yimou - before he started doing those Matrix-esque martial art flicks (boooo!)

3. As a child, what was your favorite thing to do during recess?

Recess? Damn. I loved to play that game that involved four kids, a medium sized rubber ball and four squares within a square...you had to bounce the ball in a clockwise fashion to the other player, and if that player missed, you earned a point. I don't remember how high up the scores went before the game ended though. And wall ball. Kinda like racquetball, but with a medium to large sized rubber ball. Apparently, I love hitting large rubber balls. Don't read anything into that though. Please.

4. Have you ever second guessed yourself? Tell me about it.

All.the.damned.time. Recently, I was taking a test at the end of one of my classes at GW. You know the right way to take a test right? You go through the entire thing and answer all of the questions you definitely know the answer to. Then you go back and work on the ones you're questioning. Then you go over the entire thing again. During the third phase of this test, I changed the answers to two questions I answered in the first phase. Well, turned out I HAD THE RIGHT ANSWERS THE FIRST TIME! And, thus I failed the test. Sigh.

But Ive found that with most things, even if you initially chose wrong, you can still go back and right things. For the above test, I get to take it again, but this time online and with a open book. Score!

5. Peanut Butter. Chunky or Creamy?

For peanut butter, I prefer the chunky versions. I don't exactly know why. I just find it adds another layer of texture to your sandwich. I especially like it with whole grain bread or tortilla with a banana sliced on top.

6. Middle of the night or Morning sex?

See, this kind of question I don't like. Because you're assuming I'm having or have had relations recently, and can actually give you a valid response. Booo! My asshole answer is I have no idea because it’s been so long since I’ve had both that I can’t qualify the two for you. But, if pressed, I’d say middle of the night, because that's the last time I did have sex, lol.

7. When you hold hands with a guy do you lock fingers?

Yes. Not every time, but yes I do.

8. Do you prefer to wear heels or sneakers?

Here again, I don't like the choices. I only wear tennis shoes to work out in, so...what should my answer be? I wear flats most of the time because of my disability, but the shoes I wear most often (before this spring) were about 2 inches high.

9. Will you watch baseball, and iron out a quickie during the seventh inning stretch?

Baseball has to be my least favorite sport because it’s never ending! Ok, so I'm exaggerating, but dude, those games linger on and on and on... But yes, I’d watch with you AND be down for some seventh inning nookie. Whether that's day, night, middle of the night, or in the morning, lol.

10. Do you ever feel like you want to move to get away from family, or are you a family person to the heart?

Well, I'm in a unique position because most of my family - in this city - have died, so I'm one of the only ones left! The others are far off cousins I’ve only barely met. I'm toying with the idea of moving to be with my family, but I think that might actually make my brains ooze out of my ears, so I'm not there yet, lol. And yet, I’ve never considered myself a "family" person.

11. What’s the most uncomfortable thing you’ve ever had to tell a man?

Uncomfortable? I’ve been told I have no shame - quite often - so there’s not much that would make me uncomfortable. But if I had to pick one thing, I’d say it would be talking about money, specifically my financial situation. I don't like letting folks all up in that business.

12. Are you a dark or light liquor girl?

Lola is a teetotaler! I don't consume intoxicants other than caffeine, chocolate and things that prescribed to me (see disability above) and I haven't for 11 years. I’ve never had a problem with alcohol, I just stopped seeing the point of drinking.

13. If you hadn’t voted for Obama, who would you have voted for?

I might coulda maybe voted for John McCain if he hadn't taken such a hard right turn during the campaign. I agreed with a lot of his policies before he started running, but catering to the idiotic white right took all of that away from him.

14. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

The sunset on the island of Tobago.

15. You’re tired after a long day but your man is horny. The cooch or the smooch?

And yet again, a situation I haven't encountered in a long ass while. Um, if I was just tired, I'm quite sure I could fit in some kind of coital action. Now, if I'm tired and I'm having a bad arthritis day, well, he might just have to deal with a kiss.

16. Best gift you’ve ever received? Given?

I really like giving gifts. It causes me a lot of stress when I'm broke, but I do enjoy thinking of people and getting creative with my gift giving. This past Christmas, I gave my friend the True Blood Season 2. She already bought the first season and let me watch it at home, so I thought this would be a great follow-up. Plus she got to watch it together with her boyfriend when he visited from Iraq. And some years ago, I knew an older white male coworker loved the Navy Seals, so I got him a VHS copy of a documentary about them. He loved it!

As for receiving, most folks don't take the time to figure out what I’d really like, so they just stick with the basics: chocolate (which I LOVE!), something with a cat on it (WHICH I HATE!). One of the best all time gifts I’ve received are gift certificates for spa pedicures at Celadon Spa. THOSE things cost $75 and are the BEST EVER! But I couldn't afford them when I was broke. So my friend was looking out for me by making sure I could still pamper myself even though I was broke.

17. Hair pulled or ass smacked?

Now this is a good question! I’d say hair pulling for a few reasons. One, I like to be restrained and that's a good way to do it, spontaneously even. Don't get me wrong, I like getting my ass smacked, but there are soooo many variables that make that potentially problematic that's its best not to do it unless you know my body well.

18. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done in bed?

Nasty good or nasty bad? Wait, what? Lol. I think my all-time, hands-down "nastiest" thing I’ve ever done was prostrate massage with my ex husband. I can’t believe I just typed that.

19. Big, small or not at all wedding?

At this time, I’d probably say smallish wedding. I'm really liking the idea of a non-traditional ceremony. But that would depend upon the groom and what his wants/needs would be.

20. How do you feel about Kobe Bryant?

In my life, Kobe is kind of a non-issue. I don't like some of his past actions and am a wee bit miffed that he’s not suffering more as a result, but hey, money and maleness can get you just about anything in this world. Grrrrr. But I don't think of him much, lol.

21. If I paid you, would you strip in my living room for a living?

You'd pay good money to see the same person do the same thing over and over again?? I wonder what Mint would have to say about this?? Lol. This is one of those things that Id only do if I wanted to. So, yeah, no.

22. In high school, where did you see yourself in life?

In high school, I thought I’d be where my grandmother(s) & mother were: married with children and something for me to do so I wouldn't be bored, paid or unpaid. Hell, it worked for their generations, why wouldn't it work for me?

23. What’s your favorite thing to do for your man?

*Sigh* Here we go again. Yet another "what would you do for a man" question...dammit, he ain't a Klondike bar, so why the need for all the specifics?? Lol. Just the basic "make him happy" deal. And that's what one has to figure out, what will make a specific man happy. And that ish varies, you know? Sometimes I think the biggest gift one can give a man is the space to let him just be.

24. Where do you see yourself in five years?

I have absolutely no idea. I don't do "plans" like that. In my experience, life throws so much ish at you, you never really know where you're going to be at any given time. But I will say that I’d like to be successful in at least one area of my life in the next five years. Now, whether that's career or family or residence I have no idea. But I’d like to say at least one.

25. What are your words to live by?

Wow, there are so many: Fake it til you make it; it ain't tricking if you got it; the game is not to be told, it is to be sold; if you say yes, your chi also says yes. Ok, I'm teasing (just barely). There are so many different phrases and sayings I think of to get through the day. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

I think the one phrase that ultimately gets me through any and everything is "Allah is the best of planners." The idea that God has planned every inch of my life is somewhat comforting (and some would say fatalistic). All I have to do is figure out how to make the best of things once they happen.

Morning Mail – 6.6.11

Caretaker: Most of these old boys don't have nothing. Never had nothing to start with. But you, You had it all. Then you let your teammates down, got yourself caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
Paul Crewe: Oh I did, did I?
Caretaker: Oh I ain't saying you did or you didn't. All I'm saying is that you could have robbed banks, sold dope or stole your grandmother's pension checks and none of us would have minded. But shaving points off of a football game, man that's un-American.
(Source: The Longest Yard.)

Plaxico Burress is released from jail and who is there to meet him? His agent, Drew Rosenhaus. Great job, Plax. Here’s the conflict; the very mentality that got you in jail, this larger than life, untouchable attitude, all about the money and football, is the same exact stance you take on your way out of jail. You know what America loves money and we sure do love football, but we don’t want you to rub it in our face. Brett Favre actually isn’t the greatest QB in the history of the NFL, but he’ll go down that way because more than a football player people regard him as a true American. He shed his tears and he showed emotion. Plaxico should have been met with family and friends. It should not have been an media event his release from jail, it should have been a quiet exit and whisking off to spend the next few weeks with family and friends and enjoy freedom. Instead, he went straight into a meaningless press conference flanked by his agent. Good job Plaxico, proving once again that the penitentiary system in America remains flawed and those needing rehabilitation rarely ever get it.

I have always enjoyed NYC’s Summer Jam, last night was no different. It’s ironic to me though because in a lot of ways it shows you just how far hip hop has come. For those who doubt, the South has came up on things. I think that people took the South for granted in hip hop for a long time. And I can only think that if people like Scarface and UGK were around for their prime now, what hip hop would look like. I know you wasn’t listening, but you listening now. The problem was that people didn’t listen, they assumed. And when most people argue about hip hop, trust me they do it the same way they do sports, they tout out what a bunch of analysts or other writers have said. I always like to ask a person to name five songs that they’ve heard from an artist before accepting their judgment. Likely response; “I don’t need to listen to him to know he’s trash.”
I have a random hobby that I don’t tell people about. I really love chicken wings. I know, that sounds mad Black doesn’t it? Well it actually isn’t. It’s much more of a hobby about wings and sauce than it is the chicken. It’s to the point that everywhere I go, I always order the chicken wings even if I plan on having another entrée later. For this reason, I’ve actually had wings from most places in DC. You can’t help but start to rank them. So if you ever have a question about where to get some good wings in DC, feel free to ask me.

My boy celebrated his 30th birthday at Park on Friday and it was a good time. I realized though that The Park is starting to let anyone in these days. I also realized that they make thongs with invisible straps, which shouldn’t have been news to me, but hey, even the most knowledgeable learn something everyday. My real question was, “Why in the world does your dress have a hole in the side of it?” Mind you, this is an afterwork function, and The Park, contrary to belief is a supper club, not really a dance club. I can’t call it. The other thing that begins to ruin a spot is the affirmation of pretty women. I have never shied away from saying that I think that pretty women should be well kept, but it gets to a point where it’s downright ridiculous. No a pretty woman does not need a security escort to the bar to buy a drink. It’s like you see a pretty woman walk in a room and everyone is looking for a way to assist her or get to know her.

Reminds me of that Chris Rock snippet, “Need some dick?” Oh man that was hilarious.

Is Chris Brown a Blood? News to me. He’s cussing a lot more now too, it’s almost borderline excessive. I think, in fact, I know that boy might be using some drugs. I pray for him and hope he finds his way.

I still don’t think people will ever convince me that Mobb Deep is hip hop royalty. I guess it’s longevity, but I’ve listened to their music and I just don’t get it. I think it’s New York thing, because “New York can dictate what is hip hop and what is not hip hop” dique. I think they benefit from a lot of people during their time not being around anymore. If all those people were around from their time today, they’d be just as irrelevant as the next guy. And if Mobb Deep is hip hop royalty then why they don’t show LL more love, that dude been around since Moses times.

Life is good. God is good.

Ryan Leslie ain’t score a perfect score on his SAT, that’s a rumor and you can take that to the bank. It would have been in the paper before he made it big, not after. Every time someone scores a perfect score it is in the NY Times, Washington Post, and LA Times, so once again, please stop believing the hype.

#imdone

That gay dude at your job tho, who don't know it yet, that's married with the kids... (y'all know exactly who i'm talking about.)

Free Ass Laundry and 17th & K Street (Free download)

A few of you have asked about these books, so I thought i'd make them both available.  You can download my eBooks here:

Free Ass Laundry: http://www.mediafire.com/?4mpulj4rcbn1h31

17th & K Street: http://www.mediafire.com/?2sd7o4ml4cdokyx

This serves as a nice post, don't say all my posts are attacking "people".

J/k... enjoy your Saturday.

Basic Broads Out Here Winning

I hope don't none of y'all know this guy, but this go to show you even light skin girls be basic like sh*t.

I’ll keep it real, there’s about as much ghostwriting going on in the blogsphere as there is in hip hop, so it shouldn’t surprise you that I thought about ghostwriting this post and giving it to some female out there to post on her blog.  But then I thought to myself, the people want fire give them fire.  The people want the Ratchet Music Label shit, give them the anthems.  Before I get started I want to say that Most touched on this topic over at his blog The Lower Frequency, when he said, Lames Dudes Out Here Winning.  I liked that post, but I thought that I would borrow his instrumental and do my own piece.  Anyway…

Almost got punched in the face the other day for telling someone that his girl was “a good look” and “a solid 5.”  I didn’t think I was being disrespectful or anything, but what I was saying is that she wasn’t ugly and she held him down.  She was a good girl, she wasn’t the prettiest girl in the room, but she had other things that made up for it.  It’s a lot of women like this out there too, and people sleep on them.

Now I want to define a basic broad for everybody because it’s kind of confusing.  A basic broad doesn’t have anything that really stands out that puts her ahead of the pack at first glance.  In fact, even when you dig deep there’s probably someone who does every thing she does better than she does.  But what makes a basic broad a basic broad is that she scores “basic” on so many categories that it makes her serviceable.  Of course there are all types of broads out there, you have pretty ass broads, ugly broads, and you even have bad ass broads.  Now a bad ass broad, she basically scores high on every category, her only weakness is; she knows she is a bad ass broad.  And as a bad ass broad she makes you work a little more than you want to, just to show you that she’s worth the world.  But a basic broad, no no no, they aren’t that stupid, they know that you could do better, they just want to do what they got to do to keep you around.

Here are some characteristics of basic broads:

Nobody likes a close talker, except for this girl...

Every man has his faults and his pet peeves, and we’ll do just about anything to get our way, for that reason a basic broad succeeds because she’s willing to coddle her man.  A man needs for a woman not to flip out about the fact that he might do some real questionable behavior.  This may come in the form of liking something just the way his mother used to prepare it for him, or maybe he has a character flaw that make him go into complete silence for months on end.  If she flips out a him as some other broads would do, he’ll immediately drop her like a bad habit.

Have you ever looked at a chick and said, “She’s not a looker” and so you wondered, well why is he with her?  It’s because basic broads are undercover freaks.  When you think about it, every dude out there has been involved in some real weird or freaky sex, it had to happen with someone.  I’ll be the first to tell you, I haven’t.  That’s because dime pieces have a tendency to not do what they don’t have to do in the bedroom.  And since that’s all I have ever been with, I can’t comment.  But that’s a basic broads call to fame is her bedroom activity.  She’s willing to go above and beyond to make sure that no stone is left unturned. 

He was in jail for three years, somebody made him a basic broad.

I’m a resident expert at Law & Order.  I’ve seen every episode about six times, (and still continue to watch repeats even when I know I’ve seen it before.)  But anyway, every time a dude gets in trouble and he needs an alibi he asks his girl.  And you can bet your bottom dollar if it’s a bad ass broad, she’s not copping to shit.  If the cop asks her where you were, she replies, “You got pen and paper, I’ll tell you were he’s at right now, where he was last week, I’ll tell you where he’s going when he die.”  Not your basic broad though, your basic broad has no problem telling the police that you were with her last night, or that the gun was hers and not yours.  She’ll even take a bid for you too.

One thing you can count on from a pretty ass chick is that she doesn’t go to you for any type of validation.  So unless you got one of those Ginger shorties from Vegas, chances are you ain’t going to be able to control her every move with a little coke or any other wack shit like love.  You can rely on your basic broad to never change it up too much.  I know men who come home one day and his girl done chopped off his hair, he’s got this look on his face, what in the …  Not those basic broads though.  You see once a basic broad finds something that works, she sticks to it.  She won’t have an ugly stage, neither will she have a fly stage, she’s just going to keep it basic and steady.

She can go head and fix her face, she not serious.

You can ask a basic broad to do something that she doesn’t want to do and then she performs with great attention to detail.  Personally, when you ask me to do something I don’t want to do, I either don’t do it, or I half ass it.  Now a basic broad is different, she knows that, what? … you will drop her ass like a bad habit.  So even though she might hate doing something, she’ll do it anyway because she knows she has to stay in your good graces.  You might have a driver and car outside your crib, but if you tell your basic broad to get on Metro and travel an hour to get to you at 2AM, she’ll do it.  She won’t even bitch about it when she gets to the crib either.  She’ll just laugh and say, “You know you wrong right?”  But she there though…

You ever said something almost completely disrespectful to the point that you were expecting to get in a fight or for your life to end up like Kane on moving day?  If you did that and lived to see the next day it was because you were dealing with a basic broad.  You can’t just tell any woman, “baby you know your ass is too big.”  But if she’s a basic broad, she’ll go change.  Yep, remember in Why Did I Get Married, when he told his wife to drive up instead of flying?  That’s because Jill Scott’s character was a basic broad.

Last but not least this is what a basic broad does best; she blends in.  She blends all the way in like Mystique.  She’s not ever interested in being the prettiest girl in the room, she’s never loud, nor does she ever fall out in the middle of the dance floor.  Your best basic broad convinces everyone that she doesn’t exist.  And you know what?  That’s what makes it real easy for her to get a man and keep a man.  That fool don’t even know he got a girl half the time!  All he knows is that if he needs something he can snap his fingers once or twice and magically a girl appears to take care of all his problems.

That makes basic broads strong, that make basic broads wise, and that makes basic broads the second most likely group of women to get married or in a relationship.  You don’t have any downside to the basic broad, but there’s no upside either, don’t get it twisted.  She’s reliable because you know what you’re getting in her.  Overall, people may say, she’s a 5, but most men know, there’s a lot of shit that comes with those 8-10 females, and the 6s and 7s get taken off the lot quicker than Priuses.  (You never peeped that did you, a Prius is the fastest car off the lot, it ain’t the best joint that Toyota got, but it’s serviceable and it has a great gimmick.)  So sometimes you get stuck with that Camry, but a Camry can do you service for a long time and nobody is mad at you for driving a Camry.

PS – I know what you’re thinking, but in terms of Toyota, the 8-10 would be the Lexus.

What If I Don’t Want to Check the “Black” Box?

Not a real picture, in my day, we used typewriters for college applications.

While applying for college I would come to the part of the application that said, “Select Race/Ethnicity” and my mother would say, “Black/African-American” and I would say, “Nah I’m not going to check that.” My mother would argue with me and tell me I was being stubborn and that I should take any advantage available to get into college. Well, I applied to thirteen schools, I was admitted outright into twelve and waitlisted to one, and later got into the school during the second round or so of admissions. I wrote my college essays on, Living in a Colorless World. My thesis: We can only tell our race because of the ways that others view us. And so, I only wanted a colorless world. While some people wish that race didn’t exist or that we appreciated everyone’s differences, I just wanted to get rid of the entire system altogether. So when I sat down to do my college essays I didn’t want to associate as an African-American in order to somehow get into a college.

And if you’re wondering, I did this on my FAFSA too, my applications for Howard, FAMU, and Morehouse, and all my scholarship applications as well. And perhaps my name gave it away or my college essays about living in a colorless world. However, I sat and thought about those HBCUs, all of which I was admitted to. They admitted me without me indicating my race on a single application. But forget all that, each of the PWIs that I applied to, admitted me without being able to add me to their diversity statistics for the academic year. I sometimes wondered if they ever counted me as a result of affirmative action, but I know I did everything in my power to practice what I preached and I’m just not sure how they could add me to those statistics.

Some years later when asked to do the Census, I elected to not select a race once again. And I think I was in college because I told someone about this and they BERATED me about the Census being used to designate resources and make sure that the programs were appropriately allocated to communities. But I would not be moved, I refuse to select my race/ethnic origin on the Census. First, I think the Census is racist as hell, but also because I just don’t see why it’s all that important. I have my point, respect my point of view.

And now recently as the real Dr. J continues to urge, (I almost wrote “force”), me into business school, she keeps sending me all these things for MLT and Consortium. I found all the materials in a cooler I needed for my cookout this past weekend. And it got me to thinking… Each time my mom would send it, I would say, “Nah ma, I don’t want people thinking that I got in because of the color of my skin.” Because somewhere inside of me, I believe that they let those people in because top business schools know that people will recruit those students from them, giving them diversity numbers and placement too.

What I’m thinking is that I wonder if there’s something wrong with my approach. I don’t even hang around all Black people, I have never even noticed race as much as my counterparts. I was recently at a wedding and we were 75% of the way through the reception before someone turned to me and said, “Have you noticed you’re the only Black guy here right now?” I’m so used to not paying attention to race that in a lot of ways, I don’t even think I need to indicate it. I don’t agree with people who pick and choose when they want to use their race and only use it when it’s advantageous. Neither am I the person who acts like there are social injustices every day, I’m quick to point them out. I’m just a Black man who made a decision not to check the box.

Morning Mail - 6.1.11

Catherine Stewart: How do you do this?
Chloe: I try to find something to love in everybody. Even if it's a small thing. Something about the way someone smiles. There's always something, there has to be. I try to make myself generous. I do things I don't want to do. I... I think about what not to criticize. And the strangest things come back to me.
Catherine Stewart: Like?
Chloe: You.
Catherine Stewart: Me?
Chloe: Yeah. Yeah people like you walk into my life.


Chloe: I guess I've always been pretty good with words. In my line of business. It's as important to be able to describe what I'm doing as it is to do what I'm doing. When to say what. What words to select.
Chloe: Some men hate to hear certain terms. They can't stand specific moves and then they can't live without others. It's part of my job to know where to place my hand, my lips, my tongue, my leg and even my thoughts.
Chloe: What kind of pressure, for how long, when to stop. I can become your first kiss... or a torn out image from a Playboy magazine that you found when you were 9 years old.
Chloe: Am I your secretary or am I your daughter? Maybe I'm your seventh grade math teacher you always hated. All I know is that if I do it just right, I can become your living, breathing, unflinching dream, and then I can actually disappear.
(Source: Chloe)

I never quite understood how a woman can’t turn a man on, like their husband or boyfriend. They find themselves not able to get him in the mood. It just seems odd to me. I think most times there’s something deeper there, but I will say that I can see how this happens. For men we have to “put up with shit,” it’s really no better way to put it. When we first started dating our lady, we had to put up with shit. But as you date her, you become fatigued in your relationship and you just don’t have the energy to want to do it all the time. There’s a man out there who knows his wife is timid in the bed and she doesn’t like doing all the things that he likes to do. So it’s either wack, or it takes a lot of coaxing to get her to do it and then when she does, she’s not at all enthusiastic about it. After a few years of that, he may love that woman a lot, but he’s going to become less and less sexually attracted to her.

That’s just one example, but if you think about it, this is how all relationships become degenerative. You just get tired of putting up with shit. There’s women who won’t talk to their husbands because all their husband does and scream and get angry when asked a simple question. On the contrary there are men who don’t like to come home or chill in the same room as their wife because she always wants to discuss something. I hope people pay attention to this, because this is real.

One of the things about me that sometimes rubs people the wrong way is how I hate talking to people. I have a core of people who I talk to everyday, all day, but generally speaking I do not like talking to people. Especially on the phone and now that’s even transferred over to text. I’m typically on my computer so it’s belaboring to have to constantly keep checking back to my phone for BBMs and text messages. It can easily eat up all your time. I think this goes back to a lot of things, but I gave it some thought and I realized that it’s probably because I’m an only child. People who just love to talk to people all the time are usually those people who grew up in a family where people were always around and always talking. But I didn’t, I grew up primarily with a working mom and spent most of my time learning to occupy myself without needing attention from everyone. So I’m actually very much okay with not talking to people for long periods of time. I understand that this can offend some people because they like to talk. The other day someone told me that when they send me a message they expect a reply, and I thought to myself, “How will I ever be able to end a conversation or let you know that I do not want to talk right now?” At times, I just want to delete BBM. But the result was just me being forced to be an asshole and start one-word replying or just saying up-front, “Can’t talk, ttyl.” I know that’s rude, but if you put yourself out there as a person who likes to talk, I feel like I have to be as curt and concise as possible.

I actually hate most of my friends’ opinions on sports. There are few people that I can argue with because they are regurgitations of ESPN analysts. What confuses me is why they think that I actually need them to repeat anything to me. This got me upset when I started hearing that Jason Kidd was the #2 reason that the Mavs were in the Finals. Really?! People are giving Kidd 93 when he only needs 87. Is he a great PG, yes, but he’s probably not even a Top 5 PG in the history of the league. And you can name at least 5 PGs in the league right now who would be doing a better job than him if in his role with the Mavs right now. The point is, stop repeating everything you hear by some ESPN analyst, they’re actually stupid too.

The heat right now in DC is so offensive that something needs to be done about it. Moreover, I think that most jobs should allow people to work from home during the summer months. It’s just downright disrespectful to have to go into an office to do things that you can do at home. I nearly pass out each day I have to get on Metro.

Just because it’s hot does not mean you need to be naked. I actually don’t think spandex or lycra breathes that well to begin with. I take offense to the fact that Forever 21 doesn’t card people. I don’t know why you shop at Forever 21 when you’re 27. And another thing, Forever 21 should stop carrying certain sizes just to encourage people to dress appropriately. Like real talk, those clothes are for girls to young woman, but if you have the body of a grown ass woman, stop shopping at Forever 21!!!

Yeah, I know, I haven't done this in a while. 

Life is good. God is good.