Morning Mail - 6.22.11

Adam: [Calling Emma] You can't just suddenly call me and say you miss me!
Emma: I know...
Adam: No, do not call me to say you miss me. Do not text me, do not e-mail me... do not write it on my wall! If you really miss me, come here and tell me that!
(Source: No Strings Attached)

Do you ever think about the people who are coming out of long relationships and the effect it has on their lives? They say it takes about half of the time you were in a relationship to actually get over the relationship. I think about routine. For me, because we all define it differently, I would consider anything over six months to be a long relationship. The reason why I’ve defined it that way is because I think that after the third month of a relationship and your first big disagreement. A disagreement does not necessarily mean an argument, it could very well just be a line drawn in the sand. A disagreement does not even mean that both parties have actually came out and declared, “this was a disagreement.” But anyway, after about six months your relationships become “long.” The biggest flaw of a long relationship is the routine.

And that’s what I mean by the effect on someone’s life. You wake up one day and you are not in that relationship anymore. For some of us, we began our mornings with a phone call or a text to say good morning. For others, it was a kiss, a morning ritual of brushing our teeth, she ironed clothes and he put on a pot of coffee. He zipped her up and she straightened his tie. And then one day all that comes to an end and when you wake up you think to yourself, well what do I do. I thought about my recent dislocation of my finger, my left finger. One thing many people who don’t know me personally don’t know is that I have excellent hand and eye coordination. You know that scene in The Matrix where the cup of coffee falls off the table and he catches it. I’ve done that before in a meeting. In mid-conversation, a cup of coffee was knocked off the table and I caught it before it hit the ground. Much to the amazement of most people in the room, one of my closer work friends said, ”That’s because you used to play baseball.” And he was right.

When I dislocated my finger though, that quick reaction to use my left hand to do something was at first a painful experience. There were a few dropped items that cause me a great deal of pain because I had gotten so used to just catching things right away once they fell. I had to learn that I didn’t have the luxury of that hand anymore, or wouldn’t for a while. I had to train my reflex system to react differently. This is much like after a break up. Now you have to put on that cup of coffee and iron your own shirt by yourself. It’s rough, and daunting. And sometimes, we’d chose to be with someone in an unhealthy situation rather than having to completely start our lives over from scratch. The one thing I think people miss the most often is the companionship; the closeness of being with someone that you can talk to all the time. Enjoying their thoughts, and they enjoying yours. Nobody makes it too far in a relationship without communication. Do you know how hard it is to find someone that you can communicate with, and actually want to communicate with regularly? Almost impossible. Personally, after a breakup I kind of miss the “Fairy Godmother” the most. The fact that there’s someone who knows exactly how you like something and even if you’re not there, they can ensure that things are carried out exactly how you want them.

I don’t know, I woke up this morning and I thought about these things. I thought about some of my friends who have recently gone through breakups and how they’ve had to change their routine. They sometimes tell me about their mornings, and I’m amazed at how much detail they put into it, but I remember, “They’re just learning to take new steps.” I had a conversation with a old friend and she was telling me all of these things about the person she was becoming. It was so detailed; she wanted no drama and so she’s been reading a book on a drama-free life, and how she’s been hitting the gym and she’d like to get into training, so she’s going to go back to school for exercise science, and she joined this club, and she doesn’t go to these types of places, and prefers these types of places, and she just went on and on. I thought to myself, “Why is she telling me all of this?” Then it struck me, she had recently gotten out of a relationship at age 25 that she had been in since freshman year of college. My friend was having to rebuild the very essence of herself, something that had never been done before since she was tied down at such a young age. I thought about this as we talked, and then I did what any other man would do with a woman. Start at the beginning and ask for details. “What book is that? And who is the author? I may have read it.”

Until tomorrow.

Life is good. God is good.

25 Random Questions with @MiaIneedher

Keeping my inappropriate comment to myself to keep from getting hit.

I'm younger than Mia, but I met her in the summer of 02.  Right from jump, I was like, "yo this girl is something else."  I prayed to God for a few nights too about her, but this ain't bout that right now.  When you look back and you realize you known someone for nine years and you still bang with them, 100, you know that's a person worth keeping in your life.  Everything about her is boss.  We got battle wounds together from f*cked up circumstance in NYC nightspots, and we been there to witness some crazy ish between women, and she probably remembers more than I do, because I was more than likely sleep in the club, or sleepwalking in the club.  Anyway, this is my homegirl Mia, the latest and my comments are as always in italics.

1. Tell me about yourself.

I go by Mia Anita. I’ll be 27 on the 27th of this month with a basic chart of Rising= Scorpio, Sun=Cancer, Moon = Gemini. I’m an only child. Born and raised in Los Angeles. I’m an astrology buff. I love to write. I’m in my 2nd year of grad school. I was raised by my great-grandmother, then grandparents. I’m determined, passionate and resilient. I’ve been told I come across intimidating but I say I just have a good radar for people. I’ve been extremely blessed in life. I’m an old soul who’s really been here before. I love New York, D.C., Paris and wonder women from Wet Willies. I’m a rational, mastermind. I’m fun-loving. And I’m on a quest to learn and experience all life has to offer.

2. What’s your favorite movie?

Clueless – Renaissance Man – Brown Sugar – Jackson 5 – Elizabeth 1 – Napoleon Dynamite – Sister Act 2 – Crash – Forest Gump – The Nutcracker –Contact - Sandlot and ANYTHING with Larry David.

3. As a child, what was your favorite thing to do during recess?

Elementary = play on the swings, double dutch and flip on the bars (with the jacket around the bar so you could flip forwards and backwards non-stop);
Middle School= sit far far away from everybody else (I HATED middle school, omg);
High School = Play swoop and tag with friends, and chill on the stage;
College= Sleep.

FYI - Recess doesn’t officially stop until you have to be at work all day to make the dividends.

4. Have you ever second guessed yourself?

Tell me about it. Indeed!!.Recently I decided to start my own business. I had an opportunity to pursue a dream and still manage to survive financially. Thing is, I’ve never seen entrepreneurship first-hand so I resisted for about a week or so. Filled with doubt, questions and fear, however the universe put absolute strangers in my life to push me towards where I needed to be. I’ll be launching in a week and I’m thankful because of it. I’m now facing another decision of whether or not I should invest in something and because I’ve never seen it done before quite like this, I’m questioning myself every day of whether I should take this risk and spend more money on something with potential or play it safe and not. I still haven’t made a decision, but I’m hoping whatever decision I make it will all work out in the end.

5. Peanut Butter. Chunky or Creamy?

Peter Pan Extrafied Chunky (I’m nervous about the comment to follow).  (#speechless)

6. Middle of the night or Morning sex?

5 o’clock in the mownin’ where you gonna be?

7. When you hold hands with a guy do you lock fingers?

Of course, otherwise it’s just a low-five. (This might be the best answer i've ever heard.)

8. Do you prefer to wear heels or sneakers?

Flip Flops and sandals. I’m from L.A. however my closet houses 80% of elevated footwear. I’ve never owned a pair of Jordans and I floss my L.A. Gears every chance I get.

9. Will you watch baseball, and iron out a quickie during the seventh inning stretch?

That’s 1 sport you really won’t find me watching… soooooooooooo……

10. Do you ever feel like you want to move to get away from family, or are you a family person to the heart?

Hek Yes! I’m trying to move come first of 2012… family is only a phone call or plane ride away, but I’ve never stayed in 1 spot too long anyway so a different location doesn’t phase me. I love the “idea” of family but my life has proven that family doesn’t necessarily mean blood, so for me family means people who show love and care and with that, my family spans from West Los Angeles to East New York.  (You always have to be careful when someone from LA says the word, Blood, you're just never sure what she means exactly.)

11. What’s the most uncomfortable thing you’ve ever had to tell a man?

1, 2, 3, 4, FIF. That one was really bad, I’m actually still uncomfortable about it to this day. Memories can be a bear mountain!

12. Are you a dark or light liquor girl?

The Real World with the help of my bro and bottles of Eastside Juice (E&J) have made me Dark. Pre-2006, it was patron, everclear, devil’s springs and ciroc ALL DAY ERRRR DAY.  (Damn yo, we used to get it in back in the day, just remembered all that light, now i'm dark too.  BUT White Remy coming out in two WEEKS!)

13. If you hadn’t voted for Obama, who would you have voted for?

Myself and VP- Charlie Wilson. No other candidates seemed more worthy. (Now i'm mad you didn't run.)

14. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

God’s love shown through individuals in the Earth realm like my great-grandmother Irma L. Cooper and R.N.W.

15. You’re tired after a long day but your man is horny. The cooch or the smooch?

Every day is diff-er-ent.

16. Best gift you’ve ever received? Given?

Received – Life;
Given – I honestly can’t say, I have no idea. I spent a lot of time and energy creating a bday gift for someone but I think I was more pumped about it than they were. WOMP!

17. Hair pulled or ass smacked?

Hair. Smacking is for gum and baby food.

18. What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done in bed?

Probably pee’ed in it when I was little… (I hollered.)

19. Big, small or not at all wedding?

Literally, up until 3 weeks ago, it was str8 to the courthouse for me but I’m now leaning towards a very small, intimate ceremony with no more than 40 guests, IF THAT, in the backyard of our new house! POW!

20. How do you feel about Kobe Bryant?

I don’t, he’s weak sauce. I respect his game but that’s it. Now his wife Vanessa… WTH, who told her wearing tutu’s to games was the l-i-q?


Kobe messed her up though.

21. If paid, would you strip in a rich man's living room for a living?

Rich is not exciting. But I’d do a full on 8 count of choreography in the den of a wealthy man’s mansion for some change. I’m just sayin’…

22. In high school, where did you see yourself in life?

Happy and without a care in the world besides winning games, goin’ to Roscoes and then getting into a college far away from L.A. In high school, I was actually very arrogant, cocky and described by folks I had never met as a “Bitch.” And looking back I low key was. I really did NOT care about anything or anybody except my friends. I was free and did what I wanted to do. I handled my grades and balanced sports and academics so I was straight. I saw myself as someone who went with the flow, offered a lot and lived life one day at a time. The only thing I planned were my outfits for the next day with my best friends. High school for me really levels off with college in terms of great times had in my life.

23. What’s your favorite thing to do for your man?

Pamper him and specifically cook, because I know that means a lot to him.

24. Where do you see yourself in five years?

HAPPY! Living in my house with my husband, dogs and rabbit; running my/our businesses; donating to non-profs. who work to end homelessness in Los Angeles; getting ready for kids; playing how I want to play and NOT living in California.  (Now when you say, Rabbit, aw nevermind.)

25. What are your words to live by?

1. Do first and apologize later.
2. Nothing is possible without faith, love and action and nothing is impossible when done through GOD.

Thanks J!

Let’s get social…
Twitter - @MiaIneedher
Facebook – MiaAnita27
Business: http://www.closetcollectionintl.com/ 
Photographer: http://miaanita.com/
Blogs – http://www.thestyledit.com/ and http://hello--foto.blogspot.com/

Morning Mail - 6.20.11 (HBO vs. Showtime)

Dexter Morgan: I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask... not just me. People think it's fun to pretend you're a monster. Me, I spend my life pretending I'm not. Brother, friend, boyfriend - All part of my costume collection. Some people might call me a fraud. Let's see if it will fit. I prefer to think of myself as a master of disguise.
(Source: Dexter)

Showtime is better than HBO. It just is. I’ll put it to you like this; one time me and my friend were talking about Penelope Cruz’s best movies and she said, Volver. And I replied, it’s actually, Non Ti Muovere. She had this screwed up look on her face and I said, well I know why you said Volver, it’s the one movie she’s done that had the most critical acclaim and you probably were able to see that movie around the time of the Academy Awards. But, Non Ti Muovere, meaning, Don’t Move was her best movie. Her acting was superb, the plot was out of this world and the writing was much better. But you know what the point was? She had never seen it, so she went with the more popular movie.

Now, here’s something worth noting, these are the five reasons why people think HBO is better than Showtime, or at least these are five observations about those people:

1) They don’t have Showtime – This is usually why people don’t think Showtime is nice. But that’s like those people who never listened to a “down south” rapper and they kept calling Lil’ Wayne trash. Listen to me right now, most people still wrote him off when he dropped Tha Carter II, they never listened to an album, they were like, “down south rap is trash.” Then he had one hot verse on Touch It or Not and people went back and actually listened to his music and they were like, “Oh shit, this dude is nice. He gonna challenge Jay one day.”

2) They are mainstream heads – Most HBO shows appeal to mainstream America, and people sleep on the fact that HBO has a bigger budget than Showtime. They can’t see that though. The Marketing budget at HBO is probably bigger than the GDP of most small countries, but nobody sees that.

3) They like what everyone else likes – If everyone is tweeting about True Blood, then naturally you don’t want to be left out, so you take a look yourself. I did myself and I was like, “has anybody noticed how much this show sucks ass?” The plot is predictable, it’s homoerotica at it’s best, the acting sucks, the hands down worst southern accents I’ve ever heard in my life, trust me on that, man let me stop because I know some people like True Blood like Twilight.

4) They don’t pay attention to detail – If you pay close attention to detail, you will be able to watch a show and see the script. Do you know why Entourage is such a good show? Has nothing to do with the writing or quality of the show. It’s because everybody wants to live that life. But pay close attention to the plot of Entourage and you can pretty much predict the entire season from the time you get to Episode 3. And not for nothing, but in the last two seasons the story has just been blah. Meanwhile, you can’t name a bad season of Dexter, you just can’t. Every show on HBO has a season or two that you’re just like, man… this was wack.

5) Hype Williams fans – You know Hype Williams is a great music video director, but you know what makes Hype Williams so great. His appreciation for the visuals. Think about it, Belly was a dumb as shit, but because some shit was glowing in the dark and on fire, people loved the shit out of it. You know why? Because they like fire and explosions, and if it’s got a lot of it, you can cover up a plot with it. It’s called, Bells and Whistles.

I did a quick search and man I found some shows that used to come on Showtime and/or still do and I was like, those shows are GREAT, HBO has some good shows, not trying to say they suck, but the quality is not GREAT. Check this out:

Red Shoe Diaries – Can you imagine what a sleepover would have been like in your youth if cats didn’t have this show?
Big Brother After Dark – Because you always was like, I bet they be f*cking when the cameras not on. Well they turned them back on.
The L Word – Mad men I know wanted to bang Shane one time, mention this show to anyone and they will immediately have to bow down.
Nurse Jackie – This is a crazy ass show that only works because it’s great writing.
Californication – Hands down the best show on premium television, if you don’t watch, start now.
Weeds – Might be the third best show on premium television.
Shameless – This was a very good show, great acting in its first year and great writing, check it out. Very realistic representation of an alcoholic in urban America.
DEXTER – Bitches love Dexter.
The AVN Awards – Shut all the way up.
Dead Like Me – Great.
The Tudors – Great.
Secret Diary – Great. If you’re not watching this show, then you’re missing out.
Queer as Folk – Need I say it again?

If I get a television show, which is a dream of mine, but I need to move my ass to California and work on my script writing instead of bullshitting around on the East Coast beating my meat to soft porn called the Fortune 500, um… yeah, it will be on Showtime.

And I’ve just won the award for longest run-on sentence in a Comedy/Drama series on the Internet.

#endrant

Those Girls Wasn't Working Out for Me

This shit is just hilarious to me. Found it after the post was wrote.

There was this time in my life when things just started making sense for me. I wasn’t that old, the epiphany came in maybe the 6th or 7th grade, and of course a change of scenery helped to smooth over the transition. It was the moment that I realized that it probably wasn’t going to work out for me if I didn’t start exploring some other options in the dating world. You see, I’ve got this theory about dating. It’s held true up until this point, but here’s the theory: your environment combined with your level of insanity determines who you date. I know y’all don’t understand what I’m saying so let me break it down, in fact, I don’t have to do that, I’ll put it to you like this. Most Black women like Black men right? Now, most Black people roll together in the same circles, so their dating pool is typically Black men, but you have to ask, “How long do you stick it out with Black men before you look elsewhere?”

#MILK

The first person that comes to mind is Halle Berry. She dated a Black dude, he hit her with a baseball bat. She dated another Black dude, he hit her so hard she went deaf. She dated ANOTHER Black dude, he hit everything but her. She told us like George Bush told me, “f*ck you n*ggas I’m outta here” and went and got a white dude and she been shining ever since. However, we all know that Halle is a crazy bitch. And that’s why she put up with all those Black men in Hollywood for so long. She was doing Black movies and the people she dated were popular Black celebrities, but once all that craziness ran out and she was ready for a family she let that shit go and found a white man.

I got a point I’m trying to make.

A few things happened to me along the way that made me sure that I wasn’t supposed to only date Black women:

1. They used to terrorize me as a child – As a child, as a young boy, women grow faster than boys, yeah, okay I get that. But when I think about all the bullies in my neighborhood from when I was growing up, they were Black girls. I won’t holler their names individually because they might be reading, but there was one named Cassandra. She lived across the street. This girl would come all the way to play with us, just to push me around. Another named Krystal, she was just mean and bossy for no reason. She was like the rang leader, the Angelica of the bunch, but she always chose me to pick on.

2. I was short and skinny – Nobody likes short and skinny. Maybe some dudes are into that. I know mad dudes who are into petite women. But from the age of birth until my growth spurt, that shit was not in. It was the fat kid at dodge ball out. It happened early and there was no stopping it. I have been cute my whole life, and it bugged the hell out of me because cute ain’t hot shit in real life. And so yeah, for most of my developmental years, I was told by most Black women, that they weren’t into short and skinny. (I got that 6 inch growth spurt tho…)

3. I was outspoken – I never been the type to hold my tongue, and as I progressed into my older years, I found that by arguing a lot with women you will always find yourself out of favor. I have always had strong opinions and I’ve never been able to hold my tongue. I compared most women to the women I knew. And the thing is I grew up around a bunch of phenomenal women, so I thought that most women wasn’t shit because compared to them, they wasn’t shit.

4. I didn’t want to talk to them – I remember when this happened too. It was around the time when girls started developing and personalities came into play. There was the basketball court, and like I told my boy the other day, “I never took to basketball because it was always a lot of yelling and arguing.” Then there were the girls who were watching the game and they seemed to be just as loud as the basketball game. I decided to take my ass over to the soccer field and play that. Less arguing, and no intentional fouling because I was smaller than everyone else. But then I noticed that girls used to sit out on the field during recess, in circles, just enjoying the weather and talking about nothing. You know it wasn’t no Black girls in the sun, Black women and shade are #LIKETHISSON! But anyway, I just never wanted to talk to those girls because they were so loud and seemed like they had an attitude problem. (This was a sample, not saying all Black girls were like this.)

5. They made it clear that they didn’t want to be with me – I was 11 years old the first time someone said to me, “You look like you date white girls.” I was sure that Waiting to Exhale had something to do with that shit. By the time I was 13, my girlfriend was Bolivian. When we broke up, I had a crush on a Black girl, and her hair was pink … I don’t know what I was thinking either. She finally settled down, with a guy whose name was not Jackson. By the time I got out of college it was no surprise when I tried to get in a conversation with a group of Black women about interracial dating and they said, “Whatever n*gga, you don’t date Black girls.” Point of information, my girlfriend at the time was Black. She might have been two shades lighter than off white, but she was Black. But anyway, I guess word got out that I didn’t like Black women, and they all stopped talking to me. They made no attempts to see me romantically and this purgatory lasted for about “long enough for me to move the f*ck on.”

6. Everything else just fell into place – I have never had problems dating people. I’m actually very good at it. Never, not once, did I have a problem, but it seemed like when I was dating outside of my race, it just fell into place. I didn’t have anyone taking out their anger on me. I didn’t have to deal with constant complaining. By the time I realized I had been dating interracially, I had already done it for maybe 8 years. Put it like this, I had no clue how big interracial dating was and these are the races of my first eight girlfriends that I can remember: Bolivian, Guatemalan, Black, Liberian, Guatemalan (yeah, she was pesky, I’ll come back to this), Dominican, Guatemalan, Dominican. It don’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that maybe I got a type.

If you dating outside your race, always make
sure that your shoes are always untied.

7. I never felt bad about it – You know how when a guy is walking down the street with a woman outside his race and he sees other women of his race, he does something to distance himself from the woman he’s with. Yeah, I never did that. In my mind, here was my logic; date women who are so beautiful that no matter who sees you with them, they think she’s a very beautiful girl. Sorry if I was naïve for thinking that, I’ve noticed some wincing in the past, but that’s just how I roll. Some guys sit and think if they are doing something wrong by dating outside their race, and I tell all those guys, if you’re having that conversation then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

8. My momma said the shit was okay – My first crush in first grade was this Columbian girl at my elementary school, my mother sighed, but she knew what was up. It was an all Black school, like I said, she knew what was up. So at a young age my mother had to make some choices, she could either tell me why I should choose a Black girl instead of that girl, or she could say, “Who you love is who you love, just make sure they not wack.” I made up the last part, but still she told me that it didn’t matter who I dated as long as I was happy. I was 6 at the time.

9. My daddy said the shit was okay – My dad asked me one time why I never brought any Black girls over to the house and I said, “I don’t know I been focused on other things.” Yeah, I was in a two year relationship at the time. He asked me that when I had just started bringing girls around the house, period. What was I supposed to say? Oh yeah, let me start bringing some Black girls around the house just for you Dad. Thing is though, he asked me that once. Of course later, I would bring several Black girls around and so he began to learn that I ain’t have a complex or nothing, but then one day on a fishing trip we got to talking about life and shit. I shared with him my frustrations with dating, mainly how you shouldn’t chase after women who aren’t chasing after you, and why I choose to date women who are arguing with me all the time and know how to sit still and stop talking. He responded, “I can see why you date who you date now, and that’s alright man, just make sure they not wack.”

10. I tried, and I failed countless times – I swear to you, I’ve never approached dating like it was the grocery store. I didn’t go to the white section and pick out a bag of women, or head to the Black section and get a few sisters. I took the game as it came to me. And when everybody told me they didn’t think the chick was a good fit for me, I gave it a valiant try. I tried and it just never worked out. Either it was bad timing, or I liked someone else better, or it was clashing personalities, or I liked someone else better, or they got married because I was bullshitting around, or I liked someone else better. One time, I thought she was going to get pregnant and my mother was going to kill me, which put me in a place where I had to start making decisions about who was going to live and die. Needless to say, I tried, didn’t work out, not banging my head against the wall, I’d rather continue to take the game as it comes to me.

Go ahead, you can still this. It's probably
the hottest and most realest thing i've seen this year.
(I just left that incorrect spelling in there to
 prove a point, Mika know what's up tho.)

Didn’t think I’d have ten reasons why I chose to not only date Black women. But pay close attention to my wording. I said, not only. I never said, I don’t date Black women. There’s guys who date only Black women, and then there’s guys who don’t date them at all. Point of clarification: They might f*ck Black women, but they don’t date them. Lot of people get that mixed up. Same actually goes for a lot of Black men who f*ck white women, but they don’t date them. But somewhere in the middle are the guys who think to themselves, “I’m not going to stress myself out over the color of her skin.” I’m going to raise my kids this way too. They probably gonna be mixed and I ain’t got nothing to do with that, but I never agreed with telling your kids what to do or not do, I only do like my daddy told me, “use good judgment.” And this is my judgment, the ass in me says (pause), “back then didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me,” the more mature in me says, “I think everybody should do what works best for them.”

The Last 30 Minutes of Work – 6.15.11

Do you remember back in grade school when you first started being able to talk on the phone at night? Do you remember how you had multiple people you would be talking to at one time? I still think back to those times when it could be about 12 or 13 of us on the phone. How many times did you have to say, “I already used my three-way to call you”? And remember your friend who didn’t have three-way or call waiting? Why would someone do that to their child? That was just mean. Anyway, in grade school that was basically our happy hour. Before our parents got home or after we got done with homework, the first thing we wanted to do was socialize.

Put a pin in that for a second.

In my days in school we had one way of getting in contact with people, AIM. If it wasn’t word of mouth then it was at home at your computer on AOL Instant Messenger. (It was always funny because there was always one or two fights because someone wouldn’t turn their sound off on their AIM chat and somebody was trying to sleep.) Some people spent all their time on AIM to the point that it distracted them from their studies. But possibly the most efficient use of AIM, “hollering at hoes.” You could have so many different chat conversations going at the same time. How many times can I say, “sup?” tonight and get away with it? Probably at least 24 times. The plan was, work your AIM game all week long and then after the party on Friday, head back to your room and then AIM chat a few chicks and see if they wanted to chill. (This was a sign that the phone was going out the window soon, but we never saw it that way.) But, what happened when you asked to go over seven girls place, and two said, “yes.”

Stop chatting, and the next morning say, “My bad I fell asleep.”

Put a pin in that for a second.

The kids nowadays have text messages to do basically the same thing we did with AIM. They have it easy, they can do that same mass messaging to people at the same time the party ends. But essentially everyone does this now, because I know that we do it in the club, so I’m pretty sure from club to prom people are using text messaging to set up plans for later.

Why was I thinking about all of this today? Oh because it’s simple. Most people in college and high school, don’t use gchat as much as working professional. And you know what we use gchat to do that’s related to this? Set up happy hour plans. How many times have you spent an afternoon chatting as many people as possible to secure happy hour plans? Yeah, that’s crazy right, you can practically hit up everyone you know in your are for happy in one window and at the same time.

Men and women do this very differently though. Men pretty much all they want is to go somewhere where they can get a few drinks and be in the company of fine women. They’ll pretty much go anywhere if you can meet their requirements list. And for men it’s about securing a plan, and once they do, they take it. Women though? Nope, I’m on to their game. They basically sit there all day and take offers for happy hour. They take application after application, they pick through them, screening each to see what’s the best one for them on that particular day. They’ve taken the whole system of AIM, text messaging and gchat and they’ve made a system out of it. You can talk to her through planning a whole plan out for happy hour and then you know what she says,

“OK, well I’ll let you know what I end up getting into.”

And now you’re in limbo for hours wondering if you actually have plans or not. Sigh, not me, no sir, I’m on to the shenanigans! I didn’t actually pick up on this about happy hour. I sat there and watched some of my female friends evaluate their options for going out one night. I was looking at the television, perfectly content in a night of Rock Band and I listened to how these girls weighed their options over this place and that place.

“Well, he said he can get us in for free right now.”
“Well, ask him if he has a table.”
“What if we go here first, and then hit them up.”
“Stop replying to him, when we get to the first place, then tell him, we’re just getting dressed.”

This is also the first time I learned that it really doesn’t take women four hours to have dinner. It takes about two and a half, it just takes them four hours to figure out what their plans are for tonight. Sigh, I digress.

I guess the point I am trying to make is, to the guys; when you have a plan, just go with it. Plan your night out for yourself and how you can have the most fun. If you have to deal with this crap, you’ll always end up losing and trying to figure out how your night could have been better. Here’s what I do, don’t plan your night around women. There’s always going to be women out and about at any place you go to. You’re actually going to have more fun if you don’t have to stick with one group of girls for the whole night.

To the women, we’re onto your scent and closing in, hide ya lace fronts!

Cause It's Summertime! 7 Things I Love About Summer

Whenever this song would play an older guy
would insist on playing, Summer Madness.

People gathered by the fire hydrant on the corner as we waited for the fireman to open the hydrant so we could get some relief from the heat. Where I’m from kids had to play, we didn’t have the option to sit in the house during the summer. As soon as breakfast was over, somebody knocked on the door and said, “Can Jackson come out and play?” Man, remember when we used to play? Not play video games, but just genuine playing. I think back to what it meant to play group hide and go seek, or ride bikes. But on this day, the temperature was reaching 100 degrees quick, we had our super soakers ready and we were going to make the best of this hot day. Keep in mind this might be the only time you see 5 or 6 boys sitting next to each other eating on Big Icees, those were what life was about on a hot summer day. We were having the time of our lives.

Every summer there was a new song that came out and we held onto it until the end of the summer. We spent the time we had to eat dinner in the crib recording the same songs on cassette tapes, the more times you had the same song on a tape made it easier to remember the music. The year 1994, and you had to know all the words to the music:

Them calls me the funkdafied, funkalistic, vocalistic
with the real shit, we got the shit you can't funk wit
(Why?!) Because we so funkdafied
(Why?!) We make you move from side to side
Well, it's da G H da E T T O, [remember when songs had a random sound byte like a ding dong?]
Brat and J.D. comin' like that big baby
So lay back and listen as I catch up on my pimpin'
And freak this dust just like Ashford and Simpson
(Source: Da Brat - Funkdafied) 

4th of July weekend was about fireworks, but it was also time for everyone to catch the new Blockbuster. We begged for money, or scraped up whatever money we could find and then we would catch the metro over to the mall. For those of us in DC, that place was Beltway Plaza, unless I was hanging out with my cousins and in that case we went to Iverson Mall. The mall was like the club for kids. We couldn’t do much of anything else, but at the mall we could congregate. Playing games like little boys to see who could get the most numbers before we went into the movies. Just so everybody know, at this point and time, there was no stadium seating at the theater and the matinee ticket cost $3.50 at AMC.

Captain Steven Hiller: [talking to the unconscious alien he's dragging] Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad...
Captain Steven Hiller: and what the hell is that smell? [starts kicking the alien, yelling]
Captain Steven Hiller: I could've been at a barbecue! [kicks the alien one last time and calms down]
Captain Steven Hiller: But I ain't mad.
(Source: Independence Day)

Still remember the day my mother came home and found me in the laundry room with a pair of scissors, some rubber bands and some bleach. I had decided to take my jeans and make shorts. But I also wanted them to have a bleach stain to them and have holes everywhere. My mother was so upset, she had paid good money for those jeans. I’ll tell you right now, it probably wouldn’t have been such a problem, but Iceberg Jeans was pretty expensive back in the day. But anyway there was always something special about the way people dressed in the summer. My particular favorite back in the day was a shorty in some Capri pants and some sandals with the straps going all the way up her ankle to the shin. Looking back I have no clue what they hell I found attractive about that.

You know I don't need a reason to put a NuNu pic.

My grandmother used to joke with me that I didn’t tan, I windburned because the first sight of a strong wind and some sun and I was Blacker than Chris Rock in CB4. But that just came on account of how much time we spent outside during the summer in the blazing heat with no sunblock on. I don’t even think I found out what sunblock was until I met some white people. I just didn’t ever interact with that shit growing up. You know what we called sunblock back in the day? The pool. We spent hours upon hours at the pool. Cannonballs and can openers, just trying to learn to dive. Remember the first time you tried to do a somersault and busted your ass?

Rashad: [chuckling] New New.
New New: What's so funny?
Rashad: What kind of name is New New, anyway?
New New: I'm New New cause I always rock the new, new shit. Thank you.
Rashad: Well, I heard you and you homegirls don't buy none of that new, new shit.
New New: Whatever.
(Source: ATL)

It's Electric!

Can’t forget about the block party. Whatever you do, do not forget about the block party. Wasn’t nothing like a good old fashioned block party. Kids racing bikes up and down the street. One time we were racing bikes and I got cut off by a friend and leaned into a neighbors car door with my bike. My mother wanted to whip my ass because she had to pay for that. At the block party was where most kids learned how to electric slide. No matter what you were doing, you stopped it and got involved. I remember every guy had a little improvisation when he stepped back doing the electric slide. My best friend’s dad would always cook a pig. A whole pig, and while that sounded disgusting, with the amount of beer and vinegar that was in that pig, kids were a little tipsy but we couldn’t stop eating it all day long.

No swimming trunks, and I still got my draws on, what!

Now looking back at those times, I realize that life was simple. Things have gotten considerably different for all of us. We don’t see each other as often, even though, we’re all still in DC, our lives just take us different ways. Still when I go back to visit my grandmother and I see one of my childhood friends either washing their car, or just hanging on the block, we stop and chill for a second. My boys’ favorite thing to do is to ask me, “Young, why you sound like you from New York now?” I quickly fix it up and go back to my DC accent. As we get ready for summer, take time to think back to your childhood and the memories that you had.

Life is good. God is good.

I’m about to go jump in the pool!

Why You So Mad Though?

I guess some of the material that I populate the internet with could be construed as inciting riots or just a bunch of women who want to burn shit. Sigh… that’s probably fairly accurate for the most part. I prefer to call it Ratchet Music. It’s pretty obvious that I don’t hate women because if I did hate women, why would I love them so. But anyway, here’s what I really think; I think that’s it’s confusing that my articles can cause someone so much anger or move people the way they do. (You can never tell someone they’re mad, they’ll argue to the death, “I’m not mad” “I’m not upset” “I’m not disappointed” … I usually just say “Well, you feel a certain way dammit, five minutes ago you were happy and now you’re not, so call it what you want.”) I actually think I have a good idea why they get like this too.

People view it as an attack

There are some people who just disagree for the cause. Have you ever had a friend who fought with you even though they weren’t actually in the situation? That’s how some women are, they are intending on fighting all battles against women. Men do this too, I don’t always write about women, contrary to belief. I just don’t get the need to so defensive all the time. At the end of the day, most of my conversations end like this, “Would you agree that although you and all your friends don’t do this, it is actually a real issue that is happening?” You’d be surprised, that’s usually when I can tell that someone is full of shit, because they’ll try and tell me that they’ve never witnessed any ratchet behavior. “All the Black women I know don’t do that Dr. J!” Yes, then I remember that this is the internet and most people who read blogs don’t actually interact with people outside of the internet, so all the Black people they know is a loaded statement.

People see a part of themselves, but don’t relate to any other parts of the article

Now who said that my articles were all encompassing? Have you ever thought that maybe the article was written in a way to reach several people instead of just one? What an idea!!! I usually make about 6-7 points in each article I post. Now if 2 of 6 pertain to you and the other 4 do not, I don’t care about an argument about how you can’t relate to the post or how you vehemently disagree. In my head, I’m thinking, “the only reason this makes you mad is because something rubbed you the wrong way.” But peep, I didn’t say, “all” of it rubbed you the wrong way.

People don’t see anything in themselves from the article and get upset that the spotlight is not on them

I’m going to trick you with what I’m about to say but people have this weird reaction to the spotlight not being on them. They don’t want you to think they are completely obsessed with themselves, and they aren’t. But they just get tired of either the upper echlon or the lower echelon being the one to get the spotlight. Really? I just wrote a post about basic broads and people got upset. Really? I wrote a post about ugly chicks who think they’re bad and people got upset. I even wrote a post about pretty women who have the best shot at getting married. The thing is people just want someone to say, “here’s a post about all the regular people … those people who go to work and do their job and never complain about shit.”

People see that the article is about them 100%

If I get one more email that says, “What’s wrong with a girl with a kid?” Listen, there’s nothing wrong with a woman with a kid, there’s something wrong with bad mothers and bad fathers. And even if there’s nothing wrong with the woman with a kid, it’s definitely something that you have to think about. But nevertheless, people see that the article is about them and then they see the recommendation or the fact that they’re being talked about and they say, “Shit I ain’t trying to have to do all that.” Yeah, because nobody wants to do the work to fix their problems or issues. They want to be left alone in whatever place they live.

Point is, that’s the reason why people get so upset. There is discourse, and discourse is encouraged. But when people are “moved” I am left wondering, “Why you so mad though?” And “mad” is disguised in many forms and fashions. Sometimes people act like they aren’t paying you any mind, but we know, we ALL know, that you mad. Your temperature is rising, and while you won’t speak in all CAPS, it has moved you. I am not a misogynist, neither do I hate women or Black people, I just try and write real shit to real readers, and I expect that people respect that.

"I spit real shit, so I must be an asshole." - Childish Gambino