My Response to a Comment Recently...

I don’t normally do this, but I thought that this comment warranted being posted.  This is from a post, Why Are All The Pretty Girls Married?  A commenter said the following and then I responded to her.  Many times, you guys get the jovial me, but rarely the intellectual.  This was my response to her.

BreeBree said:

So how do you explain Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez constantly being able to get men but not being able to keep them??????

Men can be sooooooooooooo azz backwards…..I hope they grow up before it’s too little too late.

Yes it makes perfect sense that u desire a beautiful woman…I desire a fine azz cut up like LL type brotha; however besides something “pretty” to look at what else can that pretty woman offer you?

Honestly I think a lotta brotha’s nowadays want an easy like sunday morning yes woman…

My bff is gorgeous…she was a model for Ebony and Jet and is now a successful nurse. She has a Masters from NYU so obviously smart, funny and just as beautiful inside as she is outside….yet she is still single in her mid 30′s like me.

I told her one day the deep down real reason we’re single is because we simply don’t put up with half the bullsh** from men that other women put up with.

One observation I’ve made is that the women I know who are married and in long lasting relationships have had some bad miserable times and put up with mad bullsh** from men…not always cheating but lying about money and being taken for granted and verbally abused…

to continue my comments…..
My point is that men typically suffer some type of consequence many times from being with a “societal beauty” but will still go for them every time….ie Jamie Foxx “Tell Me Why I Always Fall For Your Type” song.

It would seem that men (and women who go for the prettyboys) would learn from those mistakes…apparently they don’t though……hence they will suffer through the same things with each new person…oh well….such is life….*smile*

My Response:

Let me preface by saying, I think you’re scorned. There are several reasons that you and your bff are single. Let me break this down from a intellectual standpoint because you’ve decided to miss most of the satire in this post and taken it there.

1) There’s overwhelming evidence that as Black women in America, the more education you gain, the more you will decrease your chances for finding a partner. I don’t see that as negatively as it sounds, but the perfect example is that, you test out of a grade and now you’re put ahead, but you lack social peers. That’s what’s happening to Black women in America.

2) You’re in your mid-thirties. Men are and always have been more likely to date younger women, women between the ages of 22-26. It’s a very alarming fact, but it’s true.

3) Halle Berry and J. Lo have been widely used as an example for “you can be pretty but you can’t keep a man”. Simply put, their selection is bad. And the fact of the matter is, Halle can keep a man, she just can’t stay married to them. To rebut your argument about Halle and Jennifer, I simply ask you this, “If they were to extend their hand on a New York City street as if they were asking for a cab, but were asking for a boyfriend, would they have any trouble doing so?” Nope, none at all. They can find men, they can keep men, but if your selection process is off, or long term companionship is not something you hold paramount it won’t work.

4) Men actually don’t marry the pretty girl, they marry the one that makes them comfortable. Boys marry the pretty girl. In life, there are various types of male characters. You have the ones who are obsessed with possessions. They drive nice cars, have nice jobs, nice vacations, they have plaques for their achievements, and they look for trophy wives. They may find them, but those women may also turn out to be vapid. Then you have men who go out there and look for companionship in a mate. Most of the men I keep the company with we always ask ourselves this same question when evaluating a mate, “Can you logically see yourself dealing with that for the next 50 years of your life?” Peep game, we’re looking for companions and we’re not looking at the outlook of a possible divorce.

4b) Are all the pretty girls married? No. I know several who are not. I attribute this to; as I said before, selection, I also attribute this to desires and wants, some women just don’t want to be married at this point in their life. That decision may be subconscious as many women will tell you they want a man in their life, but their lifestyles and habits do nothing to suggest they want a man.

5) You will get nowhere blaming men for why you are single. You are single because you desire to be single. Do men need to grow up, possibly. But more important than that, is that your comment speaks to the fact that you yourself need to grow up. Not a single companionship has been built by spewing accusations and placing blame on the other gender. Men are not “ass backwards”, the person who thinks that men are “ass backwards” is ass backwards. Women must make critical decisions in their dating lives they must decide: (1) Do you know what’s best for the man, or does he know what’s best for him? (2) If men are so dumb, why can’t you figure them out? (3) If men are “ass backwards,” what are you doing to help the situation? Are you standing by and complaining or are you out there trying to make a difference?

5b) I’m not bragging, not boasting this is just the way it is. I get tired of belaboring on why relationships fail and why women are this and that. You know what I did? I took it to the streets. I set up a happy hour for people to come and get dating advice, I talk to women, I am open minded and hear both sides. And not just women, but I talk to men. I’m trying to bridge the gap. Trust me, if you walked in your doctor’s office and he diagnosed you and walked out, you’d be upset. Don’t diagnose the problem and neglect to write a prescription or teach a remedy. Do something about it. If you internalize this response to your comment, I can almost guarantee that you will not be single in the next 12 months of your life.