The long and much awaited list is here. In this post I describe what I hate about the current summer fashion. I may be alone, but trust me, these items irk me more than anything in the world.
1. Ripped or torn clothing – At some point, somebody thought it would be a great idea to rip their tights up and go to the club. I don’t know if this is some type of Rihanna movement or a response to the Telephone video with Gags and Beyonce. Either way, please stop it.
2. Old Navy flip flops – Of all the brands of flip flops in this world, having a bad or ugly pair of flip flops on these days is a crime and sin. Click here and get involved: www.havaianas.com/
3. One-piece bathing suits – I’m going to catch some flack for this, but I think it’s no way I’m going to budge on this one. I think that after the age of 16, women should put away their one-piece bathing suits until they’re 56. It’s just so yuck.
4. Block/straw heels – This has been on the list for a long time. Don’t cheat on your heels, if you are going to wear them, then wear them.
5. Scarf dresses – You look like a couch. Plus when the sun hits your dress you are shining and it’s blinding me. No man likes this. It may seem comfortable for you, but we are like, why does this chick look like nautical themed pashmina afghan.
6. Shaving half your hair off and Roadrunner haircuts – First off, Cassie can do whatever she wants to do, she’s beautiful. Some of you women on the other hand need to stop it. And please stop with the roadrunner haircuts, you look like a fool.
7. Stupid looking heels, multi-color-faceted heels – I’m a sucker for class. But if your heels have like 14 different colors in them, I’m wondering why you still shop at Bare Feet Shoes.
8. Spandex shorts – This needs to stop before it gets started. I know that women love them some spandex leggings and shorts is only a natural progression, but no. NO. I’m sorry this is just tacky, you look like you belong in an 80’s video called “The Firm.”
9. Neon colored tights – I don’t know why they sold anyone a pair of neon colored tights. I know who’s to blame too. It’s American Apparel and their unisex clothing. Nothing kills me more than the gold metallic leggings in the club. But hot pink leggings walking down the street are bad too. Nicky Minaj can do whatever she wants to do, she’s excused.
10. Maxi dresses – These are a cop out. And men hate them almost as much as we hate pencil skirts. This is just utter laziness and trying to cover up something that you can’t cover up. If you’re fat, that’s just what the hell you are fat. Your stomach is looking like a keg whether you have a dress flowing over the whole thing. You legs are still fat and rubbing together whether you have a dress flowing over them. I have seen one maxi dress that I liked… ever. And it was linen. In short, I hate Maxi dresses and I wish they would burn in hell.
This is my women’s summer fashion hate list. I am not asking for anyone to argue with me about what I don’t like to see. I’ll be back in a few months to once again do my annual roasting of pencil skirts, because it is my goal in life to expose those frauds for the scoundrels they are.