Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.27.09

Young Noah: My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah
(Source: The Notebook)

Charlie Fineman: I don't need to talk about her or look at pictures... 'cause the truth is, a lot of times, I see her... on the street. I walk down the street, I see her in someone else's face... clearer than any of the pictures you carry with you. I get that you're in pain, but you got each other. You got each other! And I'm the one who's gotta see her and the girls all the time. Everywhere I go! I even see the dog. That's how fucked up I still am! I look at a German shepherd, I see our goddamn poodle. All right... All right...
(Source: Reign Over Me)

I haven’t posted a movie quote in a while so I figured I’d do two. I actually had three, but I decided against that. This first quote is from the Notebook which I thought was one of the most intense love stories I ever saw. The second quote is from Reign Over Me, in which he was really being real about sometimes people try and empathize or sympathize with your losses, but they never can really do it.

Y’all know how much I hate when big people sit next to me on the train because they think they’ll have more space. I also hate the loud music in the headphones. And I also hate when people have no type of idea how their bags or umbrellas are hitting other people.

I have to be real with you, the Magic look like they are going to close this series out and sent the Cavs packing. I hope the Lakers are watching this.

As hateable a guy that Mike Tyson is, you have got to feel for him. He was in Vegas and he gets a phone call that his daughter was involved in a treadmill accident and on life support. She died yesterday and my prayers go out to his family.

Mike Vick out of jail and Clifford Harris is on the way in. He threw a going away concert.

Has anyone seen Party Boyz on TV One? Oh man that is a funny show. Funniest quote is Damon Jones to the then door man, “Because I think you’re doing a good job, I’m not going to get you fired.” This is after the doorman said, “Damon Jones who? Who you play for?”

Re: Cookout – Yes, I would have to say that True came though and got the party started. She and her cousin are always welcome back to my crib. We are researching nicknames right now. Black people are some funny people, they be like where’s the food but then get pissy pissy drunk. I mean, some folks out there were so drunk it wasn’t funny. No it was funny. It was a lot of euphoric drunkedness too.

Re: Park – The key point of the night was this, I go to dance with a young lady. She put something on me, I put my head down and walked my ass back over to my table with this look of disappointment and disdain for my poor conduct.

180. Hold that.

Lig and Gig.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.26.09

I’m trying to wrap my arms around this weekend to quite explain it words...


Man… we had a great time this weekend.

I really don’t have much morning mail. But I will have some blogs soon. I feel like I need to drop a mixtape.

Lig and gig.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.22.09

Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
(Source: Friday)

I've been told before that I'm just difficult. To be honest, I haven't even got my beak wet. "You wanna be five, eff it I'll be four."

Some say Atlanta, some say Myrtle Beach, some say Miami, but DC pops Memorial Day Weekend. Quite frankly, every year without fail this is when the hot hand starts knocking down shots.

Cheating ass refs.

I didn't realize until recently how big of an impact Hancock had on America. Do you know that more Black kids (and me) want to be him for Halloween than Superman?

Debbie Downers kill me. So imagine how I felt when someone was like, "next time you're texting and driving, think about the movie, Seven Pounds" thanks Debbie.

I'm going extra risky today at work, but this heat is the reason.

As soon as I got word that Rick James was coming to DC, I got excited.

Don't ever open up morning communication with, "do you know where there's a planned parenthood around here?"

When it comes down to it, there are just some friends you have to let go. I mean you have to think to yourself, are you holding me, or am I holding you? Because truthfully, I've never had to hold any of my real friends.

I feel like I could jump in the studio and drop an ill diss track today. This is what happens when you haven't listened to deeper than rap in a week.

Everybody in their crushed linens at Park on Sunday.

Sunglasses in the club is a secret society. Everybody without them is wondering why. Everybody with them is not caring about those without.

I'm thinking about the next move, this is chess not checkers.

What is it about crabs? (Pause) That makes black people go crazy.

Did they have to find the negros trying to plot the ill terrorist attack? I mean, come on B.

I'm already scheming on an early exit from work. I do have work to do though. I'll git'er done though.

Wait a minute! I almost forgot. Ladies, ladies, ladies, if you plan on wearing open toes, paint your nails. If you plan on wearing a dress or skirt, lotion your legs. I want you to start at your toes.... and go all the way up to your waist. Just get all of that. Fellas, in short, its time to put away the Nike Boots and cop your New Balances.

Project b*tches, Upscale kittens. As I now, feel that Rick Ross is talking about my life too. Don't get it twisted though, Diddy is talking about me in, "Swagger like Puff"

(This is brought to you by intentional, not incidental.)

Kool n the Gang - Summer Madness

Thursday, May 21, 2009

High Heels Freestyle - Random Rant

I do not think I’m the only man who has an infatuation with women in heels. It’s just something about them. It’s something about the way a woman walks in them. It’s something about the way her legs look in them. It’s something about the angles. I swear it’s not the shoes I notice, it’s the heel. (I must say, if I think you are doing too much, I will look at you like you’re dumb. For example, if you have on 4-inch stilettos at work, I will clown you.) The heel, high heel, it signifies; greatness, dedication, discipline, balance, grace, poise and attention to detail.

You know what type of heels I do not like though? I do not like those block heels, or the ones that look they are made of straw. That’s cheating. Es no bueno. And I’ll be real with you, if you fall because of your heels I’m laughing. OH the funniest is hands down in Georgetown when a girl gets the heel caught in the brick sidewalk. That has to be the funniest ish ever. She just be walking and WOMP, she is a few steps down the street without a shoe.

Those new caged heels that girls are wearing this season... They say, “I’m sexy, but I like being tied up.” And that’s really sexy. Platform heels, to me they are like baggy jeans, “I have no reason to be in these right now, but give me my credit I am managing to walk in them.”

I mean, flats are OK, I guess. But I’m just saying, a nice pair of high heels, watching those calfs raise and I’m like turning my head to the side. I almost want to say it make her butt rise and perk up too. A woman with long legs and slightly bow legged, can have me speaking in tongues. Earlier this week I was leaving work and walking to the metro, I have to cross 13th ST to get there which is a pretty busy street. I was looking at some woman who was crossing the street in front of me, and totally forgot about curbs and almost busted my ass. And see I’m not a gawker, I am not that dude who is uncomfortably breathing on the metro trying to get a peek. However, occasionally a man has to notice talent.

We do not have to talk about how heels can play a part in foreplay. Everyone can go to their personal Picture-In-Picture (PIP)* while sitting at your computers to think about that.

I would just like to remind y’all that I do not trust women in pencil skirts. Those are some deceptive articles of clothing. There should be an irremovable tag that says, “Things appear larger than they are.”

To Be Continued….

* - Anyone ever said something and you didn't reply outloud, you sort of go to a place on your own. You stare up and to the left, or down and to the right and have a personal daydream... or reminisce. That's the picture in picture.

Morning Mail - 5.21.09

Bad Idea: Planning a trip to San Diego, with an excursion to Tijuana to find a Mexican mami.
Good Idea: Planning a trip to Cabo, without the fear of being gunclapped in a drug cartel war.

I really fell asleep last night and didn’t even see the end of the game. How about this though? I said to myself, I think the Magic are going to win, they just look like they will eventually pass the Cavs here.

Do you think that most men suffer from “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” syndrome when it comes to relationships?

I hate my job!

Here we go weekend.

Cavs fans… hold that.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

B*tch Look At Me Now

When I was in the 7th Grade my homeroom teacher, Ms. Gordon, told me that I’d never amount to anything in this world. She thought I had a learning disability and she basically just beat me down. I didn’t care for that bitch too much, but the funny thing about it was, I clearly showed her. LMAO.

I have nothing against teachers, but I truly believe this woman was racist. I remember countless times when she made all the Black boys in the class stay behind while she would lecture us for hours. Now the thing about this was that it wasn’t like, “You young men need to do better” it was more like “You little boys will never amount to anything.” She was a Black woman too. (Her boyfriend was white and she wore a wig.) She graded us more stringently. She let others slide with things she would let us slide with. And let me be clear, I could understand if her goal was to build us up, but it was clear it was not.

I remember the parent/teacher conference in which I thought my mother was going to slap the dog spit out of her. It went something like this:

Mrs. Gordon: I sincerely think there is something wrong with your son. Like, something is wrong with him. He just will not sit still, he’s disruptive, he doesn’t do his homework, he can’t seem to pay attention, etc. etc. etc.
(She was one of those people who actually said, “etcetera, etcetera, etcetera”)
My mother: Can you give me examples? Because I’m sure he can sit still.
(At this time I’m sitting right next to my mother, sitting still.)
Mrs. Gordon: Oh he’s just over here and then he’s over there. And he won’t leave this one alone and he won’t leave that one alone. I mean, have you tried… medicating him?
My mother: Excuse me?!
(At this time, I have this grin on my face like, “This finna be good.”)
My father: (interrupts an imminent slap coming across the table) All of that is irrelevant. What can we or what can he do to fix the situation?
My mother: No wait, Andrew! Medicate him?!

You can see where that one ended up.

She told me I’d never make it out of Hardy Middle School. When I graduated from High School, the same day with my green robe on and all, I went back to Hardy. I was walking through the halls while class was in session, laughing with my other friends who had attended Hardy. I walked pass where her classroom was located, she stepped out to see the ruckus. I had passed her and cut the corner of the hall way when she yelled out, “Uhhh EXCUSE ME, WHAT ARE YOU YOUNG PEOPLE DOING?!” I turned around and her face turned white. She said, “OH MY LORD! THEY LET YOU OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL! I need to retire.” I walked back over to her, remained cordial, told her that I planned to attend college. It was a wayyy better college than the one she attended. I told her that I had applied to 13 schools, and I was accepted into 12, waitlisted into 1, which I later got into. She had this look on her face like she could not believe it. At no point did she ever congratulate me or admit that she was wrong.

When I graduated college, I thought about going back again, but then I thought no it’s not worth it. I had heard stories from other Black students who went through the same things with Ms. Gordon. I knew she would never change. She gave me fuel to do what I did. I proved her wrong and so many like her on my way to where I am today. God is good, life is good.

Morning Mail - 5.20.09

Stanley Goodspeed: I love pressure. I eat it for breakfast.
(Source: The Rock)

I’m starting to lack serious motivation at my job. It’s a problem because I’m usually very engaged at work, despite the fact that I do not necessarily always buy into the work I do. I realize that at times when I do not agree with how we are doing something, I just won’t waste my time doing it. For example, right now I think we are just doing busy work because our client is not responsive. It is my opinion that we just wait instead of spinning wheels on tasks that we won’t even use later.

The chance of rain has been reduced for Sunday.

Laker baby, you know that’s me.

I thought about this the other day, I saw Halley’s Comet in 1986, there’s a good chance I’ll see it again. That’s odd for most people.

Here Iran goes again looking to eff ish up. So they just tested a missile with the power to go to Israel or Southeastern Asia. I ain’t really trying to be the one to say this, but look out. I think Iran is leaning on the fact that they know Obama won’t go to war.

The train ride this morning was quiet. Although, it really bothers me when people listen to things too loudly. I just can’t understand why. It makes no sense at the point of which you can hear it to listen to something so loud. It’s ruining your ears. Ironically, people who listen to things too loudly also usually have bad eyes. It’s a reflection on how they like to use up God’s gifts that you only get once. Think about it.

Blake Griffin is the assumed #1 pick. And the LA Clippers have the first pick. If I was him, I’d say no. However, it might not be a bad idea to spend 4-5 years in LA and then bounce to a team with a chance.

Does anybody remember that show, “My so called Life” with Claire Danes?

A lot of prom pictures have been circling the internet from various high schools in our nation. Lord help us. However, I must say my prom wasn’t the innocent angels either. I thought my prom was quite a hot mess itself. I look back over the pictures now like, “Lord, have mercy.” I was shining though, and had those waves… keep em spinning tho.

Gonna keep it pushing.

Gig and Lig.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dr. J's take on Power Couples

I hate when someone refers to a couple as a “Power Couple.” I just really don’t get what that means. To me, it’s usually refers to the fact that the two people have a lot of power and combined they are like Captain Planet. Like a Black doctor and a Black lawyer are dating and they are power couple. I have problems with money and wealth being the basis for a relationship. I’m sorry like I think that the real basis is um… what’s the word I’m looking for? They “care” about each other, no wait, “Love.” That’s the word I’m looking for.

I think that Power Couples can be good, they can be based on love and because of the bond that you share for each other’s success you grow to be a Power Couple. Take Michelle and Barack Obama, they didn’t start off as a Power Couple, but they are now. But I generally think that most Power Couples are made of things that are superficial and temporary. I think that in order to get a Power Couple level, most of these people have professional degrees and are very focused on their personal success and so quickly you find that both parties are selfish. They have been focused on themselves for most of their lives. They have made it a point to do well in college, grad school, and in their career. They not only did well, but they’ve reinvested the harvest. The stereotypical party in a Power Couple has much personal success. For example, Bob and Sheila Johnson were never a Power Couple, they were seen as two powerful people until after they split. However, I’d say Jay-Z and Beyonce are a Power Couple. (In fact, I think they represent the rubric.)

Relationships built on love seem to last longer and throughout the test of time. I look at a relationship like Robin Thicke and Paula Patton and I’m so sure that love is behind their bond. Because on both sides of that relationship I could clearly see reasons why it is stressful. However, they are able to do it and keep the fire in their relationship. Look at what happened with Madonna and Guy Ritchie.

Like Robin Thicke says, “We just riding out on love.”

Morning Mail - 5.19.09

Jude: Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?
Bridget: No.
Shazzer: Well, f*ck me.
Tom: This is someone you hate right?
Bridget: Yes, yes, I hate him.

(Source: Bridget Jones Diary)

Don Cannon told me I had to open up with, IMAN!!! You're a crazy women. I applaud your candor, quietly in the back.

As the NBA playoffs continue.

Of course we have red line delays, tell me what's new.

I'm the only one who has to be at my client site everyday. This is BS. I don't know if I've blogged about this much, but there's a lot of pregnant women at my office. I fear we may have a new one soon.

Seinfeld once said, "I'm not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that." I can't lie I have to say how I feel. There's absolutely too many young black boys who are openly practicing homosexuality right now. Its out of control. A friend of mine attributed it to the lack of black male role models. I can't call it, but it does concern me..

I'm going to start a new blog soon and am looking for writers. The premise of the blog will be, take them out back and shoot them. A place where you can talk about a person or a type of person we could all be without, be on the look out.

Maybach checkpoint, reached ahead of schedule. Had a great annual review.

I have this thing about me that is so important that people realize. I don't talk to some people a certain way and when they talk to me a way out of order, I get very angry. Let me be clear, I don't scream at people. I don't snap at people. And I never talk to anyone like they are my child. When you do this to me you are seconds away from me deading any type of friendship or communication with you going forward.

Why is Amex laying people off? Simple because people like myself are realizing how good they are at enabling people and cancelling their cards.

You ever be in a public place and you are reading something on your pda or cell phone and you start laughing out loud? Yeah that's kinda weird, but damnit it happens.

Shake that big watusy booty! You know I've never really been a tits and ass man. I don't know why, but never have been. I like qualities that women have to work for that also exhibit determination and discipline.

I hate Birthday Sex. It reminds me that a) I'm not having sex, and b) its not my birthday. I can't see how this song helps me. Even though Red Cafe's remix is quite hilarious.

I hate when people ask me for money, I just hate it. I don't have a problem giving, as I do a lot. Its just the tactics that people use. They always try to corner you or make it so you can't say no. I love the word, No. So at least give me that luxury to use it.

What I did at work yesterday was legendary.

I would hate to work my whole life and feel insignificant. That's how I know I won't be doing what I'm doing forever. At the end of the day, your contributions are appreciated, but I'm stadium status not coffee shops and pubs.

Gig and Lig.

Trying to drop some serious blogs today.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.18.09

Sorry there will be no morning mail. I literally walked into work at 1030ish. Allergies and long weekend to blame.

However, i'm having a cookout next Sunday. If you would like to attend please hit me with an offline email. Or post your in the comments and i'll send you the Evite. All of the TBJ readers are welcome. We gon' have beer pong, flip cup, Taboo! and spades. And food. And most importantly, liquor and beer.

But we ain't Phelps, so we don't do water. I.e., everywho is going to be f*cked up.

Stay thirsty my friends,

Dr. J

PS - Ain't it crazy how beer commercial always encourage you to get ignent drunk and then at the end they be like, "Drink Responsibly"? Like dead ass, tell me that before i've been drinking, not after.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Knock You Down

It’s only a knockout if you don’t get up. But you’re allowed a standing 8-count to get your bearings and get back out there. And after a knockdown no one expects you to have it altogether because most times you still are in a daze and lost for which way is up and which was is down. Consider each one of life’s experiences just another 3-minute round and if you can just find a way to fight your fight and make it back to your corner, you’ll always come out on top. Sometimes you will get knocked out and you have to start over. You have to refresh, relax, relate and release. And it takes time. Don’t be so quick to jump into another situation, because you’ll never learn from your mistakes. Remember what you learned in that gym when you were training, remember that time you got back up before, and remember that life isn’t about the times you get knocked down, it’s about the times you got back up.

I’ve been knocked down before. I didn’t make the team, didn’t get that job, I wasn’t captain of the safety patrol team, when I asked her to be my Valentine she already had one, when I asked her to be my girlfriend she already had one (hey I live in DC), I didn’t get that promotion, I didn’t get that A, and some how I always manage to get back. I should note that somehow because I’m convinced that my love and hate relationship with that man upstairs is parallel only to David’s a man after the Lord’s heart. I never have fallen flat on my face, I always manage to brace my fall. I have a strong chin… great stamina… and when I want to win, I will not be defeated.

I never really get hit when I’m expecting it. Ironic? Maybe not. It hits everyone the same way. For example, he’s been through the one of the toughest times of his life, he’s contemplating if something is wrong with him or the world. Saying dumb shit like, “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us so one of us has to go. It’s me or you!” So he gets it in his mind to just go, just go, get out of town and go to another place. And he cops a ticket to anywhere, and hops in the next spaceship and to his surprise sitting next to him was Iron Mike Tyson in the body of a long haired, thick, red bone and…. FTW hazel eyes!

You see you just got to stay in the ring. Just get up after every knockdown.

Kid Cudi said, “the sky might fall, but I’m not worried at all.” Man you got to believe it, you must feel it. I swear in DC, it has been overcast and cloudy everyday for the last three weeks, and when it wasn’t it was cold in the morning and hot at night. And for someone who catches metro that is totally unacceptable. And I personally think that the weather was the way it was because I was in such a bad mood that I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the weather. I would have just taken it as another opportunity to talk to God face-to-face about the hand I was dealt. And today, the sun showed himself for enough time for me to discuss somethings, “I ain't play the hand I was dealt, I changed my cards, I prayed to the skies and I changed my stars.”

Have you ever seen ‘Pursuit of Happyness’? The last scene after he gets the job and he walks outside the building? He seems like the world is moving without him, but he’s standing there with his arms extending. That’s the feeling that you get when you know what the canvas feels like and know how hard it is to get back up.

Morning Mail - 5.14.09

I just want to go to sleep at 11/12 and sleep through the night with no interruptions.

I just want to get on the train and not have somebody larger than one seat sit next to me and squish me against the window.

I just want 45 comments on SBM. Insert link.

I just want the Air Yeezy's but am concious because Memorial Day is coming up and we got a budget.

I just want people to stop blaming it on the alcohol. If alcohol lets you inhibitions down then what are you really telling me.

I just want me a sweet chick, she don't even have to a big old ass.

I just want to know what this girl's name is who walked on the train with this pink trenchcoat. Does she blog?

I just want to get through my tribe lp without an interruption..

I just want a Maybach and five chicks who don't speak English real good.

I just want these fools to stop challenging my ability to rock a v neck and tie combo they never seen before.

I just want fedex's new company to stop trying to return the package.

I just want you to know I'm vindictive with this ether.

I just want to be BAWSE.

I just want these lil hoodrats to get their teeth fixed. Met life bitches.

I just want to be able to say fuck and bitches at work.

I just want my own theme music.

I just want 40 ounces and a pitbull.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.13.09

Miranda Priestly: You thought I didn't know. I've known what was happening for quite some time. It just took me a little while to find a suitable alternative for Jacqueline. And that James Holt job was just so absurdly overpaid that of course she jumped at it. So I just had to tell Irv that Jacqueline was unavailable. Truth is, there's no one that can do what I do. Including her. Any of the other choices would have found that job impossible and the magazine would have suffered. Especially because of the list. The list of designers, photographers, editors, writers, models, all of whom were found by me, nurtured by me and have promised me they will follow me whenever and if ever I choose to leave Runway. So he reconsidered. But I was very very impressed by how intently you tried to warn me. I never thought I would say this, Andrea, but I really, I see a great deal of myself in you. You can see beyond what people want, and what they need and you can choose for yourself.
Andy Sachs: I don't think I'm like that. I couldn't do what you did to Nigel, Miranda. I couldn't do something like that.
Miranda Priestly: You already did. To Emily.
Andy Sachs: That's not what I... no, that was different. I didn't have a choice.
Miranda Priestly: No, no, you chose. You chose to get ahead. You want this life. Those choices are necessary.
Andy Sachs: But what if this isn't what I want? I mean what if I don't wanna live the way you live?
Miranda Priestly: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Andrea. Everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.
(Source: The Devil Wears Prada)

Ladies and Gentlemen good morning America, it was nice to see DC again.

I had this really weird dream for the 2nd time. I am in this big club, almost like the size of Love. And all of my friends, of each one of my networks is there. It’s very weird because most of the networks don't usually hang out together. They aren't together though more like each in a separate room. At a certain point, I keep trying to get everyone to leave and go with me, but they all disappear as soon as I suggest we leave. And then finally I see this girl who stops me and is like, oh I don't know, but sure I'll go with you. As soon as that happens, I start being pulled away and ushered out of the club. I reach back for the girl and she's like hold on hold on, as if she needs more time. But I can't stop because there are so many people around me ushering me out. As I look around I don't know any of these people, and everyone is a complete stranger. And as the door opens its just bright lights, like strobe flashes, a whole lot of commotion, and I turn to look back to see if anyone's around and they are still nowhere to be found. So much like the scene in The Devil Wears Prada where Miranda looks for her assistant, Andy, and she has walked off, I just turn and go into the light alone.

Another dream I had last night during my, I'll be up late watching the Lakers tonight nap. I am in the car headed to some type of event or club. It appears to be a luxury car because I'm in the back. But something occurs as we reach our destination. Apparently something catches the eye of my driver outside the car and he crashes into the car in front of us. No one gets hurt its more like just the way we came in. And I just get out the car and go in the place.

Yeah it’s odd to me to and has been my whole life that I can remember my dreams so vividly.

Laker baby, you know that's me.

About to take it to another level.

"When you decided to knock on my door, did you remember what happened before?" - Drizzy

I am constantly reminded of my situation because of my circumstances. What I need to do is let my situations define my circumstance.

I'm feeling throwed in this b*tch.

I'm hoping that you can prepare yourself for this pick and roll from Wednesday to Thursday.

Make sure you stay up on the blogs I'm at (consistently): (Just added!)

Type iLL is about to do it.

I'd like you to listen to Ignorant Sh*t by Jay-Z and then read my stuff again.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Thugs and Nappyheaded Hoes: Is there an equal playing field on accountability?

In the place of Morning Mail today I’d like to address something that I tried to address before and it fell on deaf ears. Some of you may or may not have heard about Mark Cuban calling Kenyon Martin a thug or punk or whatever he said. You can check out the entire article here. (Insert link here) I find this to be very intriguing all the time when things like this happen because what this is an example of is when people outside of African America decide to open our dryer door and take out our dirty laundry.

Let’s go back to Don Imus and his “Nappyheaded Hoes” comment. I may have been one of the only vocal people about saying, “Had Steve Harvey has said this, we wouldn’t have done anything but laugh.” He didn’t say anything we already didn’t say to ourselves or in closed company. Hell, then you had a rap song come out in which the rapper Hot Stylez says,

"You rat lookin’ boy, will you marry me, splat lookin’ boy, Whoopi Goldberg black lip lookin’ boy, Midnight train Gladys Knight lookin boy, You poor lookin boy, Don Imus ol’ nappy headed ho lookin’ boy"

And we played it in the club and we all shared a laugh. What’s worse is that if we were watching the games were saying to ourselves, “Damn these some rough looking chicks.” Ok and be real son, be real. When your pony tail ain’t got no hang time and you try to pull that joint back, you get that nasty kitchen… you was saying to yourself, “Nappyheaded hoes” or even worse. Don’t front.

So when Mark Cuban calls Kenyon Martin a thug. And the Dallas Mavs fans call the Denver Nuggets thugs. How upset are we? Very upset that Black athletes are considered thugs in this day and age. They can’t be respected for who they are as individuals and basketball players. WRONG. Because we’ve all been watching these playoffs and we’ve said to ourselves, the Nuggets are a bunch of “thugs.” And let’s be honest with ourselves, we’ve been calling Kenyon Martin a thug since he was at Cincinnati. You cannot get on the cover of the SLAM magazine with platinum fronts in your mouth, or have a serious street reputation in the clubs for your “thuggish” behavior and then expect self respecting law abiding citizen to let you get away with crying wolf when someone calls you a “thug.” Hell no.

I feel like this is a constant reminder that we cannot hold people to a certain level of accountability and responsibility that we are not willing to hold ourselves to. And that’s really than real deal Holifield.

Always 100 with y’all.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.11.09

Reggie: I got chased by a motherfuckin' Mexican and a big white bitch today. Looking like a project power ranger, chasing me all over this place.
Gina: What are you talking about, Reggie?
Reggie: There was some kind of diamond heist near the beach today, right? Bucum, chasing me. I'm running. I accidentally hid in the back of the damn crooks' van.
Gina: A diamond heist, Reggie?
Reggie: Then they tried to kill me.
Gina: So, what happened after that? How did you escape?
Reggie: How did I escape? You know how I escaped. I fought my way up out of there.
[wildly hitting at the air]
Reggie: I hit about five dudes, knocked about three bitches down. You know I don't play, Gina.
Gina: Baby, you can't fight.
Reggie: Who can't fight? I was knockin'. I hit this one dude. He ran up on me. I was like, "Mmm!"
[wildly hitting at the air]
Reggie: He hit me in the head twice. And I did... Look. And I grabbed. And then he hit me one more time. You can't tell me. See, I'm nervous and paranoid, man.

(Source: All about the Benjamins)

Mike Epps epitomizes my life in this movie.

NYC was a damn good ass trip

Mansion is a sick club. Celebrate the wealth, pouring Moet in her hair. Excuse me her weave, the bluest of weed.

Beer pong on Saturday. Legendary.

We are International.

The official word is do not put; Dr. J, Midtown, Streetz, Radio and Mike Telly in the same place and expect nothing but the best.

Quarter brick, half brick, whole brick Aye!

Back to reality.

Now I'm aware about my horrible Friday. The DMV will get no more of my money.

"How can you not like her? She likes Rick Ross"

Stop worrying about them and their reality show. We need to worry about the star players and how we gon get our reality show. I need to use this Mark Cronin bcard.

In a few days, its gonna be some ish.

Is anyone aware that Dick Cheney is bad ass?!

I really hate my commute. It just takes too long to go a short distance. What complicates this is the arbitrary times of which we have to be at work. If there is anything I hate more its having to be somewhere at a certain time when nothing important is going on.

Turn to page 7, of your Express today. Who is that chick on the bottom right?

And I am convinced I'm losing my mind and religion?

Stay classy DC.

Lig and Gig.

Swimming in women, champagne sipping.

And its official this Nuvo thing is out of control.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Ode to Cassie

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Cassie is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Keep it 100,
Dr. J

Morning Mail - 5.7.09

Mr. Jones: Now when I went to bed last night. Didn't I tell you take out the trash?
Craig Jones: Yeah.
Mr. Jones: So, why didn't you do it?
Craig Jones: I fell asleep.
Mr. Jones: I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash.
Craig Jones: [Craig goes to the trash can to dump out his cereal]
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?
Craig Jones: I'm throwing this away. We ain't even got no milk.
Mr. Jones: You better put some water on that damn shit!
Craig Jones: Alright, I'll eat it.
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!
(Source: Friday)

This movie is funny every time.

NYC here we go again

Hot songs

Lil Wayne - Facelift

Nicky Minaj feat. Lil Wayne - Get Crazy

I'm not sure why I haven't had much to say these last few days. Probably because I refuse to let things get to me right now.

Shoutout to the girls who are feeling Deeper than Rap.

Kobe is not bound by the same rules as the rest of us humans.

Its some real crazy people in this world. And in these days of schitzos and terrorists, I would prefer more law officers on forms of public transportation.

Need to plan the next vacation, 285 vs. 95.

Have I ever told you that I'm a firm believer that if everyone thinks you did it, you should at least enjoy it? If everyone said you did it before, then you might as well had did it before.

Funniest quote of yesterday, "Have you heard this new Weezy song, Every Girl?" - YFP. Why is this funny? Because the first line of the song describes this girl perfectly and when I first met her this is the first thing I thought about, about 3 weeks ago. ;).

Day care is some expensive ish.

I think every woman on my project is pregnant. Do not remind me how scary this is.

Yo this is your funny joke for the year, whenever someone says something that like powerful, like not like force, but like poignant, just yell out.... Aye! Seriously do this at work and watch what happens.

There is only one word to describe you fools trying to get that free chicken yesterday from KFC... one!
Laugh it all the way to the bank.

I am literally accosted by the smell on this train right now. We need security this lady stinks and there is no flowing air on the train.

I think its quite ridiculous that I have to deal with this shit right now. Where are the police? I am about to throw up if she doesn't go away.

Fuck the morning mail, I'm out. I can't breathe.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Morning Mail - 5.5.09

Joey: Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to *beg* to sleep with him. He got you to say he *never* has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a *great* idea?
Phoebe: [weakly] Uh-huh.
Joey: This man is my God!

(Source: Friends)

Excellent TV Show.

I am blaming the weather.

Life is so blah.

I shed tears cause im told that they’ll heal
To tell the truth I don’t know how to feel
Ever felt alone in a room full of friends
Got big plans but you leave em in suspense
Pray for me, patience wait for me
(Source: Rick Ross – Shot To the Heart)

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Rules of Engagement

I preface this by saying, the following is just complete ignorance and a complete joke. So if you get upset about it, I’m going to laugh harder than all the fellas laughed when I originally stated the rules of engagement.

Women must speak up at the following points:

1) Once you are both naked. ( A pimp f*cks in his tennis shoes, so that counts as naked.)
2) Once the condom is in plain sight she needs to speak up if she doesn’t want to have sex, like she needs to say SOMETHING. Plain sight is like, OK there’s a condom on your dresser.
3) When you take that awkward pause to go get the condom, this is literally the second to last exit on the highway.
a. TIP: Sprint!
4) Once the condom is open, she better have a damn good reason for why you’re not having sex, because you’ve already done too much to be pulling that Lloyd Banks – Stunt 101 ish.
a. TIP: Rip that sum’bitch open as fast as possible. And then if she falters say, “I mean I can’t waste a condom.”
5) Once the condom is on and you are safely inside, Jesus better be knocking at that door. If Jesus is not at the door, you are allowed at least two pumps before you acknowledge anything she says.
a. Don’t go to jail nitwit! No means yes, Yes means yes. No combined with a push or a kicking motion means, “Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?” But you gotta let that woman go. And then you tell everyone on campus you piped in the exit hole and squirted on her eyelash. She deserves it! (Joking)
6) TIP: You can avoid all of this by putting on a condom before you even start messing around. Yes, flaccid manhood and all. Because then you’re already ready for Pumpington, Indip*ssy.

This is fact not fiction people.

Morning Mail - 5.4.09

Nick Mercer: The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex.
(Source: The Wedding Date)

Have you ever seen this movie? It’s got a whole bunch of things going on worth talking about. 1) Going to an ex’s event and not looking like a loser, 2) Finding out your fiancĂ© slept with your best friend the day before the wedding, and 3) Falling in love with a male escort.

The weather has sucked in this city consistently for the last 5 days.

Non-stop radio was hilarious last night, if you aren't listening then you're missing.

Amazingly, I find so many ideas for new blogs by listening to the show and talking to people.

Haters surround you, they look at you, stand beside you, and sometimes are standing in the mirror.

I need to have a good week at work for my sanity. In order for this to happen I need to be left alone because I don't work well when there's micromanaging or constant useless meetings. Very few people have a good idea about what I do for a living. Let’s just say, it pays the bills.

You very rarely appreciate everything in life until it’s gone.

I have always found that some people are not worth the hassle they bring into your life. Get rid of these people, take them out back and shoot them. I have an inexplicable ability to ignore the hell out of people and not let anyone rain on my parade.

Women love to jump to conclusions about double standards. For example, referring to she smashed the homies, "because men are men and women like to do what they know they shouldn't do" "why can't it be, because women are women and men like to do what they know they shouldn't do" to which I replied ok that's a fair statement it can be said either way.

This chick just slipped and busted her ass on the platform at Brookland metro, hilarious. And at the next stop some chick has on a shower cap, ghetto. And why is it whenever kids get on the metro every adult just looks up like OMFG.

Listen... no listen... if the Hawks beat the Cavs, I won't say nothing, but I will no longer take any comments from the believers about Bronie Bron and the Cavs. So if you like Lebron and you care for your own sanity, pray to God that the Cavs take care of business.

Lig and Gig.