Wednesday, September 29, 2010

7 Good Reasons Why, "I’m a G"

At times in my life, I do some things that make me laugh, and I can’t even explain it. One of my good friends told me once, the key to getting away with ish, is to never think you’re doing anything wrong. This right here … is my swag. So, I talk a lot about men and their defense mechanisms, but I guess this is my offensive mechanism, I’m a G. Being a G, is far from being a gangster, it’s about being the man and not caring what people think because you don’t need affirmation. Anyway, here are some things that I do, that I can only explain by saying, “I’m A G.”

1. I wear sunglasses in the club – I’m not afraid to admit it, I’m guilty of doing this. Although, I’m not afraid to be seen in the club because I am not cock eyed, nor do I have ugly eyes. I actually enjoy the moment when I take off the glasses in the club and women, #noeddielong, see my eyes and go, “Wow.” However, I enjoy the privileges of saying, “can’t see in, can’t see out,” this is why we wear irodiums.

2. Showing up inappropriately dressed to events – Don’t tell me it’s a black tie, semi-formal, or black party, or anything of that nature. I like to stand out, so if it’s a black party, I’m showing up in all red. I’ve always been known to be that friend who is yelling at the bouncer/promoter, these shoes are FASHION FORWARD and cost more than your outfit, whadahellyoumean, “no tennis shoes.”

3. Caught in between two women you are sleeping with, or at least trying to sleep with – #BACKINTHEDAY... Man wasn't nothing like talking to a chick at the bar, thinking you just out for drinks and your other chick shows up. Most men try and run in the bathroom like Bleek in Harlem Blues, but people like me, I just let it ride. I tell myself, “I’m a G” and act like everything is gravy. I’ll even introduce the chicks. And if I get a text message from chick #2 asking, “Are you talking to that girl?” I will probably reply, “Bitch, I might be.”

4. Having to run from a chick’s house because her baby daddy came home – If you’ve followed me on twitter you know that me and baby daddies always have confrontations. But in addition to that, women love to have boyfriends and tell you after the fact. I’m Deion Sanders, not Rae Carruth. I’d much rather take my chances running, than hiding.

5. Extremely too drunk for the sun not to have gone down - #DDGW, day drinking gone wrong is an army and a movement. There are times when I go to brunch for unlimited mimosas, then I go sit on a roof and just pound margaritas, and then I’m playing beer pong until 6PM … rock star lifestyle, WILL NOT MAKE IT. Then I wake up at 2AM, mad because I fell asleep around 6:45PM and couldn’t get back up. Either that, or I take a 5-hour energy and come to grips with the fact that, I-M-B-E-N-T!

6. Buying a bottle and walking around with it – At least, I’ll get a champagne flute too and drink out of that.

7. Coming up with reasons why things go good in my life and in an attempt to act like I didn’t have to work hard for it – It’s hard work to get to the top of anything. But a top dog never shows you that he puts in blood, sweat and tears. Her: Please explain why all these bad ass girls are Skype’ing with you now. Me: I don’t know, because I’m a G.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Morning Mail – 9.20.10

Neil: People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others.
(Source: He's Just Not That Into You)

I think this movie is so dumb. As with most things I think that anytime we have to remind women to stop being senile or just plain dumb it’s time to call shenanigans. I feel like 98% of all self-help books basically tell women stuff like, “No matter how much you would like the sky to be pink, it’s actually blue.” That woman doesn’t need dating advice, she needs a talking to about the fact that you just can’t orchestrate crazy ish in your head.

I know a girl who was in a relationship with a guy. They met in a bar, they had sex, two weeks later she said, “I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over two weeks, I think I’m breaking up with him.”


Willow Smith needs to be flogged.

If you haven’t already done so, please download my eBook and mixtape. Thanks.

So glad that CBC weekend is over. I will say this much. In order for Love to shut down because it was too many people inside, something must have went horribly right. Because that club is big as Rhode Island. The city can go back to being quiet again until Columbus Day weekend.

My work situation right now needs prayer. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it without blowing up.

As a life coach my work is very interesting, but I’m finding that there is money in being a dating coach too. 99% of all women who are having relationship problems have difficulty answering this question, “Where did you meet this guy?” Trust me, try it on a friend.

Same old Redskins… same old Redskins… same old Redskins.

Contrary to belief, I’m still a man and so I say things like, “If we are not sleeping together, I need you to limit how emotionally attached you are to me. Don’t expect sh*t from me and don’t get mad at me because I chose to do what I want before what you want. I don’t owe you sh*t.”

I felt the need to remind some people of that.

Monday… the beginning of a long week.

Life is good. God is good.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

NEW LINK: Free Ass Laundry the Mixtape and eBook

So appreciative of those of you who downloaded this today...

Here's a new working link and I hope this works longer. However, this time, i've included a playlist. Man... I get so tired of mixtapes these days, they never give you anything to ride out on. This right here... is my... swag! Download this, the eBook and the mixCD.


PS - Shoutout to @315Ness for making it happen.

Free Ass Laundry - The Dr. J mixtape

I know we've been talking about this for some time, but it's finally here.

Free Ass Laundry the eBook, also known as the mixtape... from Dr. J

A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into this, thanks to all that had a hand in it.

Download it here...

(I believe the link is dead, i'm working to fix the problem and it should be fixed within the hour, please check back or hit refresh (F5) in an hour. Some people are just not able to download because they are at work.)

Thanks for reading.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Gym Bunnies: The New Black Male Phenomenon

Gym Bunny: (n.) A gay man who spends an obsessive amount of time in the gym working on sculpting his body -- not for health reasons -- only to show it off in a club or on the beach.

In 2006, I looked at my bill from Gold’s Gym and I said, “$89 a month? Something’s got to give.” I considered my physique and I thought to myself, if women find T.I. attractive and sexy, I’m not going back to the gym. You see in my house, we call $89 beer money. And trust me on this one, there’s no possible way that I will ever have a beer belly, (1) it’s just impossible, I lie to nobody, I’m bringing skinny back…. (2) As much laughing as I do in normal conversation, I get an ab workout every day. With that said, I live a healthy life, I prefer to walk over drive, I can tackle pretty much any DC Metro escalator without huffing and puffing my way to the top, (If any of you have ever caught the Metro in DC, you know that this is no easy feat), and so I’m not a couch potato, I just don’t go to the gym. So whenever anyone starts talking about going to the gym, I say, “I haven’t been to the gym in four years, I don’t know what that is about.” God has blessed me.

However in 2010, it seems that more and more men are finding the gym to be their favorite place to be twice a day, or at least once a day. I blame Jersey Shore and Salt-n-Pepa music videos. I can understand why women go to the gym, I really can understand that. I can understand why they go in droves too. Men really do seek women out based primarily on aesthetics. (Don’t get offended, I just can’t differentiate who I’m going to approach based on a personality I haven’t met yet.) So I get surprised when all the men in my twitter timeline at 9AM are tweeting: “Just got out of the gym, I feel great, time to start the day!” I find it funny because I have a feeling that some of these same people who are in gym every day will be on dialysis by the time they’re 40, but I digress.

I am from the school of thought that you don’t talk about it, you be about it, therefore, I don’t need to hear about it. Makes me think that people are tweeting about being in the gym because they want someone to know they have been in the gym rather than being in the gym. Sort of like those females who go to the gym walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes and think they did something. The gym is to Black men what Whole Foods and Starbucks is to young professionals, the place to be. I’ll be honest with y’all, I have friends who are trainers and nutritionists and they don’t tweet half as much as some of my male friends who are trying to get from 185 to 225 before next summer.

Do you remember how back in the day a group of guys would meet at the park and run pickup games of basketball? Now, they meet at the gym early on Saturday mornings and workout together. I’m sorry but where I’m from grown men shouldn’t be around other grown men that early in the morning, grunting, and perspiring and such. Why can’t we go back to the old days, shirts versus skins playing pickup basketball? I think that’s a lot easier to tell our ladies how we spend our time than, “Oh baby, me and the boys was in the sauna for like 45 minutes today.”

Maybe I’m just hating, but it’s annoying.

On a serious note, I think that we should embrace people who are trying to better themselves health wise. There are so many impurities that go into our bodies and we live in a society that embraces obesity. I commend those of you who go to gym regularly and think that you set a good example for the greater good. Although, I’m taking shots at gym bunnies and men engaging in suspect behavior, otherwise known as male malfeasance, I think that it’s good that Black folk stay healthy and fit. Don’t let it be just the gym that keeps you healthy, watch your diet and the poisons you allow your body to fall victim. Stay thirsty my friends… for muscle milk that is.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Baby Can You Stop Smoking Weed?

When I was growing up in DC, I grew up around a bunch of older women. And being the fresh young man I was, I spent a lot of time with some of the baddest women on the block. And growing up I used to think it was so sexy that these women would smoke Benson & Hedges and drink a fifth of Henny on the weekends. Little youngin’ used to love when they gave me a hug and I copped my first feel at like age 7. #superhigh. As I grew up we would run with chicks and they would start to smoke Black & Mild’s or maybe a clove and that was like a girl who walked on the edge. Sexy as she wanted to be.

But by the time I got to college, all that changed when women started getting high. I can’t hate, you know, ain’t nothing wrong with getting high every now and then. To each their own, I don’t, but she can. But what started off kind of cool, just became downright annoying. I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve dated a weed head and it was just downright dumb. I mean, I can’t deal with you getting high on a Friday night and passing out for hours and we don’t ever get to do anything. I can’t deal with how every time we’re on the way to family dinner you light one in the car on the way.

But it’s not just about the weed, it’s about anything you do in excess. Look I’m going to talk about something that we all know is happening in the Black community, but we’re trying to keep it on the low. We all have a female friend of ours who needs to stop being coked out of her mind every night. You see if you get wasted off the Ciroc, but you coked out of your mind, you become the most impulsive maniac in the club. And if you’re dating that chick, she starts to act irrational, starts to pick fights with other people, and as her high wears off she starts looking for another hit. All of that… is interrupting our quality time together at the end of the night.

Oh I’m not done, getting white boy wasted is not cool either. Now you know, if you prefer to not eat so much because you are trying to lose weight, that’s cool, but you cannot substitute Patron for food. If you got to the club at 1AM, and you take 15 shots of Patron in one night, you are done OFF. And nobody likes to take care of the drunk girl. Makes a hell of a story at brunch, but it pisses off ALL of your friends. Remember this one rule about life, “When you get wasted, not only do you mess up your night, but the night of everyone else around you.” I’ve asked several men and they all agree, a woman can be the baddest dime piece in the club, but if everytime they see her she’s wasted and all over the place, it’s unattractive.

Some of you might be thinking, I do all three of these things and I’m still getting guys who want to date me, so I must not have a problem. Please keep in mind those guys are not trying to date you, they are trying to bed you. If it’s anything you get from any of my blogs is that there is a way people should treat one another, and if a guy is constantly trying to shove poison into your body, he ain’t treating you right. I thought today’s message should bring attention that men are tired of you falling asleep after smoking, or erratic behavior when you are high, we love you all dearly, but just be on notification we find that unattractive.

And while we’re on the subject of excess, stop eating so damn much. Everytime you go out, you feel like you just HAVE to go get breakfast after the club. Wondering why you need a girdle...

Ok. Bye.