Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What You Do When You and Your Baby Mother's Other Babydad Both at the BBQ

The expectation that if you date a chick with a kid and you will never see her baby daddy is dumb, and the expectation that after you break up with a chick she ain’t gonna meet someone else and maybe have another baby is dumb too. With that said, it was time for a less than bougie post that I know most of us know all too well.

I got some uncles… yeah, I got some of those uncles. You know at the family cookout they have like three different women bringing over the kids so they can play with their cousins. I got those uncles. I got some aunts. I’m not sure how to refer to all my aunts because it’s like Compound Interest trying to figure out why I have like 6 uncles and 27 aunts. I have witnessed the “Oh no this b*tch did not show her face here!” I have witnessed the “Why you always gotta be acting up?!” But what is my advice for men when you in this situation? Let’s just keep it real, women are having kids by multiple men these days.

Raising somebody else’s kids is hard. Even if you ain’t raising no kids and your baby mama just got another baby daddy and y’all be at the cookout together, it’s still rough. But what we gots to remember, is we have the power not to be a hot ass mess.

Here are my tips on how to react to an uncomfortable situation at the BBQ when you see the other guy who got your baby mama pregnant before:

First, don’t overreact – Don’t get violent. Ain’t nothing wrong with standing your ground, but this is not the time to be like, “He was looking at me!” I think I speak for all Black women when I say that is the dumbest reason to EVER get in a fight.

Second, don’t overreact – Don’t be the better baby daddy. Do not show up at her new baby daddy place with a moon bounce for the kids and they cousins. Do not show up with a pair of Jordan’s when you rarely pay child support because you trying to outdo the other guy.

Third, don’t talk to each other. There’s just no reason for you to speak. A pound is about as far as it goes.

Last, be cordial, no matter what you do, there’s going to be some drama. Be known as the dude who didn’t lose his damn mind throwing a bottle of Henny, and getting knocked out while What’s Going On played in the background.

I hope this helps with your incoming summer season.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Something New: So I found out my boy was dipping his Haagen-Dazs in chocolate

While my post on getting stanky drunk rocks post on SBM, I wanted to push this old post through the back door. You know how grandma used to say, “You can’t fit through the back door what doesn’t fit through the front?” That’s a lie.

Anyway, my boy hit me up the other day and he says, “Yo, Jackson, I need some tips on dating black chicks. I’m dating this one now, and I feel like I’m way out of my league.” He went on to tell me the differences in everything about the relationship. He too, as a white man, experienced this “it seems like I can’t do nothing right” factor. Did I mention he was white? We laughed and I basically told him some anecdotal advice and some things that are definitely different. Then he said, “And the sex is weird.” I said, oh boy.

I don’t care either way, but it’s totally different to be dating and to be banging a black woman. First he said, he couldn’t just have sex with her. He needed to do all this extra ish. I told him, oh that’s par for the course, it’s not a bad thing. Second, he said, he felt like she thought he was going to judge her. I asked him, well what were you trying to do? He said, I was trying to [eff] her. So I asked him the most important question I could, was she a freak?

His reply, what’s a freak?

This is when it occurred to me that the word, “freak” might be something only black people know about.

Think about it, to refer to someone as a freak in a sexual nature, I just have never heard a white person use that word. And I couldn’t find a translation. The closest we came was, “Does she regularly put out?”

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A lot of mothers tell their daughters they're beautiful. My mother told me I was smarter than everyone else. That's why I am the way I am.

Friday, April 16, 2010

SBM takes over The Park at 14th

The best night starts with a good meal and me and @streetztalk started our night at Lauriol Plaza, one of DC’s treasures. I tell you there’s nothing like the food there. We met there with coworkers of mine and some friends. We had a meal, a fraternal brother of ours looked out. And then put the hex on us as he said, “One day your wife will have a birthday and frat will be there and you will have to look out for them too.” I thought to myself, when’s the last time I took my chapter out for happy hour? Anyway, we exchanged greetings and parted as brothers. We caught a cab home.

On the way home, we wanted to see if we might see a stalker, but he was not out. We headed back to Silver Spring where the cab driver pulled the newly titled, “#dccabswindle.” Cuz basically forwarded the meter while we were stopped. Not to mention that we stopped at a place first and insisted on resetting the meter. I’m a buppie, but let’s be clear, I am from Uptown, young. I had to tell him, I’m giving you $15 no matter what your meter said. It was $13 when I went in 7-eleven and now it’s $15.

We stopped by the crib just in time for @streetztalk to watch Flash Forward. I really don’t find Gabrielle Union attractive. We changed threads and headed out to Park on the old school mix until we entered the area and then we played two songs that make me want to have a good time, “Forever” and “Wasted.” (Burr…) While outside, I notice @SO_FLYY but I didn’t want to say nothing since the person who was arranging this hadn’t even have arrived yet. I’m a grown man, I can admit this… we was standing in line. As soon as we walked in, I knew it would be a great night.

Leave it to Park to have two floors closed. But the 2nd floor?! #cmonson. Anyway we headed to the 3rd floor where my heavy handed bartender resides. It was the makings of a zoo. But they were still in the old school mix. (If you ever been to Park you know there’s the old school mix and then it goes, CRAZY. Or as Soulja Boy would say, BRICKS.) On the low, I probably was standing next to one of the flyest girls there. “Put a pin in that.” – Ari Gold. I told Streetz on the way to the club, “Son, the Ciroc Red Berry is crack.” But he ordered a coconut jumpoff. That’s still good too. We was getting tweets and texts from readers in the club, so I made rounds. And I thank all y’all who made it out. We should do it more often.

“Let's go, dudes don't see me cause I'm better and bold.” – D. M. Carter

So after exchanging tweets with the god, I meet up with SO_FLYY, she trying to act like we didn’t know her government. Honestly, I saw first hand how noodles approach this lady. We need to find her a good man. One with no closet space. (Shoutout to all the DMV jokes.) The lady making this possible had a table, and a fat ass engagement ring. I didn’t want no problems. I noticed that there was way too many dudes in the VIP, so I chilled for a minute before I got in there. But, SOMEBODY decided to find the couch. And no I don’t mean @streetztalk. So I went in, chilled for a second. The Kappas had a table to the right. There were some women, one chick looked like she had a freckle attack before she got here, and maybe she was like… 40. You can’t party forever girl. There was a bottle of Rose and a bottle of Ketel One. Ketel One, I’ll be your hoe for this evening.

Whenever I’m with my female friend shopping they always say I have the sixth sense that most men do not have. Why? Because whenever they ask what I think of something they are trying on, my first reply, “Let me feel it, things need to feel a certain way.” And women know that’s almost the second most important thing about a garment. (This is meant to be random. But it’s like a dog whistle, somebody will get it.)

There’s something else you should know. I don’t dance in the club. But tonight… psssh… I danced. I had to, I was feeling like making it happen. I saw @sabrinadawson and I didn’t get the ill grit like I did last week. I think her friend was cussing some dude out. These things happen in a club with these pretty women, fine outfits and open toes. Some dude spilled a drink on my sleeve. I went to the bathroom to let it dry. I come back, still having fun out of my mind. I bought some drinks, drank them. The club came to a close. She got in a cab, she’s special, and I think we’ll keep her around. I like people who you can say, you genuinely have fun being around. I do not have a twin.

@Streetztalk took about 40 minutes to get out the club. And then he tried to hit me with the #letoutswindle but real hustlers don’t trip we just post up in the Jetta. We drove home, got to the crib, gave a recap. I explained why I bounced for a minute from the table. Too many dudes in one space and not enough space to dance. I had a drink to top the night off. Cats was tired. I told my neighbor to wake him up at 630AM. He returned the favor by waking me up before my alarm went off when he didn’t have to.

This is when I realized I still had on my clothes and shoes.

This serves as the season finale of the Park. I'll be back for Memorial Day weekend.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

DC Blogger Meet Up Review

The meet up yesterday was great. It was great to connect faces with names on the internet. Find out a few of you guy’s real names. I was really taken back when someone would tell me that they read my blog everyday, or that they follow me on my blogspot page. For that, I say, Thank You. For those of you who don’t know, but are reading this, The Book, is a lot more personal than or Buppie the Blog will ever be.

I expected to walk into a room filled with so many people who belonged behind a computer screen or that were infatuated with checking their phones for BBMs and tweets. I’m a self-admitted Blackberry nut. I take after Obama, I literally enjoy thumb through messages all day long, even when I’m not pay attention to it. However, this event was not that way at all. People were engaged. Talking to one another, networking and interacting with one another.

Sutra Lounge is definite a good look and worth revisiting in the near future. The specials were great and Usual Suspectz and Elevated deserve a round of applause. The music was on-point as usual and the drinks were the The crowd was a mix from mid-twenties to well into their thirties. This is how I learned to talk and date older women, by attending these events. I’m way at the bottom, if even, in this age group, but I love them. There were definitely some good looking tings in there. With that said, I’ll let y’all know when I go back.

The quote of the night: “If my wallet opens, the p*ssy closes.”

Glad there’s still honest women left in this town.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dude, please stop it.

I have a friend. And she has a stalker.

She legitimately has a guy who is watching her and then emailing her. Let’s not talk about how he got her email address. I understand the plight of the Black woman in DC. You just never know when you say no to a guy if he’s going to pull out a gun and shoot you. (THIS really happens in DC.) What draws me to this situation is how weird this guy is. He is a total nut case. Creepazoid swagger on a trillion.

It got me to thinking about how some dudes are so creepy. I understand it’s DC and in DC most men are wack. We just aren’t required to be anything else. Literally, men just stand there. There are so many women that the women approach men, or give smiles and winks… and then the men walk over and say “what you doing after the club?” But anyway…

I am always surprised when I hear from females things that my male friends have said to women they are trying to date. The funniest is one of my female friends who is uber independent hits me up and says, “You know what I don’t like about your boy, he always call me and be like, Where you at? Negro, you don’t need to know where I am.”

Anyway I digress, read below. (Point of information: She did not respond to him in between these messages.)

4/2/2010 -
Hi' I'm trying to type without seeing what I'm typing. This new laptop is difficult to figure out I have alot to talk with you about.

Please give me a chance to figure out how to say what I feel . First , You are a woman,but I see you as a person . When I first met you , you semed to be not so sociable . But when M.J. passed, and I spoke to you on it , for the first time, I seen you smiled . It was so pretty and sunshiney like. Now you don't smile anymore. Well it's late and I will chat with you tomorrow. I am not trying to crack on you, just be my friend / chat buddy. I have alot to chat with you about . Please respond back with a smile . -WEIRDO P.S. don't be afraid of me. I'm harmless . A single parent that raised two kids from 6 and 7 years old to now 21 and 22 years of age by myself . they are now grown and it's time for daddy to have friends again. You are the brightest pretty face on this block and I claim you as my M.J. fan buddy. I still grieve for M.J. don't tell anybody !!! I'm a sensitive gentleman thug . without the thug mentality. Yes a brother will cry if his heart is touched the right way. My heart was touched when I seen that u could smile . No I did not fall in love . Just touched . I play the piano, bass guitar, trumpet and a little drum set. I'm a carpenter and a painter . I draw portiats and I sometimes go to church. Lol


4/6/2010 –

[MY FRIEND] , am I being too foward towards you ?? You don't want me in your business ??? or is it, you don't know how to have a friend without wanting them sexually ,you can't have a friend without wanting him sexaully ??? I LIKE YOU , I DON'T know why , I just do , I don't want you sexaully . It Feels like I know you . Like I met you somewhere before . When I see you , I just want to kick it with you . Please don't mis-understand my wanting to be your friend . What is it that I can do , to at least get you to trust me . [MY FRIEND] I will
not hurt you , I promise !!! I'm use to having beutiful weman in my life . Iv'e been alone for all these years just to take care of my children with out any distractions of a greedy self absorbed selfish gold digger . Now I want friends since my children are grown . Will you be a friend . Can you at least answer that trufully.


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Just get me a #10

Yesterday I spent some time with some friends talking about what I like in women. Usual ribbing from friends about the fact that I have talked to some pretty hood chicks in my day. I mean for me at the end of the day I want a girl who doesn’t have a problem going to McDonald’s and getting the kid a #10. (A #10 is a 10-piece Chicken Nuggets Meal at McDonald’s.

I feel like in 2010, you’re going to meet some women who do not cook, who do not clean, and generally are pretty lazy. They’ll admit to it. At the end of the day is that stuff so important to you? Probably not. So I argue that my woman doesn’t have to cook, she just has to go and get me a #10 and I’m happy.

Friday, April 2, 2010

You’re pushing people away

Friends should be able to reach out to other friends in times of need. Whether it is a bad breakup, a death in the family, or a loss of job we should always have friends that we can talk to make things better. As a good friend you want to be there to pick up the phone for them, but sometimes the person on the other end is so constantly down that you’re not able to keep it up. In order to the friend that is there to pick up a friend when they are down, you have to be able to maintain your high spirits and that’s hard to do when you have a person bringing you into their abyss.

Most people don’t even notice they are pushing their friends away. They think they have a really good support group. However, some know it. But they crave relevance and attention so much that they are afraid to not have something going on with them because then they’ll lose the attention. The issue is that it’s just so hard to say back to someone. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually having a great day. I’m sure it’s tough that you haven’t been able to find a job in months, but can we speak about it tomorrow?” Maybe then you’d be able to get the other person to evaluate their behavior.

There are indirect ways you can help your friend. One of the strategies that I use most is helping a person to take control of their situation. If a person is complaining about not having a job, ask them, What have you done today to get yourself in a better position to be hired? Or a recent break up, What have you done today to make yourself a better girlfriend in the future? This strategy keeps a person from bringing you too far down, and may cause them to help themselves. If anything they’ll stop calling you because you won’t allow them to feel sorry for themselves.

On a more serious note, if you have a friend who you fear is suffering from depression or may even be a hypochondriac encourage them to get help. But even sometimes as a friend you need to get help. I know as Dr. J and as a life coach, sometimes you put so many problems from other people on your shoulders you need help too. I need help for helping the people that need help. What do I do about a person who is bummed and contemplating suicide? This is a time when I need to seek out professional help for how I should react.

If you suspect that you are the type of friend who is always depressed. Evaluate how much you call on someone to vent, complain or with bad news. Also, before you vent, always check and see how the other person is doing first. Never ruin someone’s good day on account of wanting sympathy. Lastly, know that there are hotlines that you can call to vent and get help. If you really feel you have an issue that needs solving, solve it. Don’t bring insist that just because your day sucks, someone else’s day should suck. Moreover, the responsibility should be on the complainer to decipher whether their news will bring another person down or leave them with a smile on their face. Instead of getting help, you may just pushing people further away from you. In the future when you really need help, there probably won’t be anyone around to help you.