Tuesday, December 28, 2010

So you got that jumpoff pregnant…

Close your eyes and think for a moment about the people you have had relations with on a regular basis. Now ladies, imagine if the wrong one got you pregnant. Gentlemen, imagine if you got that jumpoff pregnant. Most men will smash an occasional jumpoff from time to time. Men, get it through your head that women will have relations with a guy strictly because they want their back blown out in a way you can’t do. Get it through your head. She knows she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with this guy, she just wants the sex. Now see, if she should so happen to get pregnant by dude, the ball is in her court.

If you’re a guy and you get that jumpoff pregnant, “that’s yo ass.”

A jumpoff knows that she has you by the balls. And she’s not letting go without a fight. To be honest, this may be the only time she’s able to get some legitimate attention from a man. This may also be her best shot at ever getting a man to be consistent in her life. If she’s a hood rat she probably told you over AIM, so you’re sitting at your computer pressing, Control + Alternate + Delete. But it’s not working… This is not like your Verizon bill that you can just ignore until they turn your phone off and you have to pay the past due balance. It doesn’t matter you are still pressing, CTRL+ALT+DEL over and over again.

First off, you know you can’t tell any of your homies because they’re already laughing at you. Maybe a few of your boys will pour out a little liquor for you, but best believe there is a conversation going on titled, “He got that b*tch pregnant.” There is nothing like knowing that the entire hood smashed, like 10-15 dudes and you were the lucky one to get her knocked up. Of all the times you wish you hadn’t came, the one you can’t get back is what you’re left with.

Right after it settles in that she is pregnant, there’s two immediate thoughts that come almost concurrently; (1) That baby might not even be yours, and (2) she probably still piping another dude even while pregnant with your alleged baby. I’ll tell you one thing, the feeling that the baby might not even be yours is a touchy one, because you don’t want to pull a Kane from Menace II Society and start barking… You may end up shot. (Pause, was that not the dumbest representation of African American logic in the history of movies? So you mad that old homeboy got your cousin pregnant and denied it, so you kill the father of your cousin’s baby?)

There’s a few models for how you can react; the Rae Carruth, or Tanard Jackson model of dealing with unwanted pregnancies. Now, Rae-Rae got himself into a situation where his side chick decided to keep a child out of wedlock and instead of just dealing with it. He arranged to have her killed. Rae Carruth stands for everything that is dumb with #lightskinnation. Why when you are making millions of dollars, do you not just cut the check, and move on? Instead, you ended up locked up without the millions of dollars, and they found your tall behind in the trunk of a car. It all went tumbling down.

Save us all the trouble, there are plenty of ways of solving and unexpected pregnancy than killing the jumpoff. You will be in jail and your baby will be raised without a father. (By the way, Rae Carruth’s son was born and is ten years old now and suffers from cerebral palsy.)

Now Tanard Jackson another football player like Rae, got a porno star pregnant. And there’s a big difference between getting the chick that the hood went through pregnant and a chick that you know at least 70-80 dudes have been through… and taped it. So basically what Tanard did is admit to getting a jumpoff pregnant, a porn star pregnant, and then said, “I wish it didn’t happen, but I’ll take care of the… KID.” He was clear to direct his donations.

If either of these don’t sound like something you could do, then you should do, what I would do; CALL MAURY POVICH. Look man, there’s several reasons why people take cases to trial. It’s not only because you are not guilty, sometimes it’s because if you go to trial there’s a chance you might beat the case. Those paternity tests are not absolute and blood work can come up missing and you can get off. If you get a negative paternity test, you don’t have to go back in there ever again and take another one. In the eyes of the court, the ones who make you pay child support, that baby ain’t yours.

On a more serious note, although I think that Black men should always take full responsibility of their children, I don’t think you should make rash decisions. This may ruffle a few feathers, but I think it’s a good idea that you divorce the idea that a marriage and a kid go hand-in-hand. I mean, you shouldn’t marry a jumpoff just because you got her pregnant. One of my best cats married a jumpoff because he got her pregnant and she was still at the club every weekend after she dropped the nugget. It is not cool to be getting late night texts that say, “Dog your wife is at the club again, drunk as a skunk. I don’t even want to tell you what she’s doing. I’m pretty sure she just wiped the promoter down in the VIP.” If you not cool with her as a woman, then don’t marry her. You can be a great father without being a husband.

Finding out you got the local pit stop pregnant isn’t any way to spend your day, but it happens all the time. These women are out here getting negros every day with that, “I just had my period” swindle. You may fall victim, I would advise you to strap up, but if you already got her pregnant that’s a mute point. Hopefully, everything works out for you.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Self-Pretentious Bloggers Piss Me Off

Thought about what I wanted to say for some time. Realized that sometimes you have to spend hours in deep thought to find the words to say. I’m one of those people who doesn’t get quiet because I don’t have anything to say, but I get quiet because I want to choose my words carefully. That’s why I get so pissed off when I’m misquoted or my words are turned around to mean something they weren’t intended to do. That’s right, I speak with intent.

With that said, the amount of utter malfeasance in the blogworld causes me great pain, no let me be honest, I’m just annoyed. When I got involved I thought that this was the new wave. This was the new Spoken Word. And being one of those who was a great slam poet, I knew this whole thing would sooner or later become competitive. My goal as a writer or blogger, whatever you want to call it, was to speak. To say the things that everyone is thinking, but no one wants to say aloud. I didn’t want to paint a picture for anyone about sex, dating and relationships that was false and void of any real meaning. I can say, Black relationships are perfectly fine, but I wouldn’t be doing what we know on the inside is true. The current state of Black love is not dead or in a hospice, but it is on dialysis. And I’m not just tied to just talking about that, I can talk about so much more and I try to.

I wrote my first eBook and I gave it away for free, because that’s actually the type of person I am. I’m not always trying to make a profit, sometimes I just want you to read. I don’t want to be heralded as the best writer on the streets, tweets or indifferent. Some people who have the most followers on twitter and on their feedburner are actually very wack in real life. Nonetheless, I just wanted to be a part of a movement. And because of my success it is not short of attacks, bad criticism and hate. That’s cool though, it comes with the territory. I don’t beef with other blogs, I’ll sit here and tell you that I show love to all those who show love to me, and even some of those who don’t show love to me.

There are several self-pretentious bloggers out there who spend most of their time speaking over people’s heads. There are some that spend time speaking to their comment section. They won’t say anything that offends the reader because they need that love, that’s something I don’t need. As an artist, I’ve always thought that it was my goal to work on my art and my craft and present that to my readers. People don’t read me to hear a reincarnation of themselves, they read me because they think that I’ve got talent and something to say. I’m not self-pretentious, but I may be a little over confident, that overconfidence leads me to be great. I think that if you have to tell someone you’re great, or you have to tweet, “This might be my greatest work yet,” you really need a hug.

I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be. No one ever likes the perfect guy, they want the guy with the flaws and all. I’m a gentleman and I probably have spent too much money on my personal life. But you know what, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take it with me, so I want to spend it now. I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have, but I’ve never regretted it. Realize that I live by one rule, do unto others as you would have done unto you. And that’s how I live.

I don’t brag or boast, but I spend hours upon hours working on projects that aren’t my own. I show support, and I respond to my readers even the smallest ones. I’m not looking for a fight and I’m not willing to argue or exchange in discourse with people who are only intent in proving me wrong. Listen, you don’t have to tell me I’m wrong, I’ve been wrong before and I don’t intend on being right my whole life. And if there are people who search for perfection and I can do anything I try my hardest to support them in their efforts. I don’t want to be perfect, but to each their own. I put people on to opportunities, I’m looking to make everyone around me better, because that’s going to encourage me to be better. I’m not going to sit on great opportunities that I cannot take advantage of. I know my limits and I know when someone actually wants someone with more talent than myself, I yield way.

Let me put it like this, “I did this for us.” I want everybody on stage like Wu Tang. But there are some people who are so caught up in themselves they can’t even see the light, they can’t see how beautiful being a part of the Renaissance can be.

Describe myself in words? Yes, I can do that. Loyal, Integrity, Respect, Love, Honest, Sincere and Genuine. You won’t see any cut cards when it comes to me. Add to that: Original, Daring, Unafraid, Inconsistent, and Dumb. I’ve got so much to learn, but I’m not afraid to throw some shit at the wall and see what sticks.

As ignorant as people think my blogs are, they don’t tell you that one-on-one, I’m one of those guys who sits down and has a conversation with you. I’m not interested in screwing my readers, and I’m not using them to write my next article. I’m willing to help someone in need, however, I can. I support, I support, I freaking support anyone I can, because it’s the right thing to do. I’m allegedly so full of myself that I don’t have time for anyone, but I can find a way to support just about everybody in my network, then it baffles me when someone tells me this about another blogger, “Oh yeah he said he doesn’t read your blog.” I’m an asshole, but I’m an asshole with values. I’m a charming man, but I’m a gentleman first. People think that I come off the top of my head with this, but they don’t tell you that I spend tons of my personal time reading everyone else’s blogs, reading books, and talking with people to learn what’s out there. What’s been tried before and what’s worked for someone else. But I don’t need to cite a source when I post an article, all I want you to do is read. If you like it, you do, if you don’t, that’s fine.

So as readers you have to ask yourself who are you going to support? To hell to the guy who has the most followers if that’s what his goals are. Screw you, if you only support yourself, can’t even support anyone else, not even a reply on twitter. Nobody cares that you have an elaborate vocabulary, if no one understands what you’re talking about. Say it straight, and say it plain so that everyone gets the information, which is more important than flexing your vocab pipes. And death be unto the faux-sensitive bloggers who are intentionally trying to make women swoon when in reality they are closet misogynists! I think readers have to figure out what they connect with. I think they have to figure out, if they’re going to continue to listen to someone when they consistently say, “Oh those guys are wack” or “I don’t like his writing, but to each their own.” Real talk, what is your goal behind saying that?

I don’t know man, it’s like I said earlier, the amount of utter malfeasance in the blogworld has gotten out of hand. I’m starting to wonder what the meaning of it all is. I am not seeing anybody who thinks they have truly arrived, so I think before the infighting gets to a point where weapons is drawn, like on the internet where the real thugs are, we should reevaluate these gaudy claims by our fellow comrades in bloggery and how we as writers can be more supportive of one another.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Afternoon Mail - 12.15.10

This is one of my favorites, if not most favorite Jay-Z verses of all time. I think that when I read this even today, it summarizes how I feel as a man, frat brother and as a writer. I've never said that I was like Jay-Z, but what was said in this reminds me the most of myself. I faulted Jay-Z at the time because it's in our character that we don't really need to decode ourselves, we should just do it because it needed to be done. However, I understand the things he said in this and I feel him... like for real. In a few days, i'm going to write something here that's going to summarize how I feel about this blogworld these days, in attempts to make it not as lengthy, i'm giving this part now. I left it in the dirty version, you guys know it's a rareity to see the N-word on The Book.

Can't y'all, see that he's fake, the rap version of TD jakes
Prophesizing on your CDs and tapes
Won't break you a crumb of the little bit that he makes
And this is with whom you want to place your faith?
I put dollars on mine, ask Columbine
When the Twin Towers dropped, I was the first in line
Donating proceeds off every ticket sold
When I was out on the road, that's how you judge Hov, no?
Ain't I supposed to be absorbed myself?
Every time there's a tragedy, I'm the first one to help
They call me this misogynist, but they don't call me the dude
To take his dollars to give gifts at the projects
These dudes is all politics, depositing checks
they put in they pocket, all you get in return is a lot of lip
And y'all buy the shit, caught up in the hype
Cause the nigga wear a coofie, it don't mean that he bright
Cause you don't understand him, it don't mean that he nice
It just means you don't understand all the bullshit that he write
Is it "Oochie Wally Wally" or is it "One Mic"?
Is it "Black Girl Lost" or shorty owe you for ice?
I've been real all my life, they confuse it with conceit
Since I will not lose, they try to help him cheat
But I will not lose, for even in defeat
There's a valuable lesson learned, so it evens it up for me
When the grass is cut, the snakes will show
I gotta thank the little homie Nas for that though
Saving me the hassle of speaking to half of these assholes
And I'ma let karma catch up to Jaz-O, whoa
I'm back before you had a chance to miss me
My mama can't save you this time, niggas is history
Who you know flow vicious as me?
Yet so religiously, that's why they call me Hov
I get the spoils cause the victor is me (me, nigga)
You're an actor, you're not who you're depicted to be
The street dreamin, all y'all niggas living through me
I gave you life when niggas was forgetting you emcee
I'm a legend, you should take a picture with me
You should be happy to be in my presence, I should charge you a fee
I'm Big Dog, Glenn Rob, listen God you a flea
And the little homey Jungle is a garden to me
What's the problem B? You not as hard as me
Nigga hard as we, nigga R O C, nigga
That's why they follow me, they feel my pain and my agony, nigga
I won't rest till you on one knee
You want war then it's war's gonna be, nigga
Until you on one knee, you want war then it's war's gonna be, nigga
(Source: Jay-Z - Blueprint 2)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Pencil Skirts: Hate 'em or Love 'em by Dr. J

I cannot say that I love pencil skirts; it is widely documented on the Internet that I think pencil skirts are the most deceptive articles of clothing that women wear. However, they are very versatile and can be worn in various different venues, so I’ll have to accept that there will be some pencil skirts around me … everyday. A pencil skirt is a great tool, that I will admit. It’s perfect for going out, or going to work, however, probably not the most comfortable clothing for home.

I’m not concerned with when I’m going out on the town, I’m probably not going to get fooled by too many pencil skirts. There’s going to be some authentic pencil skirt wearers in there, so a girl looking to trick a guy into thinking she’s got super long legs and a fatty are slim. Let it be known that a woman should use her pencil skirt as an accent, but not as a concealer.

Check the rest out here.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Morning Mail – 12.8.10

Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!
(Source: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past)

Most women grow up watching their mothers. And many daughters hate their mothers because they are dependent on men. It’s like they had to go to Daddy for everything, and if it wasn’t Daddy, it was a boyfriend or something. I thought about this because when I hear a woman who hates this quality about their mother, a lot of times they are the same women who can never be single.

And when I say, single, I mean, not having sex with any man. No contact with any man. None, absolutely single.

They bounce from situation to situation. They just never can sit still long enough to learn how not to have a man in their life. In college, I explained how women got turned out so much, because it only takes a 17-year old male ten minutes to figure out that if he messes with shorty for a couple weeks, and has a big argument, at the next party, she’s still looking for a hook up buddy, she’ll be hooking up with another dude soon. So then you have to ask yourself, why is it that you can’t just be alone?

That’s the same thing that you despised in your mother, but you thought she was dependent on men because she always went to them for something she needed. The same thing is when you need companionship, or you need to always have know that you have a man you can call on, if needed. I think that the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life was when I got out of a relationship and told myself that I wanted to be absolutely alone. I didn’t want anyone to flirt with, talk to, mess with, sleep with, nothing. I wanted to learn how to love me, so much to the point, where I didn’t need anyone else in my life.

I recommend that to every woman I’ve ever been a life coach to. Please learn to love yourself, so much that you can be happy alone. Be real with yourself, when you say, “I don’t need a man to do nothing for me,” but you know that deep down on the inside if you were to text some tonight and not get a response from any of them, you’d be upset, then you do need a man to do something for you. Come to grip with that and then deal with the issue. Get to the point, when you are alone and it’s late at night, you can sleep, without needing to text someone to give you any attention. That way you aren’t dependent on men. This ain’t no Suzie Orman advice, this is real talk, stuff your mother should have told you, but she didn’t know any better.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Morning Mail – 12.6.10

[Norah Jones]
Baby, take off your cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you
Baby, don't be so cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you

[Andre 3000]
Baby, take off your cool
I want to get to know you
(Take off your cool)

(Source: Take Off Your Cool, from the movie, Idlewild)

Yesterday, we had a conversation in which a group of men discussed the rating system of women. I have my own system which is on a scale of 100, but that’s neither here nor there. We were trying to explain the system of 1-10. It was my opinion that, a 10 is perfection, and you can’t over do it with that label. Also, we must assume that we are not going to take personality or traits outside of looks into consideration. However, we will consider mass appeal. For example, Angelina Jolie ain’t the prettiest woman, but she’s sexy as hell. For me, the 10 can only go to Eva Mendes right now. That’s it.

So someone asked me about a chick and I said she was a 5. The entire room started to laugh because she’s a nice girl, she’s very sweet, she’s not unattractive, but 5 sounds so bad. I told the room, “listen 5 is not bad, it’s just that we have to have some rhyme or reason for why we give out ratings.” So this was my point…

If a 10 is perfection and Eva Mendes is a 10. We said, that Halle would be considered a 10, but just off the strength that she’s getting older, she’s like a 9.8 right now. We then said that a 9 would have to be Beyonce, Shakira, and Paula Patton. These are women who are bad as hell, everyone knows it. And if you say that the chick is not pretty, it’s usually because you are a hater. Which is very different than an 8. Like an 8 can be one man’s 9 and another man’s 6. We used Gabrielle Union for an example, personally, I just don’t find Gabrielle Union that attractive, but I know she’s attractive so she’s an 8. But then another example is Lauren London. She’s an 8, but in my book, that is my type to the T. However, some people don’t think she’s THAT attractive, and also she suffers from the opposite of mass appeal, that Weezy thing just dropped her stock. Now when you think about the fact that Lauren London is an 8, and perfection is a 10.

6 and 7 are not only serviceable women, but they’re cute and any dude with a chick that’s a 6 on his arm, is not mad at himself… he’s not mad at all. In fact, there’s probably several dudes trying to get at that chick.

Sharon Leal… (Why Did I Get Married? Tyler’s wife.) definitely a solid 6 at best. But if that was your girl, there ain’t gonna be no one in the world mad at you, in fact, people will say, man she’s bad as hell. A 6 can put herself together in a way that can change your morals.

So that brings me to my final point about a 5. A 5 is a good girl, she’s just not the type that’s going to jump out at you. She’s never going to be the prettiest girl in the room, unless there are just a lot of UGLY girls in that same room. However, she’s the middle of the pack. If a 10 was Louis XIII, then she’s a Corona. Like, there’s nothing wrong with that though. A Corona is sexy as shit. There’s nothing wrong with never being the prettiest girl in the room. Sure it sounds bad, but in reality what does it mean? When you’re driving on the highway and you see a Bentley or a Maserati, you know those are like the highest of high end cars on the road, but you may just want to push a Toyota Camry, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Real talk, some women just need to come to grips with reality. I could wish that I was Idris Elba, but it ain’t gonna happen. I could wish that I was Boris Kodjoe, but it ain’t gonna happen. I’m me. I’m not saying I’m a 5 though, we all know that’s not true. What I’m saying is, sometimes I think we get too far ahead of ourselves thinking that everyone needs to be a dime, and it’s just unrealistic. I still think that girl is a 5, and I think she’s a nice girl, and would make a very good mother and wife.

This conversation went from twenty minutes to three hours when we added in personality, reputation and things like a fat ass.

PS - Could you wife down a chick who was involved in a train before, EVEN if that was in college?

Friday, December 3, 2010

VIP Used to Mean Something

There are a lot of things about Black people that bothers me, but most things about Black people really makes me happy I’m Black. We’re the most ignorant self-pretentious individuals on the planet. I mean, where else can you find a bunch of people who show up at the club in five piece suits, order bottle service, and then by 2:45AM… GO HARD IN THE MUTHAF*CKIN PAINT! Have you ever seen that dude in the slacks, hard soled shoes, wife beater and a tie around his non-collared neck? That’s my man 50-grand. And yes, I’ve done that before, as a matter of fact, I was sleep in the club, but I had a good ass time.

Someone asked me one time, “Jay, why do you waste so much money on bottles in the club?” Now, in 2010, I shrug them off. I really don’t have a good reason, but back in the day, I gave a perfectly good reason, “The club is packed and I can’t enjoy myself. I pay a premium for space, the ability to get a drink when I want it, personal share of ice and mixers, and a place for my guests to interact without the foolishness.” Sounded good right? A few months later, someone told me, “It’s a shame you pay $120 for that Moet.” I was like, “No it’s not, and popped three more bottles.” The manager of that fine institution pulled me aside and said, “He’s wrong, that bottle of Moet costs $30, those hoes cost $90.” Those were the realest words ever spoken.

But nowadays, what does it mean to be VIP in a club? Did they really convince you to buy a $40 ticket instead of a $20 ticket so you could skip the line? Is that VIP? Love Nightclub in DC used to be the dumbest establishment for negros on the East Coast, they invented this system: The Free Pass or List line, The $20 line, The $40 short line, and the $60 Walk Straight In line. People, namely me, would seriously say out there mouth, “I’m going to valet my whip, drop the $60 and walk straight in.” Not for nothing, that costs about $80-100, provided you ain’t have no women with you. Those guys at the door had a knack for knowing that you wasn’t going to send your women to the $20 line, you would pay for them too. There was no politicking at the door.

What would you expect VIP to look like? Maybe it’s own private room, full of scantly clad women, the best of the best, free of freeloading dudes you don’t know, maybe a mirror and an ice sculpture just for effect? At least some strippers...

Hell no.

VIP is a roped off section on the dance floor, and if you’re lucky a big dude in the Black to keep ignorant Wacka Flacka wannabes from walking in. That’s if you’re lucky. If you’re a VIP why don’t they already have your table set up when you get there? Have you ever been moved around several times, because someone more VIP than you decided to come out? That blows. I’m sorry that happened to you. I was once a part of this exchange.

Manager: I gotta move you guys.
Me: But we bought all these tables.
Manager: I’m sorry, but he reserved it.
Me: But we bought like seven tables!
Manager: He has a Black card.

They give you some bottle girl who is attractive, but don’t get it twisted she’s screwing the manager or owner of the club. I don’t know this to be fact, but I know that she’s not screwing me, and I’m currently paying her tuition. You mean to tell me that I’m about to give you a $600 tip, but I can’t take you out to eat? Ah, that’s right, because I’m a VIP. Don’t let her fool you broseph, you will get her number, but it will be only so you can work through her the next time you come to the club.

And the worst part about this entire operation is that you don’t get your drink any faster! I can’t count how many times I’ve had to go find my hostess to order another bottle. Or even if she comes right back she brings back the wrong bottle. My birthday party in Atlantic City a few years back, I order three more bottles of Moet… this heffer came back with Dom P. I had to throw a couch at my homegirls to make sure they didn’t open it. “Wait a mofoing minute! I said Moet Nectar Imperial, I’m drunk, but I can read, this is Dom P, and that’s not what I ordered!” (Look man, I was turning 22, I didn’t have it like that.)

The next time someone offers you VIP tickets give them the finger. No, really give them the finger and tell them you’d like your phone call. VIP these days means absolutely nothing. They don’t treat you like a VIP, they treat you like a high paying customer. They milk you like a cat. You get filed into your spot so that everyone in the club can look at you and your party and think to themselves, “Them guys are about to get got.” Negative chicks are looking at you like, “They think they doing something.” (Funny, those negative chicks be the same ones who ain’t doing nothing.) Gold diggng, I mean, Party girls are looking at you like, “Girl, turn around so he can see your booty, we about to get free drinks and a trip to the Diner.”

To me, if you are VIP, you should at least get comped. If I’m important to your establishment I shouldn’t have to pay. Valet should be free. And you should seek out chicks and bring them back to me. Honestly, think Rehab. Your party host will go and find people to bring to your party to make it popping. But outside of that, no way Jose. These club owners, promoters, and hostesses use VIP to mean Very Important Phool.

OK, I’m done with my venting, will be getting tables tonight somewhere. I’ll holla.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Big Bro: Congrats to Streetz aka Roscoe Dash

Every now and then I reflect on the blog game and reasons why I’m happy to be a part of it. I think about those around me who inspire me to be better and those who I learn from the most. It is not without extensive research and community of sex & relationship bloggers that I am able to be Dr. J. It’s a team, Type Ill Blog Fam and J Money Entertainment. My camp in particular exists of myself, my mentor, writing coach, editor, PA and several friends who take the time to read and give me feedback all the time. I’m convinced that when we make it big, we will all be there together to accept the awards and sign the big deals. But today, I wanted to shout out one person in particular, my big brother Streetz.

I’ll be honest with you if it wasn’t for Streetz I probably wouldn’t be blogging, I’d still be dropping an occasional facebook note and wouldn’t have interacted with several of you. It was a while back when Streetz suggested that instead of just posting the Facebook stories every so often, that I start a blog. I would comment on his site and read his daily, but I didn’t think anyone would read my blog. I look at the blog now and I wonder, “damn people really come and read my site.” About 6,000 visitors a month visit my personal blog. Maybe if I had trusted Big Bro earlier I would be at 10,000 by now.

Streetz blogged, so I blogged, he said SBM was looking for writers, so I did it too. I often times never asked questions, didn’t really give my thoughts. Anyone who knows me from my early blogging days … about a year ago, lol, it hasn’t been that long, knows how na├»ve I was. I found out maybe 4 months ago that there were blogs about other things outside of sex & relationships that were very successful. I just went to Big Bro with the idea and posted it on SBM or the Book. Back in the early days it was always a conversation with Big Bro about what he thought about the article idea and the points. Took a long time for me to be comofrotable posting something and just going with it. So, now it’s basically give and go.

But as I look back it’s always been like that from the time, I was an interest at Philly Greek, until the time I became an Alpha. One of the first things I remember was going to seeing the A-Team on stage stepping and strolling through the crowds and Streetz was right there leading the crowds. That’s the type of Alpha I wanted to be. He was stepping, so I decided I should step. And if I might add, I was damn good at it. I understood that the show was the key. As Stepmaster I won the step competition for the first time in years. He was a standout in NYACOA, so I needed to be a standout in NYACOA. His opinion has always been very important to me. And so I went to him, sometimes when he didn’t even know it, to get wisdom and guidance. (Then I’d pass it off like I came up with it myself, lol.)

So you know I felt the need to write this, because the internet is filled with so many self-pretentious jerks. They won’t tell you that they look up to another dude out here. Even though they might and do. I yield way to Big Bro at any time. We’re both hungry, and he’s never hindered me from doing anything only encouraged me to do better. I respect that about the relationship, fraternal and otherwise. I figured I should put that out there sooner or later. Like Kanye said, “people never get the roses while they can still smell them.”

Friday, November 26, 2010

Album Review: Nicki Minaj’s Pink Friday

I love Nicki Minaj. I’m not afraid to admit it. The first track I heard from her, I said to myself, “Remy must be pissed off that she’s locked up.” Now in the here and now, I think they are drastically different artists. Remy just can’t hold a flame to Nicki. Now many people, especially those of us in our twenties don’t respect Nicki. Most of them aren’t listening to her. I’m a music head, I actually will listen to a lot of material before making a judgment call. Other people, will say, “I haven’t been impressed in the music I’ve heard.”

Same people herald Jay-Z as the greatest rapper of all time and don’t listen to his lyrics. Jay-Z himself said,

“They only know what the single is, and singled that out, to be the meaning of what he is about. And being I'm about my business, not mingling much, running my mouth, that shit kept lingering. But no dummy, that's the shit I'm sprinkling, the album width to keep the registers ringing…”

That’s the perfect way to describe Nicki Minaj.

Anyway, about the album…

I always expect very little from a debut album. It’s sort of your demo to the entire industry’s fans. I’m not looking for you to be lyrically superior than anyone in the game, I just want you to prove that you belong here. Pink Friday not only proves that Nicki belongs here, but that she’s doing a damn good job at it too. I think most listeners will be surprised with what the body of work consists of, however, when you listen to this album you can’t hate her for not letting her pop music or singles define her as an artist. It’s refreshing to see that you won’t always get the same Nicki for 13-16 tracks on an album. You get to see all of her.

Yes, all of her various different personalities that she has.

I won’t compare Nicki to Lauryn Hill, I don’t think that’s fair. The artists are very different, their content and their brevity are different. They cast very different nets in terms of the fan base and as individuals they stand alone and are great without competing with one another. I will agree with a fellow blogger, NC17, that I have to go with Nicki over Lil’ Kim, only because Biggie wrote 95% of Lil’ Kim’s content, and Nicki is original. (Aside, no one outside of NYC cares about Rah Digga.)

I think it’s also fair to say that Nicki isn’t a female rapper, she’s just a rapper. She’s banging elbows with everyone else in the industry. She doesn’t get the sixteen left for a female because you want to have a female voice on the track, she’s on the track because people respect her lyrically and enjoy her refreshing sound to hip hop. I wanted to compare the album to Drake because she mixing the rapping with singing, but in that thought I realized that indeed Nicki was not a female rapper, she was just a rapper.

The usual metrics…

Lyrically, you can tell that Lil’ Wayne is a great mentor and encourages all of Young Money to be as creative as possible all the time. Nicki has the ability to outdo everyone on everything she’s on. Missing is Lil’ Wayne, but you can tell he was in the studio screeching, “Let that bitch breathe!” Can’t be mad at her lyrics at all. And her songs are touching, emotional and will connect with all.

Production? I have to be honest the production of this album is intentionally for everyone. It has its pop moments, and it’s hip hop moments. I like that when she’s actually making a point, she doesn’t overshadow it with an overbearing beat. The use of reverb and echo throughout the album only assist and don’t carry. And let us rejoice, there’s no autotune.

I have to tell you, I thought Pink Friday was refreshing. It was a great rookie album. Leaves much room for growth and that’s all you can ask an artist to do. You will not be upset if you go to a Nicki concert because you can take this album content, all of her featured verses, and lastly her mixtape material and be thoroughly entertained.

Hard rating: 85.6.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Morning Mail - 11.22.10

Narrator: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.

Narrator: There's only two kinds of people in the world. There's women, and there's men. Summer Finn was a woman.
(Source: 500 Days of Summer)

There’s a post that I’ll never post because you know what, I just can’t stand to explain to women something men keep under wraps. Any man who claims he’s never had his feelings hurt by a woman is either lying, or he’s not the type of guy you ever want to be in a relationship with.

I referenced Dexter last week, (new episode was the BOMB dot COM), but you know one of the things that Dexter struggles with is a lack of emotion. Can you imagine how to teach your children how to deal with pain if you’ve never experienced it? If you’ve never rode a bike, how do you know how to teach your son how to ride his bike? So that’s why I think that every man has to understand heartache in order to be a better man. Those people who go around saying; “I’ve never been cheated on,” “I’ve never been dumped,” or “I don’t love these hoes.” Those are the men who are not winning in life, it’s just not possible.

And on the real, a lot of dudes never surprise me with the caliber of women they end up dating. I’m just like… yeah you might never “simp” and you ain’t “tricking” and all types of things that you consider to be soft and whatnot, but I look at the caliber of women that you are pulling and I’m like, “Ennn, I guess so.”

So you reply to me, “My chick got a fat ass. I stay f*cking bad b*tches”

Yes, because that’s what’s important. You know how I can tell you’re full of shit, because I’ve never once referred to a woman I even remotely care about as a b*tch. I have this rule, I elevate my women so that my peoples will respect her, therefore, they will be like, “Damn, Jay is really doing something.”

Now why would I respect your chick if you say, “I stay f*cking bad b*tches”?

Anyway, if you look at Tiger Woods he’s a great golfer, because he limits his mistakes… on the golf course. He has made all the shots and all the mistakes. And the experience makes him better for it. I’ve had some really bad relationships, some of them were my fault, and sometimes I had to admit that it wasn’t my fault. Accepting failure in a relationship might be the hardest thing you ever will have to do. I’d like to think that those experiences help me to be great now. Or at least I don’t make all those same mistakes, and I don’t want anyone to feel what I have felt in the past.

Life is good. God is good.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Morning Mail – 11.15.10

[who will get the last brownie?]
Anna Scott: Wait, what about me?
Max: Sorry, you think *you* deserve the brownie?
Anna Scott: Well a shot at it at least huh?
William: Well, you'll have to fight me for it, this is a very good brownie.
Anna Scott: I've been on a diet every day since I was nineteen, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a series of not nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. Ah, and every time I get my heart broken, the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment. And it's taken two rather painful operations to get me looking like this.
Honey: Really?
Anna Scott: Really. And, one day not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can't act and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.
Max: [long pause] Nah, nice try gorgeous, but you don't fool anyone.
William: Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.
(Source: Notting Hill)

Love this movie for several reasons. Everyone loves a good love story. Have you ever been seeing someone and found out they had a significant other? That’s got to be the worse. I am wondering what’s worst, if you were to start dating and getting to know a person, then you find out they have a significant other. Or, if you notice them from afar and know them platonically and would like to try and date them, then you find out they a significant other. Have you ever met the perfect someone and then found out you couldn’t be together? Do you have unbelievably bad timing with a certain someone in your life and it leaves you thinking like what if? I’m from the school of thought that if it’s meant to be, it will be. Mind you, this is coming from a guy who deleted a girl from his life because he thought he had found the woman he was going to marry, and didn’t want that clouding his goals and plans in life.

Then we have those people in our life we know we shouldn’t be talking to. People who may have a significant other and we just ignore it and proceed anyway. I’ve talked to people I know I shouldn’t have and I’ve stayed away sometimes because I was afraid of hurting or being hurt by a person. I think that there is something to be said for those people who know they will hurt someone and they continue to deal with them anyway. Like there are truly Praying Mantis females out there who know that they have a tendency to date a man, sleep with him, enjoy it for a little bit, but then they’ll want to move on. They are just never content and they know it. And women have men like this in their life too. Keep it real, every woman has her kryptonite.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sympathy Sex

I got to thinking one day about the pathetic reasons why women have sex with men. Like sometimes I feel bad for people with vaginas, because it’s like a gift and a curse. On one hand, you run the entire universe, on the other hand, men act irrational when it comes to wanting to shove things into that vagina. So from time to time, I get into conversations with the women in my life about why they let some dude smash and I came up with this idea to write a post about sympathy beats. I’m not trying to bash women, but I think that it needs to be said, (and filed in the NO MA’AM library in the “Don’t put the p*ssy on a pedestal section.), there are several not so ideal reasons why women will sleep with a man.

And maybe some of you weaker men, will come to grips with yourself and realize she probably didn’t even want to have sex with you.

Obligatory sex –
So basically after a while, a woman feels the need to have sex with you because she’s obligated to. For example, the third date. She may not really want to have sex with you, she may not be ready, but she knows that it’s time that she have sex with you. But wait, that’s not where it ends. This is also reserved for when she’s in a relationship. Like if you ask women you will get mixed opinions, but some women will have sex with a dude when they are not in the mood just for the sake of the relationship. They will blame it on things like “love” and “keeping their man happy,” but in reality they just feel obligated to have sex with him.

She Let Everyone Else Smash –
Well, I’d love to say this wasn’t true, but sometimes a girl just feels bad for a dude. You know that saying, “A ho f*cks everybody, a bitch f*cks everybody, but you.” That’s true! But like, think about this if it’s a crew of about 4 guys, and she sleeps with 3 of them, how does that last dude feel? He’s probably wondering what it is about him that she won’t let him hit. Women know how this affects a man’s self esteem and they break him off in sympathy.

He Put In A Lot of Work –
Sometimes dudes just go too far and the woman gives in. This is a little different than obligatory because she may not even feel like he’s done the right things, it just may be a lot of activity. A dude that’s constantly taking you out, doing nice things for you, took you on vacation and bought you a Balenciaga prom dress is putting in major work. Sometimes, out of sympathy, even though his breath stink and he has crooked teeth, she’ll give him some.

Because She Doesn’t Want to Give Him Head –
Everyday, b. I hear about this one everyday. A lot of women think that head is more intimate than sex, so they will rather a guy have sex with them than give him head. I’ll tell you right now, in Storytellers Magazine for Men, getting head is a distant second to beating. Like if a guy tells his boys, “Oh she gave me head,” THE FIRST QUESTION OUT THEIR MOUTH IS, “But did you beat?”

Hopefully, men and women will read this today. I hope that a few of the men will read this and avoid bragging. There’s nothing like a girl letting everyone know she only had sex with you because she felt sorry for you. And at the same time, I know that a few women were reading this post today in agreement. It’s okay though, sympathy beats are a part of life.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Trust Issues, We All Have Them

I struggled for years with the fact that I don’t trust women. I just always had some sketchy things going down in my relationships. Could it be that I’m just a little too lenient when it comes to women? Probably. I’m never going to be the type to read your text messages, or ask how you know dude. My advice is, come up with what you think the truth is based on their behavior, and then see if you can live with that. Man, I’ve had it in my mind that a chick had been with 50-11 dudes, came to find out she had really only been with a handful.

Yeah, this is about to be an emo post.

I think the main reason why I don’t believe anyone is because in my younger years, I used to lie to women a lot… about everything. That whole thing about suspecting people to do the things you would do in a similar situation is actually the truth. If your girlfriend said she was going out, Why isn’t she responding to text messages? Doesn’t she keep her phone right next to her? In my past, I was that guy who thought I was being cheated on. Because I know that at one point in my life, when I was with one chick I would just ignore my cell phone. Like straight up ignore it.

I think the other reason why I don’t trust women is because a lot of messed up shit has happened to me since I started dealing with women. First, I lost my virginity to a little freak who has two kids now and works at Footaction in PG Plaza. I didn’t even want to do it, but she said everyone else was doing it and we had to. Later on after I stopped talking to her, she would be having sex with one of my best friends. Then, the next girl I was with had a threesome with some older dude that lives in my neighborhood. I understand that most of these hypersexual activities were the result of people under the age of 16 having sex, but… le sigh. College didn’t help, I was trying to build some shit with who I thought was going to be the girl of my dreams until she wrote me a letter and broke up with me, to be with some dude who ended up playing her. This is when I started to believe that not only was she not to be trusted, but she wasn’t that smart either, and it bothered me that she wasn’t that smart because I was attracted to her.

And let me tell you, it doesn’t get any better from there.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been trying to talk to a girl and shoot the straight one only to find out you’re like her #2 option. The messed up part about it is, your #1 option treats you like a #2, and your #2 option, probably feels the same way about you. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been deaded and the next dude your shorty was talking to was a complete dirtbag. Makes you wonder why she would rather that than you. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been flat out lied to, like right to your face. The messed up part is that often times when you know you’re being lied to, you can’t even tell the person how you know because you did some psycho shit. Raise your hand if you’ve ever decided to give it one more chance and that person let you down, just like all the rest of the ones before did.

My hand has been raised this entire post.

So yeah, I just don’t trust women, because I haven’t interacted with too many women, romantically, that I can trust. I think that people do what’s best for them, when it’s best for them. I think that if someone thinks they can get away with something, they just do whatever they want to do. That’s how life is, I’ve came to grips with it. I’ve tried all the remedies and suggestions and none of that shit ever worked for me. Trust is given, or trust is earned, I think those are both bullshit. My strategy works best, I don’t trust you as far as I can see you. I’ve had several conversations with women up until this point in my life where they ask me if I trust them, and I say, I don’t need to trust you. At the end of the night, if I’m not in bed with you, you could be anywhere in the world, doing whatever. People have told me that they were going to sleep and come to find out they were in their car, so I have been led to believe that more times than not, I shouldn’t have been trusting the person. So I don’t trust them.

I’m working on my shit though. I’m getting better. It’s a work in progress. I force myself to trust now, and hope that it becomes habit later. Can’t say that I can actually feel it working, but I think that I’m not likely to do anything psycho, and I’m not liable to blow up anytime soon.. That’s progress right? Closer today than I was yesterday. (This is actually a motivational quote I learned. Try it out sometime.)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Morning Mail - 11.5.2010

There are several things that women can do that can make a man crawl into a hole and never come out again. Some times, these things aren’t even mean or insulting. They can just be the realization that you aren’t on the same page, or that you need to make changes in your life. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my development has been grossly impacted by the women I’ve dated. I just didn’t have all the answers from birth. I had to get out there try some things, if it worked, it worked, and if it didn’t, it didn’t. And then I had to learn that not everything works with everyone.

Women have power over men, some think they have great power. I can tell you right now that if you think you have power, you have no power, and you think you have no power, you have a lot. Women influence men to do just about everything they do, but men just won’t publicly admit that. We’ll make up all types of excuses for why we do the things that we do but we won’t admit that it’s because of women.

Left to our own devices men would be playing sports. Men are raised from birth to do things that will get women. All signs point to money. We go to school to get an education or play sports. We get good jobs based on how great our schooling is, and then we start buying stuff. So we can attract women. Listen, men don’t buy nice suits because they want their male friends to see them in it. Honestly, my boys can see me in gym shorts and chancletas for all I care. I don’t drive a nice car because I want my boys to see it either, we can pimp it in the Escort. If you leave the decision up to men they will spend their money on sports, beer, porn and gadgets.

But there are more subtle ways that a woman can influence a man’s decisions. Have you ever met a man who starts to dress differently once he’s dating a certain type of girl? Are you one of those guys who used to be decked out in Iceberg Jeans and an Avirex jacket, but now you look like a model for Ralph Lauren? It happens. Women learn how to jump double dutch in grade school, men are born with that skill. Simply put, men have perfected the art of “getting in where you fit in.” Men like the things that women like. Men start to read books that they think women like, so we have something to talk to them about or show we have something in common with them.

Here’s a secret: The only thing a man wants his woman to have in common with him is an appreciation for his d*ck.

Women force men to stay out of clubs and bars, finish school, buy a house and get their credit up to 750. How can I be sure of this? I repeat, men = sports, beer, porn and gadgets. The next time someone says, you can’t change a man, I’m just going to send them this link and say, please read Dr. J’s Morning Mail.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Morning Mail – 11.03.10

Nothing really ever upsets me about Halloween, because at the end of the day, I’m a shrugger. I shrug just about everything off as, hey not me, I won’t complain. We all know that women get dressed on Halloween like sluts. That’s just a fact. You show me the place where the majority of the women have on costumes with clothes on, and then I’ll believe you. But as long as we have the majority of establishments with women dressed up as flight attendants, school girls, avatars, body paint models, Lara Croft, and the nineteen girls dressed as Nicky Minaj, I’m not buying one piece of your ish. This Halloween was special for me because I figured out a way to counter this movement.

I decided to be Kanye West for Halloween, but no not the Runaway Kanye or the 808s and Heartbreak Kanye, no I decided to be the VMA Kanye. Why?

Now, the thing is you’ll go out on Halloween and women will get offended when you stare at their scandalous outfits. Like if your breasts are hanging out of shirt and halfway down the street, what did you expect me to do? And if your ass is hanging outside of your “shorts” you can’t get mad at a dude for trying to grab you. So why be Kanye? So I could act as INAPPROPRIATE as possible and write it all off as being Kanye from the VMAs, the most inappropriate man to ever walk the earth. So I had FUN for Halloween. The best part, was that people knew exactly who I was before I even opened my mouth. And then there was the girl who told me, that I look like a normal person dressed to go to the club, but the fact that I have on sunglasses indoors and Timberland boots ANNDDD a bottle of Henny makes it so obvious who I am. Anyway…

Here are the highlights of my night:

There was the Black girl who wore a corset so tight that her breasts kept popping out. Now here’s something I’ve never understood about women. When you left your house you knew that ish wasn’t fitting correctly. When you LEFT YOUR HOUSE you knew that if that safety pin didn’t hold up, or that double sided tape, or you didn’t keep pulling down your skirt, shit would go crazy. You knew! But you left anyway. And then what happens? You get drunk and you forget about all of those things. Or just the simple fact that if you’re holding on by a thread that’s no way to start your night. Anyway, her breasts kept popping out, so she figured since everyone had seen them already, she’d just leave them out.

Of course there was one person who realized that their night started too fast and they couldn’t slow down for nothing… like for nothing. You ever show up somewhere like before 10 and somebody is throwing up outside. Real talk, I was driving around DC at like 3PM and this chick was hurling in her front yard!!! Oh I forgot to tell you the Rally for Sanity was this weekend. And my quick thoughts on that, I commend them for doing that, but it just turned into a big party. And everyone was drunk. There’s something weird about seeing a can of beer on the National Mall, noting that there isn’t a bar or beer store for a good mile or so.

Lastly there was the, did you know it was going to be 35 degrees out here outfits? So many Princess Jasmine’s with those see through pants on… I’m looking like, “girl you know you cold.” But there were dudes out there with no shirts on too. I would like to state for the record that it was my idea to be an actually Avatar and go around “touching”. I realized that this was going to go horribly wrong and I decided against it and chose ‘Ye instead. But there’s nothing like looking at some nitwit and saying what your momma told you several times in your youth, “You are going to catch Pneumonia.”

What can I say, I had fun though… I realized that Nightmare on M Street is the only way to go. I had an infamous conversation with Nicky Minaj outside of a popular lounge where they serve overpriced drinks about why Black people do the stupidest things at times. My point, if you’re going in there to find a man, fine go, that might work out for you. But you and your friends want to get wasted, and every drink that I’m going to have tonight costs $2 or $3. In my opinion, that’s a great deal! It makes no sense to pay $7 or $10 for the same exact drink at that lounge. I can go to any of these bars in this 1-mile radius and have that same special. At the end, she and all her friends agreed they were being stupid.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Morning Mail - 10.28.10

Seth: Dude, just fuckin' listen ok. Jules and her stupid f*ckin' friend came up to me and they ask me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to f*ck me, she wants my d*ck in and around her mouth.
Evan: Did you ever think that she's just using you to get her alcohol? She doesn't want your d*ck?
Seth: No, she's got an older brother and she could've asked him but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said 'Seth, Momma's making a pubi salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing.' She's D.T.F. - down to f*ck man. P and Vagi, she wants to
[kicks soccer ball]
Seth: f*ck man! Tonight is a night that f*cking is an actual possibility.
Evan: You just sound like an idiot, you're not gonna be able to sleep with her man.
Seth: No... dude, I don't want to talk a lot of sh*t OK. But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks hand job, month blow job, whatever whatever. And then, I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj.
Evan: K can you just get out of hear and we'll talk about this later?
Greg the Soccer Player: What the f*ck Evan we're down two points!
Evan: Fuckin' calm down Greg, it's soccer, it's soccer.
Greg the Soccer Player: Fuck you man.
Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants again?
Greg the Soccer Player: That was like eight years ago asshole.
Seth: People don't forget.
[turning back to Evan]
Seth: You wanna hear the best part? Becka! You do the same thing with her. When you guys are shit faced at the party, you get with her. This is our last party as highschool people. I fully ignored my hatred for Becka in coming up with this plan.
Evan: I should buy Becka alcohol?
Evan: Yeah, man that will be pimp! That way you know she'll be drunk. You know when you hear girls saying like 'ahh I was so shit faced last night I shouldn't have fucked that guy,' we could be that mistake!
(Source: Superbad)

Men think that everyone wants to sleep with them.

Women think they are complicated, but they have no idea. Have you ever heard a guy explain why he’s convinced that some lady wants to sleep with him? Man, I’ve heard intricate plots, down to the, “she was giving me the eye.” I’m not sure what this eye is. Sometimes, she just messed up plucking her eyebrows and now it looks like she’s giving everyone the eye. For me, I don’t believe that a chick wants to sleep with me until she says so. Let this be a lesson to all women. Not to make light of the situation, but if we are going to leave this up to a look or flip of the hair, you can’t be made at men who just whip out their Johnsons mid-conversation.

Act like you have somewhere to go.

There is nothing more frustrating that people who stand on the left side of the escalator in the morning. Like, MOVE! Why are you just standing there? They are like those weekend drivers, who are just going for a drive. Who does that? Let’s get in the car and burn up some gas just driving around the city real real real slow.

Are you the type who looks for every opportunity to save, or to avoid work you’ll spend the money?

I’m like that person who is not reaching for my wallet unless I have to. Yes, remind me to show you the video of me and my roommate going to Giant with a bucket of quarters to go grocery shopping. That money good too. Like and I never throw something away until I replace it. I’d rather have something that half works than nothing at all. Seriously. I’m not cheap by any means, but I just don’t agree with blowing money all crazy because of laziness. Here’s the test of will with cheapness; Do you always look for an ATM of the bank you belong to (If you don’t have wack ass PNC)? I used to didn’t, then I realized that you pay that bank to use their ATM like $2-3, and then you pay your bank $2. Shooooooot, I’ll walk around for ten minutes to find that Bank of America.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Morning Mail - 10.27.10

While we drive she tellin' me 'bout problems with her man
Baby I fully understand
Let me help you with a plan
While he trickin' off, don't get no rich n[egro]
Give ME some head, that'll really piss him off
(Source: Kanye West - Breathe In, Breathe Out)

Uncomfortable situations with women.

I should have known where this was going, but then again, I shouldn’t have been having this conversation with her anyway. Like I can see that she’s emotional and she’s looking for answers. She’s also complimenting me on the fact that I “get it” as if getting it is some type of impossible trait. I wanted to tell her that, “the funny thing about this entire thing is that men get it too, they just act like they don’t.” I am always enamored by women who truly believe they are outsmarting men. Too many women are holding babies and diseases because some man said they loved you, and meanwhile they are yapping on the phone with their single girlfriends about how men are so stupid. Have to ask yourself, how your stupid ass ended up on the short end of the stick. But as I noticed that she was getting emotional and she kept complimenting me, I knew that sooner than later, like in the next FIVE minutes she was going to look at me like, “why aren’t we dating?” And the answer to that question is always a tough one for anyone to stomach. The reason why we’re not dating is probably because you are sharing with me why it didn’t work out with your man. (This is funny, because if you were telling why it wasn’t working out with your man, while you were with him, you have a better shot than after you’re with him, telling me why it didn’t work out.) Now the other reason is, you’re probably telling me how you were good to him and he was out there chasing every skirt he could. Here’s when I think to myself about the current “invisible condom” epidemic and realize that you’re letting dude smash raw dog because he’s your man and you “love” him, meanwhile he’s “chasing every skirt he could.” But I can’t be that real with you while you’re telling me your life story.

Maybe we should stop drinking.

Brooke: I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.
Gary: Why didn't you just say that to me"
Brooke: I tried. I've tried.
Gary: Never like that, you might have said some things that meant to imply that, but I'm not a mind reader...
Brooke: It wouldn't matter you are who you are. Just leave me alone ok? Right now, just shut my door.
Gary: Listen... Brooke: Alright Gary just please, just leave the room. Gary just... I don't want to be near you right now, please just shut the door, please.

(Source: The Break Up)

Realizations that men don’t give as much as women in relationships.

Me and my friend are like brother and sister, so we pretty much talk about everything. So I’m realizing that men don’t give as much as women in relationships. And I can sum it up like this, if a girl said to me, “I want to have a threesome with you and another guy.” I would break up with her. However, most women when asked about a threesome with their man will be like, “If that’s what he really wants, I’ll consider it.” Sheeeeeeeeeit, men don’t consider nothing they don’t want to do. Like this is nasty, but imagine if a woman felt like she gets tired of feeling like she’s not in control of sex and was like, “baby I want to eff you, I want to put on a strap-on and eff you, it would make me feel so good to have that power.” If your man goes for that, trust me, he ain’t only your man. I just find that this same scenario extends to so much in relationships. Now, myself I try to defy every myth, but I’m guilty of this myself. There’s just only but so much I’m willing to give on, since I’m already forced into giving. LOL, that’s the real talk right there, relationships are like taxes to men, but to women it’s called charitable giving. And I’ve never really thought of taxes is giving, since they really take it. Like, a man has to pay for the dates, and the gas in the car, and movie or play tickets. The woman she can if she would like to, it’s a choice that she can make. Like a man, has to put on a condom, but a woman, she can be on birth control if she wants to. You see where I’m going here?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Morning Mail - 10.20.10

Kim Kardashian Moves Me, Nicky Minaj Scares Me, Kat Stacks, oh HELL NAW.

If you haven’t seen these pictures, you missing out.


In my personal opinion, Kim K. is booootiful. And I know that most people say it’s just because she has a fat a*s, but to me, whenever I see her picture I think of an old Dave Chappelle skit, “Breeeasssst Miiiilk, you make my daaaaaay-aaaayyy.” You know what I think moves me the most about Kim, is her attention to detail. The first time I laid eyes on Kim I was like, damn that sister is bad. And at first that was just something that brothers kept to themselves. When I found out she was Armenian, man I jumped up and walked it out like an Usher. I can’t speak on her past relationships, I’m not worried about them, I’m worried about me. If I was walking down the street holding hands and someone said to me, “You know Miles Austin was banging that, after Reggie Bush, no after, Ray J and he TAPED it,” do you know what I’d say? “Yes, but she’s banging me too.” When I saw those pictures of Kim K. earlier this week, my mouth watered and I thought that if I ever had sex with her, I’d probably cry.

Now Nicky, she poses a threat because no matter how silly I think it is that she calls herself Barbie, or the way she’s so animated when she speaks, or even the fact that she just disrespects the beat when she’s on it like a pre-frosh on top … I still think that something inside of me thinks it would be a nice lay. I’m not sure I could take her to meet mom, actually I’m pretty sure I can’t. But I can take her for a meeting in my bedroom. But then again, she reminds me of Lil’ Kim, she would bone me and then rap about how I couldn’t last. Look, I’m man enough to admit, sometimes you get in it trying to be superman and that ish is like kryptonite. I could see it now, she’d tweet, “I can see why he calls his place the Clinic, because it was a short visit for the Doctor.” You know what? I’m still going to try anyway.

You know you can’t pay me to try. Kat Stacks. I could bring the fire, wait, I told myself I would never compare my sex life to fire. I could bring that USDA approved, Grade-A Steak to the table and leave it well done and she’d still find a way to turn it around on me. I mean, what if I end up like Soulja Boy? Calling that woman my home girl, nah son. Like my man DMX said, “Y’all [negros] eat off the plate all you want, but not me.” Like I seen that picture of the new donk she got today and I was like, oh ok I see she making moves now. But at the same time, no wood. Real talk, that’s happened to me more than a few times with women. When I know it’s not right for me to do it, I don’t freeze up, I go straight flaccid. I really wish more men had this power, but then it wouldn’t be a power it would be an instinct.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Morning Mail – 10.19.10

Guy: Whose d*ck you sucking?
Girl: Don't call me with that bullshit, alright
Guy: You lying, you lying to me, B
Girl: Yeah exactly
Guy: Whose d*ck you sucking? C'mon B, I just heard some shit about you, some foul shit. The f*ck is the deal?
Girl: Suck my f*cking d*ck you bitchass n*gga! I don't...
Guy: No you explain it to me bitch. You know what I'm talking about.
Girl: I don't know nobody up here! I don't f*ck with nobody up here and I ain't been f*cking with nobody up here! I don't know nobody in f*cking Yonkers!
Guy: Lying ass bitch. You ain't shit. Do I got to holler his name too?
Girl: Who the f*ck is he!?
Guy: Bitch you f*ckin him!
(Source: How’s It Going Down)

I preface this by saying if I didn’t admit that a little hate contributed to this post, I would be lying.

I think Drake is gay.

There I said it.

And no, I don’t mean gay like when Eminem uses the “f-word” to describe people who are generally wack or losers. I mean gay as in he performs sexual acts for men, lol. Where in the world did you come up with this theory Dr. J? Seriously, not even MC Hammer made it to the top as quick as Drake. Like not even Lil’ Kim could suck enough peen to make it to the top this quick, but Drake, but DRAKE, BUT DRAKE, Drake is considered to be on top of the rap game ... AND the hip hop game, at the same time. People wondering how Nicky Minaj made it to the top (of the female rap game) so fast, and nobody is even speculating, they are convicted in their hearts that Nicky Minaj slept with a couple dudes and fifteen women to get to her spot, #letsbehonest. I seen the way Angie Maritnez was looking at Nicky.

1) How did Drake get a deal with Sprite?

Think about the people who get deals with Sprite, Coca-Cola or Gatorade; athletes or very well established entertainers. Case in point, Lil’ Wayne just got a deal with Gatorade, Rick Ross is doing Nike commercials, Jimmy Johnson is doing Extenze commercials, but Drake is doing Sprite commercials. He’s sucking someone off at Coca-Cola. Like think about it, Coca-Cola is in Atlanta and the Honorable Eddie Long teaches us that Atlanta ain’t the straightest place in America.

2) He signed with Young Money.

Like two years ago, people wouldn’t let you leave a room without telling you that Lil’ Wayne was gay for kissing Baby on the lips. Then Lil’ Wayne responded saying that they kiss on the lips because that’s how Cash Money does. Drake kissed Lil’ Wayne on the lips, trust me on that one.

3) He said it himself that he does some questionable things.

“My brother P Ray knows we f*ck with the same hoes.” – Drake

NEVER, not never in my life, have I ever came out my mouth and said, I mess with the same women as my friend, frat brother, or even another dude I know by name. Not that it didn’t happen, but that’s never going to come out my mouth. And for some reason, I get the feeling that Drake and P Ray mess with the same women ... at the same time.

4) BET hails Drake as one of the Top 10 MCs of the 21st Century.

This guy has dropped one and a half album and he’s a Top 10 MC?! He’s sucking someone off at BET. That’s the only way to explain why someone puts their name behind something so egregious. Let me tell you something, Lil’ Kim wasn’t never anything close to a great rapper, but don’t tell Bad Boy that. I wonder why. I’m not dissing anyone but they said it themselves; more evidence Foxy Brown and Trina too. Man, until they realized that Amil was mildly retarded and passing with the rest of the normal kids, Amil was just as big a part of Roc-a-fella as Memphis Bleek. And Jay-Z has been gay. Do you know how you pronounce Memphis Bleek in the Midwest? “Gayle King.” #stopthinkaboutit.

You may be laughing right now, but I bet the next time you see Drake do something questionable again, like jump up and down clapping, or put his arm around Lil’ Wayne you’ll be like, yeah I see how you got to where you are, my dude. I didn’t even bring up that fact that he picture messages with other men, and made a commercial about it. (Re: Kodak Commercial with Trey Songz and Pitbull.) I’m still waiting on someone to give me one person in hip hop who got this established, this fast, and wasn’t having sex with anyone on the label.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Morning Mail – 10.06.10

Ben Stone: [explaining the conception to their newborn baby] and then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I took the most literal translation.
Ben Stone: But between you and me, it was the smartest thing I ever did, 'cause now you're here.
(Source: Knocked Up)

I heard about yesterday how my friend from college got the swindle in the form birth control. The doctor switched her birth control and told her to take a double dose until her body caught on and then she got pregnant. First of all, #cmonson. Second of all, you was already taking the risk of getting pregnant by not using the condoms. Third, congratulations, I’m real happy for everyone that’s having a baby.

That got me thinking, today I seen this girl at my place of employment. The people who pay me until I can find a way to live comfortably being a full-time writer and I noticed something. (Other than the fact that that baby has left her with ginormous breasts.) Yo the dude who got her pregnant was like support staff! I started thinking about how sometimes we lobby for women to date men sometimes they would think are beneath them and then I see this and I’m like, that’s the reason why you can’t do that shit! Because you might get pregnant and everyone will say, “Well, why were you having sex with him anyway?!” Or, “well what are you going to do now, he ain’t got no job?!”

I think men think about this, but we sort of be like, ignoring it and going through with stupid actions anyway. I know there’s somebody out there who raw dogged a jumpoff and lived to tell about it. Most men though, if we meet a girl that we think is above us, like the best looking girl we ever been with or a chick with a fat job, they will come inside you. Period. I don’t doubt it. Men get scared that women will leave them and they get them pregnant. However a man gets scared that a woman will stay with him and they will never get her pregnant. So that’s why you should always date men ahead of you, LMAO.

I got a lot of writing to do today, so short mail.

Life is good. God is good.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Morning Mail – 10.04.10

Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.
(Source: Dogma)

My Morning Mail is like my coffee, it’s therapeutic in a way that gets my day started.

Fighting is so juvenile. Fighting in the club, you need Jesus. This weekend, I risked my life to go to a club a bunch of kids and thugs decided to get into a brawl. A lot of people are quick to call themselves a thug or “not gonna be a bitch.” Let me be up front and frank with you, if you hit someone with a bottle and leave a scar, that is assault and maming. It carries a mandatory jail sentence. So you may be hard in the dancefloor paint, but if you are in college or fresh out of college with a new job, the last place you should be is jail. And that’s realer than real deal Holyfield.

I continue to evaluate the alternatives of having illegitimate children with women from around the world.

I think I have a strained forearm, from writing too much.

The Niners stink. They absolutely stink. Alex Smith has to go and everyone knows it. If I hear one more football analyst say, “and Alex Smith is not the answer at QB,” I’m just going to start asking more questions bout what’s going on.

I have realized that you shouldn’t be road-tripping after you graduate. Like it’s okay to visit your alma mater, but road tripping is just uncouth. You know Cornell University has this thing called Slope Day, now if I’m going to Upstate NY to go to Slope Day, something is wrong with me, I didn’t go to that school.

Fantasy Football is a crazy thing.

Mike Huckabee is a hilarious man. I implore all so-called democrats to find out what the opposition is saying about them and what they stand for, only that way can you make a decision. I swear, I may be accused of being conservative, but I’m not, I just don’t like when nothing happens or people make knee jerk reactions to get a quick gain, but big loss.

There is nothing wrong with being spiritual, there is something wrong with religion. Drastically wrong with religion and no one is peeping it but me. I come from an uber religious family and it’s so hard to separate myself from believing that everything comes from this all powerful being called God. I just think believe that the higher power gave us power to do things too, to make decisions and to control our destiny. This after I’m in a bar and a Christian proceeds to tell his friend why he should stop having sex because it is a sin and no marriage can come from a relationship in which sex has already been had. Then he starts talking about how you can steal movies and TV shows online at this website. Sometimes, I think Judaists don’t believe in sex because they don’t know that the real reason is because King David was screwing everyone’s women before they got married.

I’m just joking, please don’t shoot me down.

I land feet first.

Life is good. God is good.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Morning Mail – 10.01.10

Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the f**k up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
(Source: Friday)

“Now keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.” – Erykah Badu

I read all 116 comments, yesterday. All of them.

If I don’t comment then I won’t be able to finish out my series, so here goes:

Let me talk a little bit about the post and the points I made, because I was accused of making up scenarios, or not speaking from personal experience. The first point I made spoke to the Latinas and their language or accent. I asked the question to people who do not speak English as their first language, has there ever been a time when they couldn’t pronounce a word correctly, or didn’t know what a word meant, or couldn’t find a word in English to compliment it in their first language, and if they were teased or laughed at about it? Resounding answer, yes. A friend of mine in the modeling industry told me, being from DR, a lot of other Black models tease her and poke fun at her because she doesn’t speak English that well. They say hurtful things as if men only like her because she doesn’t speak English that well. However, she’s spending her own money to take English classes so she is better at it. That’s real. Those things are happening, if we are denying it then we are lying to ourselves and everyone’s guilty of participating in it. I used to tease my Puerto Rican friends that they spoke Spanglish, which is a combination of English and Spanish woven together in the most random form. And while I do it out of love, some people don’t.

I went on to talk about Latinas and their looks. Within the Black community there is so much hate spewed at one another because of light skin vs. dark skin, to act as though people do not look at a Black man with a Latin woman and say, “he’s with her because of the hair and the skin color,” I just don’t buy it. But my point was this … that Latinas come in all shades and different hair textures. This was to inform, not to bring down. I asked a friend who is fair skin about this and she said that she received a lot of animosity from within her community and from Black women, and it really bothered her because her sister was much darker than her, and they were raised in a family where everyone was beautiful, but she got the impression that in the US, darker was better. She couldn’t even tell! That’s how persecuted people are for their complexion, some people will sit outside, or use lotions to tan so they don’t get teased at school. We know this goes both ways, but at times we have to stop arguing the darker side and realize that the lighter side goes through it too.

Next I touched on the topic of understanding the plight of Black in America. A few friends who I asked said that there have been several occasions when they were hanging around Black guys and they were approached by Black women who asked them, “What do you know about being Black?” or told, “No matter what you do, you still won’t be Black.” That’s why I made the point. And I made the point to because Black women have said it to Black men, that they know their men better than anyone race could. I’ve witnessed it, I’ve been told it too. I just don’t like it.

I ended talking about the perceptions of why Latinas date Black men. Despicable. When you see a couple walking down the street a critical thinker asks, how did they end up together? As I had a conversation with a group of Latinas over drinks, I asked what are some of the reasons you’ve heard for why Latinas like Black men and they told me; (1) They think we like them in bed, because they are better or bigger, (2) They think we are trying to get with them to get in the country, but we’re already here or (3) They think we are trying to get them for their money. That’s real America, that’s happening.

In the comments someone tried to break down the word “Latino.” Thank you, I’m sure you were trying to educate, but let me tell you, please don’t assume I have not heard it all. I have family members who call themselves “Spanish” to avoid confusing people. We are slaves to linguistics. However, you can call them Hispanic, but this is marginalizing because not everyone is from Spanish descent. You can say, “from a Spanish speaking country,” once again leaving out people who speak Portuguese. Or you can call them, “Latinos” meaning coming from Latin America. Now, in college I wrote a poem and in this poem I talked about how a Latino was like a leprechaun. I’ve never seen one, I am not sure what they look like, and I’m not sure where they’re from, but I’m pretty sure they exist because I’ve heard stories about them. I know Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Venezuelans, Mexicans, Peruvians, Columbians, Brazilians, etc. etc. etc. but I’ve never heard of this country Latin America. No matter what we do, we’re going to have difficulty putting a title on it. So I use, Latino because it’s the least offensive option.

Also, someone commented on Black Latinos and White Latinos, and I felt like Drake, “I be like silly motherfucker I know.” I did not have time to give a dissertation on racial constructs in America and abroad. (Teach you something about writing it’s called, “WORD COUNT.”) My friend Props said it best, “My ship went this way and your ship went this way.” I know damn well that there are Africans everywhere, that there are people with nappy hair and dark skin, everywhere. I just didn’t have the time to explain this. But let me point out, that I can tell you that several Latin folks have considered themselves Black and been told, “No matter what you do, you won’t be Black.” And also several Latin folks have separated themselves from Black and been told, “You’re Black, whether you like it or not.” But the post wasn’t about race matters, it needed to be succinct and present the point that I was trying to get across. I’m afraid while I was talking about one issue, some of the readers tried to get on their intellectual soapbox in the wrong sanctuary.

A few of the comments said I was using this post to explain why I date Latinas and I wanted to get some type of approval from Black women. First off, I don’t need anything close to an approval from Black women to do shit. Second, you made yourselves look ugly yesterday. The thing that angered me the most were the countless Latin people who read SBM everyday and never comment who hit me on the side and said, “Those women are lying, they are full of shit.” Because some of the things that were said made them feel like they didn’t have a reason to feel like they have experienced racism from Black folks. I made the point to one of the silent readers, “Some times women say Black men are in jail or doing crime, and I say, I’m not in jail and not doing wrong, and none of my friends are either. However, I would be lying if I did not admit that the situation is prevalent in our community.” And so a lot of the holier than thou people at the First Baptist Church of SBM, or In Need of Reform SBMC, acted as though they don’t think this is a problem in 2010. Nothing could be more harmful to the argument than that. Nothing. I draw the comparison to the Jena 6 and say that it’s because Black people have forgotten that the Northeastern corridor, or their immediate network, those with college degrees or worldly experiences, do NOT represent the entire United States. It is that dangerous thinking that leads to events like the Jena 6, because we have forgotten that we are still oppressed on all fronts. Black folks are lying if they don’t think the problem is in the community, maybe you have chosen not to surround yourself with those folks, but don’t lie and say it’s not happening.

The thing is, I’ve always been very vocal that I take this writing thing seriously. Some people want to talk shit, yeah that’s part of it, but more than that, I want a book deal. I have dreams of being a better writer and a published writer more times over. I do research on everything I write. When I come up with a topic, I see it through to see if I am ranting or actually presenting an issue to the table. Have we talked about racism too much? Yes. Have we talked about light and dark too much? Yes. But have we owned up to the issues that plague us in our Black and Latino relations? No. Because we just don’t want to. I started working on this post two months ago, it’s been done for a while, I did one on one sessions, asked family members, friends, I did group sessions, and I sent emails to listserves to solicit and receive feedback for this article. I didn’t just come off the top of my head. People who insult me thinking I’m just ranting, that’s disrespectful man. And I’d rather you just not read my shit, I should probably charge for the time I put into it and I’m giving it to you for free and you have the nerve to attack me as a writer. Fuck you.

I agree that some people probably misunderstood the post. I hope this provided some insight into what I was trying to say. My goal was a healthy discussion behind what steps we can take to one, be accountable, two, inform ourselves, three, make sure to make concerted efforts to eliminate the problem. I complain that women are this way, or that way, but for most of you who know me, know that I take time out of my day to talk to women, because most men don’t. They go around complaining about ish and never tell the women what to do to fix the problem. That goes both ways. If women complain about uneducated men, I’m waiting to see more women stepping up as tutors and mentors for young men. And lastly, the reason why the post was about Latinas is because it’s Hispanic Heritage Month, stop trying to steal the show, lol. I really wanted to hear from our Latin readers, but a lot didn’t even comment because of the hasty environment that ensued. I was really ticked off, but I wasn’t offended. Like most people, my defense … was, in the words of Dwayne Michael Carter, “misunderstood ain’t got to be explained.” I wrote this because as the day went on, each comment pushed me closer to taking a sabbatical from SBM and shelving two great articles that I’ve written for the rest of Hispanic Heritage Month.

Anyway, it’s my birthday and I should be having fun.

I didn’t have space to say all this in the post or as a comment, lol.