Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Morning Mail - 10.20.10

Kim Kardashian Moves Me, Nicky Minaj Scares Me, Kat Stacks, oh HELL NAW.

If you haven’t seen these pictures, you missing out.

In my personal opinion, Kim K. is booootiful. And I know that most people say it’s just because she has a fat a*s, but to me, whenever I see her picture I think of an old Dave Chappelle skit, “Breeeasssst Miiiilk, you make my daaaaaay-aaaayyy.” You know what I think moves me the most about Kim, is her attention to detail. The first time I laid eyes on Kim I was like, damn that sister is bad. And at first that was just something that brothers kept to themselves. When I found out she was Armenian, man I jumped up and walked it out like an Usher. I can’t speak on her past relationships, I’m not worried about them, I’m worried about me. If I was walking down the street holding hands and someone said to me, “You know Miles Austin was banging that, after Reggie Bush, no after, Ray J and he TAPED it,” do you know what I’d say? “Yes, but she’s banging me too.” When I saw those pictures of Kim K. earlier this week, my mouth watered and I thought that if I ever had sex with her, I’d probably cry.

Now Nicky, she poses a threat because no matter how silly I think it is that she calls herself Barbie, or the way she’s so animated when she speaks, or even the fact that she just disrespects the beat when she’s on it like a pre-frosh on top … I still think that something inside of me thinks it would be a nice lay. I’m not sure I could take her to meet mom, actually I’m pretty sure I can’t. But I can take her for a meeting in my bedroom. But then again, she reminds me of Lil’ Kim, she would bone me and then rap about how I couldn’t last. Look, I’m man enough to admit, sometimes you get in it trying to be superman and that ish is like kryptonite. I could see it now, she’d tweet, “I can see why he calls his place the Clinic, because it was a short visit for the Doctor.” You know what? I’m still going to try anyway.

You know you can’t pay me to try. Kat Stacks. I could bring the fire, wait, I told myself I would never compare my sex life to fire. I could bring that USDA approved, Grade-A Steak to the table and leave it well done and she’d still find a way to turn it around on me. I mean, what if I end up like Soulja Boy? Calling that woman my home girl, nah son. Like my man DMX said, “Y’all [negros] eat off the plate all you want, but not me.” Like I seen that picture of the new donk she got today and I was like, oh ok I see she making moves now. But at the same time, no wood. Real talk, that’s happened to me more than a few times with women. When I know it’s not right for me to do it, I don’t freeze up, I go straight flaccid. I really wish more men had this power, but then it wouldn’t be a power it would be an instinct.


Lola said...

“I can see why he calls his place the Clinic, because it was a short visit for the Doctor.”

OMG this line right here killed the hell out of me!

SaneN85 said...

I can admit after looking at those pictures that I am straight jealous of Kim's body. Paid for or not.