Friday, April 29, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.29.11

[Marty is trying to woo Janet again, kissing the back of her neck and humming as she smokes a cigarette at the bar in the party for the Archbishop]
Marty: Come on... all you have to do is turn around.
Janet: I thought you liked it better like this. That way you don't have to look at the person.
Marty: You're mean.
Marty: Look at me.
[She turns to face him. He is grinning seductively]
Marty: Come on. Let's go find a bar you can still smoke in.
Janet: Thanks for the invite, but I don't like one-night stands all that much.
Marty: We saw each other for months.
Janet: It was a one-night stand, Marty. It just lasted six months.
(Source: Primal Fear)

That’s the look on your face when you realize that you … have been played for a fool. As a man it’s hard to set aside our egos at times for the greater good of our sanity. I can’t lie, I’ve been in situations before where I thought the relationship was purely sexual and then one day I was left wondering what happened. The woman in the situation made a conscious decision in her own mind that she wanted more, but she had already regulated me to just a sexual encounter. Vice versa, there have been times when I thought the relationship was actually going somewhere worthwhile but then later found out, that it was just a sexual arrangement. There’s no bigger hit to the ego of a man than to be told that once he starts to catch feelings this “thing” has to end. In his mind, isn’t that the point? And in other news, he’s left standing there with this perplexed look on his face as if to say, “Wait, so if I had never developed feelings for you everything would have worked out fine?” I think I get it.

This Diesel cologne is the shit.

I will tell you that in all of my travels and all the relationship advice I give out, Top Five Most Hilarious Moments are when a woman is going off about how bad or ignorant her children’s father is. They usually not together and the way they talk about him as a dog is alarming. And you can never say this but the only question that I want to know is, “So why did you have more than one kid with this guy?”

A fistfight almost broke out last night. We got to discussing what extreme was better, an extremely large ass or extremely large breasts. A fistfight, pushing and shoving.

Keep it real, why did VH1 have to come out and shutdown rumors of an Amber Rose reality show? You know why, because that heffer has been going around telling people she’s about to have a reality show. You know Bravo ain’t going to show it, TV One won’t do it either, and BET would have done lost their mind to do it… well wait BET is Viacom too. But no, that was pretty funny.

I try and warn a lot of dudes not to listen to what women say about what they want in a man too closely. Let me explain that before I get out of here today. Women will say they want a brother that’s 6 feet or taller, probably somewhere between 175 and 220. They want the muscles and however else they like their hair. They like guys who dress a certain way, like maybe they like a guy who’s a wife beater, baggy jeans and Tims kind of dude. Or maybe they like a fashion forward type of guy. Either way, they got a type of brother that they find super attractive. Whatever. Listen, don’t get in a conversation with women about what they find attractive, it’s nonsensical. You’re a man, think about it from your perspective. How many times do we spend evenings with the fellas talking about celebrity women? We talked about Stacey Dash until we were blue in the face. And for a lot of dudes they will say they look for a pretty brown girl, pretty brown eyes, hair down to her back, slim jawn, but nice little bubble joint, tone, but not brolic. And then they banging out the most raggedy broads you ever seen. Fact of the matter is just like guys fantasize over a certain type chick, but end up dealing with a different type chick women are that way too. That’s why when women say things like, “I typically date guys who are …” About all they get from me is, “Word, that’s crazy.”

I be knowing.

Life is good. God is good.

Enjoy your weekend people.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Summertime Fashion Push

For the Ladies: Nude Pumps and the Return of Maxi Dresses

For some reason we can’t kill off these maxi dresses. Of course there are some really good bodies in maxi dresses, but let’s be honest people, you don’t really see a lot of maxi dresses on people who should be wearing them. I’d say 5 out of 6 of them shouldn’t be wearing the maxi dress. But le sigh. The maxi dress is comfortable, it’s versatile. And you know what I’d rather you wear a maxi dress and sandals and be able to transition from the day move to the night out on the town, than the always awkward need to return home so that you can change for the night.

Here are some keys to victory from a man’s point of view. Figure out what you’re going to do about your underwear situation before you put that dress on. You have a few choices, you can go with VS seamless panties, a thong, or commando. You should know your body type so that you can tell which one you want to do. One time I was at this cookout and you could tell this girl wanted to go commando, but she had a little too much going on under that dress. It was like watching waves rolling from off the shore. At the same token, I was with a pretty fit girl one time and she decided that because people could see her panty line that she’d rather go without and her body wasn’t one that jiggled, but it was shapely. I think the thong is for those women who just hate going commando, and the seamless is for women who need to hold it together, or need assistance in getting the right shape. Don’t sleep, underwear can pull things together. Here’s what you don’t do; don’t wear lace, or embroidery, people can see that and it’s disgusting. And although many people don’t agree with me recommending this, here’s my you didn’t get this from me piece of advice; you can solve a lot of problems with maxi dresses by copping a pair of spanx.

Nude Pumps. My homegirl Mia wrote a wonderful piece on Nude Pumps yesterday over at the StylEdit. You guys know I love that site. So I’m always referring people to it. If you haven’t already, please follow it. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the nude pumps; I think they should match your complexion, if not then they are just beige pumps. Which is perfectly fine. However, if you get the opportunity, and you are a darker or even bronzer complexion, slip on a pair of pumps to match your skin tone. It makes your legs look perfect, they compliment your skin, and give you this look that I’m sure you’ll like. If you search long enough you’ll find a soft leather pair, the only reason why I mention that is because I’ve seen a lot of patent leather ones. I had a friend who had a pair of nude patent leather pumps a few years ago. They were also her favorite club attire heels. Needless to say they got scuffed and getting those scuffs off where kind of difficult.

Gentlemen: Cuffed Jeans, the 70s, Polos and Deck Shoes

I’ll touch briefly on some male fashion trends and just talk personally about something that I’ve been doing. I am so on the fence about men cuffing their jeans because I have not seen it done the correct way most times. I can understand if you are wearing a nice pair of deck shoes and you don’t want your jeans dragging on the ground. I can live with that. Here’s what I cannot deal with is when I can see your bare leg above your ankle, that’s doing the 40 yard dash in the 30 yard room.

I’ve seen a lot of people with clothes that look like they are in the 70s … the 1870s. I’m not a fan. As a person who used to rock a hard rotation of Benjamin Bixby and still do a lot of shopping at Rugby, I’m nosigning this look with strong urge and fury. The reason why is because in the 1870s as a Black guy, you look like you belong on some cotton field. However, here’s a throwaway just because I’m feeling nice today; ribs are back in, which means the 70s are in … the 1970s. Undersized tee-shirts, shell tops, and be careful… but boot cut jeans are in. Take it the extra mile and visit Digital Gravel and get your vintage tee-shirt game up. Last but not least just a friendly reminder that people need to stop buying polos from Express and spend more time at Ralph Lauren, mainly their Polo and Rugby store.

Last note, I got into a big debate with a group of ladies about what if men started buying nude shoes. She nosigned it. But don’t listen to her. I think it’s perfectly fine for you to buy deck shoes that match your complexion. I think every man should have at least two pairs of deck shoes, you’re white shoes this year, make them deck shoes FTW. I actually like to buy mine from an outdoor store, only because I want them to grip on to a boat when wet. That’s me, I’m actually thinking about boats and h*es all the time. That’s a Stepbrothers reference for you feminists.

I’m getting out of here.

PS – I don’t know when this happened, but recently there was a shift and now you’re seeing more men pairing their ties with their socks. Make the switch if you like. As with most men fashion, electing not to partake is totally fine. People still rock the James Bond look and do just fine. This is why I respect women’s fashion so much more, if you wear something that’s ten years old but not in style that year, people will stare at you like you smell.

Morning Mail - 4.28.11

Joey: [Discussing at Meg's on the tornadoes they have seen so far] No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F3?
Bill: Solid F2.
Melissa: See, now you have lost me again.
Bill: It's the Fujita scale. It measures a tornado's intensity by how much it eats.
Melissa: Eats?
Bill: Destroys.
Laurence: That one we encountered back there was a strong F2, possibly an F3.
Beltzer: Maybe we'll see some 4's.
Haynes: That would be sweet!
Bill: 4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficiently.
Melissa: Is there an F5?
[Everyone goes dead silent]
Melissa: What would that be like?
Jason 'Preacher' Rowe: The Finger of God.
Melissa: None of you has ever seen an F5?
Bill: ...Just one of us.
[Looks upstairs, indicating Jo]
(Source: Twister)

I’m sure by now most of you know that our country has been hit with a significant amount of tornadoes lately. If any of your loved ones are affected my prayers are with you and your family. This is tragic. These natural disasters that strike are reminders that we are not in control of destiny or fate. You may not believe in Him, or you may believe in Him, or you just might believe that nature is a god. Whatever you do, take to prayer and meditation for those people who have been affected.

My finger is still jammed. It’s been since Saturday. Partially the problem is that I can’t go a whole day without using the finger. Realistically speaking, I should probably not be on a computer for a few days to allow the thing to be fully immobilized. Well … a little pain hasn’t ever hurt anybody and since we are sure that it isn’t broken, we’re just waiting for the swelling to go down. The main problem is that after injuring the finger, instead of icing and sitting out of the football game, I proceeded to spend the next 4 hours playing football. So from the size it was then to now, it’s been a significant improvement.

A lot of weird stuff going down in my world, but I ain’t tripping. It’s only forcing me to put myself in a better position to succeed. And by my world I mean my physical world, like the actual world that exists away from the Internet. To be honest with everyone the story behind Childish Gambino really threw me for a loop. At the same time, working with folks from New York City and telling them how to seize the moment is frustrating. Instead, why am I not doing that? I also had a weird conversation about thinking I was underpaid with my firm. It was almost like they said, “Yeah, but what do you want us to do about it?” Now for the record, I don’t think I’m underpaid, I think I’m overpaid. But, I think a lot of that has to do with knowing how much I could possibly earn and not how much I actually need to live comfortably. We will see how that all pans out.

I just want the swelling to go down.

So yesterday, huh? Pretty wild on the internet. Let me say this much, if you’ve been following, I’ve always been outspoken. I was sitting there thinking of the bullshit excuse I gave everyone for why I took my wall down on Facebook a few years back, like maybe 2005, lol. I took that joint down before anyone ever suggested doing that. The real reason was because you know what, I don’t care what some people have to say about me, or my sh*t. If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to come to my site and wave your finger and say you don’t like it. Now I’m guilty of the type of person who puts something out there and I feel passionate about it, so I defend it passionately, shoot me. I have these “Kanye-esque” moments all the time. As I told a friend the other day, my team is just a bunch of negroes who sit around basically throwing whatever you put out there that doesn’t make sense back at you in the form of “Chill, you’re bugging.” I’ve gotten used to it meaning, hey you know what, let me think this over a little bit better. Now how do I do that? I make a choice on whether maybe I’m wrong, which is highly possible, or I’m not presenting it the right way, which is also possible. But I don’t tell my team, “You guys are rude.”

And I’m getting ready to get up out of here but check this out; I don’t really ask questions at the end of my posts a lot because I think it’s like jocking for comments. If you want to comment on my ish, then feel free, I appreciate all the comments. There have been times when I didn’t respond to readers who commented on my articles, people got upset about that and wanted me to respond to comments and be a part of the discussion. I have mixed feelings on that, but you know, I feel what my readers saying so I partake in the discussion. I can just as easily go back to not asking any questions and never responding to a single comment. I can have this, “My sh*t is fire” mentality and that I’m above ever responding to someone. I could do that.

But I guess I’m rude. That’s cool, I’m an asshole and misogynist too.

And you’re just a bird.

“She never really took the time out to get to know you.” – Anonymous

Life is good. God is good.

If you get paid on the 30th, that mean you get paid tomorrow. So enjoy happy hour tonight, it’s the 1st of the MONTH!!!

Cash your welfare check and come on…


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.27.11

Ebony: [while speaking to two strippers trying on shoes] You need a bigger size, huh?
Stripper #1: It's about time. You took so long I don't even know what I want no 'mo.
Stripper #2: Girl, I could not put up with your job.
Ebony: I couldn't put up with yours either. What club do you all work at?
Stripper #2: Club Sugar Daddy!
[High-fives her friend]
Ebony: Hmm, how do you put up with *your* job?
Stripper #1: Now easy, Miss Thang. We just using what we got to get what we want.
Stripper #2: [high-fiving her friend] Go on, girl!
Ebony: Well, if that's all you got, you don't want much.
(Source: The Players Club)

Seems like everyone wants to go to the strip club these days. I’m like a connoisseur of the strip club, but it was never like this. I remember when I first started going to strip clubs, almost ten years ago. Maybe more. I had a fake ID, so it was a trip. But I just found something fascinating about strip clubs. But this isn’t about that. It’s about the strip club versus now. Granted the first time I walked into the Penthouse in DC, I was amazed that there were no poles and they played Gudda Musik. Which for those of you not familiar, it’s basically a club that plays hood ass music all night long. But there was something about The House that drew people in. I think it had to do with the fact that the music was great, there were TVs, they had a good number of slims in there that also were personable, drinks were cheap, and the lesbian movement in DC didn’t hurt the crowd. Basically, it wasn’t the same as when I first started going and each chick had her small set and picked three songs from the jukebox. Three like songs that you could dance to, not Rick Ross, Project Pat, or Lil’ Wayne. It is a spectacle in the strip club now. And from King of Diamonds in Miami, to Stadium in DC it’s just done got straight ignent.

So the Lakers won last night. That’s crazy right? Yeah man, I think so.

Back to the strip club, why at a young age was I drawn to them? To me it’s the only place that you can go and be almost absolutely sure that no one is paying attention to you.

I will remember April 25th for the rest of my life, for it is the day that I realized that the 16th of April had passed. And that’s all I have to say about the war in Vietnam.

I wish I could be at the beach right now. I could go for a day on the beach alone and by myself. That’s weird too right? I don’t know but I guess people are weird. I enjoy the company of others, but I think that we can only truly be ourselves when we are alone. When it’s just you and the waves rolling in, you find peace. There’s no need to be concerned with anyone else’s happiness or how they feel about what you’re doing. And maybe that’s a “Libra” thing as some people say, always trying to please someone else. However, my alone time is really the time that I appreciate the most.

Have you ever held a small child’s hand in your hand and realized that it was going to grow into the size of yours one day. It’s amazing how small we start out as. I had a few friends have kids over the past couple months and I just wanted to shout them out.

I don’t think people are quite ready for what’s about to happen over the next couple months with the label.

I used to be fascinated with green eyes. And then one day I realized that they weren’t all they were cracked up to be. A couple bad experiences with chicks made me realize that sometimes they are wearing contacts, literally or figuratively. I used to be fascinated with blue eyes. And then one day I realized that they weren’t they were cracked up to be. People with them use them to David Blaine you into looking in their eyes while they stab you in the chest.

Don’t miss y’all warning signs.

Knocked down, but not out. I got back up.

Life is good. God is good.

I think I’m on the train with Bone Crusher right now. Honest to God, I’m going to go say something. I’ll holla.

Diamond: I loved The Players Club for offering women a way to reach their goals in life. But I also hated The Players Club for all the girls it destroyed in the process.
(Source: The Players Club)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Afternoon Mail - 4.26.11

Benny: Marybeth, I know what I am. Don't think for a second that I don't, 'cus I do. Like when I hear you and Ridley talking to some of the other girls, things yous able to talk about
Benny: you're smart, you got schooling, you know things. Me, what do I know... I know that being with me must be like being with a retard. I look in the mirror sometimes, I wonder what you're doin with me. I know you do, too. When the day comes, you find somebody better, 'cus one day that will happen, I ain't gonna give you no shit over it, ok? I'm just gonna be grateful that I had some time with you. You's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love you.
(Source: Life is Hot in Cracktown)

Put this movie on your queue. It’s not the greatest movie, but it is actually a really great movie about crackheads. And yes, Kerry Washington is in it.

Ain’t it weird when an actress you find attractive is in a movie as a prostitute? Like you want to see a little skin, but it’s sort of like, “But I don’t really like seeing her in this position of servitude.”

Whole movie got me to think about the whole head and knees thing again. I’m still going to say that I don’t think it happens anymore. And by knees I mean, her knees on the floor, not on the bed.

My post on SBM was a success just as I wanted it to be. But it got me to thinking about some people who read blogs. Do you ever get the feeling that people think they’re “blessing your blog with their presence” everyday? I think that there are some people who think that the party doesn’t start until they show up. Reminds me of these $1 parties that the Sigmas used to throw at Cuse. These were the most hilarious parties ever. They were basically free parties because the ticket cost like a $1 or they gave it away for free. AND THEY DID NO WORK PROMOTING THE PARTY, THEY JUST HAD THE PARTY AND PEOPLE SHOWED UP IN DROVES. Why did that remind me of that? Because sometimes I wonder if I did a blank post, what would happen in the comments section. Allegedly, it’s the readers who make the blog … dique … so it really doesn’t matter what I write, does it? Anyway just to go back to the original point, just so you know, if you don’t show up on a blog one day, you just get replaced. In reality, never in the history of blogging has a commenter’s absence caused a blog to shutdown. I’m pretty sure it’s when the blogger stops blogging. I’ll ask Slim how many comments a day he’s getting over at 3ways.

I am an obsessive counter. For example, I have a bad habit of counting pregos all day long. And then I have this visual memory that when I go from my commute from my home to place of work, I can remember each one. I counted four today. One was running. Now we are in the warmer times of the year. Yesterday I went to Red Lobster for the last day of Lobsterfest. #NIIIICE. I counted in downtown Silver Spring no less than 6 maxi dresses, one of the shorties was making it a-okay to have it on, the others looked horrid. The one shorty who was bad, was married. #LOSS. I counted eight teenagers standing in an area. They could have been no more than 16, and they all had tattoos and were smoking Black & Milds. Who’s signing these permission slips on these tattoos? (Sidenote, remember back in the day the only fun thing to do was go to the mall? Couldn’t get into any places because of your age.)

The point of that was today, 50% of the women I saw had on nude pumps. A few had on beige and thought we was going to let that slide, but whatever. Be prepared as Scar once said, these nude pumps are coming y’all.

So it’s like 90 degrees outside in DC today. That means everybody wants to wear their summer dress, or at least a dress. All the women and gay men that is. I don’t have on a dress, I have on deck shoes though. And it became obvious this might not be the best idea once I got to work. After work I’m going to buy a new suit. Anyway, so the wind is blowing like at least 30mph today. And that means most of the women have to hold their skirts down. So today at lunch I went to Baja Fresh and I sat in a high chair that was viewing the outside of what I think is 21st and I. This is a crazy intersection because there’s a BoA across the street. And you know what that means…

It means that you have to let go of your skirt to place your hand over the screen to deflect the glare, and also use your other hand to type in your information on the keypad or screen. Needless to say, “I see Paris, I see France, I see someone’s underpants.”

And what is it about people and their ridiculous sunglasses. First things first, if you are a man and your shades take up 50% of your face, seek professional help. Another thing that’s clearly out of style these days is the random colors that we had for our shades. I see this lady with these sunglasses with a brown tint. I thought that was sort of cool, but the brown to clear fade went out a few years back, like 2006. Stoooooooooop.

Oh snap, this was a longer than expected post.

I swear this guy at my job is always eating and smacking. Then he asks me, “Why you always looking at me like I’m bothering you?” And I smile and respond, “You’re okay.” He be knowing though, he be knowing. One of these days I’m just going to lock my screen and walk away when he comes around.

Pray for me. Some days I think that I’m a likely candidate to end up on CNN with a hostage situation at my job. That won’t work out for me either since I work so close to the White House.

Life is good. God is good.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Afterwork Mail - 4.25.11

Yes it's me again
And I'm back
Oh I oh I oh I yeah
Oh I oh I oh I baby
Oh I oh I oh I yeah
The 22nd of loneliness and we've
Been through so many thangs
I love my man with all honesty
But I know he's cheatin' on me
I look him in his eyes but all he
Tells me is lies to keep me near
I'll never leave him down though
I might mess around it's only
'Cause I need some affection oh

So I creep yeah
Just keep it on the down low
Said nobody is supposed 2 know
So I creep yeah
'Cause he doesn't know
What I do and no attention
Goes to show oh so I creep

The 23rd of loneliness
And we don't talk
Like we used 2 do
Now it seems pretty
Strange but I'm not
Buggin' 'cause I still feel
The same yeah yeah
I'll keep giving loving
Till the day he pushes me away
Never go astray
If he knew the
Things I did he couldn't
Handle it
And I choose 2 keep him
Protected oh


I think about us baby all the time
But you know that I'm gonna need some attention
Yeah, yeah can you dig it
Love you forever baby soul & mind
And you gotta know if
You don't give it I'ma
Get mine

Oh I oh I oh I yeah
Oh I oh I oh I baby
Oh I oh I oh I yeah
Yeah yeah yeah


I creep around because I need attention
Don't mess around with my affection
Oh I oh I oh I yeah

(Source: TLC – Creep)

Can you imagine if Immature came out with a song called, “Cheat”?

Somewhere along the way it became okay for women to cheat, but men, oh hell no. I’m just shaking my head at this today. I couldn’t even bring myself to write anything today. And I have an article that’s due on Friday that requires a lot of my attention.

RT @streetztalk: When men cheat, its mens fault 4 giving into temptation. When women cheat, it's mens fault for leading her to temptation. #womenlogic

Life is good. God is good.

Email me something to write about and i'll do it:

Friday, April 22, 2011

Why The Movie Quotes?

Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
(Source: Friday)

As a child I sat in front of the TV for hours. I would watch anything that was on the television, but as the real Dr. J will tell you, there’s something about movies that captivated me. There’s a story about my affinity for television and movies that gets told every year at Thanksgiving. It’s the story of how, as a child, I was left with a bowl of popcorn sitting in front of the TV. My parents wanted to see how long I would stay up watching TV and eating popcorn. Well they went to sleep and woke up the next day to find me still sitting there watching movies. I couldn’t even walk at this time, all I could do was reach my hand in a bowl of popcorn. (Because back in the day you used to put a little oil in the pot and the corn and put a top on the popcorn until the top just about flew off. Then your dad would have to hold it. Then you got yourself a bowl of Tupperware and poured the popcorn in there, with some salt and Old Bay. #Butyalldontknowaboutthatlife.) Needless to say, movies captivate me.

I’m a movie buff. Save a couple years when I developed a random case of cinephobia, of which I’ll explain later. I think that movies have the power to change us, to make us think critically and to submerge our thoughts in to deeper thinking than short 30 or 60 minute TV shows can. Just the experience of sitting in a room with so many people from all different walks of life staring at one source of entertainment. And when you hear a movie quote, it suddenly hits everyone. For example, this quote from Crash:

“Look at me. You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself.” Terrence Howard to Ludacris (Cameron to Anthony)

It is at that very moment that we are reminded that although there are several reasons why crime exists in Black America, it is still embarrassing.

I use the movie quotes because there are so many times that you are sitting watching a movie and you have a revelation of enormous amounts. I use the movie quotes because whether it be Bridget Jones Diary or Booty Call, we can always take away something from the movie. I use movie quotes because it’s not some wise man like King Solomon, or some famous guy like Malcolm X, or an ignorant fool like Wacka Flocka Flame, it’s a movie character. It’s plain and simple, it’s a fictional character, and it’s a 12 second snippet in a movie that is probably 100-120 minutes.

Do you remember how you felt when you walked out the movie theater after seeing the first Matrix? Do you remember how you felt when Tre turned and tried to run down the middle of an alley while people were shooting? (Instead of on the side like real Gs would have.) Fellas, remember that part in Swordfish when she dropped the book? These moments, these are the moments that we never forget.

But quintessentially the best psychoanalytical meaning behind the movie phrases is this; people are auditory, visual, or kinetic learners. Translation, people learn by hearing something, seeing something, or doing something. The movie quote captures them all. You can remember the character saying it, you can remember seeing it on the movie screen, you can remember what they were doing, or what you were doing at the exact moment the quote was spoken. In a sense, for the people who miss the meaning of the movie quote or don’t see why they apply, I doubt they’d even get it if I broke it all the way down.

So there’s the meaning behind, the damn movie quotes.

PS – About the source, I watch movies every day. That’s why you’ll never see me tweeting about some reality show on VH1. Typically I just pick something from a movie I saw the night before. Or if something happens, and I remember a scene from a movie, I pick that movie. I try to switch it up as often as possible and try to be inclusive of all walks of life.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Comparing Women To Celebrities

You would think that telling a woman that she reminds you of a celebrity would make her happy. That’s not really the case. Most women just don’t like to hear that they look like someone else. Now this happened to me because I told a girl, “I think that you have a Jessica Burciaga look, and that’s perfect.” She gave me this cut of her eye that made me wonder, “What did I do wrong?” Jessica Burciaga is beautiful in almost every way.

However, as I think back over my life every time you begin a sentence with, “you know who you look like…” Most women don’t want to hear anything else you have to say. It’s like they have this undying need to never be compared to anyone in the world. I think that’s kind of a stupid way to approach things too because what you’re saying is that you want to be one of a kind, but in reality, maybe being sort of kind of like one isn’t a bad thing. I’ve seen people swear up and down that a girl looked like Paula Patton, my response, “SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE PAULA PATTON.” So think about it, if everyone goes around saying you look like … hmmm … Janet Jackson, but they all agree on it, is that a bad thing? Imagine if they said you look like Freddie Jackson? Or like some random animal. In high school they teased a girl that she looked like Pumbaa. Of course Pumbaa didn’t know about this, all she knew was that no one was checking for her.

In fact, while in high school I dated a girl and when I met her the first thing I told her was, “You look like Alicia Keys.” She laughed and told me that she’d never heard that before. You know what happened about six months later? That was my girlfriend.

But to go back to the point about why women hate to be compared to anyone, I’m taking a deeper look. Would it be better if I was to say, “you know who you look better than”? Would that change it? I’m trying to figure out if the reason why they hate being compared to another woman is because they think that somehow you’re saying this person looks better, but you’re almost there. It’s like when you see her, you’re really thinking about Gabrielle Union or Lala Vasquez. Could that be it?

Or could it be that all women want to feel like they are a gift from God made especially for Earth? I’m not sure I buy into that either because technically you end up looking like your family members. I know two sisters who are 3 years apart who could be twins. Would they get upset if you said, “You look like your sister?” Actually they would, people say it all the time and although it’s actually four of them, Iranian girls, they all look the exact same. But when someone points that out to them, they get their panties in a bunch. So maybe it is that they want to be one of a kind, something that the Lord done made.

Here’s my issue with that, if someone says you look like Halle Berry, you better take that ish. You better thank God and Kanye that someone thinks that highly of you. If someone says that they think you’re a mini version of Rosa Acosta, you better be happy they didn’t say Mo’Nique. Sidenote, I was there when this girl said to another girl, “You remind me of Mo’Nique.” I nearly died laughing, like I busted out into laughter right then and there. Her point was that she was comfortable in her own skin and very funny. But in my mind I was thinking, you mean she has hairy legs and is a big girl? That’s still funny to me to this day. And what about that girl who told me she looked like Kim Kardashian … is it okay for you to say, “people tell me I look like” but if I say, “hey you know who you look like” it’s offensive?

I can’t call it, what are y’all thoughts? This coming from the guy who was told for years that he resembled Dave Chappelle.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.20.11

Graham: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.
(Source: Crash)

People running for the train has got to be the funniest thing in the world.

Or when you notice that woman didn’t look at herself before leaving the house this morning.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you’ll never spend that paper. I believe in myself and therefore I deserve that and this Maybach. People think I’m playing about buying this Maybach. So when I do, don’t say shit. That’s my present to myself. Remember that, I’m going to roll up to the Oprah show in a Maybach. And now that Most just copped the Lex, then I guess I got to cop a Benz. I got my eyes on an S430. I just don’t want nothing else until I can have what I want.

“The moment I get up, I gotta get high.” – Rick Ross

Shout out to 420.

It’s supposed to be over 80 in DC today. That’s that shake your hand and bite your fist weather. The sun just hot enough to cause a glisten on her cheeks and nose. Not every girl get the opportunity to do that.

Have I ever told y’all what I would do if I suddenly had like $2 million?

1) Buy my mom a house.
2) Buy myself a Maybach.
3) Get a condo on Washington Ave. on South Beach.
4) Figure out a way to make more money.
5) Completely crossover into Vampire lifestyle. Wake up 8PM, and bed by 10AM.

Why you got nobody in your corner to tell you that outfit does nothing for you? It’s quite tragic that no one ever told you that you were pretty, I mean, they tell ANYBODY they look pretty these days. To get left out of that, something went horribly wrong.

Carmelo just about won that game last night by himself. Amar’e is p*ssy. And let me break that down. 1998, battling back spasms through the whole playoffs, but never missed a game Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman. Remember Rodman had to lay down on the floor each timeout because of the back spasms? Yeah, because even if you get in there and do a little a damage it’s better than what was on the court at the time. And that’s real. Knick fans can provide excuses for Amar’e but truth be told that’s no excuse. You know another player who plays despite back spasms? Steve Nash. And he took his team to the Conference Finals.

I have no doubt in my mind that the Celtics will sweep the Knicks now. I think the closest they could probably come was last night. It’s okay though.

The damn Lakers bet not lose tonight.

If you from up North, you don’t understand that when it’s said to you.

So this is about your job, and how sometimes you have to make a decision to tell people in your area that you do not want them socializing around you, especially when your leadership has told you to stop the socializing. I have to do this today because obviously strange looks don’t get the point across. Like don’t have those people around here. The person doesn’t care, so either I’ll say it, or I’ll just have to tell someone else to tell you.

I have no clue what Donald Trump is attempting to do with this campaign for President. I will tell you however that this will only improve his money situation. He probably don’t have a good grasp of how much money it costs to run a presidency. But in the end it will help his other ventures out. No one is electing Donald Trump as President of the United States. Now Michael Bloomberg, I could see that happening. But I’m still hoping for Michelle Obama in 2016. It’s almost 2012! We been flying through these last few years.

And my money still ain’t right.

Before I go! One last story that happened to me yesterday, a few months ago I had a manager who used to be a micromanager. Type of dude that would try and run up on you at your desk and not let you know he was looking at you for a few minutes. One time he comes by my desk and looks all the way into my screen and says, “How come you don’t increase the brightness of your computer screen, I can’t see what you’re doing.” Now originally I ignored him and leaned away from his head which was on my shoulder. But it was obvious that he was serious, so I replied, “Can you back up?”

So he got pissed. But then I was like, if you want to know what I’m doing, just ask me. So now we going back and forth. Now here’s something that you may or may not know about me. Once I actually engage in discourse with you it ends one of two ways, either I’m going to win, or I’m going to declare you nonsensical and walk away. I am never going to agree with you, period. It ain’t happening. So after a few exchanges I said to him, “Well the real reason is because my eyes are really sensitive and those bright computer screens can cause you problems after a while.”

His dumb ass.

Life is good. God is good.

Look at my wrist, look look at my wrist!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.18.11

Belle: The biggest growing market in escorting is something called "The Girlfriend Experience." Now that doesn't mean getting paid to be moody and forcing...
(Source: Secret Diary of A Call Girl)

Minor housekeeping note. I need to not use my work computer for anything but work. So during the weekdays now, my internet access will be limited. Not really limited but let’s put it this way, “Crappy wireless.” Therefore, if you hit me up, and I don’t respond for a while, charge it to the game.

I’ve started to realize that people have a tendency to pull you back. I came to this observation because of my recent distaste of talking on the phone because of how horribly inefficient it is. Just to be honest and forthright with people the question I get all the time is…

How do you find time to write all these blogs?

Correction, blogs, magazine articles, eBook and an actual print book.

The answer is because I’m always writing. I’m at Bobby Fisher level too. I write two or three posts at a time sometimes. This is partially to avoid writer’s block, but also because it’s just damn hard to get all those article out the door in time. So right now, I can tell you I have three posts in the window next to this one; Comparing Women to Celebrities, Phat vs. Fat, and Are you the exception or the rule?

That brings me back to my original problem. People who say, “You are the busiest man in the world” or people who say, “Why you always rushing me off the phone?” I just simply cannot waste time. I’m either here or there maintaining on my friendships, I’m at work, or I’m writing. And until further notice, that’s what I like to do. People ask me, “What else other than writing is going on in your life?” NOTHING. People who want book deals don’t have other shit to do. It won’t work. I started late and I need to work at what I want to transition my career into. But what happens is you have a list of people who will then tell you, “You need to make some time for…” And usually these are people who want to bring you back to where you’ve always been.

You know I feel bad for Knick fans because they are the quickest to ever remember to take their time. You give them an inch and they want a mile. I do not expect the Knicks to win one game against the defending Eastern Conference champions. Not one! No shots at them, but the goal this year was to get to the playoffs. That’s it, that’s fine. If you want to get jazzy, they can attempt to win a playoff game. But honestly the Knicks could lose and their season has been a success. It’s teams like the Heat who have to prove they can win a series in the playoffs, but even still if they lost, there’s always next year to grow. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

If you’re the Knicks and Carmelo down 2 on the road, you shoot the 3. That’s just the rules of the game.

If any of you like to check out what I’m watching on TV, right now Secret Diary of a Call Girl is back for Season 4 on Showtime. I’m a Showtime type of person, I like the writing better than HBO, no shots, I have close friends who write and produce HBO series, but that’s just my personal opinion. I hope you guys enjoyed Shameless as much as I did. I thought it was a great show and I’m excited for it to come back next season.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.14.11

Catherine Alvarez: If you sue, you'll never get another job in the computer business; if you don't sue they'll bury you in Austin. If you sue it's news; if you don't it's gossip. If you sue nobody will believe you; if you don't, your wife won't. They will make your life into a living hell for the next three years until this case goes to trial. And for that privilege, it's going to cost you a minimum of a hundred thousand dollars. Do you not think it's a game Mr. Sanders? It's a game to them. How do you feel about losing?
(Source: Disclosure)

So here’s the dilemma: women who approach men on this, I know you got a girl but I still want to hit though tip.  And as I was telling a friend, if a girl comes to you and says that, she’s crazy.  And what do we say about crazy women.  We set up a strict no-peen zone around their vagina.  With that said, if you’re going to step out it should be a chick who has no idea you have a girl.  And also a girl who is not secretly trying to pursue anything serious with you.  Because you know how that will end up.  Well, I know this guy and his girlfriend got a Facebook message from a chick who was like, “Hey, are you dating [dude]?  This may be random but we’ve been seeing each other for the last six months and I’ve always had suspicions that he may be seeing someone else.  So I logged onto Facebook and found that he was in a relationship with you.”

That’s another reason why you should never link your relationship status on Facebook until you’re married.  Quite frankly, if you live with somebody and see them everyday, people can think whatever they want to think, but your wife probably knows better than any other woman what you are doing. 

Now let’s say you get caught up in some ish, because I’ll tell you a lot of women trap men.  It’s kept on the low because you know in the grand scheme of things men have allegedly been wronging women for as long as we can think of.  #dique.  Anyway, if you get caught up, you better fight to clear your name.  Dismissal is not the way to go.  Like a lot of men try and play it off like it ain’t nothing serious, but unless you can prove it’s not true, it’s true in the mind of your woman.  Now, I didn’t say you have to get into the heat of battle of exchanging stories.  But you have the right to deny everything and ask the other person to prove their case. 

Here’s my recommendation, sit like Barry Bonds when you’re being accused.  If you don’t say anything, it’s really hard to prove anything.

Meredith Johnson: You stick your dick in my mouth and NOW you get an attack of morality?
(Source: Disclosure)

This can go the other way.  I’ve had some chick arguing with me about respect and in the back of my head I’m thinking, “But you gave me head on the first night, not even in the crib, but in your whip, and you swallowed and asked could you do it again.”

Think about that.

That’s still one of the most hilarious comments ever.

I’m working on a post about Kobe and Chris Brown and how they have a lot in common.

I have a date in mind for when my next mixtape is dropping, but I’m going to do one with too.  So I’ll have two coming out soon.

“They want that Doctor 4, bitch it’s coming soon.”

Hustle… hustle… hustle… HARD.

Closed mouths don’t get fed on this Blvd.

Life is good. God is good.

I do not want to see Angie Stone.  The crowd at her events is troublesome.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.12.11

Lil Wayne:
No Homo though.
Yeeeea... Ummmm
I'm Goin In.

Drizzy I Got Us This Is My Promise
I'm a Bring That Barrel To Them Bitches Eyeliners
And & Wat I Make Up Will Fuck Up Ya Skin
I Pick The Buck Up... Then Buck-Buck Then Buck-Buck Again
I Will Butt-Fuck Ya Friend... Then Suck Up Her Twin I Put The Buck Up To Him
Then Buck-Buck, & Buck-Buck, & Buck-Buck Again
Suck Nut you Duck Fuck Ya Unloving Kin
Now Don't Rub It In Like Lubriderm On A New Tattoo
I Had To Kick My Princess Up Out My Castle
Dad Who? Never Had That Dude
Always Had A Black Tool
Even When I Was At School Cause Bullies Aren’t Bullet Proof.
Red Scarf... Hoodie Too... Prolly Ain't As Hood As You
Stupid Muthafuckka The Only Thing In The Hood Is You
I Do Everything As Good As You... No! I Do Every Thing Betta
I Get Paid For Every Letter A.B.C D Etc.
Fetch A Bone... Like a Dog Muthafuckka
I Am Gone For Ya Neck In A Sec Intercept
Bring It Back Like Work In The Trunk
And My Exit Is Commin Up And I Am Head To The Buck Like Buck-Buck Again
Might Fly To LA & Jus Fuck Karrine
Nah Fuck Karrine... Let's Gets Bucks Again
And Fuckin Spend Them Bucks Again
And Then Fuck Karrine
If I Told Ya I'm a Do It I Did It
Got My City On My Fitted Bouta Pop A...
Let's Get It Let's Get It Muthafuckka Watchu Waiting On
It's Is Bout A Min Past Pissed And I'm About To Get Shitted
I'm With It If Money Is The IT
If its me You Want me With
And I'll Prolly Jus Spit On the Chick You Want to Be With
And I Hate A Bony Bitch Only Like Em Only Thick
I Own Hip-Hop If You Don't Spit I'm Gon Evict
And I Jus Sold Alot Of Property To A Buyer
I Think His Name Was Kinda Like Drake Drizzy Rogers Or Drizzy Drake Rogers
I'm Too Busy To Play Father
When It Comes to The Game I'm Too Willing To Play Harder
So Harder I Go... There He Go They Chant MVP When I Shoot A Free-throw
CEO... Jaz Wat It Do?
The Haters On They Face And In They Ass There's A Shoe
Faster Than You. Badder Than You. Radder Than You, Ect
I Told Cha I Get Paid By The Letter Like A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
Z Top Yes He Rock And Me & Drizzy Both Wrote On Detox
That Was Jus A Footnote how Long Can He Could Go?
Wondering When He Stop... BITCH When The Beat Stop
So I'm a Keep Rockin Till The Sheet Rock?
And & The Heat That I Send Burns Skin
The End
(Source: Drake feat. Lil’ Wayne - Ransom)

I ain’t bleeping nothing out today because that’s mad work, but let me just say a few notes about this song.  I tell people that it’s not a good idea to let Wayne on a track.  He’s a constant shiner on other people’s tracks.  Like remember when Kanye let Jay-Z on his Diamonds Are Forever track and then he had to go back and drop another verse that he put on Late Registration and then published before Jay-Z would find out that Kanye redid his verse?  Yeah.  This track also goes to show you that, and because this is a fact, when Drake started you were like, “Wow he’s going in…” and then Wayne came later and kind of KO’ed the track.

Read that and think about it. Read that several times and think about it. That was a freestyle that went nutso.  Some people who read my blog probably don't get it and that's cool, tomorrow i'm going to do a real post.  Something from the upcoming eBook.

I am tempted to tell you why Wayne is the best rapper alive right now, but I ain’t got time for all that.  All I’m saying is that, if you gonna argue with me on that, put it like this, you probably think one of these guys is the best alive right now; Jay-Z, Eminem, or Kanye West.  And that’s cool.  That doesn’t make any sense, but that’s cool.  Problem is, Jay-Z and Kanye already have said that Wayne is the best in the game right now.  No one said greatest to ever do it, they just said best.  And Eminem, seriously?  Eminem probably won’t tell you this, but he thinks Wayne is the best too.  And I’m not sure how I feel about people who think Eminem is even in the conversation.


Life is good.  God is good.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.11.11

Ray Koval: [referring to the thong Claire found in his wardrobe] I've been loyal to you. The only woman who's been in this apartment is the landlady and she couldn't wear that thing as a wristband.
Claire Stenwick: I found these in your closet.
Ray Koval: I swear to you I have no idea who they belong to.
Claire Stenwick: Well in that case I'll put them back on.
Ray Koval: You're gaming me?
(Source: Duplicity)

There are some benefits to having a best friend who is a girl.

That’s all I’m saying on that.

The beginning of Gin & Juice, is that a dude taking a piss or someone pouring some liquid, like maybe pouring OJ in the Gin?  What y’all think?

I’ve been going back and forth for a long time about when I would have preferred to live.  If I wish I lived in the 90s, 80s or 70s.  And when I say lived, I am talking about when you are between the ages of 21-28, the best years of your life.  So, let me think about this right now.  I think that growing up during the beginning of gangsta rap would have been fun.  The house party was serious in the 90s.  Like people don’t have house parties like that anymore.  Used to be a time when people just hung out at the cookout or the house and drank a 40, chicks had Mystics and people put the boombox on.  Now we just go to the club.  Now the 80s was cool, but the thing about the 80s, is though the fashion was better, they had mad STDs on the low.  And people thought that it would be fine to smoke crack, they ain’t know until like 1989 that crack wasn’t going to work out for Black people.  The 80s had better music and better parties.  And it was before they went after Michael with everything they had.  You just had to be slightly concerned that people used to have sex parties with no condoms in sight and every now and then someone would get really sick quickly and die.  The 70s is an easy decision.  People who are Black and want to go back to the 50s, 60s, or 70s, are dumb.  America was racist as all hell.  I mean on one hand in the 50s you could smash off mad chicks like crazy and only worried about VD or her getting pregnant, but on the other hand America was racist as all hell.  And as I think about that, you couldn’t talk to any white women?  Not that you have to talk to white women, but I just hate being told who I can and can’t date.  Plus on top of that all the women were like Mexican.  Is that racist?  Probably, but wait, Puerto Rican too.  At the same time, it was a different climate.  And outside of New York City, people wasn’t mixing and mingling and that wouldn’t have worked out for me.  So I’m actually stoked about having the best years of my life in the 2010s.

People who dig for something wrong, usually find it.  Like if you approach a situation like, “Did anything wrong just happen to me?”  You’ll probably find a way to turn anything into a bad situation.

Amber Rose continues to grow on me.  Probably because of how much she’s into Wiz.  I’m real happy for Wiz and then I thought about something… I would probably still wife down Amber if I had a shot at it.  And that’s sick because I know two dudes that hit before me.  I also know both them dudes had way more money than I do, right now.

Tupac was a G.

Every now and then you got kiss some babies and hug some women.  There are few people who truly understand how important it is that people do community service.  You also have to learn to wave.  When I tell you that there are times when I’m approached and someone says, “Hey are you that guy, Dr. J?” a lot.  I’m not lying.  Now, my typical answer is, “Yo, who is that guy, people ask me that all the time.”  But to be honest, I could be an ass and be rude to someone who does that, but that’s not cool.  I understand that 1) this person takes time everyday, or every so often to read my blog(s), 2) they probably don’t want anything pass confirmation that it’s me, 3) well, I don’t have a third point, but you get what I mean.

Life is good. God is good.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.7.11

Walter Sparrow: There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones, the ones that define us as people.

Walter Sparrow: [telling soothing story to dog] Once upon a time there was a dog. Lived a life of terror, feared no one. Although his teeth were sharp, and his belly full, his heart was empty. He decided to go on a journey to a land far far away. But he came upon a wooden shack one day with a thin old man inside, and he invited him in. The dog was overjoyed, and that night warm smoke billowed from the chimney above. Oh, what odd smelling smoke this was. You see, the land was China, and in China they *eat* dogs. [roughly cinches the catchpole]
(Source: The Number 23)

Let’s talk about logic and philosophy.

I don’t believe in fate, I think that fate or destiny is the natural order of things when you wait around for everyone else to make a decision or action before you do. My father said to me, “If you can get him first, get him first.” I was talking to Max about this yesterday and said, “I don’t always agree with that because I’m not that dude.” I was more talking about how much I hate fighting. Call it the bitch in me, but that shit hurts. And even in my days of frat fights in bars and student unions of Upstate NY, the only good thing about the fight was having chicks take care of you after. BUT, that shit still hurts. Anyway, I began to think about my life and also my show Dexter where Jordan Chase says, “Take it now!” Will I be the type who sits around and believes, if it’s meant to be, it will be, or will I step up and make the decision. I don’t want to be subject to anyone else’s decisions and reacting to them.

So philosophy is basically an analysis of how humans fit into this mess we call, The World. When you factor in life, reality, spirituality, morals, and all that other junk, the human mind reacts a certain way. We by nature are always seeking out answers to explain why things happen too. Can you imagine if you were a simple organism? Like have you ever thought about if humans didn’t believe in a higher power or being moral individuals? That would be crazy right? But wouldn’t your life be so much easier if you only reacted to your instincts, instead of these predetermined expectations of how you should act.

For example, that person who fell down the escalator today because they were running for the train. (Because there will never be another train to come to the station.) In your mind, you want to laugh, but in reality, that wouldn’t be nice.

I had to put a Metro joke in there.

Eff the effing Lakers.

I missed jury duty yesterday. It was a complete accident.

Golf and Tennis are some of the weirdest sports in the world, but the experience of attending one of the events makes you understand how barbaric and uncultured people are at other events. Of course people drink and get wasted at tennis events, but they also don’t jeer and heckle like at NFL or NBA events.

I am so excited about baseball. I am actually a baseball guy that’s the sport that I enjoy the most. I grew up playing it and I enjoy every game that I go to. So I’m an avid Orioles fan, and I’m not afraid to admit it, but I like the Nationals too. I love the stadium, it’s truly one of the best ones I’ve ever been to. Best part about Nationals Park, free wifi … yeah, #winning.

My name is Jackson, today is Thursday which means, IT’S BONELESS WINGS NIGHT AT BUFFALO WILD WINGS!!!

Yeah, #winning

Life is good. God is good.

How many bloggers sit in front of their computers everyday and say?

Like a good neighbor State Farm is there … WITH A NEW POST!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.6.11

New New: I can't even believe I'm telling you this right now. You're different, Rashad. You're special.
Rashad: Special, huh? I don't know about that.
New New: I wish you could see what I see.
Rashad: [chuckling] New New.
New New: What's so funny?
Rashad: What kind of name is New New, anyway?
New New: I'm New New cause I always rock the new, new shit. Thank you.
Rashad: Well, I heard you and you homegirls don't buy none of that new, new shit.
New New: Whatever.
(Source: ATL)

If I didn’t have to be respected for my ability to judge talent this would be my favorite movie.  It’s sort of like, what’s your favorite song of all-time?  Somebody might say, “Up In Here” by DMX.  And while that’s not the greatest song of all time, it’s their favorite.  But since most people don’t know the difference between greatest and favorite it’s a hard point to make.

Anyway, I don’t know why women see things in men without any evidence to suggest it.  Now let’s think about this for a second, T.I. is a senior in high school, he’s already a janitor, he hangs out at a skating rink, and lives in a rinky dink house on the opposite side of town that you do … what exactly does New New see in him?

Women and their dumb ass nicknames.

Rashad: [to his brother] You ain't gotta be a dope boy to have money.
(Source: ATL)

Um, I wonder if Clifford Harris ever realized he said that.

Oft times most people do not want to do what they have to do in order to succeed.  Let me tell you.  There are those people who refuse to take math in order to graduate.  There are those people who refuse to stop going out and getting wasted in order to find a man with a stable lifestyle worth marrying.  A lot of this has to do with your environment.  But the only thing I can tell women or men is that in order to really get what you want in life you have to make a concerted effort and exhibit consistency.  That’s one of the BIGGEST pillars of people who can always find good partners and the ones who always struggle.  Consistency is key.

Most people whose friends are single know why their friends are single.  That’s why you got to wonder why people spend so much time on the internet searching for the internet.  Your friends know, and they bullshitting you.  This is almost like in college when a girl is getting cheated on and then gets upset at the guy and wants to cause a scene.  Dude is standing there like, “All your friends knew, and you’re mad at me?”

I got like four blogs lined up.  I’m going to touch on Phat Asses vs. Nice Asses, despite the fact that NC-17 already touched on this, I’ll do it again.  I’m writing a “F*ck Rihanna” post, just because.  #istillbeattho.  And I have something special tucked away going to tap into our inner child.

As always, say it with me, if you believe it.

Life is good. God is good.

I don’t want to talk about the Lakers anymore, bring on the Playoffs.  Bastids.