Friday, April 29, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.29.11

[Marty is trying to woo Janet again, kissing the back of her neck and humming as she smokes a cigarette at the bar in the party for the Archbishop]
Marty: Come on... all you have to do is turn around.
Janet: I thought you liked it better like this. That way you don't have to look at the person.
Marty: You're mean.
Marty: Look at me.
[She turns to face him. He is grinning seductively]
Marty: Come on. Let's go find a bar you can still smoke in.
Janet: Thanks for the invite, but I don't like one-night stands all that much.
Marty: We saw each other for months.
Janet: It was a one-night stand, Marty. It just lasted six months.
(Source: Primal Fear)

That’s the look on your face when you realize that you … have been played for a fool. As a man it’s hard to set aside our egos at times for the greater good of our sanity. I can’t lie, I’ve been in situations before where I thought the relationship was purely sexual and then one day I was left wondering what happened. The woman in the situation made a conscious decision in her own mind that she wanted more, but she had already regulated me to just a sexual encounter. Vice versa, there have been times when I thought the relationship was actually going somewhere worthwhile but then later found out, that it was just a sexual arrangement. There’s no bigger hit to the ego of a man than to be told that once he starts to catch feelings this “thing” has to end. In his mind, isn’t that the point? And in other news, he’s left standing there with this perplexed look on his face as if to say, “Wait, so if I had never developed feelings for you everything would have worked out fine?” I think I get it.

This Diesel cologne is the shit.

I will tell you that in all of my travels and all the relationship advice I give out, Top Five Most Hilarious Moments are when a woman is going off about how bad or ignorant her children’s father is. They usually not together and the way they talk about him as a dog is alarming. And you can never say this but the only question that I want to know is, “So why did you have more than one kid with this guy?”

A fistfight almost broke out last night. We got to discussing what extreme was better, an extremely large ass or extremely large breasts. A fistfight, pushing and shoving.

Keep it real, why did VH1 have to come out and shutdown rumors of an Amber Rose reality show? You know why, because that heffer has been going around telling people she’s about to have a reality show. You know Bravo ain’t going to show it, TV One won’t do it either, and BET would have done lost their mind to do it… well wait BET is Viacom too. But no, that was pretty funny.

I try and warn a lot of dudes not to listen to what women say about what they want in a man too closely. Let me explain that before I get out of here today. Women will say they want a brother that’s 6 feet or taller, probably somewhere between 175 and 220. They want the muscles and however else they like their hair. They like guys who dress a certain way, like maybe they like a guy who’s a wife beater, baggy jeans and Tims kind of dude. Or maybe they like a fashion forward type of guy. Either way, they got a type of brother that they find super attractive. Whatever. Listen, don’t get in a conversation with women about what they find attractive, it’s nonsensical. You’re a man, think about it from your perspective. How many times do we spend evenings with the fellas talking about celebrity women? We talked about Stacey Dash until we were blue in the face. And for a lot of dudes they will say they look for a pretty brown girl, pretty brown eyes, hair down to her back, slim jawn, but nice little bubble joint, tone, but not brolic. And then they banging out the most raggedy broads you ever seen. Fact of the matter is just like guys fantasize over a certain type chick, but end up dealing with a different type chick women are that way too. That’s why when women say things like, “I typically date guys who are …” About all they get from me is, “Word, that’s crazy.”

I be knowing.

Life is good. God is good.

Enjoy your weekend people.

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