Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Morning Mail - 4.5.11

Robbie: [Linda shows up for the first time after failing to marry him] You're late.
Linda: [sighs] I'm sorry... I just couldn't do it.
Robbie: Well, if you need more time, I guess I could wait.
Linda: No... I don't need more time, Robbie. I don't ever want to marry you.
Robbie: [takes a deep breath, sighs] Gee, you know that information... really would've been more useful to me *yesterday.*
Linda: I've been talking with my friends the last few days...
Robbie: Oh, boy, here it comes.
Linda: ...and I think I've figured out what's been bothering me. I'm not in love with Robbie, now. I'm in love with Robbie, six years ago. Robbie, the lead singer of Final Warning; I used to come watch you when you were in your silk shirt and Spandex pants, and you would sing into the microphone like you were David Lee Roth.
Robbie: I've still got the Spandex; I'll put 'em on right now.
Linda: The point is, I woke up this morning and realized I'm about to get married to a wedding singer? I am never gonna leave Richfield!
Robbie: Why do you need to leave Richfield? We grew up here. All our friends are here; it's the perfect place to raise a family.
Linda: Oh, yeah - sure! Living in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekends doing wedding gigs at a whoppin' sixty bucks a pop?
Robbie: Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!
(Source: The Wedding Singer)

I always have said to myself that before I get married, I’m going to ask my wife to be a very serious question that will not be an easy conversation.  I will ask her before the first deposit is made.  Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me?  I’m not going to ask it like we’re in the Notebook either.  The intentions of this question is because there won’t be any foolishness like the said above when I get to the altar.  And I do not intend on ever signing divorce papers.  If my wife decides she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, then we just going to be two without each other motherf*ckers.  I ain’t signing shit.

Think I’m playing, hear.

Why do people ask someone if they can hear them after they are usually yelling?

This morning I woke up and said to myself, I’m not going to spend any money today.  This isn’t like the first time I’ve said this and I don’t mean it lightly when I say it, I literally say a few times a week just to remind myself to curtail my spending for the greater good of the cause.

Then my mother called…  She reminded me that I woe her money.  Now let’s think about that for a second, technically my mother always finds a way to say I owe her money.  Every time I ask her for an amount she says, “Oh just give me…”  And I give it, but the problem is a little while later she comes back and says, “No that wasn’t all of it.”  I feel like I’m a sharecropper when it comes to my relationship with her.

Then I remembered that my Verizon and Comcast bill are due on the 6th.  Now about Comcast.  These guys are the worst in the world, and that’s from the heart.  They find a way to bring out the worse in people.  If it’s not their crappy service, then it’s their crappy customer service.

Verizon is not so much of a pain in the ass, but they don’t understand my company’s expense reimbursement policy and how they have a tendency to not reimburse me on time.  This is only complicating things because Verizon wants their money, when they want it.  They are so not the type of people who understand that I have this wonderful credit line, called my job paying for my cell phone.  But whatever…

Yesterday, was not the worst NCAA basketball championship I’ve ever witness.  It wasn’t by far.  Does anyone remember that we all thought Michigan State could beat UNC for the championship?  I had them picked and then they got blown out by like 20.  That sucked.  At least this game was competitive.

Even though it wasn’t.

My mother called again, this time it was because of old lady gossip.  I mean, is everyone in America really that concerned with who I’m dating?  Odd.  Also, #notwinning.

The apartment is clean, the dishwasher is running, the washing machine is tumbling, and all is back to normal.

Life is good. God is good.


max said...

I know it's gonna be an outstanding day when I recognize the movie from the first line of the quote.

♥ cherelle said...

Amen! Divorce is not an option.

johanna said...

I agree I don't EVER plan on getting a divorce. So the man I marry will be "The One" (no Matrix), and like they say "till death due us part..." lol

Anonymous said...

Lol! I have never understood how people break up engagements either. Like, you didn't think those questions were important to ask BEFORE you bought a 10K ring and started planning a 30K wedding? These people need to do better in life.

#cosign on the divorce comment as well.

Melanie ~ Primary Thoughts, Inc. said...

my fav, so far... and yes, I'm playing catch up.