Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Morning Mail – 12.8.10

Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!
(Source: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past)

Most women grow up watching their mothers. And many daughters hate their mothers because they are dependent on men. It’s like they had to go to Daddy for everything, and if it wasn’t Daddy, it was a boyfriend or something. I thought about this because when I hear a woman who hates this quality about their mother, a lot of times they are the same women who can never be single.

And when I say, single, I mean, not having sex with any man. No contact with any man. None, absolutely single.

They bounce from situation to situation. They just never can sit still long enough to learn how not to have a man in their life. In college, I explained how women got turned out so much, because it only takes a 17-year old male ten minutes to figure out that if he messes with shorty for a couple weeks, and has a big argument, at the next party, she’s still looking for a hook up buddy, she’ll be hooking up with another dude soon. So then you have to ask yourself, why is it that you can’t just be alone?

That’s the same thing that you despised in your mother, but you thought she was dependent on men because she always went to them for something she needed. The same thing is when you need companionship, or you need to always have know that you have a man you can call on, if needed. I think that the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life was when I got out of a relationship and told myself that I wanted to be absolutely alone. I didn’t want anyone to flirt with, talk to, mess with, sleep with, nothing. I wanted to learn how to love me, so much to the point, where I didn’t need anyone else in my life.

I recommend that to every woman I’ve ever been a life coach to. Please learn to love yourself, so much that you can be happy alone. Be real with yourself, when you say, “I don’t need a man to do nothing for me,” but you know that deep down on the inside if you were to text some tonight and not get a response from any of them, you’d be upset, then you do need a man to do something for you. Come to grip with that and then deal with the issue. Get to the point, when you are alone and it’s late at night, you can sleep, without needing to text someone to give you any attention. That way you aren’t dependent on men. This ain’t no Suzie Orman advice, this is real talk, stuff your mother should have told you, but she didn’t know any better.


C said...

WOW this is me all the way. Thinking just last night like damn nobody text me tonight or how much I miss having a boyfriend. It's a hard process trying to be alone especially when it's cold. With that said, I like the point you made. I got some loneliness to catch up to.

SaneN85 said...

"And when I say, single, I mean, not having sex with any man. No contact with any man. None, absolutely single."

It's hard for me to remember this sometimes. I say I have been single for the last three years, but looking at this definition, I really haven't. This post has made me realize that I need to take a step back from so much as talking to anyone at this point. Give myself time to just be single.

Lola said...


It took me approximately 6 months to understand this. Being alone, completely, taught me my strengths and weaknesses and enabled me to work on myself. After I learned that I can indeed depend on my own not even on dad, I knew that I could be in a stable relationship not only with myself but with another individual.

Amazing post.

Anonymous said...

Loving the real talk... it took me quite a while to understand this. My intentions were to be completely single at times, but it never seemed to work out that way. I had to make it happen - insist that it happen.

Dee said...

Love this post Jax. Really, really do. Bravo.

Savannah Goldlust said...

I'm going to share this with my 34 year old "single" female friend who has yet to understand the meaning of loving herself.


Thank you for the great read as always.