Morning Mail - 11.5.2010

There are several things that women can do that can make a man crawl into a hole and never come out again. Some times, these things aren’t even mean or insulting. They can just be the realization that you aren’t on the same page, or that you need to make changes in your life. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my development has been grossly impacted by the women I’ve dated. I just didn’t have all the answers from birth. I had to get out there try some things, if it worked, it worked, and if it didn’t, it didn’t. And then I had to learn that not everything works with everyone.

Women have power over men, some think they have great power. I can tell you right now that if you think you have power, you have no power, and you think you have no power, you have a lot. Women influence men to do just about everything they do, but men just won’t publicly admit that. We’ll make up all types of excuses for why we do the things that we do but we won’t admit that it’s because of women.

Left to our own devices men would be playing sports. Men are raised from birth to do things that will get women. All signs point to money. We go to school to get an education or play sports. We get good jobs based on how great our schooling is, and then we start buying stuff. So we can attract women. Listen, men don’t buy nice suits because they want their male friends to see them in it. Honestly, my boys can see me in gym shorts and chancletas for all I care. I don’t drive a nice car because I want my boys to see it either, we can pimp it in the Escort. If you leave the decision up to men they will spend their money on sports, beer, porn and gadgets.

But there are more subtle ways that a woman can influence a man’s decisions. Have you ever met a man who starts to dress differently once he’s dating a certain type of girl? Are you one of those guys who used to be decked out in Iceberg Jeans and an Avirex jacket, but now you look like a model for Ralph Lauren? It happens. Women learn how to jump double dutch in grade school, men are born with that skill. Simply put, men have perfected the art of “getting in where you fit in.” Men like the things that women like. Men start to read books that they think women like, so we have something to talk to them about or show we have something in common with them.

Here’s a secret: The only thing a man wants his woman to have in common with him is an appreciation for his d*ck.

Women force men to stay out of clubs and bars, finish school, buy a house and get their credit up to 750. How can I be sure of this? I repeat, men = sports, beer, porn and gadgets. The next time someone says, you can’t change a man, I’m just going to send them this link and say, please read Dr. J’s Morning Mail.