I struggled for years with the fact that I don’t trust women. I just always had some sketchy things going down in my relationships. Could it be that I’m just a little too lenient when it comes to women? Probably. I’m never going to be the type to read your text messages, or ask how you know dude. My advice is, come up with what you think the truth is based on their behavior, and then see if you can live with that. Man, I’ve had it in my mind that a chick had been with 50-11 dudes, came to find out she had really only been with a handful.
Yeah, this is about to be an emo post.
I think the main reason why I don’t believe anyone is because in my younger years, I used to lie to women a lot… about everything. That whole thing about suspecting people to do the things you would do in a similar situation is actually the truth. If your girlfriend said she was going out, Why isn’t she responding to text messages? Doesn’t she keep her phone right next to her? In my past, I was that guy who thought I was being cheated on. Because I know that at one point in my life, when I was with one chick I would just ignore my cell phone. Like straight up ignore it.
I think the other reason why I don’t trust women is because a lot of messed up shit has happened to me since I started dealing with women. First, I lost my virginity to a little freak who has two kids now and works at Footaction in PG Plaza. I didn’t even want to do it, but she said everyone else was doing it and we had to. Later on after I stopped talking to her, she would be having sex with one of my best friends. Then, the next girl I was with had a threesome with some older dude that lives in my neighborhood. I understand that most of these hypersexual activities were the result of people under the age of 16 having sex, but… le sigh. College didn’t help, I was trying to build some shit with who I thought was going to be the girl of my dreams until she wrote me a letter and broke up with me, to be with some dude who ended up playing her. This is when I started to believe that not only was she not to be trusted, but she wasn’t that smart either, and it bothered me that she wasn’t that smart because I was attracted to her.
And let me tell you, it doesn’t get any better from there.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been trying to talk to a girl and shoot the straight one only to find out you’re like her #2 option. The messed up part about it is, your #1 option treats you like a #2, and your #2 option, probably feels the same way about you. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been deaded and the next dude your shorty was talking to was a complete dirtbag. Makes you wonder why she would rather that than you. Raise your hand if you’ve ever been flat out lied to, like right to your face. The messed up part is that often times when you know you’re being lied to, you can’t even tell the person how you know because you did some psycho shit. Raise your hand if you’ve ever decided to give it one more chance and that person let you down, just like all the rest of the ones before did.
My hand has been raised this entire post.
So yeah, I just don’t trust women, because I haven’t interacted with too many women, romantically, that I can trust. I think that people do what’s best for them, when it’s best for them. I think that if someone thinks they can get away with something, they just do whatever they want to do. That’s how life is, I’ve came to grips with it. I’ve tried all the remedies and suggestions and none of that shit ever worked for me. Trust is given, or trust is earned, I think those are both bullshit. My strategy works best, I don’t trust you as far as I can see you. I’ve had several conversations with women up until this point in my life where they ask me if I trust them, and I say, I don’t need to trust you. At the end of the night, if I’m not in bed with you, you could be anywhere in the world, doing whatever. People have told me that they were going to sleep and come to find out they were in their car, so I have been led to believe that more times than not, I shouldn’t have been trusting the person. So I don’t trust them.
I’m working on my shit though. I’m getting better. It’s a work in progress. I force myself to trust now, and hope that it becomes habit later. Can’t say that I can actually feel it working, but I think that I’m not likely to do anything psycho, and I’m not liable to blow up anytime soon.. That’s progress right? Closer today than I was yesterday. (This is actually a motivational quote I learned. Try it out sometime.)