The Real Reason He (or She) Left

He's not saying a word, he's just leaving quietly.

Two more posts left…

Brooke: I just don't know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it. I don't feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.
Gary: Why didn't you just say that to me"
Brooke: I tried. I've tried.
Gary: Never like that, you might have said some things that meant to imply that, but I'm not a mind reader...
Brooke: It wouldn't matter you are who you are. Just leave me alone ok? Right now, just shut my door.
Gary: Listen...
Brooke: Alright Gary just please, just leave the room. Gary just... I don't want to be near you right now, please just shut the door, please. 

(Source: The Break Up)

A bad breakup can leave you wondering what in the world happened. You might blame yourself or you may blame the other guy.  I’m sure this post has been written a thousand times, and it will always continue to be written a thousand times more.  I’d like to tell you that everything was as simple as cheating or lying, or you found out that he had a kid, but in all honesty, most relationships don’t end that way.  They ended long before those things happened.  Relationships are like the pneumonia that kills the elderly.  Their body is weak and unable to ward off sickness, the pneumonia is the cause of death, but they were never strong to begin with.  It’s funny when you look back on all your relationships you probably have a good idea of why you’re not in that relationship anymore.  I bet the people you were in a relationship have a good idea why you’re no longer in the relationship too.  I guess I been in and out of a lot of relationships over my life.  I’ll admit to being a serial monogamous, there’s nothing wrong with that.  I always have “in my time of villainy” given a reason for why I stopped talking to someone or moved on, but it may not have been the whole answer.  I’m down to my last two posts on The Book on relationships, so i’m insisting on ending with a bang.

I guess you could take out billboard space.

      They’d rather leave your ass than tell you what was wrong with you – I have never in my life decided to break up with a woman and never tell her why.  I may have never told her the complete reason, but I at least decided to tell her some version of the truth.  However, there are people out there who come to the conclusion that there’s no hope for the relationship.  They look you in the eyes and they tell you they love you.  You come home from work the next day and their stuff is gone and they’re nowhere to be found.  When you call, you get voicemail, when you go by their place, they’re not there, you stop by their job and the receptionist won’t let you pass the front door.  Somewhere along the way they made one or two choices; 1) They felt like if given the opportunity, you’d try and weasel your way back into the relationship, or 2) You were beyond repair and they didn’t even want to begin the conversation of fixing your faults, they’d rather just walk away.

This is somebody relationship right now.

      You stopped doing all the things that got you in the relationship to begin with – I was reading this blog one time about women wrapping their hair and it seemed like a good number of those women said they didn’t wrap their hair around their man when he came over.  I pointed out to the fellas, “you know they say that now, but when that man becomes her husband, she gonna stop that shit, hair getting wrapped. Thing about marriage you have to understand is this; it’s deal with the shit or divorce me.  That’s like the most realest ultimatum in the world.”  But it’s not just that type of stuff, that’s pretty shallow if you asked me.  It can be as simple as men who stop going on dates once they get a serious girlfriend.  All of the decisions that you make that start with, “well we’re together now” are the beginnings of a list of reasons why your partner will leave you.  (Unless, you talking about the next level, nah mean, like swallowing.)  But for each time you stop doing the things that got you in the relationship, your significant other thinks to themselves:

Richard Cooper: Before you get married you get calls like...
Brenda Cooper: I can't wait to suck your dick.
Richard Cooper: After you get married you get calls like...
Brenda Cooper: I can't wait for you come home to see these drapes. 

(Source: I Think I Love My Wife)

"baby let me upgrade ya..."

      They thought they could do better than you – I gave this some thought one day when I was thinking about “the best I ever had”.  I told myself to stop that stupid ass logic, because sooner or later you was going to reach the peak and then not know what to do with yourself.  (And you end up dating white chicks on the low.)  LOL, let me stop, but that’s the example I’m going to use.  Remember that dude in elementary school who was going after that light skin shorty, she was like Sanaa Lathan or Patty Mayonnaise complexion?  Do you remember by the time he got to HS, he started dating that red bone from 3^rd period?  Then he brought that mixed girl to prom with him?  Everybody shook their head like, “this crazy negro is all messed up in the head…”  Real talk, that dude went to college and ain’t date nothing but Latinas.  He started off with one and worked his way up with them too, after he tapped out on Latinas, he did what most men like him do, “Admit they have a problem and go get a white chick.”  That’s one example, but that’s how some people evaluate their relationships.  They look across the table one day and they think they can do better.  Lebron James was the entire city of Cleveland, Ohio, he looked at the woman ready to give him everything and do everything to win a championship for him and you know what he said, “I bet you I can do better.”  Later on that week, “I’m taking my talents to South Beach.”  It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means they thought a change would do them some good.  (What if you was that Latina he was dating in college tho?  You be scared everyday you wake up… “He gon’ leave me today I know it!”)

      They decided you were too good for them – This is personal so don’t bring this up again after this. But I broke up with an ex-girlfriend because she was too good for me at the time.  Remember when I wrote that post about breaking up with a girl right away?  Yep, that’s what I did.  I looked at her and I looked at myself, 50 Cent was playing in the background, “I got a lot of living to do fore I die…” and I broke it off.  My family said she was never right for me, I said, “Nah I just ain’t ready for marriage and she’s marriage material.  No use in me holding that, somebody might meet her and give her all that she deserve.”  It hurts to tell someone that but sometimes you need to let them know that despite how much they want to be with you, they shouldn’t be.  I mean, I respect the person, man or woman, who can admit that they probably not on the same level as the person they are dating.  If you genuinely feel like the person could do better then you got to let them go.  I know people who in relationships with straight losers and I just sit there like, “I wish that dude had the strength to let that girl know he ain’t got his shit together and she should let him be.”

No surprises.

      There is something wrong with you, inherently wrong with you – I know a chick who I had to rack my brain for a month to figure out how to tell her she had an attitude problem.  I spent a month trying to figure out the way to say it so she wouldn’t take the wrong way or not listen to me.  All that came out was, “I just don’t think we get along.”  She looked at me and was like, “BULLSHIT.”  As confused as my face was at that time, I went to Reason #1 on this list and I’ve never spoken to that girl again.  Look man we’re not talking about if you can’t have kids or you don’t like to swallow or any of those bullshit ass reasons that one might have for breaking up with a girl, we’re talking about something being inherently wrong with the person – to the core.  I got a friend, he likes to jog to clear his mind, he says it works his frustrations out.  That fool is divorced, you know why?  Because he got upset and frustrated at the bank when him and his wife was taking out a mortgage loan and he got up and just started jogging … for about ten miles.  Imagine that shit.  I got a female friend of mine who’s paranoid about everything.  She is a feminist, revolutionist, and Fullofshitnist all at the same time.  She always think something is a ploy by “the man”.  (Which might I say is very awkward to hear Black people other than Beef Bacon talk about the man since he’s now a Black guy, but whatever.)  So the guy she was dating left her ass because everything in their house was some type of example of male privilege.  I ain’t get the whole story, but he said something like, “So she bought this strap-on…”  -- and that’s when I went home, so ask him.

      You were found out to be the fraud that you really are – Heaven forbid you are dating a woman who is telling you everything you want to hear.  She’s 32 and you’re 25 and you are wondering if you can date an older woman.  (This not about that but between friends, and don’t ask me how I know this, I ain’t trying to mess up nobody self-promotion, but Nia Long crazy as shit, think about that.)  She tells you that all she wants to do is go to the gym, cook a dinner for you, support you, you can go out when you want, she’s gonna be a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed, she even picks out all the gifts for your family so you ain’t go to wait in line at Macy’s on Christmas Eve, she ironing your boxers and all that.   That’s until about two years into the relationship you find out that woman is lonely as hell and will do anything to keep a man.  She’s trying to trap you.  Let me tell you right now, if you come home and your sock drawer is ajar, throw those damn condoms out.  That’s how you know your chick trying to get pregnant.  I know at least three dudes right now who got got off the “I’m on the pill” or the “my period came last week” swindle.  And yes, it go both ways, I know a chick holding a baby right now when a dude said, “Nah I pulled out.”  (Got dammit! – Swizz beats voice.  That was a great point, I need thank myself for bring this shit today.)  Anyway, it’s a dude out there right now who think he’s in an open relationship.  He came home one day and his gchat was up on his girl’s laptop screen and he realized this chick wasn’t open to the idea of an open relationship, she was just saying that to get him in the relationship.  This is one of those things that ghetto people specialize at, leaving your ass cause they found out you were fake.  Ghetto people ask “why.”  You ever been in the grocery store and Pam is in there with her 4 kids and her kid picks up a bottle of wine and put it in the shopping cart?  Pam said, “Put that down Junior!”  And Junior said, “Why?!”  Those people grow up to spot all the frauds out there.  You might have thought you got away with hiding something from your girl, but trust me, she found out all about your secret and she left you.  That conversation about things getting busy at work was a damn lie, she found “Over 18, not admitted without younger sister” website in your web history and breezed.

I’m going to be real, you don’t owe nobody nothing when you break up with them.  You within your rights to keep it moving and that be that.  But think of the other side, think of you reading this right now getting new insight on why your man or girl left you.  You thinking, “damn, maybe she did find out about my girlfriend in DR, that I kept on the low.”  That’s why I always tell people that they doing their significant other and the universe a disservice by not debriefing these folks.  It’s somebody out there right now who still rock out with that, “When we have an issue, I like to discuss it right away” method and they keep wondering why men leaving them.  It’s because nobody wants to hear your ass each and every time you have a problem!  Your ex probably ain’t gon’ tell you this or admit to it, but hell what’s going to happen to me if I spill the beans?  Nothing.  Enjoy your Friday, bottoms up.