It’s Fat Tuesday and tomorrow morning some will begin the 40 day oath of Lent. Me personally, I don’t celebrate Lent. I don’t see the point, I’m not religious enough to sit down and do that. I mean the thought that you are going to give up alcohol, but you will still go out and try and jump off with chicks just seems counterproductive to me. But what can I say? People will do it, they will try and for 40 days give up something, or at least say they did. So here’s my unsolicited opinion on how to approach Lent if you truly see some value in this day. The whole angle I’m trying to push here is, listen man, don’t go jumping in ice water.
I have a friend who is infamous for giving up alcohol for Lent. I always think this is just dumb, what are you going to do when you have a bad day, or just want to let loose for a night. So I recommend picking a type of something and taking that out. For example, I replied to him, “I can’t stop alcohol altogether, what about, just giving up liquor… Uh no… What about just a type of alcohol? I’ll give up Hennessey.” He of course said that was too easy, and we settled that I would give up Jack Daniels. And I actually for 40 days didn’t drink Jack Daniels, a big feat for me, since that’s been my drink of choice since 2003.
Budget your Lent. Here’s another way to look at it. Break your Lent into four 10-day terms, in which you will give something up for those ten days. So now you can give up four things for Lent. So how about you give up, fast food, sex, alcohol, and weed for ten days each. Seems farfetched, but this is something that can work and isn’t so unrealistic you end up having to lie about breaking your oath.
My last advice is to just give up absolutely nothing and indulge for the 40 days. To be honest, it only balances the scale, for every beer that your friend doesn’t drink, you can drink two. The great circle of life. If your boy is going to give up having sex with jumpoffs, then it’s ok that you try and have a threesome.
My other advice about Lent is don’t let what you do during this period screw up the other 325 days in a year. It’s 40 days out of the year. Also, keep in mind that Jesus and God never intended for any of us to do something stupid to prove our faith. So if you’ve decided to fast for 40 days except for bread and water, don’t end up in the hospital on account of God. And with that, let’s enjoy Fat Tuesday! Everybooooooody, SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!