I think somewhere along the way I heard a kid on the subway singing, “I’m about to pull over and give you the business… the business..” Or maybe it was when the chick on the bus was singing, “I’m calling you daddy… daddy… daddy…” I mean has anyone noticed that there are just too many songs on the radio with children-like voices singing about sex? Or maybe it’s because that pedophile Usher has a song on the radio right now asking you to go find him some “Little Freaks.” And he’s sending a chick who sounds like a little girl to get them, who by the way, every girl under the age of 18 idolizes. I don’t know, I can’t figure out why kids are having so much sex, but can we please talk about it?
I think that our children are being raised by TV, Movies, Radio and Internet, and leave anything up to the entertainment industry and they will have you on a sex tape in no time. Children are making sex tapes, they are having threesomes, they are having sex parties, and they are sending naked pictures of themselves to each other. I think that as we mature we tend to shy away from mainstream music that just produces trash, but when we were younger we wanted to hear the most explicit lyrics we could find. I mean, I was listening to Lil’ Kim’s “Big Momma Thing” the other day and I think my jaw dropped off the first 8 bars. But I also think that because every part of what we were being exposed to didn’t perpetuate the same Lil’ Kim image we didn’t catch on like that. But our children these days aren’t so lucky. Truth be told, there’s a girl out there who thinks Pregnant at 16 is her favorite TV show.
I know that each generation pushes the limit a little further, but basic anatomy will only allow for that to go so far. But I think that what’s happening is leading to some dangerous things in our society. A raise in teen pregnancy, teen STDs, and teen sexual assault and rape cases. This is because there is a gap of education and when the kids are having sex. A 10 year old tries to tell me that he can’t get a chick pregnant because he’s not making sperm yet. He thought he sounded smart… Until I informed him that he could still catch HIV from some infested little hoodrat who got it from her mother… that she never met and hasn’t been tested for. And he could get her pregnant! Children idolize Chris Brown and Rihanna and they are beginning to think that domestic violence is cool, if it goes both ways. They think threesomes are something that someone should have.
Here’s a concept that a 12 year old boy can’t comprehend: she might have said yes, but changed her mind. It’s still rape!!!
So I propose three things to fight this epidemic. 1) Start talking to the youth about sex, they may not feel comfortable talking to their parents, but they may talk to a young adult. 2) Start looking for a meaningful mode of sexual education that we can implement in our schools and community centers. 3) Start talking to the adults who interact with these kids all the time about not being scared or thinking they are corrupting these kids by talking to them about sex. Our kids are having sex, it’s a mute point of how we got here, it’s about what we are going to do now.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Featured Post: Facing Myself
***If you haven’t checked out Bangs & a Bun you have been remised. I happened to stroll across this blog and I fell in love right away. Definitely a blogger to keep an eye on and a refreshing differing voice in a world of blogging going mainstream overnight. Anyway, this is from her blog and I thought it was great and wanted to post it here. Enjoy.***
I was the ugly, funny kid at school. No one of the opposite sex even remotely looked my way, unless it was to tell me what a disaster my face was. But they sure did laugh at my jokes. In a way, being the ugly kid worked out – I didn’t have the distraction of boys (unless you count all those unrequited crushes I had), I was still popular enough (on account of my humour) and I knuckled down on my school work. But being called ugly so much throughout my teens hurt me more than I ever let on.
I hated the way I looked. So much so, there came a time where I couldn’t even look in a mirror. I had a friend (probably more of a frenemy really), who was the pretty, popular girl. She only hung out with me ’cause it made her look prettier. There were always these back handed comments, designed to keep me in my lesser place and make sure I never forgot who was the ugly one in this friendship. One day, she was talking about modelling (she was pretty convinced at the time that agents would be knocking her door down). We sat in a big group as she harped on about who the good models are. ‘You should try modelling,’ she said to me. I perked up, hardly believing what I was hearing. ‘Really?!’ I said. ‘Yeah, they’re looking for weird looking people these days.’ It cut like a knife, I tell ya. The fact that I can still remember that moment, nearly 15 years on, makes me laugh.
When I was 16, I went to Sixth Form College and I remember exactly where I was the first time my new friend, Becci, told me I was pretty. It was the first time anyone outside my family had said that to me. And she didn’t appear to be being sarcastic. I was blown away. Slowly but surely, as I was in this new environment and meeting different people, I began to get comfortable with myself. I could look in mirrors. People would compliment me and I was even asked out on dates.
The photograph above is one of the shots he took of me. Right after he took it he said ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying, but what I like about you is that you’re eccentric looking.’ I knew exactly what he meant. When he sent that finished shot through to me, I looked at it and said ‘that’s beautiful.’ And not because it’s me in the picture. It’s so much more than that to me. It’s a symbol of how far I’ve come, to be comfortable enough to have someone look at me through a camera lens, take my picture and admire it. There was a time when I thought I’d never like the way I look. Now, I love it.
This post is for every girl who’s ever felt like an ugly duckling. I can relate. I was a duckling myself. But it gets better. One day, you just have to let yourself be the swan.
I was the ugly, funny kid at school. No one of the opposite sex even remotely looked my way, unless it was to tell me what a disaster my face was. But they sure did laugh at my jokes. In a way, being the ugly kid worked out – I didn’t have the distraction of boys (unless you count all those unrequited crushes I had), I was still popular enough (on account of my humour) and I knuckled down on my school work. But being called ugly so much throughout my teens hurt me more than I ever let on.
I hated the way I looked. So much so, there came a time where I couldn’t even look in a mirror. I had a friend (probably more of a frenemy really), who was the pretty, popular girl. She only hung out with me ’cause it made her look prettier. There were always these back handed comments, designed to keep me in my lesser place and make sure I never forgot who was the ugly one in this friendship. One day, she was talking about modelling (she was pretty convinced at the time that agents would be knocking her door down). We sat in a big group as she harped on about who the good models are. ‘You should try modelling,’ she said to me. I perked up, hardly believing what I was hearing. ‘Really?!’ I said. ‘Yeah, they’re looking for weird looking people these days.’ It cut like a knife, I tell ya. The fact that I can still remember that moment, nearly 15 years on, makes me laugh.
When I was 16, I went to Sixth Form College and I remember exactly where I was the first time my new friend, Becci, told me I was pretty. It was the first time anyone outside my family had said that to me. And she didn’t appear to be being sarcastic. I was blown away. Slowly but surely, as I was in this new environment and meeting different people, I began to get comfortable with myself. I could look in mirrors. People would compliment me and I was even asked out on dates.
Before long, I actually rather liked the way I looked. I made peace with my freckles and my big nose. I accepted the fact that I didn’t have big, pillowy lips and my eyes were kinda weird. A few weeks ago, after seeing the photoshoot I did with Anthony Farrimond, photographer Mark Howe got in touch with me saying he’d like to do a shoot with me. Tell my 15 year old self that would ever happen to me and she would have laughed in your face.
The photograph above is one of the shots he took of me. Right after he took it he said ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying, but what I like about you is that you’re eccentric looking.’ I knew exactly what he meant. When he sent that finished shot through to me, I looked at it and said ‘that’s beautiful.’ And not because it’s me in the picture. It’s so much more than that to me. It’s a symbol of how far I’ve come, to be comfortable enough to have someone look at me through a camera lens, take my picture and admire it. There was a time when I thought I’d never like the way I look. Now, I love it.
This post is for every girl who’s ever felt like an ugly duckling. I can relate. I was a duckling myself. But it gets better. One day, you just have to let yourself be the swan.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Black Men Need To Wake Up
The following is from my Twitter Thought last night at midnight, many of you missed so I decided to make it a post. Enjoy!
Black men have a responsibility to mentor and develop the lives of young black boys. When we fail to do so we fail to be Black.
It's damn hard to be a Black man in America, but we didn't get here without hard work and a few good words from people ahead of us.
Each time you see a young black boy out of line and you don't do anything, if only but say a prayer that he figures it out. You fail.
Each time you do not set the example or pace, you fail. We must hold each of us accountable. We have to be honest with ourselves too.
Tonight ask yourself, what have you done for the next generation. When we as Black men stop asking this question. We fail.
It's said, "Born from the city of crack, I was born to be a rock star." Stop saying that shit. You have failed. We must raise the bar.
I for one, refuse to let d-boys define success in my neighborhood. Will you do the same? We can't do this is in mansions in the suburbs.
We can't do this at the club, or lavish vacations overseas. We have to do this in our communities. We must save ourselves.
Obama can't fix our community. Our community has to fix our community. And as Black men, our responsibility is three-fold.
We must protect our children, our women, and our family. Cops are not the only ones who "Protect and serve." So i'm asking what Dap asked.
When will you, [Black men], wake up.
Black men have a responsibility to mentor and develop the lives of young black boys. When we fail to do so we fail to be Black.
It's damn hard to be a Black man in America, but we didn't get here without hard work and a few good words from people ahead of us.
Each time you see a young black boy out of line and you don't do anything, if only but say a prayer that he figures it out. You fail.
Each time you do not set the example or pace, you fail. We must hold each of us accountable. We have to be honest with ourselves too.
Tonight ask yourself, what have you done for the next generation. When we as Black men stop asking this question. We fail.
It's said, "Born from the city of crack, I was born to be a rock star." Stop saying that shit. You have failed. We must raise the bar.
I for one, refuse to let d-boys define success in my neighborhood. Will you do the same? We can't do this is in mansions in the suburbs.
We can't do this at the club, or lavish vacations overseas. We have to do this in our communities. We must save ourselves.
Obama can't fix our community. Our community has to fix our community. And as Black men, our responsibility is three-fold.
We must protect our children, our women, and our family. Cops are not the only ones who "Protect and serve." So i'm asking what Dap asked.
When will you, [Black men], wake up.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Gender Profiling to Protect Against Domestic Violence
Recently I’ve been taken back by the amount of domestic violence in the news. I’ve also been inundated with the AZ immigration law. I’m not here to talk about that new law in Arizona. But when in the course of one week, Corey Dillon, former RB for the New England Patriots, is arrested for domestic assault; A UVA lacrosse player kills his girlfriend by shaking the bejesus out of her while her head banged against a wall; and a woman is shot in DC for refusing to give her number to a guy… we have a problem. We have a problem because society is spiraling out of control. We’re not getting any better we’re getting worse.
So I’m proposing a new law. I think that police officers should be able to arrest men who look suspicious of being crazy and deranged. At this point, the law needs to be proactive because the outcome is too dire.
Okay, I’m joking, but… what we can take away is this…
We can all keep our ears, eyes, and mouths open to this epidemic in our world. If you see a verbally abusive couple, say something. If you have a friend who maybe in a bad situation, say something. If you have a friend who is verbally abusive, tell him or her to #cutthatshitout. I’ve found that sometimes an abusive person doesn’t even see their faults. What we do as friends sometimes is we sit around and talk amongst ourselves about our friends or people we know instead of saying something. People don’t want to get in their friend’s business but in order to make sure your friend still has business, (Read: Is alive), maybe you need to do some profiling.
PS – Keep in mind that Larry Johnson, RB for the Washington Redskins, is now in DC. He’s got a bad reputation for putting his hands on women. Remind these club promoters of this as they use his name to promote a night at their club. If he’s hosting, I won’t be a patron.
So I’m proposing a new law. I think that police officers should be able to arrest men who look suspicious of being crazy and deranged. At this point, the law needs to be proactive because the outcome is too dire.
Okay, I’m joking, but… what we can take away is this…
We can all keep our ears, eyes, and mouths open to this epidemic in our world. If you see a verbally abusive couple, say something. If you have a friend who maybe in a bad situation, say something. If you have a friend who is verbally abusive, tell him or her to #cutthatshitout. I’ve found that sometimes an abusive person doesn’t even see their faults. What we do as friends sometimes is we sit around and talk amongst ourselves about our friends or people we know instead of saying something. People don’t want to get in their friend’s business but in order to make sure your friend still has business, (Read: Is alive), maybe you need to do some profiling.
PS – Keep in mind that Larry Johnson, RB for the Washington Redskins, is now in DC. He’s got a bad reputation for putting his hands on women. Remind these club promoters of this as they use his name to promote a night at their club. If he’s hosting, I won’t be a patron.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
What You Do When You and Your Baby Mother's Other Babydad Both at the BBQ
The expectation that if you date a chick with a kid and you will never see her baby daddy is dumb, and the expectation that after you break up with a chick she ain’t gonna meet someone else and maybe have another baby is dumb too. With that said, it was time for a less than bougie post that I know most of us know all too well.
I got some uncles… yeah, I got some of those uncles. You know at the family cookout they have like three different women bringing over the kids so they can play with their cousins. I got those uncles. I got some aunts. I’m not sure how to refer to all my aunts because it’s like Compound Interest trying to figure out why I have like 6 uncles and 27 aunts. I have witnessed the “Oh no this b*tch did not show her face here!” I have witnessed the “Why you always gotta be acting up?!” But what is my advice for men when you in this situation? Let’s just keep it real, women are having kids by multiple men these days.
Raising somebody else’s kids is hard. Even if you ain’t raising no kids and your baby mama just got another baby daddy and y’all be at the cookout together, it’s still rough. But what we gots to remember, is we have the power not to be a hot ass mess.
Here are my tips on how to react to an uncomfortable situation at the BBQ when you see the other guy who got your baby mama pregnant before:
First, don’t overreact – Don’t get violent. Ain’t nothing wrong with standing your ground, but this is not the time to be like, “He was looking at me!” I think I speak for all Black women when I say that is the dumbest reason to EVER get in a fight.
Second, don’t overreact – Don’t be the better baby daddy. Do not show up at her new baby daddy place with a moon bounce for the kids and they cousins. Do not show up with a pair of Jordan’s when you rarely pay child support because you trying to outdo the other guy.
Third, don’t talk to each other. There’s just no reason for you to speak. A pound is about as far as it goes.
Last, be cordial, no matter what you do, there’s going to be some drama. Be known as the dude who didn’t lose his damn mind throwing a bottle of Henny, and getting knocked out while What’s Going On played in the background.
I hope this helps with your incoming summer season.
I got some uncles… yeah, I got some of those uncles. You know at the family cookout they have like three different women bringing over the kids so they can play with their cousins. I got those uncles. I got some aunts. I’m not sure how to refer to all my aunts because it’s like Compound Interest trying to figure out why I have like 6 uncles and 27 aunts. I have witnessed the “Oh no this b*tch did not show her face here!” I have witnessed the “Why you always gotta be acting up?!” But what is my advice for men when you in this situation? Let’s just keep it real, women are having kids by multiple men these days.
Raising somebody else’s kids is hard. Even if you ain’t raising no kids and your baby mama just got another baby daddy and y’all be at the cookout together, it’s still rough. But what we gots to remember, is we have the power not to be a hot ass mess.
Here are my tips on how to react to an uncomfortable situation at the BBQ when you see the other guy who got your baby mama pregnant before:
First, don’t overreact – Don’t get violent. Ain’t nothing wrong with standing your ground, but this is not the time to be like, “He was looking at me!” I think I speak for all Black women when I say that is the dumbest reason to EVER get in a fight.
Second, don’t overreact – Don’t be the better baby daddy. Do not show up at her new baby daddy place with a moon bounce for the kids and they cousins. Do not show up with a pair of Jordan’s when you rarely pay child support because you trying to outdo the other guy.
Third, don’t talk to each other. There’s just no reason for you to speak. A pound is about as far as it goes.
Last, be cordial, no matter what you do, there’s going to be some drama. Be known as the dude who didn’t lose his damn mind throwing a bottle of Henny, and getting knocked out while What’s Going On played in the background.
I hope this helps with your incoming summer season.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Something New: So I found out my boy was dipping his Haagen-Dazs in chocolate
While my post on getting stanky drunk rocks post on SBM, I wanted to push this old post through the back door. You know how grandma used to say, “You can’t fit through the back door what doesn’t fit through the front?” That’s a lie.
Anyway, my boy hit me up the other day and he says, “Yo, Jackson, I need some tips on dating black chicks. I’m dating this one now, and I feel like I’m way out of my league.” He went on to tell me the differences in everything about the relationship. He too, as a white man, experienced this “it seems like I can’t do nothing right” factor. Did I mention he was white? We laughed and I basically told him some anecdotal advice and some things that are definitely different. Then he said, “And the sex is weird.” I said, oh boy.
I don’t care either way, but it’s totally different to be dating and to be banging a black woman. First he said, he couldn’t just have sex with her. He needed to do all this extra ish. I told him, oh that’s par for the course, it’s not a bad thing. Second, he said, he felt like she thought he was going to judge her. I asked him, well what were you trying to do? He said, I was trying to [eff] her. So I asked him the most important question I could, was she a freak?
His reply, what’s a freak?
This is when it occurred to me that the word, “freak” might be something only black people know about.
Think about it, to refer to someone as a freak in a sexual nature, I just have never heard a white person use that word. And I couldn’t find a translation. The closest we came was, “Does she regularly put out?”
Anyway, my boy hit me up the other day and he says, “Yo, Jackson, I need some tips on dating black chicks. I’m dating this one now, and I feel like I’m way out of my league.” He went on to tell me the differences in everything about the relationship. He too, as a white man, experienced this “it seems like I can’t do nothing right” factor. Did I mention he was white? We laughed and I basically told him some anecdotal advice and some things that are definitely different. Then he said, “And the sex is weird.” I said, oh boy.
I don’t care either way, but it’s totally different to be dating and to be banging a black woman. First he said, he couldn’t just have sex with her. He needed to do all this extra ish. I told him, oh that’s par for the course, it’s not a bad thing. Second, he said, he felt like she thought he was going to judge her. I asked him, well what were you trying to do? He said, I was trying to [eff] her. So I asked him the most important question I could, was she a freak?
His reply, what’s a freak?
This is when it occurred to me that the word, “freak” might be something only black people know about.
Think about it, to refer to someone as a freak in a sexual nature, I just have never heard a white person use that word. And I couldn’t find a translation. The closest we came was, “Does she regularly put out?”
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