In relationships, learning to take the “dive” is as difficult as learning how to run a 2-3 zone defense. It’s hard to learn, takes a lot of maturity, but once perfected, it’s an unstoppable weapon. The dive is a tactic used by men to avoid arguments or as a desperation heave to win an argument. It’s effective because many women often practice for arguments in an advance and they enter disagreements already well trained in how to win even the weakest supported arguments.
[Jon is watching his favorite television show, enters Anna]
Anna: How come every Wednesday when I get home you are watching Law & Order?
Jon: This is my favorite TV show.
Anna: So Law & Order is more important to you than me? Cool. I think you need to get your priorities in order. [Jon has a confused look on his face] What… What do you have to say? I have been telling you for ever that I don’t think we spend enough time together, and then Law & Order takes precendence.
Jon: [Contemplates telling her that it’s his favorite TV show for one hour a week] Hmm… you know what babe? You’re right. Do you want me to turn it off or would you prefer we watch something together?
Jon has the option of actually explaining to Anna that she is overreacting. That in a week there are 7 days and 24 hours in each one of those days, and that he’s only taking one hour for himself. However, he knows that one of two things are going on right now; 1) She is craving attention by starting a silly argument, just to argue, or 2) This isn’t really about Law & Order, and without knowledge of what it’s really about anything can happen.
In my own life I’ve found that the dive can do you no harm unless you are compromise your values to take a dive. You have to stand up for yourself, but if it’s something petty and not worth you fighting to the end over, just take a dive. You’ll be surprised how she will react to your dive. She may react in strange ways, but the ball is now in your court and you are on the offensive.
She may react awkwardly to you taking a dive. If her intention was to get attention and have a conversation with you, you will not get off the hook that easy. What many men fail to realize is that at times women just want to talk and they resort to extreme measures to do so. She may react by showering you with praise for seeing her point of view for a change and being open to compromise. This is referred to as “the swindle.” If in the small chance you do get found out because you didn’t sell the dive with your hips, you will unlock a can of worms. She will not take a liking to your passive aggressiveness. My suggestion should you be found out? Take another desperation dive, if that doesn’t work, run for the hills.
In conclusion, next time you find yourself in the heading into battle, consider taking a dive. The dive is one of those tools available to men that we haven’t yet lost in the fire. For the women who are reading along, I’m sorry you have to find out this way. You may have thought you won an argument, but a man, though as dumb as you guys make us out to be, can agree to disagree. We will agree with you to the end of the world as long as it causes us to commit no action. If we don’t have to buy it, publicly support it, or move, then sure you can win every argument.
Yours Truly, Dr. J (@DrJayJack)