Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Ridiculous Excuses We Give Ourselves for Why We’re Single

People are inherently selfish and the natural reaction to everyone is to lie because we are afraid of the truth. We don’t care about our lies because they aren’t true, they aren’t really us, so you can convince yourself that that reality doesn’t exist. We also don’t like to be hurt, we are terrified of being hurt because we feel that this is a sign of weaknesses. However, I don’t think we were born with the ability to feel pain or hurt, if it wasn’t supposed to happen some times. So some people are single, married, divorced, talking to, messing with, sleeping with, in love, friends with benefits, complicated situations, questioning sexuality, and some people are alone. (Note: Single is not the same as alone.) The reasons don’t ever really add up though. The reasons why people don’t want to be in a relationship always seem shallow, and from having countless people sit on my couch, often times those weak excuses are defense mechanisms to protect the reality that they don’t think that anyone really wants to love them, or they are too selfish to admit they are really into themselves.

President Barack Obama has a love life. The busiest man on the planet, with all the pressure of the world on his shoulders, finds time to take Michelle out every now and then. And a man motivated since his early beginnings to be the President of the United States had time to meet the woman of his dreams, court her, and make her his wife. He went on to have two kids with a woman who was just as busy as he was. I think the excuse that you don’t have time for a love life because you are too busy is ridiculous compared to the Obama family.

If your strategy is to see what you like and therefore you aren’t thinking about getting married, your statement is flawed for a few reasons. First, just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you are ready to get married or want to marry that person. A relationship is an agreement between two people that they agree to exhibit certain rules of engagement and if for any reason they want to discontinue the relationship they let the other know. And also, a lot of people who make this statement are exhibiting signs of selfishness. You feel that since you do not want to be married you have to take yourself off the market. However, isn’t the decision to get married a mutual one?

So there really are only two explanations, you just don’t want to let go of those things that allow you to do whatever you want to do in life. You want to have your fun and not have any ties to anyone. Let me be clear, I’m not talking about just the gents, I’m talking about the ladies too. The other alternative is that you’re afraid of getting hurt, or don’t think anybody really wants you. You force yourself to be a hermit crab. You will have to have much more self esteem than that. You have to stand up for yourself and be seen. The truth is, maybe your dream guy doesn’t want you, but you know what, there is somebody for everyone. And sometimes you have to admit that you would rather be loved by someone who truly and sincerely cares about you, than have all of your boxes checked on your “List of Requirements.”

I hope this helps, if not, please call and leave me a message at, 1-800-Cmon-Son, ext. Dr. J


Kisha said...

This is really good.

My favorite part: "And sometimes you have to admit that you would rather be loved by someone who truly and sincerely cares about you, than have all of your boxes checked on your “List of Requirements.”"

Funms-the rebirth said...

great post....... i used to give stupid excuses for being single before and mostly cuz i was afraid of getting hurt..... once we start being honest with ourselves, we open up to new possiblilities....
your last paragraph says it all........