I was watching the Proposal this past weekend. It’s a funny and cute movie with Sandra Bullock and Van Wilder (I don’t know his real name, but that’s who I know him as.) In the movie she explains to him that she hasn’t had sex in 18 months and his facial expression was classic. He had this look in his face as if he had just met a 40 year old woman who wasn’t marry, just kidding. But he looked totally shocked and also had this look as though something was wrong with her. It got me to thinking… what’s wrong with her? And what is the presumption that something is wrong with her? It led me to this question, how can men be so adamant about women not having a lot of partners, but at the same time surprised when they haven’t had sex in 18 months?
I have had long extended periods of time where I went without sex. But I must admit, I’d be surprised if I found out a woman hadn’t had sex in 18 months. (Let me qualify this argument, this is assuming she’s not a virgin.) I have these assumptions about women and their sex lives. I think that my one big assumption, which is just how I feel so I am not looking for affirmation or disagreement, is that a woman is in complete control of her sex life. If she wants to have sex, she can have sex, so what is wrong with her that she hasn’t wanted to have sex in 18 months.
So inside of the mind of a man, especially Dr. J’s mind here’s what I am sitting in my chair with a pen and pad waiting to figure out; Did you choose not to get laid or Is it that you can’t get laid?
If you chose not to get laid and you were able to do the 18 months, I’m actually proud of you. If you chose not to get laid because you have realized that you prefer to be alone I’m wondering why you feel that way. I have met plenty of women who through their travels realize that they are better off alone. I think that some of them are selfish, but some of them feel that they really don’t want to bother a man with their faults. I’m not mad at a woman for assessing herself and realizing this is who she is, but I will recommend that she is not stagnant and that she spends her time working on her problems. Maybe she chose to not get laid because she has had some recent problematic relationships and wants to wait for a substantial relationship before doing it again. I’m going to go against the grain, but has it been 18 months since you’ve met someone who you could build something substantial with? I’d need more information on the expectations of this relationship.
Maybe she can’t get laid, and in these desperate times of glits and glam that’s very possible. I can see how a girl would be rendered without because she can’t keep up with that image every guy is infatuated with. Maybe she’s hot the give. (Got the HIV.) In which case, she ain’t getting no ass until the Bills win the Super Bowl. Maybe she is crazy, maybe she squirts and is really embarrassed by it, whatever the reason is, there are reasons.
But even despite these two perspectives, here’s what I think… I think you should go get laid. Listen, I’m going on wax as saying this publicly, I do not care how many men you slept with as long as you don’t care. If I ask you how many people you’ve had sex with and you don’t have a problem telling me, then I know that you’re okay with it, if you have a problem with it then you’re ashamed of it.
So yeah, go get laid.