Morning Mail – 10.04.10

Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.
(Source: Dogma)

My Morning Mail is like my coffee, it’s therapeutic in a way that gets my day started.

Fighting is so juvenile. Fighting in the club, you need Jesus. This weekend, I risked my life to go to a club a bunch of kids and thugs decided to get into a brawl. A lot of people are quick to call themselves a thug or “not gonna be a bitch.” Let me be up front and frank with you, if you hit someone with a bottle and leave a scar, that is assault and maming. It carries a mandatory jail sentence. So you may be hard in the dancefloor paint, but if you are in college or fresh out of college with a new job, the last place you should be is jail. And that’s realer than real deal Holyfield.

I continue to evaluate the alternatives of having illegitimate children with women from around the world.

I think I have a strained forearm, from writing too much.

The Niners stink. They absolutely stink. Alex Smith has to go and everyone knows it. If I hear one more football analyst say, “and Alex Smith is not the answer at QB,” I’m just going to start asking more questions bout what’s going on.

I have realized that you shouldn’t be road-tripping after you graduate. Like it’s okay to visit your alma mater, but road tripping is just uncouth. You know Cornell University has this thing called Slope Day, now if I’m going to Upstate NY to go to Slope Day, something is wrong with me, I didn’t go to that school.

Fantasy Football is a crazy thing.

Mike Huckabee is a hilarious man. I implore all so-called democrats to find out what the opposition is saying about them and what they stand for, only that way can you make a decision. I swear, I may be accused of being conservative, but I’m not, I just don’t like when nothing happens or people make knee jerk reactions to get a quick gain, but big loss.

There is nothing wrong with being spiritual, there is something wrong with religion. Drastically wrong with religion and no one is peeping it but me. I come from an uber religious family and it’s so hard to separate myself from believing that everything comes from this all powerful being called God. I just think believe that the higher power gave us power to do things too, to make decisions and to control our destiny. This after I’m in a bar and a Christian proceeds to tell his friend why he should stop having sex because it is a sin and no marriage can come from a relationship in which sex has already been had. Then he starts talking about how you can steal movies and TV shows online at this website. Sometimes, I think Judaists don’t believe in sex because they don’t know that the real reason is because King David was screwing everyone’s women before they got married.

I’m just joking, please don’t shoot me down.

I land feet first.

Life is good. God is good.