Monday, June 27, 2011

Women Have To Learn to Lower Their Standards

Have you noticed that white girl has only dated a successful Black
executive and Mayor of Atlanta?  See what I mean about standards. 
Brian Palmer: We're Black, single, professional men. We, gentlemen, are the cream of the crop.
Terry White: No, let me break it down for you, man.
[points to Jackson and Derrick]
Terry White: *We* are the cream of the crop. *You* are the black, sticky shit on the bottom of the barrel!
(Source: The Brothers)

Over the weekend a friend of mine says, “That’s cause white girls are easy.”  And I look at her and I say, you have no basis to say that.  First of all, that’s racist as hell.  Second of all, no offense (and you know something offensive is coming), but have you ever heard Black women talk about the men they date?  It’s not anything to bash Black women, I kind of feel bad, but it just seems like Black women sometimes have to adopt an “Anything I Can Get” mentality.  I went on to say that in the last few weeks, I’ve known Black women who have dated; ex-convicts, men with no jobs, or less than adequate jobs, men with multiple children with different women, head cases on head cases, and even on the bus last night, a woman says, “When I met him at McDonald’s I thought he was the type of man I could talk to.”  And it dawned on me, that I’ve never heard white women talk like this about the men they date.  I can tell you right now, I know some white women who dated ex-convicts, men with no jobs and even a headcase.  And yes, you guessed it, all those men were Black.  And judging from the fact that Black women are the least likely to date outside their race, that should tell you something.

Do I think Black women have lower standards than other races?  Let me be clear, I don’t think that is the case.  I think that it comes down to the fact that women have to realistically align their expectations all the time.  Does this mean that they get desperate?  That’s a harsh way of putting it, but it’s just a numbers game.  I have a friend who refused to date a man with a kid.  At 21, that was okay, she found several men to date, but no ring.  At 25, she was viewed as being closed minded, but that was okay, she still found a good amount of men to date, but no ring.  Then at 30, she is viewed as being delusional and she can rarely find quality men to date who want to pursue a meaningful relationship with her.  The main guy she’s seeing right now has two daughters.  Two.  There goes that plan of refusal; her plan is now chilling with Elvis.

She needs to write a book, actually i'm going blog on this.
I always think there are multiple paths to the same goals.  For some people they marry for love and companionship.  If we could all be so lucky…  Other people want to marry for family, or they just want to be married.  It’s almost like people who follow their passion in life, versus those people who make the right decisions in order to be successful in life.  Think about it this way, a kid applies to Harvard and doesn’t get in, does he reapply next year, or does he just accept the offer for admission from Hobart and move on with his life?  Well, you probably never thought about relationships and especially marriage like that.  I’m sure that as little girls all these women had an idea of what their Prince Charming would look like.  However, as they got older, that began to change.  They should have known it was inevitable because once she stopped thinking that he had to be a Prince, it was all downhill from there.  Although, I will say this, Kate Middleton told herself that she would marry a prince and she held out for long enough to actually find one.  But for the rest of us outside of fairy tale land, we need to get on with life and that means, realigning our expectations. 

I hate to admit it, but look at how
they turned out. Persia can still get
it. Twice on Sunday, in the choir loft during
10:45 service too!
When she was 18 or 21, her Prince Charming was tall, dark, handsome, well educated, a God-fearing man, with a great job in finance, who had no kids or existing criminal record.  There’s actually nothing wrong with that set of expectations, she’s not being too selfish or gaudy with her demands.  But then life happens…  If I had a $1 for every time a girl said, “Yes, I PREFER a man over six feet tall, but if he’s not then that’s fine,” I’d be rich as Richie Porter.  I really don’t even have a good idea what expectations or preferences are when it comes to Black women anymore.  It’s like they have this list of things they would like to have, but in reality they end up having to accept less all the time.  The expectations are realigned with reality.  At 30, her husband is average height, light, racially ambiguously awkwardly looking, went to trade school and he works in plumbing which means he has not been to church in over 12 years – she love him though…

Becky (the stereotypical name for all white women, even though most of the Becky’s I know are Black) turns her nose up when a man doesn’t meet her expectations.  Ain’t nothing like the look on a white girl and her family when they find out the man they’re dating is an ignorant Black fool who has been lying about his life.  “Oh my god, he used to sell DRUGS?!”  Black women on the other hand, have you seen this dating pool they have to deal with?  Shits ridiculous, b.  Keisha (the stereotypical name for 95% of all Black women, even though Keisha is a popular stripper name for white women) met a guy in McDonald’s the other day, he had just gotten out of jail, had no money to get on the train, but he had ambition in his eyes and looked like he was ready to turn things around.

Keisha is going out with that guy later this week, she thought, “Why the hell not?!”  He’s taking her on a real date, although they will split everything down the middle at Chipotle and Cold Stone.


Anonymous said...

Hey! Chipotle and Coldstone is a cute uhhh (6th) date. lol.

Question: Why did you give the post this title?

Anyway, yes all you have said here is very true. There are times when we do settle for less and I feel theres nothing wrong with it, IF you quickly realize this and snap out of it. I sure have had my fair share of convicts, unemployed, low-lives... :-(


Overall, I think realistic standards is the key.

Dr. J said...

You follow me on Twitter so you already know the answer to that question. It was a placeholder and then I clicked publish. I couldn't think of a title anyway, so hey why not just let it rock.

ada said...

maybe your title should have been "black women have to learn to lower their standards". It is clear that you have implicitly stated here that black women are at the bottom of the barrel and therefore shouldn't be picky and oh of cause you also expressed your sympathy and pity for them I mean your mother, sisters, aunties, daughters... oh wait your daughter will probably be half black, so she gets half a pass thanks to you. the other half has to count for something at least. seeeeeen

ohh poor black woman

Mrs Star Status said...

Damn, I'm a single black 24-yr-old who doesn't want to date men with kids. So this is what I have to look forward to?!?!?!

Ace1920 said...

Hmmm, I disagree. I think that if anything, black women need to be more strategic. A lot of white girls start wildin' out in HS so they're done partying by sophomore or junior year of college, get a serious boyfriend and are engaged by graduation or shortly after. They sleep around with the athletes and the hot frat boys, but future hubby is usually an average to nerdy looking dude with a major that will net him close to six figures after graduation.

I'm engaged to an engineering major (completely unplanned, lol) and he has a lot of guy friends who wanted nothing more than to find a nice girl to settle down with. However, after four years of rejection they're ready to sow their wild oats until they a) make a couple million or b) turn 30, when the women will be hunting them down.

It sucks to hear, but if you are a black woman who wants to get married by 30 you don't really have time to date just for fun. Marriage is not a game, but getting to that point is. Unfortunately, the benefits of marriage are not as valued among blacks as they are whites--so you've got to lock down a guy before money (& thus more options) are imminent on the horizon or wait in perpetuity.

Dr. J said...

Don't get confused in perhaps the boiling anger that is coming from this post. That wasn't my intention. My intentions with this article actually pro-Black female and basically in gist said, "It's a tragic state of affairs when Black women have to lower their standards in order to find a partner."

The Blues said...

I think you need to raise the caliber of men and women you hang around. None of what you posted is true for me and my friends.

Diana said...

Mmmm...this is funny/interesting? because in another lifetime I wrote about how no one has to tell white women that they should consider that blue collar "brotha." I was actually basing this argument off S.ex and the City cause even the "worse of their worse" dates had at least a Bachelor's degree. Also, my homegirl,college educated, good job, and on, is dealing with a no good nig. We all saw his foolishness from miles away and when it all came tumbling down, I said, "this just confirms that women will shonuff talk themselves into some shyt..."