Friday, June 17, 2011

Those Girls Wasn't Working Out for Me

This shit is just hilarious to me. Found it after the post was wrote.
There was this time in my life when things just started making sense for me. I wasn’t that old, the epiphany came in maybe the 6th or 7th grade, and of course a change of scenery helped to smooth over the transition. It was the moment that I realized that it probably wasn’t going to work out for me if I didn’t start exploring some other options in the dating world. You see, I’ve got this theory about dating. It’s held true up until this point, but here’s the theory: your environment combined with your level of insanity determines who you date. I know y’all don’t understand what I’m saying so let me break it down, in fact, I don’t have to do that, I’ll put it to you like this. Most Black women like Black men right? Now, most Black people roll together in the same circles, so their dating pool is typically Black men, but you have to ask, “How long do you stick it out with Black men before you look elsewhere?”

The first person that comes to mind is Halle Berry. She dated a Black dude, he hit her with a baseball bat. She dated another Black dude, he hit her so hard she went deaf. She dated ANOTHER Black dude, he hit everything but her. She told us like George Bush told me, “f*ck you n*ggas I’m outta here” and went and got a white dude and she been shining ever since. However, we all know that Halle is a crazy bitch. And that’s why she put up with all those Black men in Hollywood for so long. She was doing Black movies and the people she dated were popular Black celebrities, but once all that craziness ran out and she was ready for a family she let that shit go and found a white man.

I got a point I’m trying to make.

A few things happened to me along the way that made me sure that I wasn’t supposed to only date Black women:

1. They used to terrorize me as a child – As a child, as a young boy, women grow faster than boys, yeah, okay I get that. But when I think about all the bullies in my neighborhood from when I was growing up, they were Black girls. I won’t holler their names individually because they might be reading, but there was one named Cassandra. She lived across the street. This girl would come all the way to play with us, just to push me around. Another named Krystal, she was just mean and bossy for no reason. She was like the rang leader, the Angelica of the bunch, but she always chose me to pick on.

2. I was short and skinny – Nobody likes short and skinny. Maybe some dudes are into that. I know mad dudes who are into petite women. But from the age of birth until my growth spurt, that shit was not in. It was the fat kid at dodge ball out. It happened early and there was no stopping it. I have been cute my whole life, and it bugged the hell out of me because cute ain’t hot shit in real life. And so yeah, for most of my developmental years, I was told by most Black women, that they weren’t into short and skinny. (I got that 6 inch growth spurt tho…)

3. I was outspoken – I never been the type to hold my tongue, and as I progressed into my older years, I found that by arguing a lot with women you will always find yourself out of favor. I have always had strong opinions and I’ve never been able to hold my tongue. I compared most women to the women I knew. And the thing is I grew up around a bunch of phenomenal women, so I thought that most women wasn’t shit because compared to them, they wasn’t shit.

4. I didn’t want to talk to them – I remember when this happened too. It was around the time when girls started developing and personalities came into play. There was the basketball court, and like I told my boy the other day, “I never took to basketball because it was always a lot of yelling and arguing.” Then there were the girls who were watching the game and they seemed to be just as loud as the basketball game. I decided to take my ass over to the soccer field and play that. Less arguing, and no intentional fouling because I was smaller than everyone else. But then I noticed that girls used to sit out on the field during recess, in circles, just enjoying the weather and talking about nothing. You know it wasn’t no Black girls in the sun, Black women and shade are #LIKETHISSON! But anyway, I just never wanted to talk to those girls because they were so loud and seemed like they had an attitude problem. (This was a sample, not saying all Black girls were like this.)

5. They made it clear that they didn’t want to be with me – I was 11 years old the first time someone said to me, “You look like you date white girls.” I was sure that Waiting to Exhale had something to do with that shit. By the time I was 13, my girlfriend was Bolivian. When we broke up, I had a crush on a Black girl, and her hair was pink … I don’t know what I was thinking either. She finally settled down, with a guy whose name was not Jackson. By the time I got out of college it was no surprise when I tried to get in a conversation with a group of Black women about interracial dating and they said, “Whatever n*gga, you don’t date Black girls.” Point of information, my girlfriend at the time was Black. She might have been two shades lighter than off white, but she was Black. But anyway, I guess word got out that I didn’t like Black women, and they all stopped talking to me. They made no attempts to see me romantically and this purgatory lasted for about “long enough for me to move the f*ck on.”

6. Everything else just fell into place – I have never had problems dating people. I’m actually very good at it. Never, not once, did I have a problem, but it seemed like when I was dating outside of my race, it just fell into place. I didn’t have anyone taking out their anger on me. I didn’t have to deal with constant complaining. By the time I realized I had been dating interracially, I had already done it for maybe 8 years. Put it like this, I had no clue how big interracial dating was and these are the races of my first eight girlfriends that I can remember: Bolivian, Guatemalan, Black, Liberian, Guatemalan (yeah, she was pesky, I’ll come back to this), Dominican, Guatemalan, Dominican. It don’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that maybe I got a type.

If you dating outside your race, always make
sure that your shoes are always untied.
7. I never felt bad about it – You know how when a guy is walking down the street with a woman outside his race and he sees other women of his race, he does something to distance himself from the woman he’s with. Yeah, I never did that. In my mind, here was my logic; date women who are so beautiful that no matter who sees you with them, they think she’s a very beautiful girl. Sorry if I was na├»ve for thinking that, I’ve noticed some wincing in the past, but that’s just how I roll. Some guys sit and think if they are doing something wrong by dating outside their race, and I tell all those guys, if you’re having that conversation then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

8. My momma said the shit was okay – My first crush in first grade was this Columbian girl at my elementary school, my mother sighed, but she knew what was up. It was an all Black school, like I said, she knew what was up. So at a young age my mother had to make some choices, she could either tell me why I should choose a Black girl instead of that girl, or she could say, “Who you love is who you love, just make sure they not wack.” I made up the last part, but still she told me that it didn’t matter who I dated as long as I was happy. I was 6 at the time.

9. My daddy said the shit was okay – My dad asked me one time why I never brought any Black girls over to the house and I said, “I don’t know I been focused on other things.” Yeah, I was in a two year relationship at the time. He asked me that when I had just started bringing girls around the house, period. What was I supposed to say? Oh yeah, let me start bringing some Black girls around the house just for you Dad. Thing is though, he asked me that once. Of course later, I would bring several Black girls around and so he began to learn that I ain’t have a complex or nothing, but then one day on a fishing trip we got to talking about life and shit. I shared with him my frustrations with dating, mainly how you shouldn’t chase after women who aren’t chasing after you, and why I choose to date women who are arguing with me all the time and know how to sit still and stop talking. He responded, “I can see why you date who you date now, and that’s alright man, just make sure they not wack.”

10. I tried, and I failed countless times – I swear to you, I’ve never approached dating like it was the grocery store. I didn’t go to the white section and pick out a bag of women, or head to the Black section and get a few sisters. I took the game as it came to me. And when everybody told me they didn’t think the chick was a good fit for me, I gave it a valiant try. I tried and it just never worked out. Either it was bad timing, or I liked someone else better, or it was clashing personalities, or I liked someone else better, or they got married because I was bullshitting around, or I liked someone else better. One time, I thought she was going to get pregnant and my mother was going to kill me, which put me in a place where I had to start making decisions about who was going to live and die. Needless to say, I tried, didn’t work out, not banging my head against the wall, I’d rather continue to take the game as it comes to me.

Go ahead, you can still this. It's probably
the hottest and most realest thing i've seen this year.
(I just left that incorrect spelling in there to
 prove a point, Mika know what's up tho.)
Didn’t think I’d have ten reasons why I chose to not only date Black women. But pay close attention to my wording. I said, not only. I never said, I don’t date Black women. There’s guys who date only Black women, and then there’s guys who don’t date them at all. Point of clarification: They might f*ck Black women, but they don’t date them. Lot of people get that mixed up. Same actually goes for a lot of Black men who f*ck white women, but they don’t date them. But somewhere in the middle are the guys who think to themselves, “I’m not going to stress myself out over the color of her skin.” I’m going to raise my kids this way too. They probably gonna be mixed and I ain’t got nothing to do with that, but I never agreed with telling your kids what to do or not do, I only do like my daddy told me, “use good judgment.” And this is my judgment, the ass in me says (pause), “back then didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me,” the more mature in me says, “I think everybody should do what works best for them.”


Anonymous said...

You are hilarious im dying over here at my desk. I was stuck on that spelling "error" for a minute then I saw the next line. Hilarious.
And ummm I saw other grammatical errors! You need to let me proofread for you. :-)

I too had this same epiphany (in more recent years). There was a time when i'd only date black guys. He could be of any ethnicity hispanic, african, arabic but he had to be black. For example, I would only date a dominican or puerto rican if he was brownskin or darker. I now date white guys too, my best friend is so proud of this--she was dying for me to date them. Lol. Glad you made it clear that youre not saying you DON'T date black women; I can imagine the hate mail.

Dr. J said...

That's the thing though, there's tons of grammatical mistakes because i'm blogging not writing an essay. I write how I talk, a lot of people don't get that. Hence why I alluded to Zora Neale Hurston on Twitter the other day. She wrote in dialect instead of correct grammar, she took heat for it, but I still enjoy her books a great deal. And then, as we discussed offline, this really isn't the end goal for me, i'm not all that interested in having the most grammatically correct material.

jemie said...

I know, I know, I know, you are going to cruicify me for this, but SIGH!

I don't ever have a problem with black people dating out of their race, but I hate that every (most) times when it's done, there always seems to be some backlash to black women. Soooo women of other races don't argue?!?!

I have to call b.s. on that one. Just say you like who you like and you don't have to explain it to anyone.

I'm sorry, but this just bothers me.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Dr J. We've discussed this before and I totally understand you. I was an english major so that will give you a hint of the lens I am looking through. On top of that, I'm just a bit of a grammar nazi, I suppose...but as you know I still enoy, appreciate and support your writing style. :-)

Dr. J said...

@jemie - I don't think there's anything wrong with Black women worth bashing, outside of ratchetness and all around low self-esteem and the need for self-affirmation. And to be 100 with you, most Black women don't even fall into those categories. I think this was more about me and my experiences, but at no point did I bash. Except for Cassandra, yo... she's still bigger than me, now it's just funny.

redlady821 said...

You just gave me a lot of insight to how my sons feel. I know that when my oldest got on the bus with all of the loud black girls and they were touching him etc. he never got back on that bus. 1 really big black girl (knick named Kimbo Slice) bothered him the most. I said "so you let Kimbo run you off the bus?" He got pissed and went upstairs.

Poor black women...someone should start training little black girls to not be so loud and ridiculous when they want attention but they don't know what else to do to "make you look" I guess. I could go on...but I won't.

jemie said...

@Dr. J, nah I feel you, and I was going to say that I understand that these are your experiences but I got sidetracked by work o-O lol!

@Redlady821... lmao at Kimbo Slice, not all little black girls are loud... well my little sister is but she's just a mess LOL!

Mrs Star Status said...

Black women aren't the only ratchet, loud women with an attitude in this world. So many other women are the exact same. In fact most Dominican women refer to themselves as black, or at least the ones I've met. Oh, and then I recently saw this video on youtube with a white rap group who calls themselves "Gold Diggin Divas," but the blame is put on black women!?! Nah, women of other races are the exact same.

Actually I'm starting to think it's not about the attitude men perceive from black women. It's about who they want to deal with the attitude from.

Dr. J said...

@Mrs Star Status

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Tye Reese said...

I consider myself fairly open minded, but there is no way I would want either my son or daughter dating a caucasian. Despite the appearance of tolerance in american society, an inter racial couple always draws stares. While usually silent, the thought that goes through the average white person's mind when they see an inter racial couple is "your parents must be so ashamed of you". Maybe it's just because I live in the south, but that's still the way it is.

Dr. J said...


I have to be honest, i've dated Caucasian women before and actually their parents are more open minded than Black parents. Even in the South, she was from Atlanta. At the same time, most times when the conversation about interracial dating comes up its usually black and white, totally marginalizing black and latino.

Anonymous said...


So basically all of (well the majority anyways) of your reasons for 'dating white women' are related to black women. Get over it, and please black men stop trying to play the 'nice guy' role so hard - most white women still cross the street when they see you.

When do black men plan on noy trying to dump reasons on black women for why they 'date white women' and having all those reasons relate back to BLACK WOMEN (as if dating white women is an automatic second option)?

I mean really, you're a grown little boy, act like it. I've dated white, black, asian, hispanic, ect. Hell I've dated chicks that could barely speak English (well dated is a strong word)...I never felt the need to write a list of reasons as to why, other than the fact that I liked them at those periods of time, and married the one I loved, which happens to be a black woman.

Grow up slim, you aren't the 'nerdy black boy' in the black neighborhood anymore - nor are you a generic "nice guy" persona. You're an arrogant, hateful, man child. For no good reason either, I mean you aren't bill gates son.

Anonymous said...

Also, Mrs. Star Status, 100% agree.

Most black men are obsessed, OBSESSED with how WHITE MEN view them. Not white women, but white men. They don't want them to think certain things about them - so in their heads a loud, fat, ghetto, nasty white woman is going to be easier for them (white men) to tolerate than a black woman who is the same.

Most black men aren't dating top notch white women unless they can afford them, and most white men don't care because most of them are checking for asian broads, or they KNOW that they get the 'better' normal white women. While black men get the white girls taking booty pictures for facebook. Let's just keep it real people.

@Tyrese, I agree with you aswell.
But for different reasons other than those couples drawing 'stares'. I'd rather not have my son with some wet dog who decides to pull the 'he beat me up officers' or 'rape card' whenever they argue, or break up.

Mrs.Brightside said...

My roommate was just telling about how her best friend, a half black half white male, was telling her that he was no longer going to date black girls. He is currently dating a white girl and is as happy as pie. My roommate a black woman was enraged as she told me. I tried to calm her down and help to understand why this is not as bad as it sounds. His mother, a black woman, who didn’t do the best by him versus his grandmother and aunts, white women, who gave him the world white women will always win in his mind.

The way he explained it to her though it was more like he wanted to take the easy way out. Like someone else said women no matter their color creed or kind all have their baggage. It’s my opinion that black men who say they don’t date black women are saying they don’t want help correct what’s wrong in their own community. It’s easier to deal with the white girl’s princess complex than to help the black woman realize single black motherhood is not her only option.

Men, when you realize all women have their hang-ups who you gone run to then… men? I was just joking. There are enough gay men to keep me laughing please stay straight and remain open to dating black women. Lol but I’m serious I still need a husband.

krystllyght said...

I'm biracial (black and white) and I really don't see the big deal. What you do at your house with your life is none of my business. I just never understood why black women get their panties in a bunch over a black guy they don't even know when he walks by with a white chick on his arm. Midgets date tall people all the time and nobody looks at the tall person and says "how can date this midget? You're dissing all of us."

This just reminds me of a time when I'm out with friends at red robin. Suddenly, they're rolling eyes and sucking teeth. I turn around and see a black dude with a white chick. And what? Ya'll care about what he's doing and not about how your actual friend who is the product of such a relationship will feel about your behavior? That bs is for the birds.

Dr. J said...

I love the conversation, i'm seriously thinking about eliminating Anonymous comments just because it would be better if you're going to come on a site and talk shit that you identify yourself.

But there's one important thing to note, I didn't say don't date Black women. I said, these are reasons why I don't ONLY date Black women. A little background here, I was using this post as a litmus test. I made a point to someone the other day about interracial dating is that people are so racist and they never realize it.

Let's say i'm dating a Latina, I can't even write a post about Latinas without someone jumping halfway down the street dragging me under their car. That's messed up, a man should be able to express himself on all types of women.

And I wasn't attacking Black women, that's pretty clear to those people who read the post. I used all "I" statements too just for a particular reason of not wanting to be accused of bashing. But yeah, the Anonymous comment feature may be on the way out.

Marvie said...

So... I just went back and read the post again just to make sure that I had it right. Having done that, I do think that some of the reasons you gave were reactions to negative situations involving black women/girls. They picked on you, they were loud, and apparently they didn’t seem to be "phenomenal" enough for you compared to the women you grew up around.

I would conclude that you are simply more attracted to women of another race seeing as though it just didn’t work out with the black girls you dated but surprisingly just fell into place when you dated interracially.

If that's what you like, that's all to da good. I happen to have a loud mouth, diva of a sister so I can see how it may be hard on a brotha. Hey, we like who we like. I guess that with so few good men around, it's just hard for us to see an eligible man taken off the market especially by someone who doesnt look like us. Glad I gots mine already.

Alana said...

Interracial dating is a touchy subject. I think that people should date whomever they like and if they just so happen to be someone of the opposite race then it is what it is. Black men are more adamant to date outside of the race than black woman are.

I have a problem when I hear a man say "I am only going to date white women or non black women because all the black women have done me wrong." That is just stupid. They too base that off of some of the same reasons you stated above.

Like what you like or drawn too don't caste off any race of women/men because of emotional problems you have with yourself.(not talking to you specifically lol)

This post is real, some people cant help what they like but if you like I love it!

misslanna08 said...

The reason many black women get upset when they see a black man with a woman of another race is likely because this site just confirms the idea that black women are less beautiful and less desired than other races. Thus leaves black women with far less options than black men, and much less likely to get married. Ive never had a problem with interratial dating, but as i get older it becomes a painful sight. I want to cry, some sistas suck their teeth. Just different reactions to the same feeling. Its not like white men are lining up to date eligable black women.

black chat said...

Interracial dating is a very nice topic to talk to. For me, I won't mind dating someone who is in a different race because what matters most is you're happiness.

I'm a kind of person who is open-minded so whoever I met and talk to I will always respect him/her. No matter where he/she belongs still I will date.