Thursday, July 14, 2011

Morning Mail - 7.14.11 (Thirsty Thursdays!)

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Drunken recall. I gave my subjects massive quantities of alcohol and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. When they woke up the next morning, they couldn't remember anything. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything that I taught them the night before. I got it published.
Landfill: Where?
Steve "Fink" Finklestein: In Maxim Magazine under the tile of "E=MC Hammered".
(Source: Beerfest)

Today is Thursday.

There’s some things of interest about Thursdays that I always like to review: If you think you’re tipsy, you’re drunk, if you think you’re drunk, you’re wasted, if you think you’re wasted, well seek medical attention.

You ever notice people always say the same thing to drunk people? “You’re ok… you’re ok.”

You ever been so drunk you wanted to get undrunk? You realize that it’s not possible and it sucks, don’t it?

You know you’re ass is drunk when you’ll come out your mouth and tell someone, “I’m drunk.” If there’s a hiccup involved, take cover.

Why is it that when people get a little drunk they want to tell you what they had? Why people tell you what they gonna drink, what they drinking, and what they drunk? Like right now, somebody telling their friend, “It’s Ciroc Red Berry and Sprite all night for me.” Then later at the spot they like, “I’m double fisted with Ciroc Red Berry right now!” Next morning, “Man I’m hungover, I was done off that Ciroc Red Berry.” If you’re the friend they’re talking to you’re like, “Mofo I know, you done told me 50-11 times.”

How many times is 50-11?

When you’re in happy hour do you ever look around and think to yourself, “this bitch ain’t got no job”? I can tell you how to peep the men who are perpetrating too. Look at their socks. If a man wears a suit everyday he knows how to make his socks, or at least to some extent. Sometimes you see some real odd ball socks in the club. People dress up for happy hour though, especially men. They don’t dress like that every day, but they think to themselves that they might need to be seen and they dress up.

I seen a chick change in the bathroom at work before. It was crazy. She normally dress kind of scandalous at work, but then she all of a sudden came out the bathroom like she was working at Stadium.

You ever had to make a quick stop before happy hour and buy an outfit? I know I have. There’s a Gap around the corner from where I usually go. I’m not opposed to copping a quick outfit before happy hour.

I’m actually not going to happy hour tonight. Well I am, but I’m not drinking. I haven’t had anything ot drink since last Saturday. That’s odd to me, but I just ain’t been feeling it right now. Something wrong with me. I think I be too tired and then thinking about drinking, I’m like, let me chill because I ain’t trying to be more tired tomorrow. I think I’m going to rock out with my club soda and lime today. That’s that drink right there! You can rock out with that or a red bull and cranberry all night and nobody will peep that you’re actually not drinking a thing.

You want to know what’s really funny? Those people who be like, “I got to go home and get my car if we planning on staying late.” I look at them like, “Damn yo, you planning on doing heavy drinking to the point of not making the last train and your solution is to go get your car.” I’ve learned over the past three years that the cab is completely worth it. Especially if you all live in the same area. Or you got to think like women, just network around the club, but not for a job for benefits. If you talk to enough people you’ll find someone who lives in your area to give you a ride. Females been doing this for years, we just ain’t peep it.

You ever had happy hour at work, then went to the early PM happy hour and looked up and it was midnight and you were at the late night spot on Thursday? Where did the night go? But what do you do? If you’re going to be out at this hour, might as well make a night of it. That’s when you know you’ll be late for work the next day, either that, or you reek of alcohol. You ever spent the whole morning at work trying to see if you smell like alcohol. I don’t, I just chew gum, but you know what I learned? You can always tell how much someone had to drink by what they eat in the morning. If you order an omelet with the hash browns and a big OJ, you was out late last night.

Anyway, be safe and enjoy your night. There will be a new post on The Book tomorrow. Come back later, I’m going to post some links to some articles I’ve done on the internet in places you may not have seen.

Say it with me,

Life is good. God is good.


Tunde said...

"That’s when you know you’ll be late for work the next day, either that, or you reek of alcohol."

i can't tell you how many times i've showed up to lab on a friday morning and my labmates will be like. "what were you drinking last night?"

let me tell you that whiskey stays on you. brush your teeth like 3 times the next morning, listerine, gum. all that. its like it comes through your pores.

i'm not going out tonight. i can't. i got invited to a birthday party to this spot called karma. whenever i go on thursdays i never get in the crib earlier than 2. then i miss the gym in the morning. not tonight. plus i got this all white rooftop party tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Dr J,

you know way too much about women! I am sure some wimminz is giving you the inside info.
There was one time, my friends and I did not want to pay for a cab home or take the train so we were on the prowl for a ride. By the end of the night, we had like 3 different dudes willing. Lol. smh.
I love wine, white wine to be exact--always my drink of choice. (#Nochardonnaytho) That is what I will be drinking tonight at happy hour, of course... and then I have a birthday dinner (LOL) to attend.
Oh And I never say "I'm drunk" my line for that is "I'm falling apart" that's how you know it's time for me to go home. haha!

Have fun tonight! Don't let them know youre not drinking, it's fun when everyone else thinks you are.