Monday, August 3, 2009

Totally Freaked Out

Little story, that I thought was important to share today. I actually have this situation in my book as a chapter. But here is the high-level synopsis.

There was a time before when I met this girl. She went to another school. My relationship with this girl was very interesting. It’s important to note that I went through great lengths to be around this girl. I would road trip on weekdays to her school just to talk to her face to face. I would pay for her to get to me in college. I would do just about anything. And for someone who hated being on the phone, I would talk to her for hours. I really am an in-person type of guy, so to always be on the phone with this girl was like… I must have been bit by a serious cupid love bug.

She lived in Chicago and I knew that once she went home and I went home that I would start to commence on a relationship of actually trying to be with this girl. And I would do any and everything to see her as soon as possible. I hated the fact that someone had that type of control over me. So I was sitting in my crib one day and I picked up my phone and I just deleted her number. I freaked out because I really really liked a person. And that feeling really bothered me, caused me to act irrational. I didn’t want someone to have that type of control over me. To be honest, I saw myself falling in love with this girl, and couldn’t see any type of foreseeable end except in marriage.

From time to time, I think about that girl. And up until recently I never regretted that decision.

This blog will make sense in the future. Right now, I just needed to get the story off my chest.

12 comments:

JEM said...

I am extra intrigued at this post simply because I can understand the sentiments behind it.

...sometimes I think that you kinda have to let people go...

It's the only way to keep your sanity, but Dr. J...is it possible that we let these people go because we love them more than we love ourselves?

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

Wow Jem @ 'we love them more than we love ourselves?"

I'll have to ponder that a min...

JEM said...

@DC

Thanks and help me out a little bit with it...

I know one of my relationships ended because we had to realize that we loved each other enough to let go...and I think ...I really think that sometimes you have to do this for your own well being...

Let me know how you feel about this...

Reign said...

Damn J, I can't even imagine that type of regret. Can't wait to read on.

Dang Jem, that was deep... and I'm now thinking that I'm in that situation, no lol.

Monica: Amazing said...

You deleted her number because she had you acting like a man in love? You didn't want her to have that type of control over you? (I don't believe in such a thing)


I'll concede, it is a frightening feeling to feel so much for a person but is it really soooo bad? Would she have understood your emotions? What if she'd felt the same way? That young lady could've quite possibly been the love of your life ..
..or maybe not...

if all it took was a simple press of a button to rid yourself of her.


But Ah well..what do I know, eh?

This is only part of a story with a fascinating preface.

Look forward to reading more..

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

Ok...thought about it Jem, Reign & Dr. J... loving someone more than "ourselves"...I think it's a strong statement to say. My ex went through something when he first joined the military, this chick was feeling him, but he was still in love with me (so he says) and told her that he sees her as a friend. She committed suicide and left a letter saying if she couldn't be with him, she couldn't live any longer...suffice it to say she prob had some other issues... anyways, he didn't take it too well, because he felt like it was his fault. Would you say she loved him so much it hurt and she couldn't take it. Is death better???

(side note: I've never contemplated death behind a guy, so this is unfathable (sp?) to me)

I think we can love a S.O. so much that we lose ourselves in them (sometimes) or that we bend over backwards and act out of character (maybe do things we would never do with your average Joe) but I can't say (at this point anyways) that I loved someone MORE than myself

What I can say though is catching feelings and realizing you are catching them, did catch them, or could catch them with one person is the scariest thing ever. It leaves you vunerable and wide open and no one likes feeling that way unless it's reciprocated. It's HARD to check your feelings and emotions, all you think about is that person & the next time you are going to see them, or talk to them. They can sometimes be the first & last thing you think about. So the easiest thing sometimes is to leave them alone...but does it really help you in the long run???

Chaotically Calm said...

Wow Dr. J....I can understand you on this level because I am a serious serious control freak. It makes me feel beyond uncomfortable almost panic attackish when I know I'm feeling someone. Haven't figured out the root...outside of what I witnessed growing up but it is at the very core of me. Even with Future Husband...I walked away from him at the end of the day for a number of reasons but one of them was because I couldn't bear (at the time) that he had an emotional hold on me. This is at the heart of my relationship ish and part of the reason for my quarter life crisis. When my emotions betray my thought process, I don't like it at all.

JEM said...

Hmm...I had to think on this...

I think I am in something like that right now...

...this always happens to me because I am strong yet men find me fragile...

...I am independent..yet they think I need them...

I don't get why men feel the need to do this so I am curious to see what Dr. J has to say...

Dr. J said...

I agree with most of your comments to be honest. My next post about this will be coming soon.

I think men do cut bait because they want to be in control. They don't want to fall head over heels. Sometimes this is an insecurity issue. It takes a real good woman to know how to deal with this. Some women just ignore it or think the guy is just having a tantrum.

JEM said...

It takes a real good woman to know how to deal with this.

Now see...here's what I'm saying...I know I'm a good one...and I don't ignore it and I don't think he's throwing a tantrum but I don't exactly know how to handle it either...

I thought I was doing good.

*sigh*

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

This post by Mr. Nicholas who follows my blog, sums up some points.

1. You want to better because of said person
2. That person challenges you in ways you never knew you could be challenged before (for the better)
3. You just know. You couldn't imagine your life without the said person

I'm getting ready to get a lil emo' - that's how I felt with Brian. I've never felt that way prior to him. When he told me he was running a marathon, I wanted to learn about it and try it to. When he told me he was thinking of becoming a vegitarian, I thought hmmm, maybe going without meat isn't that bad ( I still eat meat)
When he said he thinks no make-up is the bomb, I cut my ties with MAC
Point being, when you find yourself trying to improve in everyway (maybe even sacrifice) those are signs. The thing is, you cannot lose yourself. That's the key.

Here's the post Mr. Nic got me at. Beautiful http://hisfirst100.blogspot.com/2009/07/day-61-reflections.html

JEM said...

@DCDatingDiva

Hmm...I am going to check out his post...

DC you make a lot of sense...and I really am anxious to see what Dr. J is going to respond with...

This is really interesting to me.