Morning Mail - 3.31.11

Maggie Murdock: What's your game?
Jamie Randall: My game?
Maggie Murdock: Oh I'm sorry. Right. This is the part where we talk about where we come from and what we majored in in college.
Jamie Randall: You have beautiful eyes.
Maggie Murdock: That's it? That's the best you got?
Jamie Randall: I'm serious. They're beautiful.
Maggie Murdock: Let's go.
Jamie Randall: Excuse me?
Maggie Murdock: You want to close right? You want to get laid?
Jamie Randall: Now?
Maggie Murdock: Oh right, right, right. I'm supposed to act like I don't know if it's right. So then you tell me that there is no right or wrong. It's just the moment. And then I tell you that I can't while actually signalling to you that I can, which you don't need because you're not really listening. Because this isn't about connection for you. This isn't even about sex for you. This is about finding an hour or two of relief from the pain of being you. And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing.
(Source: Love and Other Drugs)


Anne Hathaway and all of her glory!


I admire this movie for so many reasons. I think that there are few people who would stay with someone who was terminally ill. Stay with them and fight with them for the rest of their lives. I know that there are people who would like to think they would, but they probably won’t.


What is it about this situation above though that I wanted to point out? I would have probably never had made it home with her. Why? Because I hate rude women. There’s just a way of not always saying what’s on your mind. She may have been right, but she was dead wrong. And usually, typically, and most likely when a man approaches you, he’s not looking for just sex. Most men are looking for affirmation that you are attracted to him, that he’s able to garner the attraction of women, but he’s really not expecting to bang you out on the first night of meeting you. I’m sure there are some, but the majority just know it’s not likely to happen.


Most people don’t realize the differences between adults and children.


The winter refuses to come to an end. It’s holding on for dear life. I’m hoping this last wave of cold winter air is the last. It’s just so damn hard to pick out clothes in these times. The weather man actually said a few days ago, “OK, jackets in the morning, probably won’t need them at noon, but make sure you bring your umbrella for the commute home.”

What in the hell?

This past weekend I was on the Metro and I was looking out the window as my train passed Rhode Island Ave. to Brookland-CUA and thinking about whether I would ever leave this city. As a little background, my mother grew up in a house back there and you can see it from the train. It’s like a constant memory of where I’m from in this city. And I look at the street signs that have most letters than most cities do and I thought, “I really don’t have to.” I’m sure this would be different if I hadn’t spent significant time in other cities, or if I had only stayed in one area in Washington, DC, but the truth of the matter is that I’m very much different than most people who stay in DC their whole lives. I’ve been able to tap into the city, 100% during my life. I’m not in the hood, nor in Upper NW, I’m in both. I can slang with Howard University graduates just as much as I can hang with Georgetown grads. I understand the politics in this town both city and federal. I have watched the conundrum that is to live in DC, MD or VA. In short, I’m not still in Riggs Park, I’m just from Washington, DC. I could see myself never leaving and I’d be okay with that.

Truth be told, I’m not lying when I say I will have a place for folks to crash at for the World Cup in 2014.

I’m reaching out to the cleaning lady today while at work and hoping this place doesn’t look like this when I get home today. If not, that’s going to put a damper on my plans this weekend. Do you know how hard it is to motivate in a house that’s not completely clean? It’s so hard when you have to answer that question, “Where is my…?”

Control speculation and never be a victim of it.

“You learn in this business: If you want a friend, get a dog.” - Carl Icahn

Life is good. God is good.

Let me go to work and find out why this dude left the office in the middle of us doing something together yesterday.

Morning Mail - 3.30.11

I try to love 'em in the physical not literal

She said she love me but what I'm feeling is minuscule

I understand that Prada lives in her inner soul

So the devil that droves in her got in control

Anne Hathaway, and sack chasin' getting got cake up

Though my paper way thicker than model make up

But ya'll wait up my mind racing my toe slippin

A lot of women is real some bitches Robin Givens

I never give 'em no liquid no pot to piss in

I tend to leave them quite offended if they too dependent

I'm pitchin bitches that's dreamin' thinking I'm trickin' chicken

I'm simply fuckin' with bitches that know they whole position

That's real nigga shit

Real nigga life

I give my heart to one broad, the others get the pipe

I ain't tryna fight, I ain't tryna fuss

I trying for the money, they tryna fall in love.

(Source: Rick Ross feat. Wale – Play Your Part (Wale’s Verse))

I’m not the biggest fan of Wale, however, this is one of my favorite verses that he has ever spit.  It’s real when you actually break it down, the lyrics here are solid.

Ashes to Ashes >>>>>>>>>>> Fear of God

I think there are a considerable amount of dudes who go around playing the game as they do because they don’t take the majority of the women in the game seriously.  This has a lot to do with the environment that a man chooses to put himself in, because there is a significant population of women who do not fall into this category of not being taken seriously.  However, they are not easily found.  And most women are convinced they should be taken seriously and they shouldn’t.  When you think about it, Wale is right, it’s a lot more efficient to chase money instead of love.  The chances of you finding love in any environment is almost impossible.  Especially when like I said there are bad women who are convinced they are good women.  That they are worthy of being treated like Queens when they are not.  The same can be said for dudes, but this passage was about women.

"It doesn't mean we're gonna make up, or even talk again. It just means I didn't want to object to the judge," she says. "We don't have to talk again ever in my life. I just didn't want to make it more difficult for him professionally. What he did to me was a personal thing. It had nothing to do with his career. Saying he has to be a hundred feet away from me, he can't perform at awards shows, that definitely made it difficult for him. That was the only thing it was going to change, so I didn't care." – Rihanna

Lying like shit…

“She wax it all off, Mr Miyagi.” – Chris Brown

I’ve had this conversation with several women.  It leads to an argument and I’ll actually have it with them.  They say things like, “Oh then I feel like I’ll look like a 11 year old.”  But ELEVEN YEAR OLDS DON’T WAX!            Anyway, the point is, even though I might have said it’s cool if you don’t want to do it … when she walk away … I still think it’s not.

Last but not least I want to say that the minds of our youth are impressionable.  We have to be careful how we interact with them.  We have to understand that it is imperative to our success that we always take the high road.  Despite those times when you want to “keep it real” or reveal that you are not to “taken for granted,” as people who are in a position to develop the youth we are tasked with more responsibility.  By youth, I mean everyone under the age of 21.  For me personally, I also feel this way about young adults too and that extends that age further.

Life is good. God is good.

Man it’s hard to fly with eagles, when you live with turkeys.

Morning Mail - 3.29.11

President Andrew Shepherd: What I did tonight was not about political gain. Leon Kodak: Yes sir. But it can be, sir. What you did tonight was very presidential. President Andrew Shepherd: Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea, in about an hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least presidential thing I do.
(Source: The American President)

I wrote a post today and it’s about white women, you can check it out here. Did you really expect me to spew negative racism out on the Internet about white women? What do you take me as? I only do that about people in Afghanistan.

Time to get excited about Sunday’s Lil’ Wayne concert.

Is it wrong for me to think that Tha Carter II is one of the greatest rap albums of all time. I put it in the same conversation as the other great rappers’ best work. I think it deserves the nod. A lot of people didn’t start listening until Tha Carter III, so their understanding of how great the album is kind of skewed and only at a 30,000 foot level.

People should always lay the facts out in front of them and ask themselves if they make sense.

I’m talking about these three things: Obama, Libya, and Personal Interests.

President Andrew Shepherd: America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it bad, because it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the 'land of the free'? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the 'land of the free.'"
(Source: The American President)

And wow…

Arguing over twitter has got to be the funniest thing ever. Whenever I see twitter beef, I think of that part of Kings of Comedy when Cedric talks about how gangs would break dance against each other to squabble beef.

Another thing about beef. It’s funny when only one person is eating the steak. You not supposed to eat THAT MUCH STEAK.

The Lakers are 3.5 games out of first place in the West. I told you… I told you…

Carmelo Anthony needs to play like he played last night every time he steps on the court. When he gets it in his head that he will not be denied victory, he’s one of the most unstoppable players on the planet. I’d venture out to say that he’s much more unstoppable than Lebron only because of his superior post game. When Syracuse won the championship in 2003, the reason was because Carmelo played every game like it was a must win, he was aggressive and relentless.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.28.11

Vernon: You know how they say that we can only access 20% of our brain?
Vernon: This lets you access all of it.
Vernon: They have had clinical trials, and it’s FDA approved.
Eddie: Alright, just out of curiosity, and that’s all.
(Source: Limitless)

I had very low expectations of this movie. I actually only went to see it because someone else wanted to see it. Me, I’d have been perfectly fine spending the day watching more college basketball. The movie is the third movie I’ve seen to date that really deals with the mind. Inception, Adjustment Bureau and Limitless are all apart of this mind over reality approach to life. I can’t say that I buy into that. Actually, we don’t use 20% of our brain, we use I think 13%, and then that guy Stephen Hawkins whose like a genius uses about 16%. So when you think about the concept of this movie, you really don’t need to use all your brain, you only need to use about 3-5% more than you currently use now.

That pill that he was taking though reminded me of PCP. Like and that made me laugh throughout this movie so much because I couldn’t’ get over the way PCP really affects people. Nobody knows this but PCP was originally an experiment by the military to create super soldiers. But they messed up and gave it to Black people to test it out and them n*ggas went crazy. It really does give you super strength. You see for a long time in America they try stuff out on Black people and we end up using it for some good.

Lot of people don’t know this but fried chicken and soul food is actually something that white people started.

Out of all those movies I thought that Adjustment Bureau had the most underlying meanings and undertones worth digesting. Here’s my list of people I know who are taking NZT (pill from Limitless).

Barack Obama is taking that ish, as soon as I got to the end of the movie, it was very clear that Obama is taking that pill.

Bradley Stevens is taking that ish too, there’s just no way Butler can be that good.

Also had to tell a friend that she should recommend that her girlfriend’s boyfriend get Viagra. A lot of men let their pride get in the way. If you can’t get it up, then you can’t get it up. Viagra was put on earth for man to use it to get a hard on and start having sex.

OH MY GOD! You ever heard a group of men talk about Viagra. It’s sometimes the most uncomfortable yet questionable yet hilarious exchange in the world.

Older Guy, like in his thirties: Yeah man, I can’t be f*cking these chicks like you do anymore. I swear my wife would love the shit out of you.
Me: [confused look, anticipating him asking me to f*ck his wife.]
Older Guy: So yeah, we’re going on vacation next week, so I had [frat] write me a prescription so I could get a few of these pills. Gotta have my blue pills.
Me: [Did this guy just tell me he can’t get it up? I really think conversations about your dick should be between you and the woman you sleeping with.]
Older Guy: Yeah but when I get down there, I just be f*cking her for like 3 days straight. I’m popping pills back to back. My wife love that shit.
Me: [Wait, I can’t do that though…]
Older Guy: This is what you gotta do to keep these women satisfied when they are my age.
Me: OK, so hypothetically speaking what would happen if I took Viagra?
Older Guy: You’d probably get a hardon for like 6-8 hours.
Me: Word.

Have you ever thought about your sex life in terms of experience? Like one of my friends is dating this guy who is in his mid-fifties, she swears by his sex game. Got me to thinking, let’s say I been having sex for about ten years, this guy is about to retire from the game at 55, start a second career. He’s got 40 years in the game. There will be a hall of fame press conference for that dude when he stops having sex.

This analogy has so many implications in life too. Like think about it, when you’re 19 you reach your peak, but you don’t master it at 19. You have no clue what you’re doing with a vagina at the age of 19, you THINK you do, but really all you have is a lot of energy. And the older guys are like, “yeah, these young girls want a guy they can bounce all around with and sh*t, that’s your young ass.” But older guys put these chicks to BED. It only makes sense, I mean how else do you get good at sex except by having sex?

I’ll be straight up and honest with you. The first time I tried to have sex with a girl until she came. (Because the first few times I didn’t give a shit.) It was like a game of handball. I was just throwing shit at the wall, at different angles and speeds and hoping that something would work. And when she said “ooh” or “right there”, I used my athlete’s gene to remember exactly what I was doing when she said that. It was the most random part of my life.

Now with some experience under my belt, sex is like a game of bowling. I may not knock them all down, but I’m going to hit something. And I’m actually a very good bowler. I’m good for 6 strikes, and 3 spares in ten rolls.

Trust me on that.

Life is good. God is good.

Not sure how I feel about what I said and then bringing God into it.

Morning Mail - 3.25.11

Adam Levy: Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong it's never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cause they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing.

Kate: Love is ecstacy and agony. Freedom and imprisonment. Belonging and loneliness. It is what keeps us together when life tears us apart. So, when you find that perfect man hold on tight and call me, so I can run over there and see what he looks like and laugh... Because he does not exist you sad perky little optimistic suckers.
(Source: Love & Sex)

Here’s what I don’t get people who say shit like, “I don’t have my own blog for personal reasons.” I really be like, what reasons are those? But they will claim they are personal. Most of those people need to be honest, they don’t have their own blog because they’re scared or they know on the inside they just not that entertaining. Some people will be like, “I can’t have my name out there” or “My job might find out.” Let me tell you a secret, nobody gives a shit about who you are. Nobody. You’ve never had your job come to you and say, “Yo, we was looking on the internet for you and you know what, WE DIDN’T FIND YOU!” Because no one gives a shit about who you are. The only reason why I’m saying this is because why is your website on your comments linked to your twitter page. Your ass leaves 500-1500 words on the blog EVERY DAMN DAY. But you can’t blog? Are you serious? And then you tweet like 80 times a day, at 140 characters a pop, but you can’t blog? If your ass sat down for a minute and thought about it, you write a blog everyday and just don’t get credit for it.

Either that or you’re just a bitch. And by bitch I am not talking about females or nothing, I’m talking about bitch as in scared as shit.

Lot of people don’t know this but Afghanistan is the world’s largest producer of heroin. That’s why I keep trying to tell the United States to stop giving them shit for free. They financing the entire war on terrorism on Heroin. We built a military base and they blew that shit up like two days later. You can’t be stepping on the heroin, takes away from it’s quality.

The Latin people are taking the f*ck over. I’m not really mad about that, and I really don’t care too much. Just goes to show you that yet another minority will come into this country after Africans and end up passing us before it’s all said and done. I know why this happens, but I don’t have time for all that today. But I did want to say one thing, they don't have a comparable Oprah, Jay-Z, Bob Johnson, Magic Johnson or Diddy, and they have no one even close to Obama.

I’m just being real.

Why is it perfectly okay to smoke a J in the morning, but it’s not okay to have a drink? Like if you woke up and had a jack and coke before breakfast and before work, people would look at you funny. But rising and shining to some weed and it’s perfectly okay. And these people are the same people who will say, that’s because I don’t get high when I smoke. But then I don’t know why they are smoking. I’m just really confused. I know who can explain this to me.

A lot of men, and I mean this too, a lot of men is cosigning on the Chris Brown hate just because they think they can get some hoes out of it. On the low, they know they done made some mistakes too and needed some forgiveness. It really pisses me off when dudes do stuff like that. Like you can’t get some buns off that and be happy with yourself. “Death to Chris Brown … can I get some head for that tho?” No you can’t.

I can’t stand people who fronting. I am a great judge of character and if you lie too much I’m going to catch you. Now people who know me know that I hate when people do shit like that. Like it’s one thing to omit, it’s another thing to just straight out lie. Because when you lie, not only do you have to tell one lie, you got to keep telling lies to keep up the first one. And I’m never opposed to exposing someone. Watch, Reinagate 2, bitches.

And I’m out this joint.

Wait, no I’m not … you the funniest thing in the world is when someone tells you about how they’re getting high later on. They be like, yeah and on Friday, I’m getting high like shit. I’m getting sky-f*cking-high. I’m going to be so high, I can’t see.

Oh and you know what sucks, when people follow you but they don’t f*ck with you. They just follow you to make sure you don’t talk no shit about them. That’s cool. Whenever I see that happening, I jeer people on. Like yo, you should retweet what I say, and that person gonna think it’s about them. It’s just funny, if you don’t f*ck with the person why you following them? Just my two cents.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.24.11

Jack Sparrow: The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?
(Source: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)

Pusha T … everybody want they beat back. I got to Track #4, Money on My Mind and I immediately decided I’d rather listen to Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter II. This mixtape was trash. I wish he kept that ish. I know why Malice retired because he was tired of rapping with Pusha. Lil’ Wayne, Bun B, and Jay-Z want they beat back. Ye ain’t spit hard on that joint because he actually wants his beats back too.

Queen wants they beat back too.

Trash.

Pusha T, Fear of God only seeks to show us that No Ceilings just might be the greatest mixtape ever made. "Yo' beat ain't safe." - Dwayne Michael Carter. He took everyone's beat and made a better hit than they did.

When you got a lot of money what do you do, you waste money. You don’t hold on to $0.50, when you holding stacks. A lot of people would understand their whole life if they thought about things this way.

Don’t chase after shit that don’t want to be caught unless they owe you something.

I hate when there’s too much commotion in the office. It’s like, “Hey man, go do some work or something.” But why is it that when you tell someone to do their job and stop shucking and jiving they want to look at you like you’re in the wrong.

I have a date in mind for when I want to release my new eBook.

I spit Alcatrez bars, I know
And D-Boys are the only alphabet boys I know
Gotta 3-80 on my waist and Rambo at home
No more bandana on my dome, bandana in my right pocket
Bitch I'm grown, fuck what you on?
Now watch me stand on the world as I sit in a throne
And if I jump I'ma fly and look into the eagles eye
And see I am nothin' like you, why?
Bitch see, it gets me, how nothing gets me or get to me
And if you shootin' for the star then just shoot me
But your bullets don't reach Mars
Pause, clause because I'ma a beast, I'ma dog, I'ma getcha
My picture should be in the dictionary
Next to the definition of definition
Because repetition is the father of learnin'
And son I know you barrel burnin' but
(Source: Lil’ Wayne – Shoot Me Down)

Sending a prayer out for someone waiting on good news today.

Today is the last day until Sunday that I will be sober. There is a bachelor party this weekend and I intend on enjoying myself. But real talk, why did they ask for information for my lawyer and a phone number where someone can be relied upon to answer?

And I wrote that post, and it will post next Tuesday.

F.A.M.E. is a solid album. But it got me to thinking about this whole thing and Russell Simmons wrote an excellent piece on the topic, you can read it here. But, also I think about it this way the reason why Chris Brown dropped Graffiti so quick was because when he was going through problems in his personal life the best way to get past that is to throw yourself into your work. And moreover than that, to give people something else to talk about. Graffiti isn’t that bad of an album either.

I need to hit up Red Lady, so I’m out.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.23.11

Jay Brooks: [trying to get Catherine to go out with him] What you want me to beg?
Catherine Williamson: Yea well ok. Let's hear some begging.
Jay Brooks: Are you serious. I'll play along. What you want Mars Blackmon or James Brown?
Catherine Williamson: Ah a man of genre. I don't know you well enough for James Brown so Mars Blackmon.
Jay Brooks: Please baby baby please.
(Source: I'm Through with White Girls (The Inevitable Undoing of Jay Brooks))

Last night, as I listened to the reasons why my post on SBM.org was wack, I started thinking to myself how come no one ever writes a post about what’s wrong with white women. And dammit, I’m going to do it. But how can I do this? How can I write a post about what’s wrong with white women and not come across as racist? I guess that’s why Black men only talk about Black women, because in reality you can’t say anything about another race and not come across racist.

I’m still going to do it though.

After listening to Chris Brown’s new album, F.A.M.E., I got to say, it’s not wack. I do think he needs to surround himself with better people. But I’m not sure you can ever expect that to happen. Nobody really reached out to him when he was going through his drama to begin with. If anyone would have reached out, it should be Kanye. However, in addition to the fact that I just don’t see that type of behavior in Kanye, he’s also close with Rihanna. Maybe Chris Brown should befriend Tony Dungy, he seems to help out well.

Why is it that whenever you do something with one of your coworkers they have this inability to play it cool, like yo… chill. The day after she comes and sits right next to you in the morning meeting. Or, she now wants to go to lunch everyday with you. And you feel bad, so now you do go to lunch everyday with her because you don’t want to ruin the beats. But at the SAME time, you then get forced into sort of dating her because you can’t dog out your coworker because she’ll snitch. You know how hard it is to get out of happy hour with that coworker because you want to go holler at some other broads? Impossible. That’s why I wouldn’t recommend you do it. UNLESS, you seriously plan on dating the girl.

If a chick tells you she gives great head, tell her she doesn’t.

Have you ever thought about what happens when you ask a dude if that was the best head or sex he’s ever had? He immediately has to search through his brain and think of all the other times, and all the other women that he’s been with, and is that really what you want him to be thinking about when you guys are cuddling?

“First they love me then they hate me then they love me again... they love me again.” – S. Carter. I think this is how Barack Obama feels.

Bill Maher said something one time and it was extremely funny he said, “Have you ever thought about how many times Obama sits in the White House and says, “If George Bush hadn’t f*cked this sh*t up…” Real talk, I think that Donnie Walsh, GM of the New York Knicks, feels that way too. “If Isaiah Thomas hadn’t fucked this shit up…”

I have to come to grips with not being able to spell Isaiah.

Talking to one of my boys the other day I realized that I have this thing about me that’s so counterproductive it’s hilarious that I even do it. I hate it about myself but I just can’t help it. I’ve noticed that a lot of times when I get really upset or passionate about something, I refuse to explain myself. I just refuse. So I’ll be on my own sh*t for weeks, months or years and never explain myself. I let the other person feel like they’re right, even when I know for a fact that I’m right. It’s cool though, other people will plead for me to explain my side, but I’ll just be like, “Nah chill, I’m not explaining myself.” It’s weird, but it’s how I deal with incompetence. You want to be dumb, fine, be dumb.

Ooops, this definitely sat here in this draft form for about an hour.

Dueces…

Life is good. God is good.

Dr. J’s Top 10 Favorite Photos of All Time

The guys over at The Lower Frequency inspired me to do a post with more of a Dr. J spin. Now a lot of these are subject to change, but I had to share what pictures I continue to look at a long time after seeing them for the first time. I would print them out and hang them up in the crib, but in reality, I prefer that they stay on my laptop in my “98 Taxes” folder.

10. Man Tries to Open Condom with his Teeth – This picture pretty much sums up my college experience. This was my first picture that I uploaded to Facebook when I joined. I still find this picture to be hilarious to this day.

9. Kanye West Artwork in Head – This signified the moment when Kanye went viral. His creativity validated with the Grammy awards, right after this Kanye went viral. People started to really put Kanye in the conversation of the Top Hip Hop Artists. This was a great moment for me because Kanye is my second favorite artist.

8. Lauren London in the Frontin’ Video – As I watched this video I realized that I had a problem. I watched this video with a few of my friends, it was a mixed crowd. While most people said, “That’s so cool. Pharrell has that pretty dark skinned girl in the video.” Allegedly, this rarely ever happens. But while they were talking about that, I was thinking to myself, “Who is that light skin chick?”

7. Farrah Fawcett – Back in the day men used to have posters up of their favorite women. Well, there’s a picture of Marilyn Monroe that’s pretty infamous because of its appearance in the first issue of Playboy, but then there’s this picture of Farrah Fawcett. The reason why this picture is important is because it was one of the first times in America that you began to see Black men cosign on white women … and everybody didn’t get mad about it.

6. Lil’ Kim Poster – Along the same lines, pretty much every dude in the hood had this poster. You might have had to go to the Sam Goody to get it too. And you may or may not have been told to take it down by your mother several time. So for me, I did what any self-respecting dude would do. I put it on the back of my door.

5. Rosa Acosta in a Sauna – Dark hair, unbelievable abs, and sweating. I knew when I saw this picture that Rosa Acosta was going to change the game. I looked at her and I understand why women of other races do NOT like Rosa Acosta. Hell, I know Dominicans who do not like Rosa Acosta. I didn’t care though, I love this picture and Rosa Acosta.


4. Suelyn in the Dead Sea – Artistic picture of one of my favorite models. I love all things Suelyn. I had this picture up on my laptop for about a month. You can’t find it anymore either, she took it down. But this let me know that not only was Suelyn beautiful, she was also creative.


3. Cam’ron tells Bill O’Reilly, “You Mad!” – This is the best picture to send to a friend when they are ranting, or to send to a listserv when one of your friends has sent a dissertation in reply to a topic he feels strongly about. The best use of this email was when I sent this picture to a coworker while in a meeting. It was the only thing I could do. I was literally witnessing an Angry Black Woman in action. She refused to lose the argument.


2. Kanye West and Amber Rose Arrive at the VMA’s – I love Kanye West for this picture. This is a perfect representation of everything that’s worth doing in life. What did I tell you about what Prince taught me? Always show up drunk. Also, Amber Rose’s body in that cat suit is tasty.


1. Stacey Dash Poses for Playboy – The day these pictures hit the internet they were sent to every man in America. She’s just not supposed to be able to look that good at her age. But she does! These pictures are still with many of us men today. They are in that folder on our cell phone called “98 Taxes.” I’m telling you at the time these pictures came out my boy was in the hospital. I didn’t go visit because I can’t do hospitals, but I made sure to include a Playboy Magazine in the care package. When I would later see my boy the first thing he said to me was, “Thank you, that really meant a lot to me. My wife tried to take it, but I wouldn’t let her. But that meant the most to me.” (This was the only picture I edited, for good reason too.)

Morning Mail - 3.21.11

President Thomas Whitmore: Good morning. [PA doesn't work. Turns it on]
President Thomas Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! [crowd cheers]
(Source: Independence Day)

You never have seen Aaron Eckhart has never made a movie in which he wasn’t a G. I just never take anything Neyo says about women seriously. And when he’s not singing he seems so fake it’s absurd. He makes Beyonce look like an Oscar nominee. Michelle Rodriguez is sexy, she always has been and she always will be. She’s way too bad ass to date though.

While watching Battle: Los Angeles I realized that we probably not going to win this war on terrorism. We don’t fight like other people. A few observations about our military. We send 18 year olds to school, they graduate as officers and then they are in charge of platoons. People who are way older than the officer and have seen more battle are no under his command. That’s weird, probably should let time in service factor in there. Other thing was they made a big deal about the guy who blew himself up to detonate a bomb and kill a bunch of the aliens. It was like a HUGE DEAL, but he had to do it to save lives. Thought about the Middle East for a second and that would be a no-brainer for folks over there. I got to thinking about Black Hawk Down and how that movie is so crazy because you didn’t know if you should cheer for the Africans or the Americans. But I made an observation about most of the warfare I’ve seen in Africa. They don’t care about their life. They don’t fight wars with the fear of dying, they fight wars under the premise that the way things are now, it’s better to die than continue living under those circumstances. And our military don’t work like that, all we really think about it is DON’T DIE. It puts us at a disadvantage.

I’ll share a part of an email with you:

I'll be honest with you, this is my fault. I kept saying repeatedly throughout the last three days. I've figured out how Ohio State is going to lose, Wow... UNC is going to lose. OMG this is paving the way for us to the Final Four!!! But I would always stop and say, "But we haven't beat Marquette and we'll probably lose that game." I have this well supported theory about Syracuse. We never beat the the teams we're supposed to beat. This is proved by our 2003 run for the title. No one in their right mind with a gun held to their heads would have said, "Oh yeah, I got Syracuse beating Texas and Kansas.... they wack we're going to beat them too." But we beat them and we weren't supposed to beat them.

Next following tournament losses: Alabama, Vermont (some drunk lady in the Sheraton told me they would lose and I looked at her like she was stupid), Texas A&M, Oklahoma, Butler and now Marquette. Since winning the championship, I have no clue why anyone has faith in Syracuse beating teams we should beat in the tournament. We just can't do it. We're that team. We're the team to go to if you need an upset. The inverse of this is that I was convinced we'd beat Ohio State if we played them, because we weren't supposed to beat them.

Life is good. God is good.

And can I get a hot tub?!

My Childhood Heroes F*cked Me Up

It all started with a conversation with my dad about He-Man, Superman and Batman. My dad never had the conversation about the birds and the bees or not being gay with me. I told him at like age 6, that He-Man was suspect, Batman was cool and Superman was gay. I ain’t say gay then because at age 6, the F word was pretty much okay. But my dad was laughed and said, “You alright with me, man.” But on the real, He-Man was mad suspect, I admired the dude, but why would you call your chick, She-Man? That kind of threw me off and I was like, “I don’t know about that, but…” Then Superman, smh, Superman was a homosexual and I’m sorry but I just don’t buy it. I’m a man who aspires to be married one day, I really do. But if I was Superman, you couldn’t pay me to be married. You mean I can fly, see through shit, HEAT up shit, I’m faster than a speeding bullet and stronger than a locomotive and I’m not f*cking MAD B*TCHES. Made no sense to me at like age 6. I was thinking why Superman ain’t got mad hoes? Put it to you like this, do you know how crazy women go over a speeding bullet? And she wondering why she always wet when I come around… But Batman, I ain’t like how he was a standup guy, but he had it made. Bruce Wayne always had a chick on his arm. And Bruce mastered something that a lot of real men on the struggle wish they could master. He found out how to mess with grimy ass hoes and come out unscathed. Like he beat Catwoman AND Poison Ivy. Most times when a dude on the struggle mess with a grimy chick he end up with a kid, or herp.

Then it was Michael. Man, I defended Michael forever. That was until he tried to marry Elizabeth Taylor. And because I remember every interview Michael Jackson ever had I remember when he said he looked at her like a mother. People be wondering why that white lady was trying to get away from Michael so fast. It was because he was trying to f*ck her kids. And I knew something was up with Michael because Lisa Pressley ain’t want to mess with him no more and she was more screwed up in the head than people who thought Elvis was still alive. I still liked his music, but on the low, I thought something wasn’t right with his interview with that dude off 20/20. I love my father, but if he got in the bed with me, I’d punch him in the face.

Motherf*cking Zack Morris. At first, he was the coolest man on the planet. But then when Saved By the Bell: The College years came out, I started wondering stuff. I had LA Gears like this guy, I had the gray stonewash jeans like this guy, even had a fake cell phone like this guy, I was Zack Morris. When I was at home rehearsing lines to say to chicks, I was Zack Morris. I knew none of the Will Smith lines would work because I wasn’t tall or light skin and Will wouldn’t have gotten away with half that sh*t if he was short and dark skin like Carlton. So I did the next best thing, I acted like a cool ass white boy. Because cool ass white boys get mad ass. Don’t believe me, I got two words for you, Bradley Cooper. You think Idris will shut the club down, let this guy come in the club. But Zack lost my respect in the college years. You went through 4 years of HS, which they stretched out to like 8 years, and then you went in college with this broad and you was still chasing after Kelly. Tell Kelly to go fuck herself, that’s from the heart. Mind you, Kelly let cats beat on 90210 in the first two episodes. Zack like that dude who think his girl a saint, but everybody know her as a hoe. Remember that guy who came to visit the jumpoff at college? Her boyfriend from high school? Dude was gassed to be getting some ass. Except he ain’t know everybody else had gotten some too. He was like the dude who thought he was gonna be the only dude with the Team Jordans that day at school..

Magic Johnson. Actually, I’m no even going to touch on this topic, all I’m going to say is. The end of our relationship can be explained by the following phrase, “N*gga what? I mean, I hope that work out for you, but AC Green is clearly gay now.”

This is random but did anyone find it funny that Monica Lewinski was selling bags after that whole fiasco with the President? I knew then that the President had teabagged her and she try and play it off like she was gonna make a career out of it.

And last but not least Martin Lawrence. Everybody in DC wanted to be Martin when they grew up. And everybody used to sneak and watch Martin because their mother, (if they had any common sense), wouldn’t let them watch Fox at 8PM on Thursdays. Even though it was okay to watch Living Single at 8:30. Which is really fucked up because that’s how they tear Black men down. You can’t watch Martin, but you can watch these tired ass single Black women complain about men all the time. Anyway, Martin had a good thing going and he blew it. I hope that Dave Chappelle sends Martin a Christmas card every year for f*cking up. Because real talk, Martin would have been the best comedian of all time if he hadn’t blew it. I’m telling you right now, you have never seen a first comedy special as good as You So Crazy. Yes, because you mofos have not realized that You So Crazy is in fact funnier than Delirious. Not only that but Tisha Campbell was the baddest chick on television with talent at the time. Yeah it might have been a couple women out there doing their thing, Heather Hunter kept the attention of a lot of men my age at the time because she was uber-talented, but Tisha was the best. Not only was she a Gamma Ray, she also always supported the House Party. Why would Martin go and stick his tongue down her throat? I don’t know. That’s when I figured out Thanksgiving dinner. I never knew what it was about Thanksgiving dinner, seemed like it was always real cool, there was some football, and then we prayed as a family, and then we ate a lot of food, but somewhere after the Spades game started and before we had to brush our teeth everyone had this feeling that today was going to in fact be the day that my Uncle got punched in the nose for talking slick to my Aunt. That’s when I figured it out … it was Hennessy. Martin said he was drunk and started showing up to work that way. Henny makes Black men act very strange. When Gina disapperared off the show and it went off the air, I cried. That was it, no more fodder for the schoolyard, I had to do it on my own. Acting like Martin made you seem like you were an ass. And being an ass didn’t become cool until after all the freshmen girls realized that nice guys were wack and assholes were the ones they should sleep with… A LOT. So yeah, Martin if you’re reading, I’m mad at you, you left me at the one time I needed you most … high school.

I got to shoutout two dudes who held me down throughout life. First dude, taught me the most important lesson I ever learned and that was Jimi Hendrix. He taught me that you should always be yourself, beat to your own drum, don’t make excuses for being different, show them that you can do what they do ten times better than them even with the wrong hand, getting high ain’t that bad it’ll only kill you, and if they don’t like who the f*ck you are, burn that bitch down. The other dude was Prince, taught me to always show up drunk and as long as you f*cking bad b*tches don’t worry that everyone thinks you’re gay. The party is so much better.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6rY-UWLEgk

And I’m out this bitch.

Morning Mail - 3.16.11

Frank Abagnale Sr.: Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.
(Source: Catch Me If You Can)

Life is about your “make shit happen” factor. How much of it you have will determine how far you have to go in life. Always remember, no one cares about your story. People are only interested in what happened and results. I think that there are some people who fail or do not complete a task and they give you a reason why it happened. In the end, who cares? No one. People want to know what you did in despite of your bad luck.

I understand why comedians have small circles of friends. There are just so many people in this world who don’t find anything to be funny. You can't tell jokes about your friends or to your friends. They always get offended. Funny thing is they didn't get offended when it wasn't about them. That's why I always tell people when someone is talking shit to me about someone else, I don't trust their ass. Because I know they talk shit about me to other people. 95% of the reason why I think everyone gossips and as long as it doesn't keep me from achieving my goals, I don't worry about it.

Nate Dogg died today. May God rest his soul. I learned something today though, I don’t want to die and people think that my name was Dr. J. If you asked anybody what Nate’s last name was, they would be like, “Um…” And that’s just horrible. For the record, it’s Hale. Nathaniel Dwayne Hale. My favorite Nate Dogg song was “Explosive.” He broke ish down in a way that had never been broken down before.

When I met you last night, baby
Before...I blew yo mind, (Blew-blew-blew your mind)
I thought we had a chance, lady
No more...now that I'm sober you ain't that fine
Hmmm-HmmmHmmm
Don't wanna treat you wrong
Don't wanna lead you on
Here baby, hit the bong
While the West Coast rolls along
While we...Still makin gangsta hits
You'll be... Still jockin gangsta dicks
Damn girl you think you slick
Somebody better get this bitch, this bitch
(Source: Dr. Dre feat. Nate Dogg, Kurupt, and Hitman – Explosive)

Real recognize real and that was some real shit.

I tell people all the time that if you want to go far in sports, you have to have INVOLVED parents. Check out @RedLady821’s timeline. You’ll see something that is so key. High School coaches want to win, but they may not do what’s best for your child. Leads them to playing out of position and not scouted in their actual position. Real talk, if you are 6’4” in HS, the chances of you being 6’9” or taller are slim to none. Makes no sense to play you at the 4 or 5, regardless if you don’t have any height in your lineup. Similar thing happened to me with baseball, because I had a strong arm, my coach wanted me to pitch. My dad shut that down quick. After one game, he told my coach that I should be in the infield or outfield, but never at pitcher. Long term it was only going to lead to injuries and I was never going to be a pitcher.

I love movies. But I’m also cinephobic. Yes, that’s a phobia I created for myself. It just means that I’m afraid of the movies. It takes so much for me to go into a theater. I wasn’t always this way. It happened randomly when I was abruptly single and I would go to the movies alone and then sitting there alone I would think about the pathetic fact that I was there alone. After that, it started happening everytime I sat down. Then what really got to me was the fact that after you paid for the ticket, you couldn’t just leave. You have to get your money worth. And this led to me not seeing movies for an extended period of time. I still watch movies on Netflix and On-Demand though.

I don’t want to get into this today, but has anybody ever let it sit in that Jay-Z is 41 years old? I think he’s the greatest rapper of all time. I think that has less to do with talent and more to do with how far hip hop has gone since he’s been on top. I think the comparison between Jay-Z and Jordan is one for the ages. However, at age 41, I start to wonder when he’s going to hang it up. And if you think I’m hating, as most people do, let me ask you this, think of all the 41 year old men that you know. Now, compared to the 41 year old men that you know, in terms of maturity, how does Jay-Z stack up?

40 is not the new 30, and 30 was never the new 20.

Life is good. God is good.

While listening to Shoot Me Down off Tha Carter III, I started to think… I think Paula Patton and Lauren London are the two of the most beautiful women in the world to me. I’ve actually met Lauren London, she’s TOUGH. Pictures and movies don’t do her justice. But when Lil’ Wayne was taping that song with Robin Thicke did him and Rob talk about their women. I mean, that’s got to be a hell of a conversation. I don’t think two men have ever came together like that for a son with their women being so smoking hot. Save a few years with Motley Crue.

I’ll holler.

Morning Mail - 3.15.11

We're going to mass today, we have to pray
Besides what the pastor say, I have to say
Since Pac passed away
Most you rappers don't even deserve a track from me
You see, if you ever wanted to ever be anything
There'd always be somebody that shoot down any dream
There'll always be haters, that's the way it is
Hater n*ggas marry hater bitches and have hater kids
But they're gonna have to take my life 'fore they take my drive
'cause when I was barely living, that's what kept me alive
Just the thought that maybe it could be better than what we at at this time
Make it out of this grind, 'fore I'm out of my mind
And get some lee way on the he say she say
You girl don't like me, how long has she been gay
Spanish girls say "No hable inglés"
And everybody want to run to me for their single
It's funny how these wack n*ggas need my help
Wasn't around when I couldn't feed myself
Dog, If I was you, I wouldn't feel myself
Dog, If I was you, I'd kill myself
Made a mill myself, and I'm still myself
And I'ma look in the mirror if I need some help
Now I'll speak from the heart, you all fronting
Everybody feel a way about K but at least you all feel something
(Source: Kanye West – Bring Me Down)

One of my favorite Kanye West songs, it’s off the Late Registration LP.

Kanye has that inexplicable ability to speak to people with dreams in his music. I enjoy listening to this song every chance I get because it can really help you to put the people in your life in perspective. I am really thankful for those people who support, help and always let me know that they just want me to grow. Those people who have faith in me to be great. And to those who don’t, I often wonder where they will end up when I get to where I’m going. I’ve always felt that the people who insist on being naysayers were only looking for something in themselves. Many people have said that I have changed, but I never changed, I’m still the same. I’ve stopped trying to help people who didn’t want my help, I’ve stopped worrying about why people doubt things they know nothing about. But I still give my all to those who I consider my loved ones. And I guess if you don’t feel that I’m giving my all to you, then I don’t love you.

I’m up on SingleBlackMale.org today, so you can check me out here.

Life is good. God is good.

Thank whatever gods may be for great friends who remind you that you are destined for greatness.

Morning Mail - 3.14.11

Aldous Snow: I labored under the myth of monogamy for sever years with Jackie and it was pointless.
Aaron Green: So you only slept with Jackie?
Aldous Snow: No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy.
(Source: Get Him to the Greek)

This is so freaking funny. I thought the movie was quite hilarious, I haven’t finished it, it was on way too late last night, so I just decided to go to sleep. You know how you start trying to get in the uber comfortable position on the couch? At a certain age you start to realize, this is the position I get in when I’m really tired and I typically end up waking up on this here couch at three in the morning.

Do you think it’s weird how some couple move to stay together? Relocation is a bitch. Like for example, imagine if you’re Natalie Portman’s baby daddy. His whole life he’s dreamed of making it to Hollywood. He just got there, and now Natalie wants to move away. I feel his pain. I support him in his efforts to stay.

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed by women who act like they’re into sports just to get men to like them. It’s a freaking epidemic. Women will tell you they love the Cowboys and Troy Aikman is their favorite player. Biggie was living when Troy Aikman played his last game. Shut the hell up. I appreciate those women who are lovers of beer, fantasy football and do not just blindly cheer for a team because they like ONE player on the team.

Don’t have conversations with your friends who don’t know anything about sports.

I keep trying to tell most men not to mess with crazy hoes, but they don’t listen. And then they end up in a weird situation. Do you know how expensive it is to replace four tires on an Escalade? You can find out by f*cking with crazy b*tches.

If you date a girl who never attended college, you never have to worry about attending her college reunion functions. My thoughts on college reunions and shit. People spend all this time at these events wondering why someone, “hasn’t grown up yet.” But what we fail to realize is that when we were in college, we were grown. We just were in this weird place called higher learning. At the age of 18, you pretty much are the person you will be for the rest of your life. Like right now, the thing that interests me the most is those women who since I’ve known them around the age of 18… are still sleeping with men while requiring that they put little to no effort in. They are easy, hoes, jumpoffs, ratchets, or whatever you want to call them, and they never change.

My alma mater has this reunion for Black folk every few years. It’s mad funny because you’ll always hear stories of a chick who is married now, but she end up f*cking a dude that she used to be with back in college, or that she always wanted to be with back in college. In her defense, there is just way too much alcohol involved with these reunions. I’m ecstatic for it this year!

I have no words for some people in this world. You ever find yourself in a situation where something so enormously childish and immature was going down, and you felt like if you don’t at least get semi-involved then it’ll look like you are wrong in the situation? That’s what no words is, the point at which you realize that there is no way to handle the situation and act like an adult.

Just a couple weeks away from the moment I’ve been waiting for. And I’m now noticing that this weekend in April will be a great weekend. Final Four and Lil’ Wayne. I’m going to set some money aside now.

I’m convinced this girl is crazy. I will let you know more when I know it.

I would encourage everyone to check out the new show Shameless on Showtime. It’s a great show and anyone missing out is at a loss.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.11.11

A.J.: Hi, what're you doing up here?
[Corey pushes A.J so he falls]
Corey: You listen to me! You're so special and you're so talented and you have everything it takes! You have MORE than everything it takes and you're REALLY stupid because you don't know that. And I know you don't love me anymore, and I know that I blew it but at least I know that, and if you don't go to art school and if you don't understand how special you are then you know nothing!
A.J.: Corey, I...
Corey: And I did love you, and I still... only I didn't realise that it really was love because it was more than love and it wasn't just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else and I'll never love anybody as much as you and I hate you! I hate you!
A.J.: Corey, I quit. I quit!
[pause]
A.J.: I'm going to art school, in Boston. So I can be near you.
(Source: Empire Records)

It’s a shame that sometimes you have to be told something that you should already know. Most people with enormous amounts of talent don’t know they have that talent. They will have to be told that they have this talent, but there’s a chance they may never realize it. That’s because they have bad friends. Bad friends are those friends who never do anything to encourage their other friends. They may not constantly tear you down, but they’ll never tell you, “You know what, you do a good job at…” They just don’t have it in them, they think it shows some type of weakness. If you can show weakness to your friends, then I don’t know who you can show weakness to.

Thank God it’s Friday, we are officially one week away from a potential government shutdown. It doesn’t seem like the sides are anywhere near reaching a deal. We’ll continue to watch this situation closely, but what bothers me is that it’s now March and we have not passed the 2011 Fiscal year budget. For those of you who do not live in Washington, DC. The fiscal year starts in October. Problem here is, the 2012 budget has already been drafted and is ready to go to Congress. Do you know when that budget will get passed? I’m not sure, there’s a good chance the world ends in 2012.

Pray for all those in Japan. That’s a crazy magnitude of an earthquake.

I want to show you guys something:
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eqarchives/year/eqstats.php

The world isn’t coming to an end. We’ve just never had the ability to report as fast and as accurate as we do now. The numbers have been the same over the past few years. And you can actually go back to the 1940s and you won’t see much of a change. Yes, I actually sat down one day and looked at this chart because people are suckers and will believe anything they can put together from the Today show and few movies. I can’t wait for Hollywood to suck people dry with End of the World movies over the next two years.

Say it with your chest!

I have a tendency to put "s" on the end of words when it doesn't need to be there. Does that make me Mexican? I kid, I kid. But you know what's really funny? How many of you laughed at that because it's so true.

Today is an importantly special day for without today I wouldn’t have been here. Today is the real Dr. J’s birthday. My mother. I gotta thank whatever gods may be that she was born. She’s an awesome woman. I’m happy I got stuck with her. Today will be the only day I do not complain about her incessant questions about what I plan to do with my future. Apparently, becoming a best-selling writer and running for President are not viable options for a man like me. I think I can win the election with my name alone. It’s got that type of recognition that people dream of. Anyway, Happy Birthday.

I remember as a child I was about 8 years old and I came into my mother’s room and she was doing something with a bunch of paper and calculators. I asked her what she was doing and she said, “I’m trying to buy a house.” And I said, “Well let’s figure this out. $20 is a lot of money, so how much did the car cost?” And she said, “The car cost $10,000.” And I paused because I was sure she was going to say something like $100. But whatever. I replied, “OK, so if the car costs $10,000 then a house must cost …” And I started to count on my fingers and in my head. And mind you, I’m very good with math, but at this time in my life I just didn’t understand the value of money. “Well, if a car costs $10,000 then a house must cost … A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN $10,000.” She laughed and said, “Yes, a house costs a whole lot more than $10,000.”

Eddie: Can I ask you something? Do you know where Harvard is?
A.J.: It's near Boston.
Eddie: No I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It's another planet man- another universe. Totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats. What I'm trying to say is, you and Corey just aren't made for each other. She's different from you.
(Source: Empire Records)

I couldn’t help but have one last joke about Harvard this week. I’m done, I’m done. I’m probably going to apply to HBS and eat these words. It’s so funny, I’m seriously only applying to Georgetown and HBS for business school. As a Syracuse grad, that’s just freaking hilarious. Oh AND my mentor thinks I should apply to Fuqua. Yes, the business school at Duke.

Life is good. God is good.

It’s fantastic to have great GMAT scores and options as a Black man in America.

Let’s go Orange! I don’t know why we think about the damn Huskies, they can’t see us. We are going to blow them out. Kemba Walker can’t penetrate our zone.

Don’t make me eat those words. Shoutout to all the Seton Hall and St. John’s fans who are now cheering for UConn because, “My family lives in Connecticut!” I hope you get those eggs, Benedict.

Morning Mail - 3.10.11

Gage: Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg: [stares out the window] No.
Gage: Do you think I deserve it?
Mark Zuckerberg: [looks at Gage] What?
Gage: Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Gage: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
Mark Zuckerberg: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.
[pauses]
Mark Zuckerberg: Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
(Source: The Social Network)

Preface: This is not the quote I wanted. The quote I wanted was the one at the end of the movie, but I couldn’t find it. Actually, wait…

Found it!

Marylin Delpy: [Last Lines] You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just trying so hard to be.
(Source: The Social Network)

That's called live blogging.

This movie not as good as people said it was. I still can name at least five better movies with a similar story that are better. However, it reminds us that drive can take you far in life.

A minute for my Harvard readers. This Type-A shit has got to stop. I was discussing this last night with a friend. I don’t think Mark was grimy for the way he treated his friend Eduardo because Eduardo should have seen it coming. Here’s something about Type-A personalities, they always have to be right. They may concede in an argument, but their mind never changes, they still think they’re right and they will just wait until they have the opportunity to revisit the point to let you know they are right. However, this only works in the world of academia and science, when there is a right answer. The problems that Harvard grads run into are in their interpersonal relationships, mainly friendships. There are no right or wrong answers in real life. You try some shit and I try some shit and we both may be right or wrong. So you see, the thing was Mark wasn’t able to let it go, and people should realize that and note that if I was Eduardo, I would have lawyered up well before I was pushed out the company. You’ll see this with your Harvard friends. They have a very weird approach to friendship. You’ll find that their friends are just as weird as them. Not to say that these people don’t have a lot to offer, but it just seems that their whole circle is homogenous. I mean, how else would it work when you are constantly bumping heads with everyone in your world to prove your right?

A word for thick soul sisters, I want to get with ya, I won’t cuss or hit ya… but I got to be straight when I say I want to…

Beyonce used to perform for Ghadafi.

I don’t know how to spell his name, I also don’t care.

Do you think it impresses me when you big me up at the expense of others?

Hi, my name is Jackson and I own a BlackBerry. Today, I left my charger at home.

Is there a place for BlackBerry owners Anonymous?

This weekend is St. Patty’s Day and today is Thursday, the chances of me being slightly hungover tomorrow are high and I may forget this. Last year, the Metropolitan Police Department gave out over 500 DUIs on the Saturday alone. Please, don’t drink and drive, they are looking for you. Not that I think that driving while intoxicated is the WORST THING in the world. I’m human, I know shit happens. (I do however think that driving when WASTED, is the worst thing in the world.) Anyway, be safe, you don’t want a DUI, and you don’t want to put lives of other drunk people on the road in danger. Have fun, and hope to see you all at Shamrockfest 2011!!! DJ Pauly D! I’d like to tell you where I’d be that night, but I don’t plan on remembering.

It’s all fun and games until you’re on the train with the Young National Rife Association Convention members from Silver Spring metro until Metro Center.

I wasn’t going to go without a fight!

Let’s go Orange.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.9.11

Cobb: "I will split up my father's empire." Now, this is obviously an idea that Robert himself would choose to reject. Which is why we need to plant it deep in his subconscious. Subconscious is motivated by emotion, right? Not reason. We need to find a way to translate this into an emotional concept.
Arthur: How do you translate a business strategy into an emotion?
Cobb: That's what we're here to figure out, right? Now, Robert's relationship with his father is stressed, to say the least.
Eames: Well, can we run with that? We could suggest to him breaking up his father's company as a "screw-you" to the old man.
Cobb: No, 'cause I think positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time. We all yearn for reconciliation, for catharsis. We need Robert Fischer to have a positive emotional reaction to all this.
Eames: Alright, we'll try this, umm... "My father accepts that I want to create for myself, not follow in his footsteps."
Cobb: That might work.
Arthur: Might? We're gonna need to do a little better than 'might'.
Eames: Oh, thank you for your contribution, Arthur.
Arthur: Forgive me for wanting a little specificity, Eames.
[Eames appears confused at the word]
Arthur: Specificity?
(Source: Inception)

Princess Victoria: Do you ever feel like a chess piece yourself? In a game being played against your will.
Prince Albert: Do you?
Princess Victoria: Constantly. I see them leaning in and moving me around the board.
Prince Albert: The Duchess and Sir John?
Princess Victoria: Not just them. Uncle Leopold. The king. I'm sure half the politicians are ready to seize hold of my skirts and drag me from square to square.
Prince Albert: Then you had better master the rules of the game until you play it better than they can.
Princess Victoria: You don't recommend I find a husband to play it for me?
Prince Albert: I should find one to play it with you, not for you.
(Source: Young Victoria)

Rodney: [sigh] If God created anything better than crack cocaine he kept that shit for hisself.
(Source: Clockers)

#Winning

A white man has stolen a phrase from Black people and went viral with it … again.

I apologize for the lack of Morning Mail this week. There will be commentary, there will be commentary.

I woke up this morning and found out that we’re going to invade Libya. Americans can never make up their mind. That’s cool though, because nobody said we had to have a plan, just some guns, ammo and goddesses.

The Miami Heat do not suck, they’re on a losing streak, there’s a difference. Maybe this is the type of adversity that leads to them making a deep push in the playoffs. Or at least, a long summer vacation in Miami will help them prioritize things. They are not better than the Lakers though. I think they’ll beat the Lakers on Thursday. The only reason why the Heat beat the Lakers on Christmas was because the game meant more to them than it meant to us. That’s exactly what Thursday is. If the Heat lose on Thursday, Coach Spo won’t have a job on Friday.

Have you ever gotten in a mood when you just want to be left alone with your thoughts? One of these days I’m going to tell everyone a story and they’re going to laugh their asses off, but for now, I’ll just be left alone with my thoughts.

I work in Babel. Most of the communication that goes on at my job is in about ten different languages. Apparently, no one cares though. But trust me when people take personal phone calls in an open area, it’s downright annoying.

I respectfully agree with the claims that the United States do not need to invade a country that they’ve already invaded.

I will try and get that post up tomorrow. I was supposed to drop a post on Monday inspired by Most’s post of his favorite photographs.

I need a vacation.

I need to come to grips with my next move. I just realized that I’ve outgrown my surroundings.

Life is ok. God is always great.

The Funniest Comment I've Ever Written

Today my boy Wisdom Is Misery, dropped a great post here. And I left this comment on the site:

“You have to compliment her in the act. Is that your vagina? … It’s beautiful … May I?” – Dom Mazzetti

Wiz i’m gonna tell you something that I don’t tell most people, I hope Eddie is reading. Jerry Rice used to spend hours before a game making sure everything about his uniform was perfect because he believed that proper preparation lead to proper performance. And he’s the greatest football player who ever played. Listen to me…

-clean your crib… men don’t understand how important a clean crib is to getting some poon.

-give her a nice drink when she comes in… helps to let her guard down, release her inhibitions, (Men only: reduces her ability to say, “We not having s*x)-get you some Empirio Armani… this sh*t will change your life.

-get you some Gilroy… I don’t know which brand you prefer, and I can’t tell you which one I use, but this sh*t will change your life.

-always say something when a woman takes off her clothes, it’s like throwing a gas can in the camp fire, say it, even if it isn’t true….

“you’re the sexiest girl i’ve ever seen”
“oh my, your va*ina is perfect”
“pinch me, not you, i’m talking to God, but I like what you’re thinking”
“give me a moment, I want to write this down, need to remember how I got here”
[Use the word "love" A LOT, just don't direct it at her, she won't know the difference]
“OMG, I love … this.”“OMG, I love … thongs.”
“OMG, I love … pink.”“OMG, I love the way you are…”

[Push the limit, women love risk]
“wait a second, I wanna take a picture, my boys are never going to believe how hot you are.”

That last one may not work unless she’s drunk though broski.

PS – Dr. J puts on lotion, a lot of people don’t put on lotion, but put some lotion on.

Morning Mail - 3.3.11

You can never tell what's in a man's mind
And if he's from Harlem, there's no use of even tryin'
Just like the tide, his mind comes and goes
Like March weather, when he'll change
Nobody knows, nobody knows

The man I love, well, he just turned me down, he's a Harlem brown
Oftimes I wish that I were in this ground, six feet underground
He idolized me, as no other could, no, no
Then he surprised me, leavin' me a note sayin' he's gone for good
Gone for good...

And since my sweetie left me,
Harlem, well, it ain't the same old place
Though a thousand dandies smile right in my face
I think I'll mooch some homemade hooch and go out for a lark
Just to drive off these mean ole Harlem Blues
(Source: Harlem Blues, the soundtrack of Mo' Better Blues)

The first time I saw this movie I was a child and all I could tell was the my mother insisted that I didn’t see it, but a close family friend’s mother didn’t care much and let us watch anyway because she loved the jazz music. Years later I watched this same movie and it brought me closer to my mother. It’s actually my mother’s second favorite movie. Although I had never seen the movie with her until a few years ago, we’d listened to this soundtrack many Saturdays.

There’s something about the lyrics of this song that resonate. I just am glad I’m not from Harlem. But I feel that every Black man has put himself in this position at some time in his life before. Have you ever seen a woman grab hold of a man begging him not to go? I have and it hurt my heart. But it just goes to show you, grabbing hold of a man will only leave you on the ground with tears in your eyes. You just can’t predict what a man will do, or control his feelings.

That’s messed up how they did Bleek in the movie though. That’s why you have to watch your connections with your friends. If you’ve never seen Mo’ Better Blues, Bleek got into some shit because his partner had a gambling problem. Long story short, he ends up getting hit in the face with his own trumpet. And after that he is never able to play again. That’s a lesson for all Black men.

Spike always had a lesson for all in his movies.

Anyway, a few questions:

Do women judge women who don’t wear hosiery when they have on a skirt?

Have you noticed that if you pool a group of Black men, there’s almost a 50/50 split of those who like thick legs and those who like tone legs? I do not get this at all.

It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for happy hour. I love happy hour. Does it ever make you wonder why you have to pay a premium to hang around Black people? I feel like for as long as we been in America, Black people have had less money than white folk. However, when you buy a drink at a Black happy hour lounge it’s going to cost you $8, but at a white spot, it’s going to have a special for like $3. Maybe that’s sheer numbers. Do you think it’s because white people spend more money in their establishments? I know for a fact Black people will enter a spot with every intention on spending no money. Plus, I’ve also been told by bartenders that prices are higher for Black people because they don’t tip.

Think about that before it upsets you.

Life is good. God is good.

Morning Mail - 3.2.11

Bridget: Resolution #1: Uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.
(Source: Bridget Jones’s Diary)

I think more Black people would benefit from watching movies with white people in them.

How many people have made statements like the one above? I have never thought I needed to lose 20 lbs, that would not be a good look for me. However, I think as we grow and mature we create this never-ending list of who we will no longer date as long as we live. The irony is that somehow we always end up dating those types again. I can only speak for myself but I know too many women who I’ve dated who told themselves that they would never date another guy who was charming and had a lot of female friends. Months later, when they are cussing me out in public, I am confused.

If anybody can tell me what a megalomaniac or emotional fuckwit is, I would greatly appreciate it.

Today’s a double quote day because I can’t leave this next topic alone.

Charlie: It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.
(Source: 20/20: Charlie Sheen on his daily life.)

Charlie Sheen wakes up every morning to the lyric: “BITCH I’M A MONSTER!”

He is also a G.

He also has a very good point. I’m inclined to agree with him that Charlie was way more messed up than he is now and they kept filming the show. There is definitely a power struggle going on over there and it’s all a big cock fight that’s not ending in anyone’s favor. Charlie was high as the rent and their ratings went up. The dictator over there is just mad that Charlie fronted him on a nationally syndicated radio show. He might want to get over that and get this paper with Charlie.

I need those goddesses in my life.

This headline bothers me greatly: Harvard’s Black Gay GOP Chaplain dies

And that’s all I have for today.

Life is good. God is good.

Headed to Applebee’s, hungry as a …