Friday, January 14, 2011

Eight Signs of an Impending Breakup

Man…ain’t nothing worse than that feeling you get on the way home when you know it’s time to break up with your significant other. Most men see it this way, (1) I’m going to make her break up with me, so she don’t tell everyone I’m grimy and bad in bed, or (2) I sweartaGOD if she says one thing to me, she’s getting kicked out the house. But on the real, sometimes you just come to a point in your relationship where you realize that the relationship has run its course and, “so I flip my middle finger and the index finger follow.” Now in my opinion, I’ve classified all breakups into eight categories, check it out below…

“I really love you, but we’re not right for each other...”

Sometimes you have the realization that two people just aren’t right for each other. I find that a lot of power couples run into this breakup scenario a lot. Two Type-A people cannot be together, and sometimes the statistics of your relationship just aren’t enough to keep you together. Go back and listen to Babyface – Our Feelings, (“Jesus take the wheel, I’m dating myself again.”). And sometimes, the personalities are just not right for each other.

“We’re going in two opposite directions...”

If I hear about one more professional woman who is dating a DJ, I think I’ll scream. But really, sometimes careers are just not compatible. He may work too much and she works freelance so she can pick her schedule. And sometimes the distance becomes too overwhelming. He’s lives in LA and she lives in NY. It’s hard enough to make a relationship work in the same city, two can be impossible.

“I just want to be single...”

I once came to a point in my life when I just wanted to be single again. I wasn’t dating a bad girl, but I felt like being attached to someone was just not for me. I felt bad because when you are being relied and depended on, you should want those things instead of having to force yourself to want them. You start feeling like hanging out with your girlfriend is a chore, chances are you just want to rock it solo.

“Sometimes you come to a point in life, where you have no choice but to part ways...”

There are these things called life changing experiences that almost always end in a breakup. For example, an engagement, after the engagement is broken most couples have to call it quits altogether. The emotional baggage of someone calling off a wedding is just too much to continue.

“All we do is fight...”

You ever felt like all you did with your significant other was fight and argue. Well when you start to feel like everyday there will be a fight, you know that you are just losing the energy to keep coming back for more, it’s time to call it quits.

“I left like a thief in the night...”

No one wants to know that they caused someone to feel like they couldn’t even have a conversation about leaving them, they just had to go. And it’s hard on the other side too, as you have to plan your escape without being noticed.

“Please lose my number...”

I was dating this chick one time and it got to the point where I was convinced that she was completely crazed and possessed. You know how a guy says, “I don’t take off my shirt because I have a nice body, I do it because it’s the only move I have left.” Her motto was, “I don’t cry because my feelings are hurt, I do it because it’s the only move I have left.” I deleted her from BBM and gmail, we haven’t spoken or seen each other since.

“No really, all we do is fight...”

I heard a crazy story the other day where a chick seen her boyfriend’s text messages and flipped out. His response? He proceeded to beat her like cake batter. Wait… Well, in that case, it’s time that you throw the #deuces, no pun intended. But there’s no reason why a man or woman should have to catch a jab to the face because they want to watch football, instead of Say Yes To The Dress.

I’d like to make an amendment here to this one to include causing harm to one another. If you are dealing with a dude and he gives you Chlamydia, and you go get tested and treated… and then he gives you Chlamydia AGAIN… throw him the peace signs. I wish people would stop believing when their sexual partner says, “You’re the only one I do this with.”

So there you have it, that’ show Dr. J sees breakups. I’m making light of a serious situation, I know. And if you are going through a breakup right now, I wish you the best. Moreover, if you know you need to break up, I pray for you wisdom and courage.


Tunde said...

i think you can have a combination of these types of break ups. for me my last relationship was a combination of:

“I really love you, but we’re not right for each other...”


“We’re going in two opposite directions...”


“I just want to be single...”

bits and pieces of each one can lead to a breakup.

SaneN85 said...

My biggest breakup fell into both the "all we do is fight" and "you're drug addiction is a small problem for me" arena.

redlady821 said...

Haven't done any breaking up lately, but I'd say you pretty much have the categories covered.

Literary Marie said...

These categories are accurate. I just went through this and used a combo.