Morning Mail - 1.25.11

Nikki: My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this city. I don't want to be arrogant here, but I'm an incredibly attractive man. I can't help it, I don't try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother's best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us fuckin' on the Stairmaster. Los Angeles, California - that's where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and Little Miss Cute Tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart. When I first came out here, I had a dream - a dream of an easy life. I was gonna get rich from lyin' around having my picture taken. I was gonna live in the hills and drive a noisy yellow sports car and f*ck 6' girls who weighed 89 lbs. Guess what? Most of it came true.
(Source: Spread)

I watched this movie last night after I told myself I was going to bed. WIM effed up a lot of people’s night yesterday by sending us a link to this site with this photographers portfolio of all these video vixens. That was cool though. I stayed up late and watched this movie about two hustlers who fell in love. This movie also reminded me of why I need to move to Los Angeles as soon as possible, and why if I live in Los Angeles I refuse to be single. I just wouldn’t make it.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall was on television last night. Have you ever been dumped and then you ex proceeded to get their feelings hurt by the person after you? Or have you ever left a person for another person only to find yourself in a nightmare?

Nikki: When a girl tells you you're not getting any, before you ask, before you even try, you're getting some.
(Source: Spread)

This is funny. But you know what’s really funny, this piece of Dr. J advice. “If a girl tells you she’s not f*cking, ignore that shit.” The funny thing is these quotes basically mean the same thing, and they are right like 90% of the time. It’s like they want to speak it into existence. But I tell you one thing, I’ve chased women who never said this, and didn’t tell me until the end of the night they weren’t going to sleep with me. And you know what I did, I came back for more the next day. But like when a chick was like, “I’m not sleeping with you.” And I didn’t even ask… my entire goal in the interaction was to have sex with her. And as a result I had no intention on anything else, but switching the power dynamic.

I’m going to start writing my next eBook.

Not every man is afraid of marriage or wants to be single until he’s 45. Some men are very much sure they want to be married, but are confused as to who they want to be married to. I think a man struggles with it. And that’s natural. Some people will tell you they have it all figured out, but I’ve seen some of the most wisest and kept together men going through divorces, so all that to say, everyone makes mistakes. I think that some men are struggling with, does he want a trophy wife or does he want a woman who is smarter than him? Like, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who supports her man like Mike Epps and Eva Mendes in the movie, All About the Benjamins; but at the same time some people desire to have relationships like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And you know sometimes a man just hasn’t reached a final answer on that, so they want to get married, pretty soon actually, but they want to make sure they marry the right person so they can do it the right way.

Oh and as an addition, some unsolicited mail. Today, I saw my ex on the train. The last conversation we had let me know that she is always on some high school ish. Yeah, she’s never graduated from college, although attending, so a little is to be expected. Except she’s a year younger than me and she needs to grow up. I’ve told you about this girl before, all that to say, she has a kid right now. And in a conversation we had, she found a way to blame me for that kid. She’s that type! She’s the one who expects you to do things that you would never do because it’s the man thing to do. For example today, I saw her waiting for the train, and in my head, I was wondering how I could get away with not speaking or acknowledging her presence. It would just be awkward. Well … that didn’t work. And I had an open seat next to me, so I could see she was going to come for my seat. After all she probably just dropped her son off at daycare and is tired already. Anyway, as the doors opened from the exit behind me a man with a big puffy jacket in 2011 came and sat down in the free seat. So I looked up at her with this look like, “What do you want me to do?” So she’s smirking at me… as if to say, “You should have told him the seat was taken, or you should jump up from your seat and give that one to me.” I don’t speak to this girl anytime but when I see her, why would I do that? Better yet, how much of an idiot will I look like doing that when she’s not the only woman on this train right now, she’s not even the oldest? She stared me down for one stop and then rolled her eyes and got off at the next stop. I don’t think I was being rude. First of all, 50 Cent rule is in effect, “I might smile and say what’s up, but I don’t f*ck with you.” Second of all, I never hear from you unless you need something, today is a perfect example. Third and last, this should sum up a big reason why we don’t talk … there’s no way she’s going to read this because she doesn’t like computers. Who refers to them shits as computers anymore anyway? “I don’t know how to use computers.” It’s 2011. We’re so different and yes, she still frustrates the hell out of me. I’m allowed.

Life is beautiful.

Guido: What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!
(Source: Life is Beautiful)

God is good.

Why did my coworker ask me a day after he offered candy from another country to the office, if I had any? What type of awkward question is that? Am I allowed to say, No because I don’t know where you got that shit from?