Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cupid Valentino.. the modern day Cupid

In the spirit of the season I decided to jot down a few notes about the upcoming holiday.

There are various perspectives on Valentine’s Day:
1. I don’t give a shit, because it’s just another day to me.
2. I recently broke up with my significant other and am upset that I’m spending it alone.
3. I am spending it with my significant other.
4. m single, have been single, and continue to spend my Valentine’s Day alone.

And here’s my take on each perspective:
1. You’re doing it right. And some may say, you’re just saying that because you trying to act unphased. Even if you are playa, that’s the way to go. Me personally, this is the first time since JHS, that I have not had any Valentine’s Day plans whatsoever. I’m looking forward to it.
2. For the Woman - Awww pobrecita, fuck his best friend.
2b. For the Man - Awww pobrecito, fuck her best friend.
3. For the Woman - Congratulations. You’ve duped your man into dating you from the 2nd weekend in November through February 14th. Now a real woman would break up with him on Feb 15th. It’s about to be spring time, get in the gym, get that figure back, upgrade the wardrobe, and it’s going to be a great summer.
3b. For the Man – You idiot.
4. Evaluate what the hell you are doing wrong in your life. And honestly, if you consistently are spending Valentine’s day alone or with someone who you really don’t care about, then it’s you. Ladies and Gentlemen, remember these words, “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” If you are always alone, you need to look in the mirror at your “star player” and figure out what it is you are doing wrong. Remember what Jay said, “Of course it don't feel right! What has felt right for you doesn't work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.”

And if you are alone, here’s what you should do:
For the Women – Treat yourself to a day with yourself. Go to the fucking gym. Eat a damn salad. Watch your tear-jerking movie while doing some crunches…. My bad, lol. Treat yourself to a day with yourself, spa, hair, nails, all that. Then later that night, go out to the club and get it popping. You can do whoever you like, tonight.

For the Men – Any woman who goes out tonight, is single, and is trying to get out and have a good time rather than be in the house alone. All of them…. Therefore, “All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches." - Jay

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