Untitled – I just couldn’t think of a fitting title to describe them

(Let's describe a certain female)

(Bit*h)

Sisters get respect, bit*hes get what they deserve
Sisters work hard, bit*hes work your nerves
Sisters hold you down, bit*hes hold you up
Sisters help you progress, bit*hes will slow you up

A wise man said, “It’s hard to fly with eagles, when you walk with turkeys.” However, I roll with some eagles…

(Let’s describe a certain female)

I’m a crazy mofo, I say a lot of crazy things. I will admit to, today and only today, to being a habitual line-stepper. She does not let me get away with it, EVER. Quick to keep a brother in line. On the same token, when I say something completely off the wall and over the top to a deserving person, they’re the first person to say, “But they needed to hear that.”

They support, they don’t just show up. They’re reliable, not hit-or-miss. (When you text/call, they text/call you back!)

They let you crash, they hold the stash. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “Put this in your purse… Don’t worry about it, just put this in your purse.” (For the record, it’s not narcotics, it’s usually something I want to take like a shot glass or beer glass. Y’all know you be stealing the sauce cups at Red Lobster, don’t front.)

You let them drive the whip. You have to be important to drive the whip. Because a man will drive home driggity drunk before he’ll let just anybody drive his baby.

They have your phone number (home, work, cell, and cell (lol)), address, Gmail, AIM, and any other form of communication, because you’re not worried about them stepping over necessary boundaries.

They make you proud to say you know them. They make you happy to defend them.

They bring something to the table. Sometimes, they put food on the table.

If they come to the crib and it’s a mess, they do their part to help straighten it up.

They’re honest with you. They don’t just be the quiet one in the back of the class. They tell it like it is. For example, “That girl is a hoe.” Much needed advice. They ask you who the hell is this girl you’re hanging around, and where did you meet/get her from?!

They’ll put you on. “That girl keeps looking at you.”

When you say you met someone you really feeling, they say, “Good for you, I hope it works out.” When you say that someone you was really feeling hurt your feelings, they say, “She wasn’t right for you, but you’re a great guy, so you’ll be a-OK.”

With a fell clutch on the bottle, she wards off these random women who don’t know me and just want a free ride. “Um.. excuse me, how do you know Jason?!”

They make you look good in the club. They are the Barry Bonds of the game. “Comin' in the club wit that fresh shit on, with something crazy on my arm...” – Kanye West. Real G’s know nothing attracts a female more than a man with an attractive female on his arm.

They can be the kryptonite in your relationship. You will continuously have to answer questions about them, “Who is this pretty girl in all your facebook pictures?” But you don’t mind, in fact, you don’t even feel the need to explain yourself.

They say thank you.

I needed to someone to give me water in the club, because I was beyond gone. And while she was trying to do her dougie that night, she sat with me and helped to sober me up.

She can tell when I’m not myself and knows that when I’m not myself, I don’t want to talk about it. So she responds, “I’m here, so hit me up when you feel like talking.”

They are friends with my mother and have conversations with your mother, unknown to me.

They know the difference between Baby Jackson, and We Love.

Let’s toast, I said toast, mofo…. Here’s to my female friends.

Ciao,
Dr. J

PS – They said it couldn’t be done!