Thursday, February 19, 2009

Douche It

Quote of day:
David: Remember that time we made love and you just started crying in my arms?
Amy: Please don’t reminisce about the times we fucked... please.
(40 Year-Old Virgin)

Alycia Bellamy can get it. I just had to say that. Google her, Expedia.

Nicky Minaj can get it too. Call it the DC in me, but jet black hair can get it anyday of the week.

What is douching about? It’s not the same as, “Cleaning the stable” as some dudes do periodically. It’s a recession, cats cannot afford to just be getting rid of everyone in their life, they need to make some calculated decisions based on what’s going to happen... later on that night. It’s about letting go of the qualms and starting anew. Giving everyone and everything a fresh shot.

Here’s an example.
There’s a girl that you like, that you’ve been trying to go out on a date for some time with. However, I swear this girl just doesn’t pick up on innuendos. You’ve done everything but stop short of stating, “I like you, I want to take you on a date, would you please go out to dinner with me sometimes?” She’s actually a really nice girl, this just seems to be one of her few flaws. A few months ago, well, a long time ago, you just gave up. Fed up and all just said, “you know what? I’m done.” Give it another shot, or shots, well think about it.

Here’s another example:
There’s a girl that I just refuse to talk to, she’s a freaking weirdo in every sense of the word. Like when I say talk to, I mean, exchanging cordials is a no-no. I know that she may have a crush on me, well, because it’s blatantly obvious she’s been hitting up my honesty box on facebook. I try and avoid her because I told myself in 2004, I would always and henceforth forever avoid, “crazy bitches.” If you aren’t crazy, I’m not talking about you. Hell, there’s certain females out there who might call me a crazy bitch and I’d have to take it in stride. But, you know as I think back to 04, had I been more supportive of the things that would not make her go ape-shit, she might not have went ape-shit. And maybe, just maybe, I’d still be with her now…. Yeah right.

Here’s another example:
“I’m tired of putting 1-8-7 in my chick’s pager that shit ain’t working no more.”
It’s time to put myself on the workout plan. Hell no, I’m not going to the gym. I don’t need to go to the gym, as long as women find T.I. attractive, I’m just fine. Yes, I said it. I’m going to be moving towards going back to school, getting my M.B.A., and upgrading myself. I honestly think I won’t make it to the degree though because I have my passion elsewhere, but at least it’s forward progress past money, hoes and rims again. I’ve told myself too many times that I hate class and hate homework, it’s time I let go of that and man up and get it done.

I’m sure we all have things we need to douche. Streetz says, you need to douche that ex-girlfriend. I agree, somewhat, nah son, you won’t get me to fuck up my promotion. Oh you know we all need to douche some of our friends. When you wake up in the morning and realize you could live without a person’s presence in your life, you’ve reached a point of douching.

And yes, I know, douching is extremely unhealthy for several reasons. Sometimes you wash away things you need. Shit, I need to be sober, but pass me that Jack. Sometimes it washes away stuff that people need to make an honest assessment of what’s wrong with you. You stop talking to a girl because she makes you go crazy. Well wait, your boy needs to let you know first that you need not be acting crazy. Sometimes it just pushes stuff back up into hiding places that need to come out. That’s what we call a rainy day, my dude.


PS - If women can explain why they call men, tools or douches, i'm all ears.
PPS - If you wanna know where there are going to be some hoes at tonight, stand at 14th and K ST NW, say around uh.. 10PM, and you will see.
PPPS - Yes, i'm playing Rock Band and then going back to College Park.

2 comments:

Minta said...

Funny analogies.
P.S. Uh oh- another Rock Band/CP night?? Good luck and make sure to sing Jealousy before you leave the house. :)

-Mints

The District's Buppie said...

HOES? smdh? no PC at all Dr J!