Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I respect a lady, but this bitch is crazy…

A man ain’t a man until he’s had to deal with a few crazy b*tches. And I want you to repeat after me, say it slowly, craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy b*tches. I mean the chick is so crazy she makes you wonder if something is wrong with you. I can give you some pointers on how to deal with crazy women, afterall, I’ve had a few, and I know a few that have affected my boys or are friends of mine. (Re: My crazy female friends: I love you all, but you are crazy.) Less I hold you too long here are some signs that you might be dealing with a crazy chick:

1) She has no middle ground, either she’s super nice or she’s completely evil. Be careful this doesn’t mean that when she’s completely evil she’s screaming and tearing the club up. It means she has no middle ground. These are the ones who use phrases like, “Nothing” “Don’t worry about it” “Just drop it” or the infamous “I’ll take care of it.” And afterwards they don’t want to talk, but they still have that look on their face like someone farted and they’re the only one who smells it.

2) You wake up or look away and look back at her and she’s looking at you. You ever been watching TV with your girl and you’re watching like a movie or something, or maybe sports, and you glance at her and she’s staring at you, instead of the TV. Or you wake up in the middle of the night and you notice she’s staring at you. THIS GIRL DOESN’T WANT TO LET YOU OUT OF HER SIGHTS. You guessed it, she’s crazy.

3) If you think her nickname could be 21 questions, she’s probably crazy. Now women have explained to me several reasons why they nag and I’m beginning to understand it, but hitting old homeboy with a gang of questions that seem to have no end… UNACCEPTABLE. And you know how you know she’s crazy when you can’t answer one before she starts asking another.

Your Lady: How was your day? Why you didn’t get home to 6PM today? Where was your coworker Tony? What about that chick Kim? Does Kim have a man? She always be talking about happy hour. Where does Kim live? Did she use to be a freak in college? What school she went to? You ever tried to talk to Kim? Why can’t I meet Kim? Don’t Kim work in a different department or project than you now anyway? Are you friends with her on facebook? Let me see her page. You never did nothing with Kim? You never kiss her, touched her, or nothing? You f*cked Kim didn’t you?

You: Baby, who’s Kim?

4) Men, I need you to shut up and really listen to me right now. If you feel any of the following ways, your girl is crazy:

a. You have to hide things from your girl because you fear she will get mad
b. You can’t talk about certain things around her because you fear she will get mad
c. You ever felt like you could do something that would cause her to stab or shoot you
d. You ever felt obligated to not do something because you fear she will get mad
e. If you have to tell your friends that if she asks, you were with them last night, when you really were with them last night, just because your girl will flip out at the slightest difference in story…

That’s right, you guessed it, your girl is crazy!

What do y’all think? Any other signs that a girl is crazy? I kind of left this one open because I really want to hear your thoughts and stories. The floor is now open.


bumbleenthusiast said...

Yup that bitch is crazy ..... boundaries ladies boundaries (lessons I had to learn) Butttt
I have run into my share of crazy dudes too. Dudes pleaseeeeee know that asking mad questions, LOOKING THROUGH PHONES, stressing about outfits we wear, "That friend of your's is always talking to mad dudes" "why are all your friends single and trying to go to the club?" "That dude at your job is always joking with you he wants to F**ck you" etc etc etc not cool stop being lame and chill the F out.

bumbleenthusiast said...

Sorry Jackson I know you're tryna talk about the ladies. I did not mean to break down the theme. I just feel your pain.

bumbleenthusiast said...

ok just one more... "why are you so friendly,why are you smiling at him now he thinks he can f**k you" crazy bitch dudes

bumbleenthusiast said...

ok one last thing i swear sorry my job is boring....... you f*cked kim didn't you???! ha but really.

True2me said...


most of your examples represent plain ole insecurity

i hate crazy girls thats always screaming at their man or telling him what to do why u putting up with that

girls that feel entitled are crazy too...bitch he met you last week..u dont have the right to ask where he at and who he with ..

Mary said...