Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Miss Jay, J.D. tells us why she has decided to stop dating Black men:

***This is Part 2, of a two part series. This is my commentary based on yesterday's blog, which can be found below, or at - http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com/2009/07/miss-jay-jd-tells-us-why-she-has.html ***

I’ll be honest with you, I have this conversation more than I’d like to. For some reason Black women feel empowered to mention to me that they have decided that they want to date white men. Although that is not the case here, I typically tell them that somehow they have me mistaken for someone who doesn’t date Black women, which is completely false. I just prefer to date faces and not races. Most times when I’m thrust into this conversation it usually is for some dumb reason. “Why is it that Black men are the only ones who are allowed to date outside their race?” They never have been. There are actually plenty of white men who don’t date solely in their race. “I can’t find any qualified Black men to date in my race.” This isn’t true, the qualified Black men don’t want to date you, and maybe you should evaluate what you are doing and make some revisions.

However, when I had this conversation as much as I do not like when Black women go IN on Black men, I actually agreed with a lot of points and thought to share. I’m going to respond to a few things she said and actually begin with Black men’s sense of entitlement, complaining, and standards.

I do not understand how a Black man can feel a sense of entitlement, that’s just ridiculous. It’s definitely a case of not really understanding where they came from, I mean let’s be real, it may be some successful men who feel like they are holier than thou, but to be perfectly honest the vast majority of us are pulling up the rear for the gender. Isn’t it odd that Black men are some of the sexiest men on the planet, but compose the majority of the people incarcerated? Ain’t that a bitch.

Next, yeah us Black men do a deal of complaining about random ish. We complain about how crazy women are, we complain that we have to put up with all these requirements and rules, we complain about anything we can complain about. We’ll complain that you have self-esteem, we’ll complain that you’re a smart ass, we’ll complain that you always are trying to talk over my head, we’ll complain that you are always talking… I think you get the picture, don’t take us complaining about shit that serious because we’d complain even if you did everything right. Don’t you remember when Dwayne Wayne complained that Whitley was always perfect?

Standards. Can a Black man really profess to having standards? Can any man really profess to having standards? A man would have sex with a Heineken bottle if he can fit his junk in it. Listen, honest to God confession, I love my Jetta, if my Jetta had a vagina instead of a gas can, i'd have sex with it and have beautiful black and green babies. But on a more serious note, Black men are selective because they are in a position where they are clearly outnumbered by women, so they can create arbitrary requirements. The negotiations are much like car sales. It's like once you feel like you can get a deal, you try and go for the HOMERUN.

me: And i'd like sex everyday and twice a day on the weekend.
girl: Sure. How is your credit?
me: Really?! Hmm... good. Well i'd like head in my car. Oh yeah, and my credit is horrible.
girl: I love giving head in the car. Do you think you'll ever graduate from college?
me: Oh sh*t! OK, now this deal really hinges around how you feel about threesomes. How do you feel about it? Oh and about college, I decided that college wasn't really for me.
girl: Will this complete the sale?
me: I don't know... I'm still undecided.
girl: Well sure. As long as you don't sleep with her when i'm not around.
me: [Jumps up and does the "Wipe Me Down" dance] Church! You got yourself a deal. Well, about a relationship, I think I will have to sleep with the other girl just to make sure she's a good lay.

You see how these standards go for a guy? So i'd be inclined to agree, the standards are just ridiculous.

In conclusion, it's fairly simple, you know how when you're friend is in a barfight you have to defend him to the death? But after you let him know how stupid it was for him to start the fight over someone stepping on his foot in a crowded bar anyway? This is one of those situations. I'll just have to admit when it's hard to defend the home team. As it pertains to a sense of entitlement, excessive complaining, or high standards, maybe our actions can't be defended.

1 comment:


Isn’t it odd that Black men are some of the sexiest men on the planet, but compose the majority of the people incarcerated? Ain’t that a bitch. - yes, yes it is...and a lot more are coming out the closet...granted they were probably never checking for me in the first place, but living in DC, I see a lot of fine men batting for the home team. (ok, that’s neither here or there, but whateve)

Ultimately, I know how a lot of women feel. I think the main issues with some (notice I said some, not all) black women, is they WANT a black man. Period, end of discussion. Can’t argue with that, cause as you said, black men are some of the most scrumptious, sexiest men on Earth (& probably Mars). The problem is, when you work the numbers out (depending on the city as well), black women outnumber black men 4 to 1, sometimes 7 to 1, and in the worst case scenarios 10 to 1.

So I can see how some (notice that word again, some) women feel hopeless, are willing to bend over backwards and do spread eagles, while balancing upside down, settle, share, and the list goes on, just to get 1/4 of a black man...

Solution...it’s not easy, but black women need to open their dating pool. Black men did this long before black women would even get the notion to sample “outside” the race. Once black men realize black women are “open” to dating other men, (and hopefully those other men will treat black women like the queens they are) black men won’t have this sense of entitlement, because, black woman won’t feel like they have to put up with the bs and won’t always be checkin for them.

As a black woman, I wouldn’t say I’m only going to date white men because of (insert whatever here), but I would say I’m open to dating any race...hell, the little Papi Chulo downstairs checks for me every morning & he is hot...

Now personally, I love be some chocolate, however, I will sample caramel, toffee, butter pecan, vanilla bean, and anything else, as long as it comes correctly packaged

That is all