Officer Franklin: You're in for a real treat today - these kind gentlemen have volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used. There's two ways to do it - up close and personal
Officer Franklin: or from a distance. Now do I have any volunteers? How about you young lady? Come on up here.
Officer Franklin: Come on up here handsome.
Officer Franklin: Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back.
Officer Franklin: You, pretty boy. Now it's real simple - point, aim and shoot.
Phil Wenneck: You don't want to do this.
Officer Franklin: You can do this, just focus.
Phil Wenneck: Don't listen to this man, let's think this through.
Officer Franklin: *Finish him!*
[the girl shoots the stun gun]
Officer Franklin: Right in the nuts, that was beautiful! We got one more charge left, anyone want to do some shooting? How about you big man, come on up here! Same instructions just point, aim, and shoot. I love this - the focus, the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're going with 50,000 volts big man, do not be afraid to ride the lightning.
[the kid tasers Alan]
Officer Franklin: *In the face! In the face!*
(Source: The Hangover)
“I f*cking hate that f*cking vampire f*cking shit.” – The Most Interesting Woman in the World
Guess what TV show she’s talking about? Everybody knows. I feel the same.
Tea Party and Black Panthers, COINTELPRO. People who think Obama should use COINTELPRO to stop the Tea Party I can’t cosign on that. First of all, the freedom of information prevents it from being a secret. Second, nothing good came of COINTELPRO. We live in America. I can’t stand these people and their tea party, but let’s just start a coffee party for people of color.
Legendary cookouts. If you are going to have a cookout, that’s what you should do… have a cookout. Nothing wrong with that.
Migraine. I never had one so I’m not sure if I have one. But if I have one, I actually have had a lot.
I think it’s so weird when people keep putting off children. It’s like okay you’ll wait until you’re 30 and then you’ll start trying and you might be like 34 by the time you have children, then your kids might have down syndrome, and you’ll be 50 when you teach them to drive, and at 50 do you want to deal with a sixteen year old in your house. And this is all because of your career? Good point.
I need a vacation. But not just any vacation, to maybe the best place in the world, Miami.
Are the 49ers a Super Bowl contender? I think they are. They can’t possibly lose the bum ass NFC West and the Vikings aren’t as good as they were last year. I actually am almost positive of one thing, the NFC East will suck ass.
People who spoil movies are the worst people on earth. They always say, “I don’t want to ruin the movie for you, but it sucked.” Shut up.
Twitter is the Devil. That’s how everything gets spoiled. You don’t have to watch an awards show, you can just follow twitter.
Life is good. God is good.
I am so hungover.