Morning Mail - 2.9.11

Carnegie: To his men "Put a crew together, we're going after 'em."
Redridge: For a fuckin' book?
Carnegie: IT'S NOT A FUCKIN' BOOK! IT'S A WEAPON. A weapon aimed right at the hearts and minds of the weak and the desperate. It will give us control of them. If we want to rule more than one small, fuckin' town, we have to have it. People will come from all over, they'll do exactly what I tell 'em if the words are from the book. It's happened before and it'll happen again. All we need is that book.
(Source: The Book of Eli)

Do you know how many times I typed The Book of Jackson this morning, trying to type Eli?

Mila Kunis ladies and gentlemans.

The alarming differences in the way that women look at married men, versus the way men look at married women. I mean, when men look at a married woman they either smack their teeth, or they prepare themselves for the most ignorant actions they will ever attempt. You know I was just kidding … unless you gon’ do it. But women, they just see that ring like it was a bracelet, identification lanyard, or just another piece clothing. If they want him, they are going to get him. Men are like, “Damn she’s married.” Women, “Ooh, he’s married.”

Men. Sunglasses. Never wear sunglasses too big for your face. If your glasses go from the middle of your forehead to below your cheekbones you look weird. You look like Seal. And unless you are standing next to a woman as fine as his wife, Heidi Klum (*crosses self*), thou shall not have on sunglasses like Seal.

There’s something about sitting on the train and looking out the window at everything passing by. In reality, it’s symbolic that I’m passing it by, leaving it all behind. There’s not much I can do about that which I leave behind because I’m going to where I need to go.

Read an article the other day, said redheads are on the come up. Like whereas 4% of the population is redheads, well that number is growing every day. No, Rihanna you do not count. Women listen up, the reason why men like redheads is the same reason why they love exotic women, they’re different. Which brings me to my next point, Carrie is the least most attractive woman on Sex & the City, excuse me, SATC. Put it to you like this, most men … if they had to choose, would go in the order:

Samantha – I mean, I’m not trying to date any of them, so I might as well mess with the freak first. And boy is she freaky.
Charlotte – Every man loves a wifey, with a fat ass on the low. Charlotte is like one of those women who does everything right and works hard to be a better woman all the time. In reality, she has no problems finding a man because she’s beautiful. A lot of women out here on the struggle doing this too, but they not as pretty so it don’t work.
Miranda – She’s a redhead, there’s something special about her.
Carrie – I mean she’s kinda cute, she’s got a keen sense of style, but there’s nothing else that’s drawing me to her.

How can I get a job as a columnist for a newspaper? I want to write an article once a week and get paid for it. Wait… I sort of do that already. I’m on my grind, son!

Update: Townhomes are going up at Rhode Island Ave. Metro Station too.

Yesterday I learned about coping strategies. I realized that my coping strategy is fantasy. I was encouraged to write about heartbreak through fantasy and see what happens. Funny.

Let me just say for the record, I do not appreciate all of you who left me here on Team BlackBerry and jolted for the iPhone. But that’s cool, you’ll be back.

Told myself, I was going to be at about 12 when my DVR of Southland went off. Then I started watching Kain, and I was up until about 2:30AM. That guy is hilarious. The bottom bitch theory needs to be a book. I’d like to see him touch on the fall back conaso. Every man has a fall back plan. He’s got one or two women that he knows that he can go back to if all goes wrong. There’s something inherently wrong with them, but that’s something that he’s willing to live with. Real talk, there’s a good chance that is two people in a man’s life; all the women whom he was their first or the women he knew were wifey material but he never took them seriously.

Sex on the beach is not all it’s cracked up to be. Trust me on that. Sand just ain’t supposed to go everywhere.

When will women admit that they do not walk straight. I cannot tell you how many times I’m trying to walk around women daily and they can’t walk in a straight line to save their life. I just don’t think it’s possible. Here are some keys to victory; put one foot in front of another on a line to wherever you’re going. Don’t sway too much, your ass ain’t that big anyway.

Asian people, you freaking me out with that mask on the train. Spill. What the f*ck?

Life is good. God is good.