Five People I’d Rather Watch Host the Oscars

Did you guys see the Oscars last night? I did, but I watched most of the night on mute, so I didn’t catch just how bad the actual show was. However, after looking at the highlights from today, I can say, “Damn, that was pretty bad.” I don’t blame James Franco and Anne Hathaway, they needed better writers and also they are excellent actors in their own right. Their hosting of the Academy Awards is not a reflection on their career. Just probably a bad selection because it really takes skill to host an award show of such grandeur nature. But it got me to think though, who would I rather see how the Oscars? They usually ask a comedian, but to be honest, I don’t want to watch Chris Rock do it, and Dave Chappelle wouldn’t do it. It would be interesting to see Dave up there, high as a kite. I came up with the following criteria for my picks for hosts; I’d be thoroughly entertained and they’re Black. The nominees are:

1) Rosci and Terrence J – I used to watch 106 & Park just to see these two and their horrible chemistry. You can totally tell that they slept together, but Rosci was thinking they would be a hot hollywood couple and Terrence was like, “Um nah…” Either way, they don’t like sharing the camera or the microphone this would have been straight comedy. Rosci and her creation of words and saying that don’t exist. And Terrence storming on and off stage asking for his own spinoff.

2) Allen Payne and Bokeem Woodbine – Have you ever seen Jason’s Lyric? These guys were horribly dysfunctional as brothers? I could see it now. Allen would try and salvage a night of civilization and meanwhile Bokeem would backstage trying to steal the curtains. This would all come to a head when Allen asks Bokeem to pipe down so he can announce the next presenter and Bokeem goes bat shit and starts yelling, “You think I'm stupid?! I ain't in no hurry to go back to that cage! I know no one else around here believes in me, but I always thought that when it came down to it, you would.”

3) Method Man and Redman – I’m going to be real with you. I actually really think Meth and Redman would do a great job. They actually have a weird ability to crossover without selling out. Of course there would be lots of weed smoking, but if you tell me for one minute you don’t think James Franco was not high as a fucking kite last night, you’re tripping. Meth and Red would have had the crowd saying, “hey… ho…. point at a chick and say, hey… ho….!”

4) Lil’ Wayne and T-Pain – You probably thinking, why would you have these two ignorant fools on stage?! Have you ever seen when Wayne tries to act real smart. He’s actually a genius, but there’s something off about him when he’s got glasses on and his hair braided neatly. I think it has something to do with the platinum fronts. More importantly, ARE YOU READY FOR AUTOTUNE AT THE OSCARS?! “OoooooooOOOooohhh Besssssssssssst Axxxxxxxctress.” - *In the Autotune Voice*.

5) Kanye West – Only because I know that as soon as they gave Billy Crystal that standing ovation, Kanye would have reacted like this; (1) He would have interrupted Billy Crystal’s standing ovation to ask them, why they thought it was cool to front him like that on TV, (2) He would have went backstage and blamed everyone for his weak performance stating that he didn’t have any freedom to be him, and (3) Did you see his interview with Matt Lauer? Do you think there’s anyway to prevent him going off because the producers wouldn’t stop talking in his ear? Oh the possibilities of having a volatile man like Kanye host the Oscars!!! But question, what do you think he would wear?

I’m not the only one who was expecting a surprise guest appearance from Wu-Tang when the choir from Staten Island came out.