If it’s one thing I can’t stand it’s when I’m looking at a woman who is a little too overweight to be wearing what she’s wearing, but it’s not just that, it’s like a whole barrage of things that I have to see from men and women that is just straight malfeasance. And before you guys attack me because you say it’s bad to make jokes about fat people, f*ck you, I’ve been “skinny” my whole life and I’ve had to hear enough jokes publicly and to my face, I can say some shit back:
1) Overweight women in leggings, without the courtesy of a tee shirt covering their ass. You know your ass is too big!
2) The only reason why you sat in that seat next to me is because you are like that’s enough space for me to fit. You know your ass is too big!
3) Dude, the Under Armor? Please stop. I don’t care if it is just us fellas. You know your ass is too big!
4) You’re holding up the best ride at Six Flags on what also happens to be the hottest day of the summer because you contend that they just not pushing the bar down hard enough. You know your ass is too big!
5) If you standing outside the club with all your friends in a catsuit and the bouncer won’t let y’all in … but a group of pipsqueaks just got let in the club. The reason why your friends won’t look at you, but keep smacking their teeth and tapping their shoes is because … You know your ass is too big!
6) Arguing with the hostess at Phillips about how you have been waiting longer than me and my date. You know your ass is too big!
7) You can’t wear those heels. Your heels is leaning and you always talking about you broke a heel. You know your ass is too big!
8) Am I the only one who feels uncomfortable with overweight people having a side salad or saying the word, “diet”? Come on son. Don’t act like that’s a choice, or going to fill you up. You know your ass is too big!
9) Never wear too bright of colors when you’re a big girl. Makes you look like a couch. Also, lycra… not your friend. Act like you don’t know the bitch. You know your ass is too big!
10) Being confrontational, loud, or refusing to be moved. Don’t ever say, “And I ain’t gon’ be moved” or “Make me leave.” Even though that’s the truth and nobody is going to mess with you. You know your ass is too big!
Enjoy your weekend.