Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Is Your Boyfriend Gay?

Yesterday, I wrote a gem over at SBM, I wrote this post a while back and for whatever reason the gods that may be decided not to post it.  So i'm going to post it here.  This is a much more raw approach to what I was going to post, I wrote this months.  As a reminder, May 17th, the eBook/mixtape, 17th & K Street is dropping.  Stay tuned.

I didn’t want to write this post, because I know that people will come at me for apparently being homophobic or something, but I had to write this posts and I want to talk about a few things and get it all out there in the air (this is either want to get it all out there OR you want to clear the air). Now, you guys know that I stand strong in the fight against male malfeasance. So I have to address some things that are going on in our community that are just a little odd and make me feel uncomfortable.

I remember talking to my homegirl about the dire situation that is dating in DC and she said, “isn’t the ratio like 6-to-1?” and I replied, “Nah, it’s like 24-to-1. Think about it this way, DC has a lot of gay men, then there are guys who are just wack or herbs. Nobody was checking for them anyway. So, right there, those six that would have been checking for the gay dude are checking for me, as are the six that would match up with a wack dude. Oh yeah! And there’s mad dudes “on the low” in DC.” I don’t have a problem with someone being gay, but I do have issues with people in the closet. Especially, people in the closet when they have a wife and children. Let me be clear, this goes for men and women, and I’ll explain why. Whether you are a man or a woman, coming home to find out that your spouse has been screwing around behind your back with someone is just disrespectful. Finding something like that out about your spouse hurts you, your family and your marriage, therefore, I just don’t like that type of lying, that people have labeled, “on the low.”

Anyway, that’s how I stand on the issue, but on to the meat of this post. Pause.

Has your boyfriend ever asked you to do something that was slightly off in the bedroom? I think there’s something to be said about a dude who asks his girl to, “stick a finger up there.” Like not for nothing, my friend said it best describing what she would and wouldn’t do for her man, “I should put on my Facebook page, “no I will not sodomize you.” But that’s not where it stops, just the other day another friend tells me that she asked her man if he would let her put on a strap-on and penetrate him and his reply, “Nah, because if I do you’ll think I am gay. But I would let my ex do it.” O_o. Then there’s this story I read over at Black Girls Are Easy:

Brandy: what are you doing punk?

Me: Watching wrestling. What’s up?

Brandy: Yo, (voice goes low, but you can tell she’s smiling on the other end of the line) tell me why I made my boyfriend suck his best friend's d*ck last night.

And if you needed one more story that just speaks of a hot a*s mess, there’s this; I’m at happy hour and my homegirl goes, “so my friend breaks up with her boyfriend because she found out he was responding to ads on Craigslist for sexual favors from other men.” Turns out the guy had been traveling to an odd town for “work” and responding to ads by men who would post things like, “I would like to suck your d*ck. You don’t have to be gay and I’m willing to pay you.”

At the end of the day, as a woman you have got to be asking yourself some questions about your boyfriend. Let me just say publicly that you cannot go around committing gay acts and profess to be a straight guy. It doesn’t work that way.

Then there are people like Tyler Perry. (Don’t act like you thought we were going to get through this entire post and not speak on Tyler Perry.) Tyler Perry is on fire and it is not for Jesus. It says in The Book of Jackson, I can’t cosign on you being straight unless I know some women that you have had sex with. Maybe Tyler’s saving it for marriage, but since he decided to go on Oprah a couple weeks ago and tell everyone that he’s had sex with three men. I think the jury returned the verdict without a reasonable doubt. What’s my point? Yes, the point is, when there’s nothing to suggest that a man might be straight he’s probably gay. (Your faith and Jesus is not a valid reason for why you are not gay, EDDIE!)

Let me get out of here before GLAAD comes over here and gunclaps me, anyway here’s my quick and dirty, list of things that lead me to believe your boyfriend is gay:

He’s into anal play.
He’s not having sex with you.
He wears makeup.
He has had no other girlfriends before you.
He claims he’s bisexual, or his name is Jamie Foxx.
You catch him watching gay porn.
He told you he had an oral fixation.
He starts every sentence with the word, “Girl…” even though he’s talking to men.
Someone told you that the all black male mentoring group he’s a part of is actually a brothel on the weekends. Old men buy alcohol for underage boys and have a “cookout.”
If something tells you that you are sleeping with a man who is gay, women’s intuition is a great indicator.

Let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. I just would hate for a woman to be dating a guy and he’s gay and she’s the last one to find out. Brothers on the low are ruining the dating pool in Black America. It’s just too many women looking for love only to come up with a story about how they found out their man was gay. I can’t call it, all I’ll say is, just be on the look out, and know your status.


Lenore said...

I recently read a post about "signs that your man is gay" and you have to remember that you can't just come off all willy nilly and accuse a man of being gay because of some of the things that you've listed.

I know that being intutitive is important, but if a woman is going to come out and ask that question she better be damn sure of the answer she expects!

♥ cherelle said...


Mrs.Brightside said...

As much as i love my gay male friends they make me sick because they are part of the reason I'm losing in the dating game.

Your list is incomplete but a great start for women being fooled in to realationships with greedy and selfish men.

Ada said...

anal play? expantiate. does that also include sticking his peni in his girl friends hole.

Dr. J said...


Nah i'm talking about his anal. Even though if a man prefers only anal sex with you, get worried. Get "Anderson Cooper with no shirt on" worried.

N.I.A. naturally... said...

I agree with this entire post. I didn't want to comment the other day on SBM, but you did a good job with that post.

scorpioreese said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KB said...

Just another one to add to the list: Are you single? Do you have any kids? Do you have a job? Are you gay? I didn't realize this was an issue until College. Having to question a MAN about whether or not he likes other MEN is beyond me and a little heartbreaking.