Oh You Graduated AND Decided You Were Finished

I remember that the best job that anyone could have after the age of 15 was a job in the mall at a shoe store. To this day, those guys still get more ass than most men out here on the struggle. If 18 and under ass is the type of ass you look to get, I guess that works out for you. I was walking through the mall one day, might have been my sophomore or junior year of college, and I happened to go past Footaction and I saw a girl I went to elementary school with. We exchanged smiles and went over to give her a hug and ask her how she was doing. I had heard through the grapevine that she had a kid in high school, so I said, “Oh I heard you had a kid.”

Her response, “Oh honey, I have three kids.”

I shouldn’t have been the least bit surprised she was part of the most popular circle in elementary school. These girls had started having sex before elementary school was over. (Sidenote: The chick who was an absolute freak at my elementary school, like she used to give dudes head on the back of the bus on field trips, she has no kids. I guess her aunt figured she was going to be a hoe and was like you need birth control.) I’m not sure what happened to that girl at Footaction because I don’t stop at the mall anymore, I grew out of that too one day too.

This post is respectfully dedicated to the women who’s entire career got messed up off f*cked up circumstance in High School:

A little too hood for us all…

There was always that one girl who was a bully. She constantly overstepped her boundaries. She was the type of girl who fought with the dudes. But the dudes never really hit her back they would just respond, “Chill, young.” But she never got it, she wanted to hang with the boys and thought that hitting them as if she was simulating a fight was the best way to do this. She typically tried to explain her rough approach to being a tom boy or growing up around all boys. On the inside this girl had some real serious internal issues and just didn’t click the way all the rest of us did. At some point, outside of Phillip’s in the Baltimore Sea Harbor she got into it with a friend and decided to bust out their windows and slit their tires. One too many disorderly conducts can have your ass on house arrest until the Cleveland Cavaliers win an NBA championship.

You used to be thick, and now you just fat…

I remember when we got in junior high school and the girls started to grow breasts. What would come later was crazy. There were always a few girls who were a little over developed. They had booty and breasts well before anyone else did. They got a lot of attention for that. It seemed like every boy in school wanted to give her a hug. Because she was developing a little faster than the rest of the girls she got a lot of attention from older guys. She was in the 9th grade dating the dude who was already pushing the Acura. Hell, she even had enough TNA to pull a dude in college or out of school completely. She was what they like to call jailbait. Well, the girl who was wearing the sports bra until she graduated from high school, and the girls who weren’t able to fill out a pair of stretch jeans if they tried – at age 26, they got full C cups and athletic donks. The girl who had the D cups in high school, well now she’s just fat. See the thing about women is their bodies are growing from age 13 until they are about 26. A woman’s body hasn’t fully matured until she’s about 26. If she’s holding something now at 15, she’ll probably need some help carrying it at 26.

Maybe she’s made for it, maybe she’s just got bad skin…

I had this crush on this girl in grade school and I didn’t even know why until my mother told me that it was a shame that her mother let her wear such trashy makeup. I ain’t think it was trashy though she looked like other girls who no one thought were trashy, you know like, Total. She was a clear cut top three prettiest girl in every class from 3rd grade until 12th grade. She always had pretty, long and shiny black hair and she always had the freshest clothes on. Back in the day, a chick not only had blinging lip gloss, she had the lip liner too. That lip liner pretty much dominated from 1996 – 2003. Even Halle Berry had on lip liner when she accepted her Academy Award. Anyway, I was walking through a lounge not to long ago and she stopped me. (Sidenote, this always happens to me because I was 5’4” when I left high school and now I’m 5’9”, so hey, it happens.) She stopped me and she said, “Oh my god, you look good, like real good. You grew all up.” And I looked back at her and all I could think of is, “Are you one of those people who thinks Proactiv tests its products on animals and so you won’t use it?” I’m glad that happened too because now I know why my mother said it was shame she was wearing makeup at a young age. That makeup had her face looking like she had been hit in the head with a bag of nickels.

You believed him when he said, he’d love you forever…

Every high school had that couple that everyone thought would be together forever. They were high school sweethearts. They even planned to go to the same college. She probably didn’t get in though because when women start planning their lives around men too early they show signs that they are dumb. So instead of going to another school away from home, she decided to stay at home so that when he came home to visit they could spend time together. She screwed up by going to a school that wasn’t anywhere near as good as where she could have been, but she was happy because she had him. And then he stopped calling so much, (said his mother said he needed to watch his minutes), then he stopped coming home every other weekend, (even though he was only 40 minutes away), then he changed his relationship status on Facebook, (he took it down, said too many people were in his business), and then finally when you wanted to come visit he claimed that his roommates might have a problem with it. Now you look at your life; you’re enrolled at a community college, you work part-time at Wawa, and you just found out you’re pregnant.

She got pregnant…

Speaking of pregnant, if there’s one thing that bothers me more than anything in this world it’s when you see a bad ass chick who’s life has been ruined from some ignorant fool who got her knocked up. I was discussing this with my boy today too. Remember that freak I spoke about earlier, she was notorious. I think she just had an oral fixation and she was kind of slow. Like she was the type who fell for stuff like, “How you gon’ get him and not get me?” She was a red bone, but her knees were black by the time we got to swimming class in HS Physical Education. But somehow, some way with all of that going on, she ain’t never have a kid. But now that girl who was the baddest chick on the block, the one who didn’t have to have the bad rep. That Dominican shorty from Spanish Harlem with the fatty and the curly hair. THE GIRL FROM THE DMX, How’s it goin’ down video … she got knocked up. She probably only messed with ONE man in her life and he knocked her up and either got locked up, killed, deported, or he’s just a straight fool and left her to do it on her own.

Too damn grown…

The last is not funny at all, in fact, it’s so sad. It’s those people who thought they were so mature and grown their whole lives. There was a time when you had a freshman chick and all her friends were seniors. And she thought she was the shit in HS. She was the one who dressed like she was older, who got invited to things with the upperclassmen and all that other good stuff. And then all her friends graduated and she didn’t have no friends for the next three years of her life. It wasn’t just her either, there were all those people who always spent most of their time talking about how they were so “over” everything. This is my favorite movie quote of all time, a close second would be Jack Nicholson’s monologue in a Few Good Men, during his testimony, but this is the one that applies right now:

Dawson: Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place... Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place.
(Source: Dazed & Confused)

And so all those people who thought they were too grown for their situation, or who were always “over” everything, they end up missing out on everything in life. Daisy Buchanan is a perfect example of what will happen to you if you spend your entire life in a dream world of the future and never take advantage of the present. Not only will you end up with no friends, you’ll also have people convinced that you are stuck up, and if you keep it up long enough you won’t even be able to break the habit of acting like your ass is too damn grown.

A lot of times you see these posts from people who were the nerd or the person that no one ever talked to in high school. That wasn’t me, I was ambitious. I may have thrown people off, but I knew everyone at my high school and tried to maintain on relationships with all of them. It makes me happy and sad sometimes to see how people turned out, especially the women. Sometimes I’m thinking, “Damn tough break” and other times I’m thinking, “Remember you had the ill plan, how’d that work out for you?”

My new eBook has been released, titled, 17th & K Street, you can download it, my new mixtape and my podcasts here.