Dr. J’s Bottle Etiquette

I have strict bottle etiquette. Let me be the first to tell you that I don’t bring bottles to my friends’ parties, I just don’t. Well, save a few times, if I say I’m going to, I’m probably not. Put your side eye back in your pocket, if you know me, you know that 99.9% of the time you come to my place, you never have to bring a thing and you get food, drinks, and entertainment for free. For you to ask me to bring something is preposterous being as though you never bring me anything.

I also don’t bring anything when I’m told I have to bring something. The nerve of some people to disrespect me like that. I don’t show up to events empty handed, save the first paragraph, so I know you should have already known that you didn’t have to tell me that. Which means… there’s someone who you’re expecting in attendance who doesn’t have any home training. I’m not wasting any of my hard earned money on them.

After a while, I will stop providing you free alcohol if you don’t ever offer me a drink. I have friends who have shared VIP tables with me, who I have bought a round of drinks for and they will never offer to return the favor. These are the opportunists. They are also the type of people that I tend to stay away from. You’ll notice that some people will be missing from invites.

Not to harp on the issue, but nothing grinds my gears more than someone asking me to bring a bottle to their function, when they haven’t ever brought a bottle to mine. Basically what you are saying is, “I feel like you got it like that. I can come drink for free, but when it comes to me, I’m broke.” Which really means, your ass is broke and shouldn’t be drinking anyway.

Footnote: Every year I throw a big cookout on Memorial Day, I have never asked anyone to bring alcohol, but no one shows up empty handed. I wonder why... Maybe because they have home training. Trust me, the next time you are planning an event, don't be so tacky, leave that request of your invite.