Rod Tidwell: Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the... - "the Quan".
Jerry Maguire: That's your word?
Rod Tidwell: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The Quan.
Jerry Maguire: But how did you get "Quan?"
Rod Tidwell: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... Quaaaaan.
(Source: Jerry Maguire, click for video)
Rod would go on to later call Jerry his Ambassador of Quan and while writing this post I had to wonder who might my Ambassador of Quan be. I quickly sent a reminder email to someone about my Dipset deal. They want me to believe that they are restructuring, but I keep telling them that Young Money is interested, whatever, I digress.
The Quan is about much more than the coin as Rod said, it’s much bigger than that. My boy sent out a model call and said we’d pay the chicks in yards. Another person replied to the email and said, “This is not right, we shouldn’t be sending stuff like this out.” WEEEEEAK. I replied, “People have to come to grips with the fact that not every chick is wifey material. Some of these chicks just ain't got the quan to ever make it past breezy or jumpoff status. The best they can hope for is a few yards and some free liquor.” I was being real too. But this ain’t just about chicks, it applies to negroes too. Lot of guys got a lot of talent, but hey don’t have no quan. I always joke that I constantly keep a running list of people invited to my wedding, just imagine me sitting in my office with two baskets titled:
“Negroes who got the Quan.”
“N*ggas who are pussy.”
I basically put all the men I know in those two categories, and it don’t mean I won’t be your friend, but it just mean that I’m planning some epic shit when I get married and I can’t have nobody there that doesn’t have the Quan. I’ll tell you right now, I been to a wedding and a fight broke out. It wasn’t no Best Man shit either, it was like World War VIII. (That's 8, I know some of you ain't good at math or reading, that shit has you confused.) It looked like a birthday party but it was a wedding so it was weird. Basically, the bride started drinking dark liquor, and you know how women get when they drink dark liquor. But I think I speak for all real negroes in attendance today when I say there’s something sexy about a chick who drinks Hennessy and smokes Benson & Hedges. #maybethatsjustme. Anyway, bride started drinking, she looks up and it’s this chick dancing with the groom on the dance floor. Now here’s the conflict: That chick is basically the chick who found out on Facebook that the groom was engaged. You know why she found out on Facebook?
Because she was f*cking him.
How do I know this? Because women know their men better than they own men or their boys know him. And as soon as this went down, all the fellas went to the bar so we could act like we ain’t see sh*t. And all we heard was, “I know this bitch is not…” So I’m peeping this situation, and I see her bride’s maid go over to the best man and say, “You need to tell your mans and them to tell that heffer she gotta leave.” No shots, but she wasn’t even a heffer, she was bad and her dress had #summinbout2popout ALL OVER IT. Now the best man did not have any quan, he just kind of stood there for a minute and acted like the situation was going to fix itself. #PhilJacksonNegroes. At the same time, the bride was like, “Fuck that.” She got a running start; she ain’t throw a haymaker or chair, she went straight for that chick’s hair and attempted to drag her out of there. But that shorty ain’t roll up there alone, on her side, her whole crew think that the groom did their homegirl dirty, so what did they do? They start trying to beat the bride’s ass in her wedding dress. Because that makes perfect sense. I’m watching all this happen and I’m like…
(Sidenote, just so you people know this wedding happened in Capitol Plaza Mall in the spot where they got the church at, so that’s where I’m at. Capitol Heights, MD at a wedding.)
The groom was done off so he just backed up, he tried to say something but he ain’t have no quan over both his chick and the other jawn. But the bride didn’t invite no b*tches to the wedding who was p*ssy… They came out there like strippers at ONYX and they handled those ratchets’ ass. There was hair everywhere, shoes everywhere, chicks walking around with an empty bottle of Jack, another with Grey Goose and the ratchets were out front the mall looking swollen face like a mug. Quick reminder: The bride and groom’s family just watched this WHOLE thing go down. Real talk, wasn’t like we were at the club, we were at a wedding. And you know why?
Because those b*tches had the Quan.
[Ten minutes later, the DJ turned the go-go back on.]
Always evaluate yourself and your crew against the elements of the Quan:
The Love – You see you should have the love. Hey, since 2005, it’s been We Love Jackson. I remember when I took it down off Facebook and women hit me up and was like, “Hey the name change on Facebook, what’s going on?” I had to let them know, y’all always will love me, but I’m no longer the same Jackson from 05, it’s Dr. J. That bride had the love of her peoples. They wasn’t going to let her go out like that.
The Respect – People don’t have to like you, but they should respect you at all times. Look here, if you got Quan, hoe shit like this should never happen to you: You’re walking through the club with your shorty and his friend cuts you off and blocks you, while his mans steps in to holla at your chick. That dude ain’t got to like you, he can think you’re an absolute herb, but he should respect you.
The Community – Not only respect, but respect from your peers. Lil’ Wayne has the Quan. Not because Drake, Nicki Minaj and Tammy Torres said he has the Quan. But after this, I had to remove all reasonable doubt about this guy having the Quan:
RT @MSLAURENLONDON: RT @antoniacarter: Congrats to Nivea and Wayne...its a Boy!!! (Beautiful and blessed)
RT @MSLAURENLONDON: RT @thisisNIVEA: Say what you want about Wayne, but he is a great father!!!
RT @MSLAURENLONDON: RT @thisisNIVEA: Say what you want about Wayne, but he is a great father!!!
That’s Quan. That’s inconceivable QUAN! Your other baby mother, just retweeted your other baby mother about you being a great father.
“You know what? I got to thank Weezy.
And when I see that n*gga Imma thank him.
Imma buy his album, Imma download that.. Imma shoot a bootlegger!
That's how good I feel about this n*gga”
(This negro Wayne ain’t got a baby mother, he just got other baby mothers.)
The Money Too – “They say you can’t be broke and happy, so me I’m mad rich.” If that ain’t the truth I don’t know what is. Listen, you can have all that stuff and die broke. Joe Louis had love, respect and community and he died broke as a joke. A lot of people wonder how you can tell when you make it. When they start paying you … that’s how you know you making it. And I don’t mean a little bit of change to get your hair done, or to buy some music off iTunes, I’m talking about you get paid to do what you do best and the ends are meeting like a motherf*cker. (So yes, I’m still waiting for the Quan because I have to take my ass to work today like the rest of you.)
There’s countless people who made it from love, respect, community and never made the money, here’s a short list:
- Shyne – You would have thought Diddy left him like $50 million for taking that bid for J. Lo. Come on, they didn’t tell you this, but you know who that was who got shot in the face at that club, Cassie. Yeah, afterwards she just had a real good plastic surgeon.
- All those n*ggas who make those videos punching people in the face during a freestyle
- Joe Budden – I don’t understand why people … ugh.
- Hot Sauce – Everybody used to watch Hot Sauce videos like they was the shit. People would say, “but he ain’t gon make it to the league tho” and the whole hood would be like, “NAH BUT HE’LL BEAT YOUR ASS IN BASKETBALL!!!” Yeah, but he never made it to the league.
- Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. – Respect, no jokes.
Here’s a list of some of the most prominent holders of Quan:
- Diddy – This man got the Mist too. I’m going to come back to this.
- Jay-Z – He got transferable Quan, because he got a wife who got Quan. Jay-Z got all this stuff and if you ever doubt, peep how hard people defend Jay-Z. Don’t ever say nothing about Reasonable Doubt not being all that good, or the fact that Jay-Z is 42 years old and that’s troubling that he still talking about what he talk about. They will assassinate you. But Beyonce got her whole nation and gay black teenage boys making Youtube videos and spending $250 on a concert ticket. That’s a Quan ass couple.
- Oprah – You know you making bread when you can look at a white person and say, “N*gga I’m Oprah rich!”
- Barack Obama – During the Democratic National Convention when it was dark and Obama brought the sun back out, I knew something was up. But then he won a Grammy, and my first reaction was like, “Oh they just giving this negro shit like it’s nothing; Grammys, Book deals, the Nobel Peace Prize, a tight jawn named Michelle, this is bullshit… They even gave that negro some white in him too.” When he tell everybody he's Jesus and no one get upset, don't say shit.
Jesus Christ – Jesus got more platinum chains that Jacob the Jeweler. You know how much money and gold they got in the Vatican. Jesus is the only man to date that rolled with a hoe and nobody said shit, didn’t even think they was f*cking.
The Quan. Amen.