"I'm not going to do, what everybody thinks i'm gonna do, which is just... FLIP OUT" - Jerry Maguire

Okay gentlemen, let’s put on our non-homophobic hats to understand this story.

In conclusion, there’s a big difference in a male friend coming out to you and telling you he’s gay, and him coming out to you and telling you he’s gay and into you. The way you handle the situation is completely different.

Heterosexual men never pick up on innuendos. They don’t even pick up on advances from most women. Read: Random wild guesses in a general direction. Most women when they find out a guy is coming out of the closet, or openly stating that he is gay on a public forum, are like, “I knew that. Why didn’t you?”

I had a lunch with a group of friends and we were talking about one of our friends whom we’ve known for a long time. I would consider this friend a close friend of mine because if he ever needs anything I would be there for him, within reason. The gist of the conversation was that perhaps it’s our fault as friends that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling us that he is gay. This guy has never really been into the conquest for panties, never, like even in high school. His ex-girlfriend was like six years ago. And she was a little boyish herself. And it always seemed like their relationship was a little odd, and hindsight could have been a cover-up or just two very good friends who said they were in a relationship to thwart away questions. His ex-girlfriend is completely out of the closet now, she is a lesbian. Since they broke up he has not had another girlfriend and in fact, we’ve never even heard about him dating anyone.

So at happy hour me and this friend are out with a group of other friends. During a side conversation, we are talking about life and work. So he asks me about some vicious rumors that he’s heard that I had a girlfriend… WOMP. So I’m not really paying attention to him, I was looking out around the bar, maybe what I mean to say is I’m not making eye contact with him. So I said, “So what’s up with you? Are you dating any of these chicks out here?” And he says, “Dude, you know I’m not into chasing chicks like that.” So we continue to talk until we got to this part of the conversation where I realized what was going on. I said, “Man, it’s just freaking hard to date chicks these days, they fundamentally don’t make any sense. They don’t know what they want, I don’t know what I want. I want a girl, if and only if, she is going to “get it.” Now in between now and then is like dating, and dating women in DC is flat out ridiculous. You really are expected to wine and dine them at $100 dinners, but then the next day they are out with some other group of guys who buys them drinks all night at some bar. It’s like I’m not going to treat you like my potential girlfriend if you are going to make it blaringly obvious that you are going to date other guys. I’m like, well where are we going? You get what I’m saying?” And he goes, “You know… I don’t really date girls anymore.” And I was about to say, “Yeah, man I feel the same way.” But… then it hit me. That sentence would have been just fine if he had not said, “girls” but he did. He specifically said, “girls.” So I had this off stare and then I looked at him, in silence. And I gave him this like confused, dumb, blank look. And he looks at me with that, “Yes that’s what I’m implying look.” So I just said the only thing that came to mind, “I knew it!”

And we both started laughing. We actually didn’t even talk about it much more than that. I just continued talking about how dating in DC is just flat out ridiculous at this point. Again, it’s completely different. If you’ve ever seen RocknRolla, you’ll see a hilarious coming out scene. The guy comes out to him and basically says he wants to be with his friend. And that’s like information overload. It’s a difference between “hey I’m gay” and “hey I’m gay and I want to be with you.”

OK, so story over, but one last note. There’s a difference between being heterosexual and homosexual. But there’s a BIG difference between being a closet homophobe and an out-of-closet homophobe. If you think Chris Brown had it bad. You come out of the closet about being a homophobe around the wrong group of people and you will be completely alienated by your friends and everyone will find out why and it will be BAD. Like a lot of people talk a lot of shit about if they found out their boy was gay how they would flip out, but trust me, you don’t want to do that. I think it’s like this, you might be a Christian, does that mean everyone else is going to hell that doesn’t believe in what you believe in. Well, if that’s what it means to you, you live a very closed and stupid life. I for one believe that there is a God, if I had to align with a religion it would be Christianity, however, people who don’t believe that, it’s up to the Creator or a higher power to make the judgment on who’s going to hell and not, so I don’t knock any other religion. You have to take the same approach with homosexuality. Nuff said.