(In no particular order)
1. Ladies, ladies, ladies… please tell your no ass having friend to stop wearing the fake leather tights. Es no bueno. If you don’t have the body, just get you a pair of contoured jeans and call it a day.
2. Hooker boots at work. If you look like you work on L Street NW, go home. Like seriously boo boo, you do not need to look like you are in pain when walking. And if I cringe when I see you, I know you feet are like, “eff you first and foremost!”
3. I’ll write this off to ignorance, but I despise when women do not understand why the waist line is raised in their article of clothing. They go out the house looking like they are wearing maternity clothes. If you are short, a high waist dress, is just not a good look. You look like Princess Mushroom.
4. VELVET. No Velvet outfits. Es no bueno Michelle Obama, I’m talking to you too. A man should wear clothing that makes women want to touch. Women should not do the same.
5. Large Handbags that you cannot find anything you need in. If you are going to the have a huge Michael Kors bag, please be able to find your keys, phone and a PEN without having to stop and put the damn thing on the table. And do not take that bag in the club.
6. I’m only including this because it’s not hers, but it’s on her. Do not have layers of your hair, a complete different color than the rest of your head baby girl. If your hair is jet black, why is your back layer platinum blonde?!
7. If you have any blouses that have see-thru or sheer sleeves, please throw them away.
8. Christian Louboutin heels when the bottom of them is black. If the red paint is gone, it’s time to stop wearing them. No no no NO EXCEPTIONS.
9. If you wear anything that Teyana Taylor or Lil’ Ma would wear… shoot yourself and save us the trouble.
10. The inappropriate use of underwear. Underwear are to be worn, not seen. But don’t be a ho. I don’t want to see your panty line through your pants, I don’t want to see your thong string above your waist line. Listen to me, it’s okay to go without. Actually with jeans, there is really no point in wearing underwear. However, I don’t want to give you a hug and notice that you don’t have any on either. I mean, just think about the message that’s sending. Moreover, you shouldn’t be wearing any fabric that is that thin anyway if you plan on being touched or grazed. (The only exception here is with tights)
a. While I’m on the subject, don’t just wear tights and a tiny tee shirt and go to the club, you look like a ho. If that’s the look you’re going for, well proceed as planned, but I’m just saying. NO ED HARDY tees and tights, super ho alert.
Now y’all know, it’s about to be spring time and a lot of you think it’s okay to break out the white pants and shoes… FALSE. Please wait until Memorial Day.