Morning Mail - 4.30.09

Nola Darling: It's really about control, my body, my mind. Who was going to own it? Them? Or me? I'm not a one-man woman. Bottom line.
(Source: She’s Gotta Have It)

I am so tired it isn’t even funny anymore. I haven’t had a solid night of sleep in the last two weeks.

So I can’t think of Morning Mail

I can’t even make it out because I’m liable to fall out at any moment.

Brand New

Press play and then read.

I have to ask, is anything I’m doing Brand New? Let’s go back to my freshman year. This is the first time I really had to use my Poker Face. Around the same time that I snatched the patch off my sleeve that said heart and put it back in my pocket. I wrote a poem that was called the, Miseducation of the Freshman. And the poem definitely won me a lot of slams because it was so heartfelt.

Excerpt:
I've fallen in love with you again
and times when I thought hate could win
you snuck back in

HAIKU
i tried forgetting
your kiss, smell, hug, skin and scent
i'm still stuck with it

my pillow soaked with dry tears
and my pen and pad filled with stories of my fear
of still loving you and still living to see another year
because the feeling makes me die inside because I can't have you
and it gives me a feeling of yellow, no green, no maybe just blue
because I can be afraid of you, but that may pass
and maybe I could be jealous of you, but that may pass
but the truth is... that I just can't live without you

I mean it seems like the shortest relationships can have the biggest effects on your life. I walked away that situation like, never again will I ever put a girl on a pedestal. Two years later I found myself looking at this girl as if she was the best thing in the world. And in many ways, I still think she’s all that. Was it that I fell in love with a person who didn’t feel the same way? Yep. And what did this cause? It caused me to think that it just wasn’t worth being “that” guy.

Don’t date these women. Invite them over to watch “Love Jones.” Don’t tell her that you feel better when she’s around and think about her when she’s not there. Tell them, “Our time together is our time together, and our time apart is our time apart.” When you see another option don’t tell yourself, I got a special one at home. Tell yourself, you never know when that special one will make you an option, so let’s get it. (I have to laugh at how many times I used to say, “Let’s get it” it was like my motto.) Don’t tell the truth. Tell as many lies as you can get away with. Don’t be honest to women when you realize they deserve more than to just be jumpoff. Until she figures that out, that’s her problem. Like Juelz says, “She loves me… but that’s her problem.”

This leads me to believe that most guys are stunting. It’s against human nature to always be out for one’s self. Something happens along the way and it convinces you to make a concerted effort. No man is born saying, Money over B*tches. That behavior is taught and intentional and deliberate. Inevitably what happens is you always find that the biggest assholes find themselves back with that heart on their sleeve. If it’s one thing I’ve learned at this point is that, the twinkling in the eye is not a reason to ignore the rest of the person.

I want the money, the car and clothes, the hoes, I suppose. Well, not really. I mean take it from me, and I mean this, you can have a stable, but you never going to have quality when you go for quantity. I mean the best women just don’t go for it. And to be honest I think most men busy themselves with lesser options because they can’t have what they really want. I know I have before. Men don’t ever stop looking for what they really want. And men are just as guilty as anyone for seeing past all the warning signs of an impending accident. It’s like you’re sitting in traffic and the sign says, Accident Ahead Take Alternate Route. And what do you do? Proceed and create a plan for how to circumvent the disaster because maybe she got a fat old ass. And when that disaster strikes, it’s Katrina or worse a Tsunami.

And what do you do then? Do you sit in the house and drink 40s with your boys talking about how women ain’t shit? Do you get typical and say, “F*ck that b*tch”? Yes. Do you, “f*ck everything that walks, or at least attempt to and end up f*cking the same old jumpoffs? Yes. Women rebound when vulnerable and then realize it’s a rebound and get rid of the dude. Men get brick and mortar and build a wall and turn, Heartless.

Sooner or later that same guy says to himself, “I’m really tired of messing with these worthless women. Why can’t I find a good option? That’s what I’ll do, I’ll play the field the way my momma told me to and get a good girl.” They start dating and calling, not just texting that same message: Come Thru. And word to life, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.” Blind to the reality of the situation, back at square one. “Lather, rinse, repeat.” – S.C.H.

So what I’m saying is, “Is anything I’m doing Brand New?”

PS – And this is why I’m single and not looking. [Drop the mic.]

This piece is respectfully dedicated to CBG who told me to be personal.

Morning Mail - 4.29.09

The Architect: Hello, Neo.
Neo: Who are you?
The Architect: I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
(Source: Matrix Reloaded)

Get real high and watch Matrix Reloaded, you’ll be so confused it will actually mess with you.

Some days you wake up and you know why the caged bird sings…

Gig and Lig.

Last night was playoff basketball and work. Yes, work work.

Switched my vote for best on Random to Weezy, he really did outdo Drake on that one.

However, my vote for the person to control the summer will be Drake, however, it will just enable Weezy to stay relevant long enough to make a comeback.

I love those Dos Equis commercials.

Why is it that people think it’s okay to open an Evite and just not respond? Like seriously, if you’re not coming say, I’m not coming, but if you’re planning on coming, why can’t you say you’re coming? It takes the same amount of time as it takes to get off the page.

Excellent article here I would like you all to read: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-happies-vs-crappies-why-some-single-women-just-need-to-shut-up-get-over/

I wasn’t really sure if I agreed with that totally.

The Terrorist Alert Advisory System

I have some friends who have stalkers. I have some friends who are stalkers. I think every guy has crazy tendencies, and they need people around them to remind them that they might be borderline about to do something crazy. Have I ever done something crazy before? Yeah, but I was half out my mind and I’m so very sure it will never happen again.

What are the signs? (That’s a pretty popular question these days to Dr. J’s mailbox.) But what are the signs? We will now refer to the Stalker, aka Terrorist Alert from the above diagram. Because I’m not sure about you guys, but stalker consequences can be compared to terrorist attacks.

Low – Let me tell you how it starts. It starts with that dude or chick who will call you and then you hit the “F You” button. Seconds later, [bloop] you have a new text message. You are at level “Green” off GP.

Another sign is the pleader for company. When you try and turn down their efforts they exhaust every possibility to hang out. Peep the situation:

Devin: Hey you trying to hang out today? Maybe catch a
movie.
Michelle: Nah, I’m not really a movie person. I have some
errands to do.
Devin: Oh word, that’s cool. Well you going out
tonight? We can get up then.
Michelle: Nah I think I’m going to stay
in.
Devin: Cool, well I got some Netflix movies. Want me to come over
and bring one?
Michelle: Um… yeah, let me hit you back in a few
minutes.
(She ain’t calling him back until the Bills win the Super Bowl)

Guarded – Repeat caller. Upset when you don’t get back to them. You ever had a situation where you looked at your phone and saw that someone has called you like 27 times in the course of an hour. You ever get a follow up voicemail before you get a chance to check the first. If you’ve ever received a threatening voicemail or emotional voicemail, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Anyone who wants to have this much access to you, is minutes away from doing something crazy.

Where do we go when there's no help?
He figured Heaven, so he went
left
Ya'll know that ain't right
Plus, he was high as a plane that same
night
Shit, I probably been on that same flight
Shit, I probably had that
same fight.
(Lil’ Wayne – Trouble)

So yes, even Dr. J has had a situation like this and I had to assess this situation with myself. I was talking to a chick and I called her kind of late at night, I got the two rings and then voicemail, so I was like, wait a minute, how dare you hit the eff you button on me. So I called back, same thing. At this point, I was pissed so I kept calling back, after the third time, phone was going straight to voicemail. Now I’m pissed. What type of disrespectful bullsh*t is this?! (In all reality, the only reason this is pissing me off is probably because of the times I’ve done this to somebody.) So what did I do? I sat in my room and called every thirty minutes to see when she would turn her phone back on and return my call or pick up the phone. Yes, the next day I had to look in the mirror and really get myself together. I told y’all I was half out my mind.

Elevated – How did you know I was going to be here? I had a friend who I was speaking to on a Friday afternoon and he actually said to me, “I feel like getting on a bus and coming to DC and going to Posh because I knew [she] will be there and I want to see who she’s with.” Now… He didn’t mean anything by that, but as a friend I had to be like OK, you’re almost at the point where someone might think you are a bit stalker’ish.

High – Showing up without announcement and acting a fool. Demanding to be seen. I have a friend who was trying to win over a young lady’s heart. His plan was to buy flowers, candy and show up at her job with a handwritten letter and take her to lunch. I feel like everyone knew this was not going to end well from the jump. But he could not be denied. Imagine my surprise when I find out she would not see him and told the receptionist to ask him to leave the premises. You never just show up to a woman’s location without announcing you are coming. NEVER.

Severe – I have always said that some women really enjoy a little drama in their love life. I mean, if you have a friend who has been with a crazy, possessive, or any similar adjective boyfriend for a few months, something is wrong with them too. I see this situation all the time:

At a club, a young lady who is a little tipsy is making her rounds at the party, flirting with guys and such. Guys are guys and the rule remains the same, “It is not my responsibility to watch yo’ b*tch.” At some point her boyfriend notices that she’s a little too friendly with a guy in particular. He doesn’t say anything to the dude, he walks over and… (Now this situation happens all the time, but if you are at a severe level here is when a terrorist attack is pending.) This situation can go down three ways:
1. He can just be the type to black on his girl and scream at her in public.
2. He can be the type to walk over and grab her by the arm and drag her ass out of there.
3. He can be the type to go over there and Chris Breezy this chick, I’m talking feet in the air, knocked out. (I have seen this happen at least three times in the last year.)

Terrorist attacks can run the gambit. They can be as simple as screaming matches, however, they can escalate to Chris Brown and Rihanna levels, or even worse murder. You have to see the Warning Signs and get out or rectify the situation as soon as possible. And I know Dr. J just had this post, (http://www.singleblackmale.net/2009/04/23/i-aint-going-out-like-that-really-yes-you-are/), but ladies do not hesitate to put a fool in his place if he is acting crazy and deranged.

Deeper than Rap - Album Review

Most of you have been patiently waiting my thoughts on Deeper than Rap, Rick Ross’s third studio album. I’ve remained silent because I really wanted to get the best opinion together and I didn’t want to get upset at anyone who wasn’t feeling the album as much as I was and still am. I think the album has all pertinent tracks and no waste tracks, as some hip hop albums have a tendency to do. Whether or not you like the track or not, it’s still a quality track for the overall track listing.

From a production standpoint this album sounds a lot like the Blueprint. When I first heard the album I could just see the Jay-Z influence into the project. Lots of live instruments, of course you can tell that there was some studio beat makers, but there are a ton of tracks that you could so see Rick Ross vibing out with a live band.

From a political standpoint the way he’s handled the 50 beef is commendable. Did he escape the 50 Cent beef unscathed? No. However, his career isn’t over by any sense of the term. And so 50 hasn’t and didn’t win. I’ve always felt 50 was a joke. I think the way Rick Ross stayed poised and dismissed 50’s attacks at times as useless and foolish was a great way to handle it. If you listen to the album in about 3 or 4 tracks on the album he addresses the 50 beef directly in one-liners or sly 16’s, he does not seem to be obsessed with 50, as much as 50 has been obsessed with him. I also thought it would be very important to note the people that Rick Ross surrounds himself with alienates 50 in a way that regardless of the support he gets from Eminem and Dr. Dre, he really could never get rid of Rick Ross. Let’s see, Jay-Z, Nas, Lil’ Wayne, Kanye, Fat Joe, and Game just to name a few. People may not think these names are that important, but they all have staying power and are quick to side with Ross before 50 Cent. I mean, who does 50 Cent have on his side? No one. Per usual.

Lyrically, you can see the gross improvement in his talent. If you have ever heard Port of Miami you can tell that Ross had some lyrical talent, but lacked the total package of someone who would be respected lyrically. He just really had great beats and an ear for the streets. The delta between Port of Miami and Trilla parallels with the delta between College Dropout and Late Registration. Likewise, the delta between Trilla and Deeper than Rap parallels Late Registration to Graduation. I am clear.

To a Rick Ross fan this will be a classic album, to the regular hip hop fan, they probably never took the time to listen, so it will not be. I mean it really bothers me how some people are quick to dismiss rap artists. I think Jay-Z said it best, “Do you fools listen to music, or do you just skim through it?” I still remember how many of my close friends though Weezy was trash until I would trap them in my car and play Tha Carter II, non-stop. After they took a good listen they agreed, the kid was uber-talented.

I gave this album a 3.5/5. To give a holistic idea of my scale, a perfect album would receive a 5. The perfect albums are not debatable. I’ll give you a few examples; The Score, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, Illmatic, All Eyez on Me, Blueprint and Ready to Die are perfect albums, exhibiting no weaknesses. An example of a 4/5 would be; American Gangster, Paper Trail, Graduation, etc. Rick Ross will make it to studio album four and if this album is an indication of what’s to come then I’d say he’s in a good position to have a few more albums.

Morning Mail - 4.28.09

Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question.

Rusty Ryan: Well, She said se liked surprises...
Danny Ocean: Uhuh, and?
Rusty Ryan: When I gave her one, she dropped the remote on the table and I put the towel back on.
(Source: Ocean’s Thirteen)

Laker baby, You know that's me.

For the Love of Ray J Reunion... enn... I am glad Unique has been exposed for the fraud that she is. Cashmere should laid that chick out though. I don’t know what anyone speaks of who hates on Cocktail.

I hate when people insult my intelligence.

It’s so damn hot. My city is upset, but it plans to cry for the rest of the week.

Here's a comparison that hasn't been offered yet. Drake is like Kanye. Extremely creative, and because he's so personal it draws in the listener.

You ever have someone tell you did something wrong and you have to tell them you did it differently than they would do it, but that does not mean it was wrong.

I actually made blog rounds yesterday and was excited to catch up. I do feel like blogs give you a view into other people’s lives in a not so stalker’ish way, and I enjoy everyone’s perspective because it just helps to develop mine.

I have the shittiest wireless at my new client site.

And then they said something about you may have to go to AZ next week. I gave them, negro please award.

I hate babies in closed spaces.

I saw Disney's Earth this weekend. One word, hilarious. You guys have got to see this bird cleaning the crib because the other bird is coming through. Bawse.

For some time now metro has put their trains on autopilot. It’s these old ass operators who take it off autopilot and now everyone is sliding around that joint cause they don't know how to use the brake.

Serious “Punch, Drunk, Love on the train this morning.

OMG, my co-worker says to me, "Chipiotle is so bad for you." I just looked at her like I have lost ALL respect for your presence. My children's middle name will be Chipotle.

Gig and Lig. New post today.

Morning Mail - 4.27.09

Today's Morning Mail will be served without a movie quote.

Great weekend.

Laker baby, you know that's me.

Gig and Lig. (New ish means god is good and life is good)

Just keep livin'.

Am I the only one who thinks Beyonce is always singing directly to them? The part of Halo when she says, "I don't need no drums, I can sing it with piano." I feel like the world stands still and I need that in my life.

Wendy's, lol.

"Lets take shots of gin for the end of the power hour." - the guy who lives next to me

I really find it funny that everyone thinks women are coming for my head. They really aren't.

It is hot as balls in dc. They said 85 and it was 92 at 6pm.

Now that I think I may have a spot on sbm, I'm really about to hit y'all with my jay-z swag.

Remember,
They only know what the single is, and singled that out
to be the meaning of what he is about
And bein I'm about my business, not minglin much
runnin my mouth, that shit kept lingerin
But no dummy, that's the shit I'm sprinkling
The album width to keep the registers ringin
In real life, I'm much more distinguished
I'm like a bloke from London, England

I really want to get out to Thailand and Hong Kong within the next couple of years.

I have serious issues when women's hair loks completely ridiculous. Like that I just woke up and my hair is everywhere look is not cute.

I haven't been this happy about a 49er draft in so long. I said all the way leading up to the draft, I hope we get Crabtree and I was convinced they weren't going to pick him or Maclin, but rather an OT. So yeah, I'm amped, I jumped in the air several times and came close to hurting myself.

"I just love your face." - Anonymous

Wait hold the tape, DZ #1 Fall 06, don't forget, I'm a pimp. Feel it, believe it.

Its such a better idea to write the morning mail on the way to work.

Stop, I want to take a moment and just reflect on how Tom Brady and Matthew McConaughey are the coolest guys in the world... and they both are married to Brazilian women. Cpt.

Gisele can get it.
Adriana Lima can get it.
Camila Alves can get it on Easter Sunday.

Two scoops I'm chilling.

Morning Mail - 4.24.09

Reverend R. L.: Ima tell you something and it's just gonna be between you and me. I think folks carry on about heaven too much, like it's some kind of all you can eat buffet up in the clouds and folks just do as they told so they can eat what they want behind some pearly gates. There's sinning in my heart, there's evil in the world but when I got no one, I talk to God. I ask for strength, I ask for forgiveness, not peace at the end of my days when I got no more life to live or no more good to do but today, right now... What's your heaven?
(Source: Black Snake Moan)

Did anybody realize that there was a movie with some white chick chained up with a crazy Black man keeping her captive? This was in the 21st Century.

For you conscious heads out there, GOOD Music is really taking over. Kid Cudi and Big Sean have excellent mixtapes. However, in Kid Cudi’s mixtape he shoutouts who? Cool Kids and Wale. Two people I always recommend people spend more time listening to.

I swear today was just the morning from hell. And it was more of a continuation of a wack night. I got home yesterday around 5:30PM and was like, bet I’ll run to the mall and pick up some things real quick. I go to the mall. I was in Aldo trying on shoes and my cell rang. It was a Sr. Manager whom I’m helping work on a proposal effort. It was 6:30PM, and she was like I just got home, do you want to call me in let’s say 30 minutes. I was like OK, will do. I hurry up and leave the mall. I give her a call when I get home around 7:15PM, it’s then that she tells me she has about 2-3 hours worth of work that she would like me to do… so she could work on it at 4AM today. This ruined my night and I didn’t even finish the work until 2AM. Then I had to make it to work today for a full day. Of which there was a freaking fly on the metro train that I could not stop looking at. And the dumb thing wouldn’t fly off when the doors would open. Then there was the amount of inappropriate attire worn by women who were clearly not looking in the mirror this morning. It’s like... seriously, I have nothing against BBW, but if you are a 14, you cannot put on a 6 and think everything is o’tay.

I am really not the one to come to when the Lakers lose. 1) They don’t do it often. 2) I’m going to ask if your team was the one who beat them. 2b) It’s always some old hating ass Knicks fans. Who’s spinning tonight? DJ Go F*ck Yourself. 3) In many ways, I’m a very sore loser because the Lakers are the best team and when they lose, it’s because they threw the game away.

Bitches love Twilight.

These fools wanna have me in NYC three times in May. Where is my tour bus?!

We are ready for the weekend.

Morning Mail - 4.23.09

Adam Levy: Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong it’s never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cause they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing.
(Source: Love & Sex)

Check out my guest post on SBM today: http://www.singleblackmale.net/2009/04/23/i-aint-going-out-like-that-really-yes-you-are/. I really appreciate the support.

You have to know who you are, because people will have you running all over the place trying to be them.

Should I start a reality show on YouTube called, For the Love of Jay? I don’t know, you’d be surprised.

My final assessment on dating on Craigslist, eHarmony and Match: I think for some people it’s okay. I think there are some crazy people on there, and there are some weirdos on there. But those people are in the places that you would meet people otherwise, so it’s all about how you approach online dating sites.

I will explain why I got off Facebook in 90 days.

Gucci Mane never gets old.

I love watching the Lakers games.

I wonder how my blogging habits would change if I had a girlfriend… we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I haven’t even gotten on the road yet.

A few things about my listening habits right now; there is a Weezy vs. Drake mixtape out right now… I think that clears up the debate, however, Drake is a very talented dude and it’s worth the pickup. Kid Cudi has a new mixtape that I think is fire.

85 degrees in the DMV this weekend. Two words, cooooooooooot dayuuuuuuum.

Morning Mail - 4.21.09

Peter MacMannus: I think Vickie was only talking about marriage so I'd wanna have sex with her. And then I did, and now she never talks to me, except to come back for more. And I always give in. I feel so used.
(Source: Down With Love)

“And you gotta watch out for these b*tches, these trifling b*tches.” – Jim Jones

I’m at a lost for words.

Ain't Sayin' Nuthin/I Won't Tell

Danger, she smashed the homies! (Totally irrelevant, but that will never get old to me.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGejhpDnK68

Have you ever been in a situation where you have been confronted about cheating? Have you ever known a person who was being cheated on and didn’t know it? Ever had that conversation with someone where you have to be the shoulder that your friend cried on? I have, and to be honest, when someone is crying, the last thing I want to say is, “Well, everyone knew that.”

I remember the last time I made a girl cry, it was when I told my ex that her ex at the time cheated on her… habitually. I didn’t mean to make her cry it kind of just happened. And no, I didn’t cheat on her. She said something ironic, “How come you didn’t tell me?” Stop the tape. Why didn’t your friends tell you? Everyone knew.

A good friend of mine was confronted about cheating on his girl. By both the chicks at the same time. Quite hilarious. Later on the football team would congratulate his efforts after we thought we were about to get our ass whipped. It went like this:

#99 – You mean to tell me you been beating both these chicks for two years and they didn’t know about each other?

Good friend – Yep.

#99 & #67 – Well, damn let me give you dap, you are doing your thing homie.

She was upset, and crying and blaming my friend. Was I the only one thinking, and I’m sorry but I have to give some background. This shorty had graduated, but still had mad friends who were still on campus. They knew that she was being two-timed, and two years later she found out…. Wait a minute Jesus! Don’t get mad at him, be mad at your friends for having you look dumb.

Some women are naïve. Okay, death to them. Because I’ve known many of women who wouldn’t believe their man was cheating even when they caught him with him two condoms in a three pack box, that he “just bought”. (Sidenote don’t trip these chicks will count your condoms. Two in the three-pack will get you caught. Buy a lot of condoms. Like 100 at a time!)

And some women know when their men cheat and don’t care. I can’t call it. Some women chalk it up because they love him and know that he’s a man and in need. For those women, here’s a tip, next time your man tries to leave the crib, suck him off. He will sit down and watch the news. If you don’t like to fellate, well then, just remember there is a raggedy bitch who has that on her resume, lol.

I had one of my boys smash a chick in a sorority, and then later on smashed another chick in the same sorority… same chapter… same line. Good got dayum. Now, a few months later the first one found out from the second one and she was upset at my boy. WTF?! He played his cards right, she needs to be upset with her LS. And you know another one of her LS’s knew and ain’t say nothing. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvHan2sdh-0)

Truth be told, nothing is sadder than watching some poor girl cry because she found out her man was a two-time hustler. (Respect the hustle, not the player.) However, what’s worst is watching some chick happy with her situation and everyone knows that her man is cheating on her. HILLARY!

Morning Mail - 4.20.09

Thumper: Hey Man, I'd think twice about what you're doing. You could wake up a lot more fucked up than you are now.
Evan: More fucked up than I am? You think you know me? *I* don't even know me!
(Source: The Butterfly Effect)

I had a good time this weekend. There are no pictures.

Candy Girls is the new reality show on the DVR.

Stop hating on Deeper Than Rap.

Couldn’t sleep last night. Ended up watching some movie with Kevin Costner.

I picked up the poetry book again last night, it’s like I never left. I actually read some of the poems that I wrote in the past, man… good stuff.

My city is crying…

They say when it rains, it pours. I shall name my daughter Katrina.

Morning Mail - 4.16.09

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Later in the movie…

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.
Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry Burns: When did I say that?
Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.
Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

(Source: When Harry Met Sally)

Many of my boys seem to think Tahiry, Joe Budden’s fiancé/girlfriend is the best thing since sliced bread. Call me a weirdo but was I the only person who noticed that her body isn’t that proportionate? I must say in my defense, I’m more attracted to nice legs, flat stomachs and a nice back.

A moment about the Kardashian family; Kim, Khloe and Courtney. Kim is the best all around. Khloe isn’t cute, but she has a donk. Courtney is the cutest, but has no donk. Marty-Mar said it best, Damn Gina.

It should be no secret if you know me that I think Persia White… is the BOMB.

So yes, Persia White can get it.

Mel B is a specimen, but am I the only one who thinks she ran game on Eddie. And you have to appreciate it when a man in the 21st Century says, “That baby ain’t mine” and then offers to take the paternity test.

Mel B can still get it.

Short Morning Mail, please check me out on SBM today at: http://www.singleblackmale.net/2009/04/16/dont-stop-get-it-get-it/

She Smashed the Homies

And you know you females do it. I just wish more dudes talked more. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

SMH... trifling ass broads.

Morning Mail - 4.15.09

Dupree: [during his job interview] I'm a people person, very personable. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you're looking for a Clydesdale I'm probably not your man. Like I don't live to work, it's more the other way around. I work to live. Incidentally, what's your policy on Columbus Day?
Interviewer: We work.
Dupree: Really? The guy discovered the new world. I'm afraid to even ask about Victory Over Japan Day.
(Source: You, Me and Dupree)

Please check out this today: http://www.singleblackmale.net/2009/04/15/her-boyfriend-hates-her-boy-friends/

I’m so far gone, I don’t think I’m coming back.

I’ll be doing some site maintenance today.

I had a dream last night I had twins. This is not as ironic as you might think. Well, I did not have the twins, I was with a woman who had twins.

I sleep on the left side of my bed, I sleep on the right side of my bed, but it doesn’t matter when you sleep alone. I can’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed, when there is no right side.

When are we going to admit to ourselves that you can’t eff with the Somalians?!

Check this out: http://vimeo.com/2909492?pg=embed&sec=

I never want to hear another complaint as long as I live. Angelina Jolie, mother of 6, sexiest woman in the world. Drop those babies, baby girl. I am upset that AnnaLynne McCord will probably be left off the list.

“I shed tears cause im told that they’ll heal
You tell the truth I don’t know how to feel
Ever felt alone in a room full of friends
Got big plans but you leave em in suspense
Pray for me, patience wait for me
Pay dues, trust me they aint comin”
(Source: Rick Ross – Shot to the Heart)

“This here is something personal
I highly doubt this feeling is reversible
Knowledge is pain and that is why it hurts to know
That you attempt to hide, and put mistakes aside
So I don't ever question you were dumb
I can't even find, the perfect brush
So I can paint what's going through my mind
Racing against myself, but I'm a couple steps behind why I gotta ask, is anything I'm doin brand new?”
(Source: Drake – Brand New)

“Gray skies are just clouds passing over.” – Duke Ellington

Morning Mail - 4.14.09

Joy McNally: The grown-ups have to go to work today... What are you going to do all day?
Jack Fuller: I don't know yet
[shoves cereal in mouth]
Joy McNally: Hmph.
Jack Fuller: I'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something I know I don't love.
Joy McNally: Words to live by, Yanni.
(Source: What Happens in Vegas)

Eff you Colin. You know why too. LOL… dirtbag. Y’all know I am the club.

I found myself so upset last night. One of the things that upsets me is when I give someone advice or instructions, and they choose not to follow them, but I know they will blame me for their results. After venting this to my neighbor, I decided to take another approach, Eff ‘em.

LeBron will win the MVP, but Wade should win the MVP. Kobe is still the best player in the NBA, but he’s the guy that people love to hate. If Kobe had a better reputation, he’d be winning MVP’s like cupcakes. Trust me.

The grayness needs to leave my city. It’s so depressing.

I laid in bed last night trying to think about what happened to me. I actually started to really feel bad. I have this strange feeling that somewhere along the way, I didn’t stop believing, I didn’t even give up, I just didn’t give a f*ck anymore.

I love my Rick James. She is the reminder that I’m not the only one who thinks like this.

Anyone, want to know why I hate DC teams so much. Let’s consider that last night, I left the Wizards game with 4 minutes left and the Wiz had a ten point lead, in their last game in the Verizon Center for the SEASON. They managed to lose that game. And the HOOD, was at that game last night. I hate the youth of America, lmao.

I feel like Pauly Shore sometimes, so laid back it bothers people. I get upset at myself when I stress about things, because I’m always sure it will end up okay, or I’ll just move on to another episode that will be better.

Is Wu-Tang really going to be at Park on Thursday?!

Outside of my close friends, no one really knows what I do for a living. Oh occasionally I tell random people who don’t know my name or where I’m from. But I don’t think people understand how troubling my job can be.

We did not celebrate my 50th post, but we shall celebrate my 52nd. I've surprised myself with how commited I have been to this blog.

The Doggy Bag

I’m still sticking to my guns on this one. I don’t see how people can be in the club for four hours, it’s a rarity. I always thought it was like, hit the club for two hours and then… let me get the check, I’m going to take this to go.

Dude’s are always looking for the “doggy bag”. The doggy bag is a group of females that you leave the club with to go back to the crib or the hotel. Rock Band 2 has increased the propensity for everyone to have a doggy bag at the end of the night because nobody wants to go to sleep, they want to keep the party going as long as possible.

There are some keys to victory when trying to make sure you have some left over to go. The following are very important:
(1) No negative women allowed. Spot that chick early and if she is not expendable, expend the whole crew.
(2) Make sure you have numbers. If you have a crew of six chicks and it’s just two dudes, es no bueno. Call a few wingmen in, or ditch the crew.
(3) Kanye West put you on early so please be mindful, under no circumstances do you go to a sit down restaurant. Hit the drive-thru and go directly to the spot. In fact, most hotels have a late night menu.
(4) Most importantly, make sure one of the chicks… knows what time it is. The phrase, “I’m just trying to have a good time” means so much.

If you follow these keys to victory you can bring home a doggy bag. Now, don’t be stingy, don’t bring home a doggy bag and there’s not enough biscuits to go around. Even though she will have an excellent walk of shame the next day, it ain’t no fun if, what?, the homies can’t have none. (Aye!)

You have to have a designated light switch Sgt.-at-Arms. This is usually my man Cheney’s responsibility, because his timing is so great. Do not experiment with the music. This is not the time to play the new Kid Cudi. Your best bet is; Dancehall, Jay-Z or if you are South of the Mason-Dixon line, some good old Lil’ Jon and featuring. Real dudes know your best bet is; Jay-Z or Dream.

(Try this new technique: Have a guy at the door check cell phones. This is almost as clutch as having a pole in your basement. Check their phones and give out a ticket, they can pick it up later.)

When the lights go off… what happens here, stays here. Don’t talk about it, be about it, and never speak about it.

A brief word from our sponsors:


A word about business hours, at 10:30AM, there’s either brunch or you gotta wake the entertainment up and tell them get out as fast as possible. Ride, optional. Cab fare, strongly suggested.

Wait… if anything is broken or spilled?


Sorry, but another quick commercial break:

“So what’s good for today?”

“They say a bitch is a female dog, and a dog is a man’s best friend.” – Dwayne Michael Carter

Morning Mail - 4.13.09

Will Turner: I'm losing her, Jack. Every step I make for my father is a step away from Elizabeth.
Jack Sparrow: Mate, if you choose to lock your heart away you'll lose it for certain.
(Source: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End)

Jonathan McQuarry: [after having sex with a woman in The List] Can I ask you something? Why do you do this?
Wall Street Belle: For the same reason that men do it - the economics of the arrangement. It's intimacy without intricacy. I work past midnight almost every night.
(Source: Deception)

I posted some of my facebook notes from wayyyy back in the day. These notes are from 2006 and 2007. I reread them once posting and I was like, man these were so spot on it ain’t funny.

I had a really uneventful eventful weekend. So I really don’t have any rants.

Nationals opening day today, contemplating getting the $5 tickets, more to come later.

Have you ever been to Costco and on the way out you see coffins? Like who really wants to know where they are going to be when they die. I’d rather just be good off knowing that I’ll reach a fulfilling afterlife.

Beyonce is aggressively passive. Funny right? Consider her songs Ego and Halo.

Electrik Red can get it. Have you seen that video?! Makes you wanna reach out and touch somebody.

What is it about Mondays? You just can’t seem to get it moving.

I also think I got that going out everyday ish out my system. I swear to you for about 10 days, I went out every single day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. How come ain’t nobody tell me that Park has turned into the the new 30 and over club?!

If this week were to fly by, I would not mind. Next week is actually when I start putting my head down at work and getting bizy. Let’s get it.

The Backlog: Do light skin girls have more fun than dark skin girls?

Ms. Lewinski: Indeed they do- Monday through Sunday.
My Neighbor: damn right
My Neighbor: light skinned girls are super fantasticI have a [thing] for them
UNC Socialite: hmmm....interesting...I never worry about my skin color...u think darker skinned girls do?
UNC Socialite: also, li[ght] skinned girls don't think about their skin color...not saying darker skinned girls do...but I think it might be like being white. But I’d hate to be ugly, light and ugly or dark and ugly.

I won’t answer that now, perhaps it’s a rhetorical question. I want to note a few things in this note. I have never witnessed a group of light skin women having a conversation about how guys are infatuated with dark skin women. In fact, I know plenty of guys who date primarily dark skin girls, i.e., the VP, and no one goes up to him and says, you have a dark skin girl complex. As well, I’ve never heard a light skin woman say to a man or a female friend, “He only likes her because she’s dark skin.” (I will personally admit, when I judge whether a light skin girl is attractive or not, I try to see her in different shades to make sure, I’m not lunching (tripping), because sometimes girls get away with that hogwash. Read: A whole lot of girls at CU who shall forever remain nameless, the Savages know exactly who I’m talking about.)

What am I saying here? I’m saying this, God made us all beautiful, in different sizes, colors, heights and weights, if we get hung up on skin color we are neglecting God’s plan. Now I will say, some guys have a preference and some guys have a complex. But the men need to address this issue within themselves, and DO NOT need the peanut gallery assisting them. For women who get hung up on it, MOVE ON, there are guys for every girl.

And for a brief moment of a wider thought, do we have any idea what the skin complex has done to our race for hundreds of years? And honestly, does the thought that someone has a light skin complex or preference ever come from them, or the peanut gallery? I will say that in private everyone discusses preference, but that goes both ways and different ways. People all have preferences; some like dark, light, tall, short, skinny, chubby, plump, big breasts, big booties, athletic builds, athletes, intellectuals, and the list goes on and on like the BBE.

Last thoughts, looking at the spectrum of video hofessionals, a great deal of the famous ones are dark skin. Read: Melyssa Ford, Karrine Stephens (Superhead), the girl from the 112 video, and many more. I’ll name a few names to you that compose most guys top ten in Hollywood list: Halle Berry, Nia Long, Garbielle Union, Nicole Aree Parker, Vivica Fox, Sanaa Lathan, Meagan Good, NuNu from ATL and the Frontin’ video, and I could go on. Case and point, it’s a 4 to 4 tie.

Minor Notes:
Based on the amount of attention given to light skin girls, if I was a dark skin girl, I wouldn’t waste my time with the hate, just go get some latin girls, they are like snakes to mice.

According to a person close to the Essence story, Kanye reportedly told the magazine, “If it wasn’t for race mixing, there’d be no video girls.”

Then, as if his first comment wasn’t offensive enough, Kanye referred to biracial women as dogs. The rapper told, “

Me and most of my friends like mutts a lot … Yeah, in the hood they call ‘em mutts.”

PS - Feel free to invite others to the conversation.

The Backlog: Back by Popular Demand: Well Kept B*tches

Let me first start out by saying I didn't want to write this note, because i'm trying to not use the b word......publicly.

Anyway...Today's note is about well kept women. Men always are talking about, how do we get ourselves to be surrounded by fine women all the time when we go out. Well gentlemen you must realize three important things: 1, those women didn't just become fine 30 minutes ago, 2, you are not the only group of guys who wants to be surrounded by fine women, and 3, and most importantly, if you haven't realized fine women are always parched, act like u know.Well kept women, have a different reality in life, they don't live by the same rules we do, becuz they don't have to. In their mind, paying cover is disrespectful, buying drinks is a thing of the past, driving they own car is even a question mark. In their opinion, what do they bring to the table, themselves.

Well kept women are taken care of by men from pre-party to after-party and most times they even have a nice place to stay becuz dudes got hotel rooms. And a real sign of a well-kept woman is that she's prolly not having sex with any of the dudes paying for the ish, let me say that again, she's prolly NOT having sex with any of the dudes.

So anyway men if you want to be surrounded by fine women at the club and in life, then you must realize they are well kept so keep them well. Now with these three steps you can ensure that you are always surrounded by fine women:
1. Stay hard in the yard: Get your boys out of the VIP...you popping bottles and its you and your boys is not helping the campaign, there's fine women out here and they are parched. Offer them a solution.
2. Put some paint where it ain't: You got to keep these fine women satisfied and yearning, periodically you need to figure out what they want next. If they are having some Moet, ask if they would like some patron. If they in the club and they tired, offer a seat, if you ain't got a seat, go get a seat.
3. Confirm, like a Don King perm: Don't be scared of the kitty. I know its easy to stand around with your boys and point at chicks and say she's fine. Move YOUR ASS and OPEN YOUR MOUTH....to the fine women. Standing in a group of boys staring at women and expecting them to notice you...LOOKS WEIRD AND STALKERISH. Trust me they can see you. You got to be a conversationalist, try this one on, "Hello, are you having a good time? Me and my friends just got a table, we would love for you to join us."

If you follow these three steps, and get ur shoes shined and brush yo teeth, you'll be good to go.

That is all for now.

PS - This Ciara - Like a Boy song on the radio, has GOT TO GO. She's convinced me that women know they men cheat and just accept it. Furthermore, there's a dude out here who told her all this ish too, there's no way she knows all that she said in that song, nah son...
PPS - Saw Katt Williams this weekend, he's one of the funniest guys alive, if he comes to your town be yo ass there. (everyday i'm hustlin, hustlin, hussle hussle hustlin.....)

The Backlog: Dumb Bitches

First a moment to address the critics; If you are a bitch, then you know what i'd be offended too, if you aren't bitch then i'm not talking to you. (Wink at Chris Rock) This note entitled dumb bitch will talk briefly about fiscal policy, relationships and relationships.

Fiscal Policy: If your plan in life is to spend all of your money in your twenties with the hope of putting it on some random dude in marriage, you're just plain stupid. If you are a dude who takes a woman with tons a debt, then you're stupid too. Don't give me that shit, you driving a C220, living in a 2 br apartment, got two cell phones, eating out with your girls once a week, going shopping in gtown, on 5th ave, or on ocean....and you work as a front desk attendant, BULLSHIT, you're spending 98% of your monthly income and you know. Talking about you saving...you got $34 in your checking account on the 14th of the month, praying that that 15th come real real really fast.

Relationships: And don't nobody get a bee in their panties/boxers with this one. But men and women need to learn when they are jump offs. I'll use men for this example and hopefully you listen fast, so I ain't gotta talk slow. If your "homegirl" calls you and says, "Hey my girls are in town and we wanna have fun, get some of your boys and come over." Chances are....you are just the entertianment for the evening. 2) And most importantly, since when do a group of friends not tell each other every thing, and that's all I want to say about that.

Relationships: Recently, while listening to WPGC 95.5 Love Talk & Slow Jams, I realized that there are some weirdos out here. Really unhealthy relationships going on out here. Please, don't let a left hook be your cue to exit stage left. If the average tone of voice in your relationship is screaming, exit stage LEFT. And if his/her speech is slurred whenever talking to you, go to sleep and lock your door.good morning NY, good afternoon DC, good night America.

The Backlog: Hungry Bitches

Without further adieu, we present Hungry Bitches…

So apparently there are girls out there who are searching for a free meal. I didn’t realize this until I was joking with a friend about hey at least you’ll get a free meal. And she was like, “YEAH, that’s what I was thinking!” (A lot more excited that I was.) So I pondered is this an epidemic? Are females really trying to run men for a quick meal and movie? If I was asking a lady out on a date and she was thinking I’m just going to go get the free meal at a nice restaurant and that will be it, I’d be pissed.

And now for my ignorant shit. Now women wonder why you have people like the unnamed, who say, “If I don’t hit within three dates, I’m moving on.” It’s because they don’t know what to think. How do they know they are not just taking you out and the relationship is going no where? And what’s worst is half the time, since she is only going for the free meal, she will do the three most annoying things during the engagement; 1) Talk on her phone, 2) use the bathroom more than once, and 3) conveniently have her friend call her when it’s her “bed time.”

On another note, it was brought to my attention that someone (read: female) tried to break into my house for food a few weekends ago. At first thought, I was pissed. Then I was disturbed, was that all I was? A house to be broken into to get food? Does a person not have enough respect for my home, than to not break in for food? You know rats do that, that’s how they eat. Upon really thinking it out, and being convinced that it was simply not that serious, I calmed down. But I did want to put that in here, to let you know how serious it can get.

Thanks.

Up next: Dumb bitch.

The Backlog: Thirsty Bitches

I've decided to post some of my old notes from facebook account. More material for you guys to read.

So i'm still trying to figure out somethings about life. This week its the thought process that when I open a bottle in the club, I have invited random females to 1) Grab a glass, 2) Run for some. There are some terms that we all forget at times like this, "thirsty bitches!" Now at times, i'll share my bottle, hell at times,i'll give away a bottle, but its the ones who were uninvited that bother me.

This takes me back to an old Chris Rock saying, "He ain't talking 'bout me." But I do want you to know, if I don't know you and didn't invite you, you are a "thirsty bitch!" I've heard an argument from females about if a guy wants to give away free liquor, why refuse. But the act of pursuing free liquor is baffling to me.

What I want to know, is who leaves their house with the intentions of getting free liquor? Or do you young ladies leave with the intentions of having a good time and if a guy wants to buy a drink then that's fine? Don't lie! I said, don't lie! And what does a female who doesn't mind buying her own drink think about the "thirsty bitch."

Thanks.Up

next: "hungry bitch"

Morning Mail - 4.10.09

Morris: Your lips would make a lollipop too happy.
(Source: Purple Rain)

Nicole Scherzinger can get it.
Keyshia Cole can get it.
J-Lo anyday, anytime baby girl.
I haven’t shown much love to Christina Milian lately, so short and sweet, oh she can get it on Easter Sunday.

To the youth who march onward and upward towards the light, this volume is respectfully dedicated.

I used to believe in fairy tales, I don’t anymore.

John Legend – Satisfaction, on heavy repeat right now.

Quote of the night: “Maybe it was the weave that confused you.” – Me.

Yes, I know, I closed the club last night. I had a blast. I cannot have a bad time in the club.

Stay focused Jason. Stay focused Jason.

Last night I saw her, I spoke to her. Last night, I saw her too, I spoke to her. I’m telling you, jet black hair, wrap me up.

Morning Mail - 4.8.09

Alonzo Harris: Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. Huh. You think you can do this shit... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.
(Source: Training Day)

You can't tell a raging asshole, nothing.

I’m having internet issues at work this morning. I have been writing the morning mail since 9AM, this is ridiculous.

I feel like some people wouldn’t walk a mile to get to heaven.

Let’s all take some time to slow down and pay attention to what we are doing.

I am not a stingy person and do not mind giving spare change or even a couple dollars to the less fortunate when I have it. Note: I rarely have any cash on me, so I rarely have it. However, I don’t like feeling accosted, for example standing in a narrow way where no one can avoid you. I also don’t like when you have some long story or presentation. I do not want a story or some long sob story for why you need money. Save it.

Finally saw Ray J last night, I know why he should keep Cocktail, I can even make a case for Danger, but Unique just has no purpose whatsoever anymore. I may have been the only one, but Unique needs to go.

I love my friends who still are in school, but calling a working man after 1030pm is risky. I am usually not sleep at the time, but neither do I want to begin a conversation when I know that I’m going to start the bedtime ritual shortly.

I’m still at a loss for words on what I want to write about for my next blog. I’m thinking about a few topics, but none are really sticking to my head. I almost wrote a blog on internet significant others yesterday. I’m actually amazed at how much attention people need to garner over the internet, it’s quite scary.

Oh, oh, OH, didn’t forget. I loathe when people bring me into their drama. Like seriously, it’s bad enough that people have drama, and I understand that people are like I shouldn’t have to do it all by myself, but keep me out of it. I am not sure if anyone notices, but here lately, I just don’t deal in it. You can approach me with drama and I’ll really just shake it off. I don’t have any interest in clearing my name, or setting the record straight, or even defending myself, it’s drama… who cares?! With that said, the little childish games that get played, I have no time for that either, and people who do, I question your sanity.

Anytime, somebody says, “I seent you” and you didn’t see them, that person is crazy. Anytime someone asks you about something that happened that they weren’t there for, but you were, and they won’t tell you how they found out, that person is crazy.

When I walk out of this office today, it all starts again. I’ve been trying to explain my last 10 days to myself, and I can only say that… I’ve been up and I’ve been down, but I’m up again, and I’m never going back down. Trust me, I know all about down, I wrote the book on down.

It is 10AM, we still have no internet, which means that I cannot get my quote of the day, or post this Morning Mail, this upsets me. I’ll use this time productively;
The Morning Mail is a stream of consciousness on topics that have come to me since the last time I spoke to y’all on the blog. It can be random. At times, it falls into the category of you may not understand it, but the person who is supposed to understand it, gets it 100%. It doesn’t make any sense, however, the people who begin to understand the Morning Mail are those who can put together the pieces in my life. The topics I will discuss, the topics I will not discuss, how I approach certain issues, and the things that make me happy or ANGRY. This, my people, is the Morning Mail.

The Disclaimer - The Prelude to Full Throttle

This blog will be a representation of my thoughts on issues and stories from my life. I’m putting it all on the line and being as honest as I could possibly be. If something I say offends you, then by all means please stop visiting my blog. If you feel that I have misrepresented an event that you also believe is about you, it was probably intentional. Most of what is posted on here will be based on a true story, but it doesn’t mean that it’s 100% true, so keep in mind that you may feel a certain way, but it is totally incidental. Please be mindful that it is not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings or put somebody’s business out there, for that reason if I do not respond to your criticism or discourse, it’s probably because I don’t want to validate it.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, if you don’t like what I’m saying here, or disagree with it, STFU and STFD.

Morning Mail - 4.7.09

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.
(Source: Knocked Up)

Shit, that was a funny ass movie.

Did anybody see that wack ass game last night?! In Michigan State’s defense no one should have expected anything better, they were kind of overmatched.

Plaxico Burress is a damn fool. He just can’t stay out of trouble. I also think he’s overrated and if anyone would like to look up his stats, prove me wrong. When he was in Pittsburgh they said he was consistently performing under potential, what changed? Oh yeah, he won a ring. This from the same people who hated Eli guts 60 minutes before he won the Super Bowl.

Please note King Magazine is not going away, just the print form is going away. You can still get your fix online. Buy a laptop and privacy screen, loser.

The strip club’s biggest night is Monday. Now you know, plan accordingly.

Mel B can get it.
Adriana Lima can get it.
Chanel Iman…. Reach out and grab something only you can feel, she can get it.

And I’m going to go ahead post this because it’s like 4:30 and I have no other mail.

I Ain't Scared of You Anymore Matrimony!

Before I get down to business I would like to say, that Non Stop Radio is definitely a must-catch for all of you out there. I definitely appreciate what those guys are doing over there and think the show is quite hilarious, but most importantly brings up good issues.

The short answer for why I’m single:

I’m not afraid of marriage anymore and that scares me.

I know it doesn’t make much sense, but let me explain. (1) I think I’ve reached an age where the thought of being married doesn’t scare me anymore. (2) I no longer have the desire to be in a relationship with someone that is with a person that I could not see myself pursuing a meaningful relationship ending in marriage. (3) I don’t want to be married, and because I’m only trying to get into a relationship that’s meaningful, not afraid of marriage, it could sneak up on me and I’ll be in a situation where I’m rushed into marriage. (4) I’m still not sure I know what type of woman I’ll want to marry.

(1) A lot of people who are my age, are so scared of marriage. They see it as the end of their life. I know myself and I do not view it that way. I think it’s the beginning of a new journey in life. I also think that people think that they’ll miss out on something. And to me, I’ve always thought they just meant they wanted to have more significant others. I’m not really the type of person who buys into having the opportunity to continue pilfering through the female gender. It’s diseases out here, crazy women out here, and all types of dangers in not having a steady situation in your love life. Being the type of guy I am, I could see myself hanging it up, or really what I’m trying to say is, I’m not going to say to myself that I’m still trying to see what’s good with everything that’s out there. I’ve seen enough to know that it may be things I haven’t experienced, but I have experienced enough. I also look forward to a relationship that grows with time, that isn’t always about attraction and fun, but more about have a prosperous life and fulfillment of working at something and succeeding.
(2) Back in grade school and even college, it was cool to just have a girl you were, “going with.” I remember the days when cats would be like, “Y’all go together.” Meaning you was in a relationship. OK, now at the age of 25, that’s no bueno. I’m not wasting any more of these years I won’t get back with someone who is not meaningful. Like I wouldn’t just be in a relationship with a girl, just because it was cool right now, but I already see the end. I think that my boy Cheney has really always preached that. You can’t be with a girl, if you can see the end before it begins.
(3) I loathe when you hear about people who have been together so long they feel like, “they might as well” get married. I can’t stand that thought, but in all reality it’s realer than real deal Holifield. I mean, several women between the ages of 23-29 will tell you, if I’m with a guy for 4 or 5 years, and he doesn’t ask me to marry him, I’ll think something is wrong. In addition, the comfort of a situation can mislead your judgment. A person that you are in a relationship with that you may have always said, I don’t think I could marry this person, as you start to warm up to the idea of marriage, you may decide to marry a person that your better judgment has told you in the past you shouldn’t.
(4) I don’t even know how to say this but how does one know the type of woman he’ll want to marry. Does he marry the woman that he will always be intrigued by and attracted to? Does he marry the perfect mother for his children? Do you marry a girl who is just as upbeat and on-the-move as you? Do you marry the type of woman who is safe, settled and sound? Do you marry the type of woman that you will always love and want to take care of for the rest of your life? Or do you stay away from that type of person because of the dependency that will develop? I think most people are looking for the homerun and they find all of the things they want in a person. Chances are you won’t find that though, you have to figure out what’s most important to you, and what is a nice to have. I’ll give you a great example, I don’t think I’d marry a girl because she’d make a great mother, because I think I’ll be a great father. And to be honest, not everyone has what it takes to be a great parent, not that they don’t care and love their child, they just won’t be the best at it. Anyone can throw a baseball, but not everyone can hurl a 100-mph fast ball it’s just the way of the world.

This is the short answer, there is tons more to it. However, I can’t let all my secrets out. You have to read in between the lines.

Thoughts anyone? Ready for marriage? Not ready for marriage? Scared of marriage? Your answer and why please in the comments section.

Morning Mail - 4.6.09

Ace Rothstein: [Don is dismissed from the casino] Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too fuckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out. Get out! Go on. Let's go.
(Source: Casino)

Anyone who knows me, knows this is one of my favorite quotes in the world. I really HATE when people insult my intelligence.

It’s always hard to let go, but at times you have to use common sense to evaluate a situation that is just not working. And do not get me wrong faithful readers, I’m not talking about people you may be dealing with, I’m talking about everyone from friends to sometimes even family.

I have had a hell of a last seven days. I swear basically what Dr. J did in the last seven days I will define as the creation story. And on the last day, which was yesterday, I rested. I had some good food, great DC weather, and I looked back and realized what had been made of this remake and I liked it.

A few highlights from the past few days:
Thursday – My friend’s can attest, it’s been a long time since I was in the club at 2am. I’m usually a couple hours in the club type of fellow. However, something about being random and drinking henny and actually meeting someone worth talking to helped me to have a good/safe time.

Friday – House party with Castro. Typical fashion, I couldn’t make it past 2:30am. Please note, never drink anything out of a cooler, you don’t know what you’re drinking, you could be on your way to drunkenness. I knew I was drunk when I was listening to Gucci Bandana for the sixth time. I would later find out after I decided to go to sleep that someone pulled a gun at the party, what type of foolishness is that.

Saturday – Saturday morning’s highlight was… OK I need to figure out where my car is. Yeah one of those nights. Saturday had the op to check out the cherry blossoms and take some cool pictures. Then caught some of the first game at a bar in Chinatown. Returned home with the fellas, took that, “I’m going out later nap” and it went horribly wrong. Despite my fatigue, I managed to get it together to go out. I paid to get in the club, so I was determined to be there until I seen the lights come on. It was packed, hot, sub-par showing for the females. It was warm and they couldn’t muster up better outfits, smh. I did see two things of note; (1) A drunk chick making out with a guy sitting next to her ex-boyfriend who had this sinister smile on his face, (2) A chick’s bare ass on the dance floor. This always surprises me because what type of scaly wag are you when you allow your bare ass to be all out in a club with strangers. I guess I passed the no hoe line without knowing it.