Monday, April 6, 2009

I Ain't Scared of You Anymore Matrimony!

Before I get down to business I would like to say, that Non Stop Radio is definitely a must-catch for all of you out there. I definitely appreciate what those guys are doing over there and think the show is quite hilarious, but most importantly brings up good issues.

The short answer for why I’m single:

I’m not afraid of marriage anymore and that scares me.

I know it doesn’t make much sense, but let me explain. (1) I think I’ve reached an age where the thought of being married doesn’t scare me anymore. (2) I no longer have the desire to be in a relationship with someone that is with a person that I could not see myself pursuing a meaningful relationship ending in marriage. (3) I don’t want to be married, and because I’m only trying to get into a relationship that’s meaningful, not afraid of marriage, it could sneak up on me and I’ll be in a situation where I’m rushed into marriage. (4) I’m still not sure I know what type of woman I’ll want to marry.

(1) A lot of people who are my age, are so scared of marriage. They see it as the end of their life. I know myself and I do not view it that way. I think it’s the beginning of a new journey in life. I also think that people think that they’ll miss out on something. And to me, I’ve always thought they just meant they wanted to have more significant others. I’m not really the type of person who buys into having the opportunity to continue pilfering through the female gender. It’s diseases out here, crazy women out here, and all types of dangers in not having a steady situation in your love life. Being the type of guy I am, I could see myself hanging it up, or really what I’m trying to say is, I’m not going to say to myself that I’m still trying to see what’s good with everything that’s out there. I’ve seen enough to know that it may be things I haven’t experienced, but I have experienced enough. I also look forward to a relationship that grows with time, that isn’t always about attraction and fun, but more about have a prosperous life and fulfillment of working at something and succeeding.
(2) Back in grade school and even college, it was cool to just have a girl you were, “going with.” I remember the days when cats would be like, “Y’all go together.” Meaning you was in a relationship. OK, now at the age of 25, that’s no bueno. I’m not wasting any more of these years I won’t get back with someone who is not meaningful. Like I wouldn’t just be in a relationship with a girl, just because it was cool right now, but I already see the end. I think that my boy Cheney has really always preached that. You can’t be with a girl, if you can see the end before it begins.
(3) I loathe when you hear about people who have been together so long they feel like, “they might as well” get married. I can’t stand that thought, but in all reality it’s realer than real deal Holifield. I mean, several women between the ages of 23-29 will tell you, if I’m with a guy for 4 or 5 years, and he doesn’t ask me to marry him, I’ll think something is wrong. In addition, the comfort of a situation can mislead your judgment. A person that you are in a relationship with that you may have always said, I don’t think I could marry this person, as you start to warm up to the idea of marriage, you may decide to marry a person that your better judgment has told you in the past you shouldn’t.
(4) I don’t even know how to say this but how does one know the type of woman he’ll want to marry. Does he marry the woman that he will always be intrigued by and attracted to? Does he marry the perfect mother for his children? Do you marry a girl who is just as upbeat and on-the-move as you? Do you marry the type of woman who is safe, settled and sound? Do you marry the type of woman that you will always love and want to take care of for the rest of your life? Or do you stay away from that type of person because of the dependency that will develop? I think most people are looking for the homerun and they find all of the things they want in a person. Chances are you won’t find that though, you have to figure out what’s most important to you, and what is a nice to have. I’ll give you a great example, I don’t think I’d marry a girl because she’d make a great mother, because I think I’ll be a great father. And to be honest, not everyone has what it takes to be a great parent, not that they don’t care and love their child, they just won’t be the best at it. Anyone can throw a baseball, but not everyone can hurl a 100-mph fast ball it’s just the way of the world.

This is the short answer, there is tons more to it. However, I can’t let all my secrets out. You have to read in between the lines.

Thoughts anyone? Ready for marriage? Not ready for marriage? Scared of marriage? Your answer and why please in the comments section.


Anonymous said...

i ask myself that question a lot. I also almost fell into that comfort-marriage ish before! Glad I didn't and it opened my eyes to what I really want and need. I may not know yet what's most important, but I know what I like in woman and I hope to build upon that!

Preeti said...

Search you soulmate……..

“Your Journey Towards Marriage Begins Here…”

The District's Buppie said...

Interesting Topic, Question for Dr. J and Streetz, as buppie men, do you honestly believe you can be in a meaningful relationship, monogamous, for over 30 years of your life? Is that realistic in this day and age?